If Lara was shocked to hear that, I am screaming in despair, now that I remember what he said. What? So money is the root problem? I cannot believe this. No! I – I was a successful lawyer and I almost became a partner at the age of thirty. I earned more than five hundred thousand dollars a year. I had a house in the suburbs, a Lincoln, a Mercedes, and an old VW. How can I not afford my own health expenses?
But my parents would not lie, would they?
I jump out of my body, leaving the lovely nurse who is now preparing to go. I head to the window. Back on the bed, she pats my body on the cheek again, murmuring something soothing, I suppose. I cannot care less what she is saying. I am lost. I was a good lawyer but right now I am as desperate as those criminals I once represented. I have been condemned to death.
A click at the door nearly renders me senseless. I turn around from the window and stand deathly still as I watch my family in horror. My father and mother, Lara, a doctor, and some paramedics step into the room. I scarcely realize that I am shaking like a leaf.
No. Please, God, no. I do not want to die. I still want to be with these people. I still want to embrace my Lara.
Suddenly I do not feel angry. I can forgive and forget what my mom and dad said to Lara. Please, just do not get rid of me.
I fall to my knees, tears streaming down my face. I kneel before my father. I beg and plead and beseech him to let me live.
I still want to see the sunshine.
* * *
Silence. Not even wind dares to blow. There are no more humming sounds coming from the life-supporting machines.
There is no more mask or needles or clamps on the body. No more injuries will mar the once smooth skin.
Paramedics spread a white sheet over the now lifeless form, preparing it for further treatment before the funeral.
He is gone now.
A determined decision has been carried out.
But his plea did not go unnoticed.
He still can watch over his loved ones, though he can no longer touch them.
He can go anywhere he likes now, not confined by the hospital room.
And he can still see sunshine.
End
Jakarta, December 9, 2003
