by Rusty
Gavin’s feet wiggled in Jack’s lap as he lay sprawled out on the couch. When Jack didn’t respond to the wiggle, he poked him with a toe.
“Jack, when we were at OSU, do you remember hearing about some senator that tried to keep gays out the married campus-housing, by limiting it to only married couples?”
“Yeah, I remember it.” Jack held the feet in his lap to stop the wiggling. “That was in 1993 - I think.”
“I was there then.” Gavin stuck his nose over the paper. “How come I don’t remember that?”
“I was second year law then. You would’ve been a junior.” Jack chuckled. “I think you were more interested in Party 101, than you were about the politics on campus.”
“Oh yeah, you’re probably right.” Gavin grinned at Jack from over his newspaper. “I didn’t know you yet.”
“No. We didn’t meet until the end of your senior year.” Jack pulled Gavin’s toes. “Lucky for you. Just think of all the parties you would have missed if you had known me all four years.”
“Lucky, that’s me.” Gavin teased, but his green eyes told the truth. He had wanted Jack Ryan from the very first moment he’d spotted him on campus years before. Long before he’d actually gotten up the nerve to introduce himself, Gavin had spent hours thinking about him, had laid awake nights dreaming about him.
Funny how one - very well aimed – Frisbee, causing a broken car window, could make all of your dreams come true. Yeah, very lucky, that was him.
“Did you protest about the married housing?”
“I went to a rally, but that was about it. Gordon Gee, remember him? He was campus president then.” Jack smiled fondly at the memory of ‘Good Old Gee’. “He put a stop to the Senator’s meddling fast; if I remember it right. And the Board of Trustees backed him up.”
“Yeah, that’s what it says in here. Times sure have changed, haven’t they Jack? Listen to what it says about what happened yesterday with the registry petition.” Gavin gave his paper a shake and began reading. ‘The certification of 4,922 valid signatures at the July 7 council meeting clears the way for the first domestic partner registry in Ohio to be on the November 4 ballot. If it passes, it would be the first one in the United States created by voter initiative.’ It says here, there’s going to be a rally on the 16th, right after they register it for the ballot.”
“Just think, Jack. If this thing passes, come November we could be - almost married.” Gavin grinned at Jack from behind his newspaper. “At least in Cleveland.”
“We *are* married.” Jack growled. “In any city, in all fifty states, in every way that counts.”
“I know that!” Gavin’s blood pumped at Jack’s territorial growl, it always did. He loved that growl. “But the proposal would allow unmarried couples, same-sex couples, to register their partnership with the city.”
“*If* it passes.” Jack didn’t need to register anywhere, they *were* married. Period! No, he didn’t need the papers, what they had together was validation enough. And regardless of his churches views on it; Jack’s God had already blessed their union. But deep down - he did long for it to be acknowledged legally.
“It will, I know it will.” Gavin wasn’t going to think otherwise. “And you can’t fool me Jack. You’re a lawyer, you love legal papers. God, we have tons of them between us already. If this thing passes we’ll be first in line to be registered.”
Jack couldn’t help but smile. Gavin knew him well. They would be first in line. But he wasn’t getting his hopes up; at least he was trying not to.
It would only leave him wanting more.
“I hope it does pass, Gav. I really do.”
“You know, I think I’m going to give that election committee a call; they might be able to use someone in marketing and advertising to help out some.” Gavin grinned. “I could do some Pro Bono stuff, like you used to do before you started working for the DA.”
Jack chuckled. “You could start a new trend.”
Gavin laid the paper over his belly and folded his arms behind his head, dreaming a little. “One day, maybe not that far off; we might be able to get married.
“We *are* married.” Jack smiled, as he tugged at Gavin’s toes. But he was starting to dream a little too.
**********
“Do you want juice or milk?” Jack asked, as he opened the fridge door. When Gavin didn’t answer, he pulled out the milk. “How long are you planning on being at the square today?”
“Around nine or so.” Gavin mumbled, as he leaned against the counter, one elbow resting on it, as he read over the notes he’d just jotted down.
Jack sat the milk on the counter, swatted Gavin firmly on the butt and pulled the pen out of his hand.
Gavin looked affronted, even though the swat hadn’t hurt. “What?”
“I’ve been talking to you for the last five minutes”
“Well, I answered you..” Gavin looked a little unsure. “I think?”
