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Wednesday, July 14

Those who say that the wait is half the fun, blow it out your rear, because as far as vacations go, it's all about the relaxation, baby! The anticipation for this vacation has been building steadily for months, and in the last few days is only getting worse. The week beforehand is a blur, as I remember only wanting to get out of the country and enjoy a relaxing vacation.

Of course, we were just glad to be heading to Brazil considering we waited so long to mail our documents to get a Visa so we would be able to travel at all! But it only took a few days, Fed Exing the doucments and enclosing a U.S. Postal Service overnight envelope for a quick return, which took four days.

I worked Tuesday night until 3 a.m., then went home for some sleep, while Scott and Jenn arrived in Atlanta around midnight, also anxious to get going. We ran errands and relaxed until 4:45 p.m. when it was time to take off, heading to the MARTA rail station since driving during rush hour and attempting to find a parking spot at the airport is impossible.

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The flight lasted 8 1/2 hours, leaving at 8 pm EST time, arriving 6 a.m. Sao Paulo time (one hour ahead). Saw Analyze This but didn't watch Forces of Nature for reading "No one left to lie to" by Christopher Hitchens. Seen 'em both anyway. Did notice that the plane scene was cut from Forces.

I sat alone on the Exit row for more leg room, which was just as well since it allowed Jenn to lay down in my original seat, now empty. There is also a 2 1/2 hour program that CNN puts together called Delta Horizons, that includes news, "Style with Elsa Klench", "The Art Club," some other CNN shows and even an episode of "Friends." I didn't even need to pull out my CD player since there was always something to watch.

Thursday, July 15

Arrived 6 a.m., 30 min. early. Went through immigration easily. Of course, when I forgot to sign the arrival slip, I thought the official would kill me. I imagine "Stupid American" is what he would say repeatedly. Our bags were quickly off the plane and Dad and Danielle were waiting for us, so off to their home we go.

The city of Sao Paulo is enormous, some 50 miles across containing what I've been told is about 20 million people, the third most in world (the World Almanac disagrees; see table below). Tall buildings guide us along the one hour drive home.

Traffic = bad. Little bitty cars. Dotted lines don't mean a thing to these people. It's a traffic jam all day. I thought Atlanta was bad, but now it seems like a Sunday drive through the countryside. Little things that Brazilians shrug off--turning from wrong lane, riding on the dotted line, going slow in left lane, cutting others off --would send Americans into a permanent sense of killer road rage. Every ten minutes we'd be pulling off to the side of the interstate for a fistfight.

Beware of motorcyclists (who Danielle refers to as "organ donors") who drive between the cars at high speeds. Opening my door at the right time, I imagine I could take out three or four. Sounds like a fun game! 10 points if they fly 15 feet off the bike, 35 points if I can pile up five in a heap by the car. Emergency vehicles also have to squeeze between cars and the Brazilian motorists are actually helpful, moving over as far as possible in their lane to allow easier passage for the cop or ambulance.

Of course, traffic is only bad at certain times of the day: Going to work, lunch, home from work, dinner, nightlife, soccer match, just for the hell of it, etc. I'm surprised they drive as much as they do considering gas is the equivalent of 3 U.S dollars per gallon. That's right, $3!!!!! I prefer Venezuela where it was 25 cents a gallon.

There are beggars on several corners, most carrying babies. Dad says they borrow them for increased profits. Kids beg and give money to older teens who in turn give it to the adults who run the rather large operations. Then Dad added a disturbing fact: after so many carjackings people bought bullet-proof windows, but now the thieves will put a gun to a kid's head and threaten to kill them if the driver doesn't give up the car. Of course, the kid is in cahoots with the carjacker, so Dad tells us to just say "alright, shoot him" and drive off. Lovely. Never had the opportunity to do that, though.

	The obelisk at Ibirapuera Park.

City appears dirty, and our EPA would pass out after five minutes of driving by the river! People just dump random items, and the slums alongside don't help. Sao Paulo has a distinct smell, and I don't mean like a county fair. It's of pollution. It's like walking down the street and passing a dumpster, and that first whiff causes you to jump back a step. That's what Sao Paulo smells like all day. Night isn't so bad, and luckily much of the week was breezy, so it wasn't too bad after the first day.

