Rm W/a Vu Cordy: They gave it to a blonde who showed up in a skin-tight leather catsuit. She's supposed to be a housewife! She looked like catwoman, taking out the cat trash! Doyle: If you ever want to, you know, spend one night away from the place, maybe give me a call. Cordy: Well, stranger things have happened. No... wait... they really haven't. Doyle: Tell me stuff. Angel: What stuff? Doyle: About Cordelia. Angel: Well, I know she can't type or file. 'Til today, I had some hope regarding the phone. Doyle: Who's Aura? Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. A bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It's like the Soviet Secret Police if they cared a lot about shoes. Doyle: You're all about money. What about friendship and family and all those things that are priceless . . . like they say in that credit card commercial? Cordy: Don't even look at me. I am such a mess. I am the lowest of the lowest, and you're going to want to get my other suitcase out in the hall there. My apartment. It?s like the barrio or the projects or whatever. And I live there! I am a girl from the projects! Get this, I tried to call Doyle--I sunk that low--and there was no answer. So, here I am. Not that you were a last resort, it?s just that I had nowhere else to go. Roaches! Live ones. Dead ones. All skinny feet and creepy antlers! Angel: Antlers? Cordy: Oh my god, I wonder how many stowed away in that bag! Also, the water is all brown and spurty and not hot! I am dying for a shower. I actually smell. Smell me. I never smell. I didn't know I could. I'm just going to have to stay here until I find a decent place, however long that takes. And when I do you're completely invited over. Hey, you can just dump my stuff on your couch, or let me have the bed, whatever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall. Your shower's in here, right? Do you have mousse? Of course you do. Angel: You got peanut butter on the bed. Cordy: Really? I don't think so. I'll look. Doyle: No, no, no, no, no. Angel, man, how could you? Angel: How could I what? Doyle: Angel, you knew I was crazy about her, and I was wearing her down, too. But no, handsome brooding vampire guy has to swoop in all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead. How 'bout leaving some scraps for the homely-looking fellows who don't turn evil when they get some. Angel: Cordelia stayed here because her apartment?s infested. I was on the sofa. Doyle: Oh. That?s okay then. Cordy: Angel, at some point in recent history *you* got peanut butter on the bed. And it's gross. I think you're going to have to change your sheets. Angel: I don't eat. Cordy: Well then I don't even want to know how it got there. Doyle: Hey, Cordy, you're looking great, by the way. Cordy: I wouldn't know, man doesn't have a mirror. Like it would kill him to not see himself. Cordy: Yesterday, your cousin called, with one of those names from your part of England. Doyle: My part of England? Cordy: Connor, or Fergus... Doyle: Well the things you learn. I had no idea Angel was Queen of the Winter Ball. Cordy: Those are mine. My whole life, pre-here. Five trophies with some of the shiny worn off. Angel: We all have problems. It's about priorities. And at the moment, I have a bigger one than you do. Doyle: Bigger than a Kaliph demon? Angel: Much. I'm thinking you could help me with mine, and maybe I could help you with yours. Doyle: Oh, I don't know. I mean, what's your problem exactly? Cuz, you know, vampire business is . . . Cordy: Hi! I was just wondering if you have any linoleum glue. For... if it ... started curling up. All over. Angel: I'll be there in a minute. Cordy: Okay. Angel: Find her an apartment, and I'll deal with your demon. Commune Guy: It's like a community, you know. We share all the upkeep and chores. Cordy: And my urination just hasn't been public enough lately. Commune Guy: Oh we don't believe in barriers. It's the first rule of the Great Leader. You can come to meetings if you want. Every morning at 5. Cordy: Okay, that's just a touch to early for me. Commune Guy: Oh you'll be up. The chanting starts at 4. Sleazy Guy: So, uh, you a single gal? Gonna be living here alone? Cuz I'm right across the hall, and you can sleep easy knowing I'm the only other soul in the world with a key to that door. You think about that while you look. Cordy: Okay, just out of curiosity, you say you know a guy? Doyle: Finally! What is it with you and Angel? You gotta do everything the hard way. Cordy: Oh my gosh. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful? Doyle: (looking at Cordy) Nope. Never. Cordy: First thing, I hire someone to take out that wall. Doyle: I thought you said it was perfect? Cordy: Yes! And part of it being perfect is there being one tiny flaw for me to fix. Doyle: Ah, must be why you find me so fascinating. Doyle: I have to pay? Man, I shoulda just handled this myself. I don't have the money. And you can't get blood out of a stone. Angel: You can get blood out of you. Cordy: You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead! Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it! Cordy: Oh that's right, you can't come in. (Angel steps in) Cordy: Wait, what about the rule? Angel: You said when you got a place I was completely invited over. Cordy: What? I didn't even have a place then! Angel: This is nice. How about a tour? Cordy: Uh huh, this is the kitchen, living room, I'm gonna knock out that wall, and that's about it. Hey, thanks for the cactus. Cordy: It's a very, very bad trophy. Cordy: I am not giving up this apartment. Angel: It's haunted. Cordy: It's rent controlled! Doyle: Cordy, it says "Die". Cordy: Hey, maybe it's not done yet. Maybe it's "diet"! That's friendly -- a little judgmental, sure. Cordy: Listen, Casper! You haven't won yet. I'll die before I give up this apartment! I'll die! Maude: All right, dear. If that's what you think is best. Cordy: This apartment! I could be me again. Punishment over. It's like, welcome back to your life! Like, I couldn't be that awful if I get to have a place like that. It's just like you. Angel: Working for redemption. Cordy: Um, I meant because you used to have that mansion. Cordy: This is easy. Little old lady ghost. Probably hanging around because she thinks she left the iron on. Cordy: Oh goody, another of Doyle's guys. Tell me, is this the same guy that helped me find my poltergeistilicious apartment? Kate: Now you're talking like a detective. Angel: I am a detective. Kate: Well, see, the thing about detectives is they have resumes and business licenses and last names. Pop stars and popes, those are the one-named guys. Angel: You got me. I'm a pope. Doyle: Uh, Angel Investigations, we hope you're helpless.... no wait... Cordy: My name's Cordelia. Maude: Well, that's the name of a cheap, small town tramp trying to sound better than she is! Angel: Doyle, chant. Doyle: Oh man, Latin! One of those dead languages you always made me learn... Cordy: I'm not a sniveling, whining little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one! Cordy: Back off Polygrip!! You think you're bad? All mean and haunty? Picking on poor pathetic Cordy. Well, get ready to haul your wrinkly translucent ass outta this place, cuz lady.... the Bitch is back. Maude: Do you think I'm going to take that from trash like you? Cordy: I'll tell you what I think. I think you're going to pack your little ghost bags and get the hell out of MY HOUSE!!! Doyle: You did it. Cordy: Yeah, well, she pissed me off. Cordy: I knew I didn't like that wall. Cordy: (On phone with Aura) Yeah, I have a roommate, but it's cool. I never see him. (her soda moves) Hey, hey, phantom Dennis. Put that back! (To Aura) All in all, it's working out great. (TV turns on) Dennis! When I'm on the phone, that's quiet time. (it goes off) Thanks!