“This time you did. Only, I didn’t ask you what time you were going. I asked how long you were going to be there.” Jack chuckled. “Sit down and eat something.”
“I don’t have ti…” Gavin sat when Jack’s eyebrow arched. “You’re being so bossy this morning!”
“I’m always bossy.” Jack sat down on his own barstool. “It’s part of my charm.”
“Well, you’re being extra charming this morning, then.” Gavin grumbled in a good natured way. He was excited about going to the rally and while the Neanderthal did have a certain charm, he was being even more bossy than usual this morning and they’d not even had breakfast yet! “I’m going to stop by the office before heading over to Playhouse Square.
“How long do you think you’ll be there?” Jack asked again, as he poured the milk over his cereal. “I thought if you were still downtown around noon, I could meet you for lunch? Or do you think you’ll still be with the election committee?”
“We hadn’t planned on lunch, so I’m free. We could meet at Julio’s; it’s right there by the Playhouse.” Gavin poured milk over his own cereal.
“I’ll call your cell as soon as I’m out of court.”
“I’m really excited about helping out with this election, Jack.”
“I know you are, buddy.”
“And it feels good that I’m donating my time for it, you know.” Gavin grinned. “That surprises the capitalist in me.”
“Pro Bono work doesn’t pay the bills.” Jack chuckled. “But I always liked doing it too.”
“I thought of even more ideas last night.”
“Which is why you tossed and turned all night and why you were next to impossible to get up this morning? I know you’re excited about this.” Jack nodded his head towards Gavin’s cereal, knowing he was too excited to eat. “But remember what I said. The rally is supposed to have quite a bit of security, but don’t leave the square. There are bound to be anti-gay protesters at the Board of Elections. But after the petition is filed, they’re having their own ….”
“I know! They’re supposed to meet on the other side of Shoreline Drive.” Gavin rolled his eyes. ““Jack, I’m going to the square *for* the rally. Why would I want to leave it?”
“I just want you to be aware of your surroundings, Gavin.” Jack didn’t think there would be any problems today, but Gavin could be oblivious sometimes. “There isn’t supposed to be any trouble, but you never know what will happen, or what troublemakers will show up at these things. Listen to your instincts. At the first sign of trouble, you…”
“I know, Jack, we’ve already gone over that.” Gavin loved Jack’s protective streak, but sometimes it could grate on a man’s nerves! “Nothing is going to happen.”
“Those things *do* happen. Everyday.” Jack knew they did happen; he’d seen the hard and ugly evidence of them everyday in his job. And he knew that in “Gavin’s World” those things didn’t happen, and Jack would do everything he could to see that they never did. But Gavin needed a reality check sometimes.
“Nothing is going to happen.” Gavin was trying to be patient with Jack. He knew where this was coming from. “That kid was…well, that won’t happen to me.”
“I’m sure that kid didn’t think it would happen to him either.” Jack pointed out. The memory of it still made him sick. He remembered feeling that same way when he interviewed the kid at the hospital. Taking a break from studying for exams, the boy, nineteen, blond, sweet-faced and oblivious, had stopped by a nearby bar that a lot of the gay college-aged kids hung out in. After leaving his friends behind, he was waylaid as he headed back to his dorm to study. He’d had to write his answers to the questions out on paper, because his jaw had been wired shut from being slammed in the face with a baseball bat. It was a miracle he was even alive. God, if something like that ever happened to Gavin…….
“Jack, it’s a rally in broad daylight in the middle of the city, cops will be everywhere,” Gavin explained simply; knowing why Jack was worried, but not really believing there was any reason to be. He figured that because Jack had to deal with criminals every day, he tended to see them everywhere!
“I know and you’ll have fun.” Jack smiled, not wanting to deflate Gavin’s excitement, just make sure that he stayed alert. “I wish I could go”
“I’ll tell you all about it at lunch.” Gavin beamed from across the counter; nothing was going to dim his excitement. He was glad that conversation was over; not that he’d retained much of it. Jack was just a worrier.
Gavin wasn’t worried in the least.
********
Gavin was worrying himself sick.
His stomach was rolling, he felt like he was going to throw up. Swallowing hard, he took a deep breath and tried distracting his thoughts by looking around the room.