Dad and Danielle live in a nice block of high-rise apartments, some of which cost upwards of $10,000 a month! So we felt safe since there was also security all around the place. They live on the fifth floor, so the windows were kept open 24 hours a day, allowing for a fresh breeze and the sounds of the city. It was very nice. Of course, our last night we heard a gun shot, but what do you expect in the middle of a city this size?

During the time we spent at Dad and Danielle's when we weren't sleeping, snacking or watching TV we were playing with their little dog Vicky. She is just the cutest dog! She loves to play fetch with a ragged ball that we would throw up against the wall so she would run and slip and slide on the hardwood floor chasing it down. Then we'd hide a stuffed little bear called Ted or a devil in some obscure place and she'd find it. Being a Terrier she was very good at it! I wondered if I threw the ball out the window would she chase it? Remember, we're five stories up!

Went to Master Grill Steak House for dinner. What a great establishment! As soon as we sat down (no wait, since we arrived before 8 p.m. and Brazilian don't eat until after 9) the waiters began plopping food down on our plates. As we eat they continue to bring slabs of meats that they cut at the table (a vegetarian's nightmare). Not forgetting that there's an ample salad bar, a sushi bar and a well-stocked seafood bar. If you don't leave there full, then you didn't do it right. The best service I've ever had.

Dad's recollections: 15th - arrival of the kids. all got to enjoy the wonderful traffic flow of Sao Paulo. dinner at master grill, a churrascaria. had 'creme da papaya' for dessert. 16th - boys saw Star Wars in English, sub-titled in Portuguese. Jeff learned some new phrases. Saw movie at market place mall, where they also have an indoor roller coaster. Went to Suntory that night for Tappanaki dinner. 17th - drove to Rio. Dad got lost for about 20 minutes.. kids learned an extended vocabulary. Jeff had fun trying to decide where to place his bed.. LOL..walked along Rio Atlantico on Copacabana Beach. Ate at an outdoor restaurant looking out over the beach. Visited the 'flea market' for the first time. Must have liked it, b/c you went back two more times. Walked back to hotel and checked out the hookers. 18th - raining in Rio. watched Van de Velde classic on the 18th in British Open. Cleared a little bit so we went to Caneco 70, an outdoor restaurant, for another great meal. kids learned from dad how not to get a taxi. back to the flea market. 19th - visited Cristos statue atop Corcovada mountain. It was warm, crowded, and a long climb. took many pictures. ate lunch there. Back to hotel to get more film, relax a few minutes. jeff chose to nap rather than go to beach. he was a tired puppy. they we went to Pao de Acucar (Sugarloaf), two islands (mountains??) sitting in the harbor of Rio. It was so socked in by clouds, all we could see was the moon straight above us. back to hotel for dinner. kids headed to market again, feeling safe and secure. dad and danielle stayed in. 20th - drove back to Sao Paulo. Dad did not get lost this time. It was a pleasant drive. When to Lelli's, an Italian restaurant, for dinner. 21st - last day in Sao Paulo for my kids. Dad was depressed all day. went to mall for some shopping. Back to apt. to pack and head to airport. Ate at McDonald's at airport, kids had to scramble to pay for their departure tax.. dad's heart weighed about 80 pounds. very sad.. kids left.. dad still depressed 5 days later.

A little controversy developed with my big wus brother Scott. We agreed to eat some caviar at the same time, but as I took a big bite of the caviar, Scott bit the bread/cracker substance it was on, with not a bit of the fish eggs. Tomorrow night at the Japanese Steak House I'm going to make sure he eats the sushi first! Okay, to his credit he didn't realize the black clump was the actual caviar, but when he found out he still didn't take a bite. He later insisted he did, but nobody saw. I have no reason to think he'd lie about it, I guess.

What did it taste like? I'm not sure, but you can feel every individual egg. In the 2/10 of a second it was in my mouth I realized this and almost gagged, swallowing half and spitting out the rest. Rich people must have dead taste buds for nibbling on such strange cuisine. I'll stick to Ritz crackers with a block of cheese, thank you very much.

