Poor, bullied barbarian refuses to give in to kinky, elven fetish of licking the undead.
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UFO sightings rampant in Waterwood - described as strange, hovering disk, about three feet above the ground, usually mounted by some poor, injured adventurer.
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NATIONAL TRAGEDY: PRINCE ALEXANDER KILLED! His assassin was a very skinny archer with pointy ears, almond-shaped eyes, long, fair hair, uncanny precision with arrows, nearly seven feet tall, wore elegant and utilitarian clothing, and did not sink into the snow when walking on it. Warden's Gate City Guard suspect it might have been an Elf.
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PRINCE ALEXANDER MURDERER UPDATE! Warden's Gate City Guard has just confirmed that Prince Alexander's assassin was most definitely an Elf. However, since the whole race is so damned bishounen, it is impossible to tell whether it was a male or a female Elf. The elf was an excellent shot, so they have presumed it must be male.
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WEEKEND EVENTS Braesal has opened its borders and is hosting a masquerade ball in its Wizards Conclave at midnight on Halloween. Bring the kids and your local thieves guild!
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ARCHAEOLOGISTS OPEN DURGEDDIN'S TOMB Inside, experts say, the Dwarf was laid to rest with his family around him. Early reports of a supposed curse on the tomb have been squelched, but the lead archaeologist on the dig has suffered hangover-like illness since entering, and all his picks and spades are too dull and brittle to delve further. We decided to speak with the entire complement of Durgeddin's followers, but both of them were unavailable for comment.
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WATERWOOD NOW TOO DANGEROUS TO TRAVEL What was once a beautiful and idyllic forest is suddenly slimy, and we mean literally. Several roads have been declared impassable, and not because of fairies and treants. One late wizard of Covington was quoted as saying, "Those woods creep the shit out of me!" This is to say nothing of Covington's underground.
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REFUGEE FOUND! Very far south of the Frost Marches, a male Fora'Sithi Erin'Tar was discovered quite close to death. The man was unarmed, but for a strange glowing staff, and he'd been stabbed several times. He was weeping piteously and was quite unequipped for the cold, wearing only a black robe edged in silver runes. He was taken in and cared for by the local orphanage, who taught him to play Chutes and Ladders. His intermittent bouts of agonized screaming, it is believed, is part of the 'healing process.'
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STABLE PLANAR PORTAL DISCOVERED! Local magical experts declare that this is the most stable dimensional door ever found, and only seems to have two possible destinations: The Abyss, or the Plane of Elemental Ice Cream.
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LOST AND FOUND: One black and green velvet hat. Please come to Warden's Gate to claim.
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WEATHER FORECAST: We have no bloody clue anymore.
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