The “interrogation” room, although to him it seemed more like a…. lunchroom?, didn’t have much in the way of distraction. There was a coffeepot sitting on a table in the corner; a refrigerator in another; it even had a vending machine. It looked nothing like the rooms on Law and Order or in any police movie he’d ever seen. There wasn’t a single one-way mirror or heat lamp in sight.
The police station was located in the basement of the Justice Center, a large complex that took up a whole downtown city block. Jack’s office was just across the street on the fifth floor of the west building of the center. Gavin couldn’t figure out what was taking him so long to get here.
He’d called Jack – Gavin looked down at his watch again – THREE minutes ago, at least! How long did it take a guy to walk across a street, for crying out loud!
His hands were still shaking and it hurt to breath, like there wasn’t enough air in the room. God, he’d been scared to death, he couldn’t remember ever being so scared. And now this creep was yelling assault and threatening HIM with charges? He felt like he was in the Twilight Zone! And even though he realized he might have over- reacted when he punched the guy, he couldn’t quite bring himself to apologize for it. Gavin felt as though he had been assaulted too.
But the sick butterflies in his stomach were flapping even harder now, at the thought of being charged with assault.
Even though there had been plenty of times he’d wished for a nice, solitary, little prison cell, in a deserted and VERY hard to find, Third World Country -one without an airport -naturally……he’d never really had ANY intentions of going there!
Closing his eyes, Gavin tried sending a telepathic message to Jack. .......please hurry!
He just wanted to go HOME!
Gavin had always been certain that he and Jack shared a special connection between them, a sort of…. ESP. Jack could always sense what he was feeling, knew what he needed most of the time, without Gavin ever having to say a word. Of course, that wasn’t necessarily a good thing, or at least it hadn’t always seemed that way at the time.
Sometimes Gavin wished that Jack wasn’t quite so …..gifted?
But when the door flew open and Jack walked in the room, Gavin didn’t think he’d ever been more grateful for that gift in his whole life!
“Are you alright?” Jack’s eyes searched Gavin’s face, wanting so badly to touch him.
Gavin saw the want in Jack’s eyes and knew exactly how he felt. He wanted it too.
.......Please, just take me home.
“I’m fine, Jack.”
“Everyone’s fine, Jack” Sergeant Ed DiLorreto said, as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Seems to me it was just a little scuffle. This punk over here came to town this morning thinking he could prove what a tough guy he is and he’s crying foul now. Apparently he’s of the ‘dish it out but can’t take it’ variety.”
“I thought the security at the square was going to be tight today?”
“The square was fine.. This happened on the other side of the Shoreway.” Ed pointed a thumb over his shoulder towards the punk. “That one wouldn’t have had the balls to go to the square.”
Jack’s head jerked around, those crystal blue eyes snapping as they pinned Gavin to his chair.
“Shoreway?”
Gavin winced a bit at the look Jack gave him. He thought for sure Jack’s neck was going to crack, jerking it around like that. The Neanderthal’s nostrils were flaring, smoke was billowing around his head and streaming out of his ears - Gavin could SEE it - although he doubted anyone else could. He figured that being the only one able to see that smoke, was just another example of that very special connection they shared - how Gavin could sense what Jack was feeling – without him ever saying a word.
Although, for some funny reason, and Gavin had never really been able to explain why – head snapping, nostril flaring and smoke billowing – had always seemed to bring him an odd sort of…comfort? He wasn’t so much worried about being sent off to jail now. Gavin could sense, really SENSE, that nothing would stop Jack from seeing to it that he got home. And today, at least, Gavin didn’t have even the slightest bit of interest in finding out where those Third World Countries were – the ones that didn’t have airports - like he usually did whenever he knew he was in trouble.
And he was in SO much trouble!
He took a deep breath, the first one in what seemed like hours. It was kind of funny how knowing that you were about to be killed, made breathing seem so much easier.
“What are the details here, Eddie?”
“Like I told you on the phone, Jack, it was more of a scuffle than anything. From what I understand, Gavin went across the Shoreway with a few guys on the election committee. Apparently they wanted to take a few pictures for some newspaper article.” Ed leaned against the wall and jerked his thumb towards the punk again. “This one over here apparently thinks intimidation is funny. He got in Gavin’s face, although he didn’t touch him, and started making threats, name calling - typical chicken shit stuff, but I’m sure Gavin felt threatened. So Gavin took a swing at him. The boys and I showed up then and that’s about it.”