Never again do I want to hear anti-fat activists in the U.S. say that the reason we're fatter is larger portions. The portions in Brazil double ours! They're so large that many times the restaurants put half on your plate and take the rest to the back and keep your food warm until you're done, then they bring the rest out and shovel it on your plate. Lots of food, good, good food. And the Brazilians are skinny. Go figure. Okay, anti-fat activists, what's your next excuse?

On the way home we figured out another key to Sao Paulo traffic. It takes 30 minutes to get there, 10 minutes to get back.

Friday, July 16

Woke up at 8 a.m. after six hours of sleep. The traffic has affected me so much that I had a weird dream that has to be related. It involved a car race through little streets with people who drove as if in a demolition derby. When I woke up I was pulling myself up a cliff after my car was pushed over the side. I don't know what it means, but I refuse to drive anywhere in Brazil.

One of the anticipated events of our trip was this afternoon: seeing Star Wars Episode 1 in Brazil! We saw the version with Portuguese subtitles, because even though I'd seen it seven times before, it would be a little weird to see the Portuguese-dubbed version. We went to the theater in the local mall, which is basically like any in the U.S. When we bought our tickets, to enter the theater they had to be scanned, though, by the ticket-taker. They must have a lot of people try to sneak in without paying.

I always thought Atlanta had the record for most commercials before the previews, generally averaging around seven. But before Star Wars there must've been at least 10, and I went to the bathroom for a few minutes! I could've run an infomercial in there with time to spare, and at least it would have been in English! A few of them we could figure out what was going on and what the ad was selling, but many left me clueless. Not that I would have bought anything based on these ads.

Here's a hint when you visit Brazil: buy all drinks in cans, because you DO NOT want them from the tap. I made that mistake at the refreshment counter, getting a Diet Coke in the flimsiest cup I ever held. The drink had no carbonation whatsoever; it was almost pure syrup. Disgusting is what it was. I had a few sips then could take no more. Then of course the candy is a little different, such as instead of the big popcorn or Goobers, the candy bars are a third the size of the candy bars in our cinemas.

I think the Brazilians actually had an advantage with the movie itself, since Jar Jar was not quite as annoying because they could actually read everything he said and understand a lot more than I could hear. Thus, his actual voice wasn't nearly as grating, either. Some key words in Portuguese that I remember: "Alteza" - Highness, "Forca" - The Force, "Calvaleiro Jedi" - Jedi Knight (actually Gentleman Jedi), "Que Forca com vice" - May the Force be with you. The opening crawl and the translations on Tatooine were in Portuguese, so I had to rely on memory for those. Gee, I wonder how "bantha fodder" translates in Portuguese?

World's Most Populous Countries
Country	Population (in millions)
1. China	1,210.005
2. India	952.108
3. United States	265.563
4. Indonesia	206.612
5. Brazil	162.661
Source= 1997 World Almanac

On the way home we stopped by a grocery store and grabbed a Darth Maul Pepsi can in Portuguese. I wish now that I had bought the SNOB (actual name) toilet paper as well. That's just too funny.

Dinner at a Japanese restaurant, Restaurante Suntry, similar to Bennihana or Nagasaki (except the cook isn't a comedian) for you Memphians. I found out that Scott has already eaten sushi before, so my threat the night before was hollow. Darn. Actually, when I tried to eat it, Scott ripped the fish in half for each to have a bite, but mine then fell apart and I basically made a complete mess. It's embarrassing when the waiters replace your placemat because it's so dirty. Of course, it didn't help that it was one of those Japanese places where there are only chopsticks; no silverware whatsoever. I was okay at it, but needed to regain my form since I hadn't used chopsticks in a year. I'm just a messy, messy guy I suppose. Or just an "Ugly American" who needs his fork and spoon! In retaliation I stole the shot glass-looking toothpick holder with Japanese writing. Hope no one from the restaurant reads this :) Of course, maybe God was punishing me when I walked out of the bathroom and was doing a Strip Club number with the curtains and two employees caught me in the act of my private show for Jenn and Danielle.