Christianity Today.com article
I always thought guys would climb mountains to be with someone successful.
-Diane
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As for why Christians aren't dating, I have many jumbled thoughts about it too. I don't think we should be out there, getting in romance after romance and looking for love in all the wrong places. But, as a single girl who's been waiting for a man to move towards her while she satisfies herself in the Lord and lets Him fill her, I'm beginning to feel like I could be waiting forever! I haven't been asked out on a date by a Christian guy - ever. I used to do the asking but quit that years ago, and since then it's been a barren wasteland. A few non-Christians have asked me out and I went just to have fun, but made sure it was clear to them where I stood so they weren't led on. I don't want to be "unequally yoked."
I think the pressure put on dates to turn into marriage keeps everyone from even dating. When everyone is trying to "hear from God" about the other person, it takes the fun out of just seeing if you hit it off. Plus, for girls who are only asked out once every six years, it's a little tough to not latch onto anyone who comes along (which is, of course, a turn-off to guys).
I know women's lib has hurt men, but it's also hurt women. We're told we can be strong and independent, but then that's a turn-off to guys. I also know guys who are turned off by girls who have no lives and just sit around waiting for a man. So, where's the balance? And, are we single simply because it's not God's time, or because of all these complications and confusions?
In the meantime, I keep asking the Holy Spirit to prepare me. He's changed me in so many ways over the past several years, it's amazing. Each area of brokenness in me could have had drastic ramifications on a relationship, so I'm grateful to be that much wiser, healed, and free before entering into a lasting relationship.
A few years ago I prayed, "Lord, I remind myself of Israel. You had a king in mind for them, David, but they wanted to have their king. So, they got Saul. Well, Lord, don't listen to me when I wail about not having a husband, because I want to wait for my David. Don't give me to him until I'm ready, or him to me until he's ready." That was the day my life turned upside down and He started revealing to me all the ways I'd deviated from who He originally created me to be. The past three years have been ones of healing, restoration, and deliverance. It's painfully wonderful, and hopefully someday I'll meet and marry my David.
-Alison
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For me dating conjures up images of getting all dressed up and "being on my best behavior." I also see my date doing the same thing. But herein lies the problem. I don't want to be on my best behavior, and I don't want to see my date on her best behavior.
We all can "play nice" when we want to. Some of us can even play nice for months on end until we've hooked that special someone. For me, that's way too much effort and it's a waste of time. I want to know the real person, and I want her to know me. That's not to say I'm not a nice person, it's just that we all have rough edges.
Once we're married, we're more likely to have more "rough edges" days than "play nice" days. We need to prepare ourselves for this.
I want to know as much as I can about her quirks and shortcomings as well. I want to see her on her bad days. This is when we'll know if we're compatible. Can I come alongside her and lift her up when she's down? I don't want to spend months dating before I start to see the real person.
For me the most important thing is to guard her heart, the second is to guard my heart. I really want to develop a solid friendship, and maybe God will allow us to have more. But I always want to fall back on that friendship. Once I think we have a good friendship, I may risk putting my heart out there. I do believe that as a man it's my job to do the initial asking. I also know that for me, I need to see some spark of interest from a woman before I take that risk.
I don't know the answers to these dating questions. All I know is that I'll continue to serve and obey God and let Him match me up.
-Rich