“What’s going to happen now?” Jack asked, sounding in control, professional and detached, like he was just doing his job gathering details for a case. But his eyes couldn’t hide the rage he felt, and he could do nothing to control the sick feeling he had in his stomach at the thought of what could have happened
“We thought it best to bring them here, get them away from the crowds; give everyone a chance to calm down.” Ed shrugged his shoulders. “We’re not charging anyone with anything. Big mouth over here is complaining some though.”
“All I did was say the truth. He IS a fuckin’ faggot!” The punk slouched in his chair and pointed a finger toward Gavin. “I’m pressing charges. He hit me, I never touched him!”
Jack’s control just about snapped then, his muscles flexed, he felt as though the seams of his jacket were about to rip apart. He placed his palms on the table and leaned across it. His jaw looked carved from stone, his lips barely moved and his voice was low, almost a growl.
“Listen to me you low –life scum, you aren’t even fit to lick the soles of that man’s shoes and he sure as *hell* doesn’t have to explain himself to likes of you. But that “faggot” belongs to *me*.” Jack poked himself in the chest, hard, then paused a second to let that sink in.
The punk’s eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t move, didn’t dare.
“That’s right. He’s *mine*. And you’re an ignorant ass, so you might not understand the definition of legal terms like ‘intimidation’, ‘hate speech’ or ‘inciting’. So go ahead and file charges against him. Because I’d like nothing better than to file some charges of my own. I’m smarter, better educated; I have the law on my side.” Jack’s smile was almost menacing. “And I’m a Prosecutor and your worst nightmare. Go for it. Give me *one* chance at you in court. I’d like nothing better than to throw your sorry ass in jail.”
The punk still didn’t move. Jack leaned a little closer, invading the punks personal space, their noses only inches apart.
“Do you understand?”
The punk nodded his head, but he couldn’t speak.
“I said – Do You Understand?”
“Yes.” The punk swallowed hard. “I understand.”
“One more thing” Jack straightened himself to his full height and waited for the punk to look at him. “If I ever see your face or hear your name even mentioned by anyone you’ve tried intimidating with your hateful, ignorant mouth, I’ll make it my personal goal in life to see you pay.”
Gavin sat almost frozen in his seat; he couldn’t have moved if he tried. His green eyes were flashing though, as admired the way the muscles flexed under Jack’s coat, hearing the conviction in his voice. He’d always admired everything about Jack, who he was, his sense of justice, the integrity and honor that was just so much a part of him. As much a part of him as that instinctive and all too human need to protect those he loved. OKAY, so Gavin was besotted! It wasn’t a secret anyway; it wasn’t something he had ever tried to hide. And the fact the Jack Ryan was HIS, was something Gavin had always been so very proud of.
“Eddie?” Jack’s eyes didn’t move from the punk as he spoke to Sergeant Diloretto. “Are we finished here?”
Eddie was leaning against the wall. He’d been enjoying the show himself. He couldn’t wait to make a phone call or two. He knew someone that would be very interested in this story.
“I think we’re finished here, Jack.”
“So are we.” Jack headed towards the door, motioning for Gavin to follow him.
Gavin was SO tempted to smugly mouth the words, “he’s my boyfriend”, to the punk as he passed, but he didn’t think that would go over very well with Jack right now.
When the door shut, Sergeant DiLoretto pushed himself away from the wall. He could deal with criminals, but bullies he couldn’t stand. He couldn’t help but play with this one a little.
“You’ve just made an enemy for yourself today and I’d be very careful if I were you. Do you know what we call District Attorney Jack Ryan down here?” Sergeant DiLoretto pointed to the door and paused a second for dramatic affect. “’Electric Jack’. You wouldn’t believe how many low-lifes he’s fried in the electric chair.”
A little whimper escaped from the punk’s throat. He squirmed a bit in his chair.
Sergeant DiLoretto looked down at the floor, shook his head and muttered under his breath. He headed towards the wall for the intercom. It figured! Not only did punks have big mouths and very little balls, they were also….. morons! They didn’t even *have* an electric chair these days. He hit the intercom button.
“Marty, bring a mop and bucket.” He looked back at the punk and chuckled. “This punk just pissed all over our nice clean floor.”
*****
“Are you sure you’re alright?” Jack asked, as he rubbed Gavin’s cheek, searching his face for marks. He tugged Gavin’s shirt loose from his pants and began pulling it over his head.
“Jack, I’ve told you at least ten times on the ride home’ HE didn’t touch me.” Gavin grunted when his shirt was tugged over his head. “Talk to me. Say something besides, ‘are you alright’?”
Jack rolled Gavin’s shirt in a ball and tossed it in the hamper. He put his hands on his hips and looked up at the ceiling. He felt so many things at this moment; rage, anger, every muscle in his body was tight with them. And right this minute he couldn’t separate anything he was feeling; he didn’t even know where to begin.
“What do you want me to say, Gavin?” Jack combed his fingers through his hair.
“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Gavin’s eyes pleaded. “Tell me that what I did was stupid. Tell me that you’re going to kick my ass for disobeying you. I’m not hurt, I’m fine. I know you, Jack. You’re working yourself up over what *could* have happened. But I’m fine. ”
“Do you realize even now what *could* have happened?” Jack’s nostrils flared, it made him sick, just thinking about what could have happened... “I told you not to go anywhere near there for a reason. You can’t fight that type of ignorance with your fists, Gavin. Because they very well could have knives or – baseball bats.”
“I know. I’m sorry, Jack.” Gavin was so very sorry. “I didn’t mean to go there, it was just for a few pictures and…. I didn’t think anything would really happen. And once we were there, I knew almost right away that it was a big mistake. I just didn’t act on that fast enough. And hitting him, well……”
“I know. You were scared.” Jack gritted out, the rage he felt at that thought tripled. He wrapped his arms around Gavin, squeezing him, breathing in the scent of him.
Gavin rubbed his hands down Jack’s back, feeling the tight, tense muscles flexing beneath his shirt. He wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist, squeezing him in return, Gavin always felt so loved, so safe and secure wrapped in Jack’s arms and he knew that this strong man felt the same way wrapped in his. And Gavin knew that Jack needed to feel that right now, probably even more then he did.
“I’m really sorry, Jack.” Gavin was sorry, he hated that he’d put Jack through this. And he knew he was in trouble and he wanted the air cleared between them.
“We’ll talk later.” Jack gave Gavin one last squeeze and kissed his head. He just couldn’t talk right now. “Go on, get in the shower. We both need to clear our heads a little. And. I think you could do with a rest, you have to be exhausted.”
”I’m not tired. It’s not even two in the afternoon. We should talk ab..”
Jack’s eyes snapped; he turned Gavin by the arm and swatted his butt. “Don’t argue with me. Not now.”
Gavin took off towards the bathroom, stripped out of the rest of his clothes and jumped in the shower. He knew that Jack felt he was too angry to talk right now; every muscle in his body was strung tight with it. Gavin could feel it. And he could feel the steel in the control there was in it; like Jack was afraid to talk for fear he’d unleash it. Not that Gavin was the least bit afraid of that anger.
Oh, he knew Jack was going to KILL him and he wasn’t looking forward to it. But he wasn’t afraid of it. God, he’d never deserved it more. And most of that anger, Gavin knew, was from the helplessness Jack was feeling at not being able to protect him, protect what was his - what was theirs.
Jack was just SO predictable. A straightforward and honest man, he was direct in his thinking and approach to things and didn’t complicate them by avoiding, evading or making mountains out of molehills.
How could you be afraid of someone whose first instinct was to protect you? To Gavin the answer to that was just so easy, so simple, just SO very uncomplicated.
You just couldn’t be! It didn’t make ANY sense!
For and uncomplicated man, Jack Ryan could make things SO confusing for himself sometimes!
When Gavin opened the shower door, Jack was standing on the other side, holding a huge fluffy white towel. Gavin was folded in the towel, patted dry and after his shorts were tugged on, he was steered towards the already turned down bed. The air conditioner had been turned up, the room was cool, just the way they liked it and it felt good to be bundled under the covers.
“Turn over on your belly. I’ll tickle your back awhile.”
Gavin flopped on his belly, crossed his arms over the pillow and rested his head on his arms.
“Jack, I know you’re mad. Tell me what you’re thinking. It’ll....”
“Not now. We’ll talk later.”
Jack’s muscles were still tense, he felt raw. The rage he felt was so huge right at this very moment that his fingers seemed foreign to him as he gently traced circles on Gavin’s back; like they couldn’t be attached to his body... He knew how much Gavin hated silence, he liked things spelled out, up front and out in the open. And Jack knew that he needed to clear his head, so they could clear the air.
But he didn’t know where to begin, where one emotion started and the other ended. There was that always present, instinctive desire to protect Gavin. The fury and rage he felt towards the man that had frightened him. A primal, almost animal need to defend what was *his* and feeling so powerless in his ability to do that. And somewhere mixed up in all of those emotions, was that deeply buried yearning to have his and Gavin’s life together, acknowledged for what it was. Something he had resigned himself to being an impossibility. Which for some reason, now seemed just out of his reach.
Gavin’s breathing slowed; his body relaxed under Jack’s fingertips. Jack looked down at the beautiful, trusting face; that even in sleep seemed so animated and alive. He pushed himself up from the bed and headed down the stairs. He needed to get out of here awhile, clear his head.
Jack didn’t think Gavin would wake up before he returned, but he jotted down a note just in case and left it on the kitchen counter. Not wanting Gavin to be bothered by a barking Martha, Jack called for her and they headed out the door.
************
“It sure is hot out here isn’t boyo?”
Jack looked up from chopping the wood and wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.
He couldn’t help but smile as he watched his Da walk across the yard, two beers in his hand. Jack hadn’t really known where he was going when he left the house earlier, but he wasn’t surprised in the least at where he ended up. Sometimes when a man was confused about where he was, he needed to go back to where he started.
Age, a heart attack or forced retirement did nothing but deepen the respect and admiration Jack held for this man walking towards him. Big John Ryan was a huge man, with a bigger than life personality - a no nonsense, hard nosed cop who had very definite ideas of what was right and wrong and never had any qualms about sharing those views with his family. But he had huge heart, a forgiving nature and an endless capacity to love. And he had passed on to his children the kind of confidence and security that only seems to come to those who have been very well loved. He had a deep, booming voice that could still stop Jack in his tracks. But that Irish brogue had always held such warmth and intelligence – so even though Jack had rarely dared not to –listening to this man had never steered him wrong. All of those things were probably what had called Jack back here today.
“You weren’t home. So I thought I’d…chop you some wood.”
Big John looked at the stack of wood as he rubbed his chin and cocked a brow; it was a very Ryan-like gesture “Well now, bein’ that it’s the middle of July, you don’t know how much you’re mother and I appreciate that, son. I hear that the temperature might be droppin’ to about 78 degrees or so, come nightfall.”
Jack grinned at the good natured sarcasm and took the beer can offered him.
“Don’t tell your mother about the beer. She’s put me on a ration.” Big John sat down on one of the logs and popped his own beer can. He motioned for Jack to have a seat on the log beside him. “You always were one for working out your troubles with something physical.”
“Troubles?” Jack didn’t know why he was surprised. No matter how hard he’d tried, he couldn’t remember a time when he’d been able to hide anything from Big John Ryan. He called out for Martha to come sit beside him; then sat down on the log. He popped his beer can and took a long swallow.
“I heard about what happened with Gavin today. I’m sure that shook you both up some.” Big John knew there was more to the story, but he figured Jack would tell him in his own time. “News travels fast, and the boys at the station are pretty quick to give a call to an old, retired brother. I suppose they figured that I might be interested in knowin’ that my son was about to tear the precinct apart with his bare hands today.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t. You aren’t one to go off half-cocked.” Big John chuckled at the memory of Ed’s laughter when telling him about the “pissing little punk” “To tell you the truth, the way I heard it you were pretty damned impressive. I was told I would’ve been burstin’ with pride had I been there.”
“I don’t know about impressive. Borderline intimidation, maybe.” Jack shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know how proud you would’ve been of that, but I figure the guy had it coming.”
“I’m proud of all of my children and I’ll probably be goin’ to hell for that.” Big John winked at Jack, then rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the ground. “Although, I’d be lyin’ if I didn’t’ say that it was an easier path your mother and I had wished for ye’, Jack.”
“I know that, Da.”
“But watchin’ you walk down that path with full knowledge that another road would’ve have been the easier way, with your head held tall; seein’ the honesty and honor in the choices you’ve made in your life. Well, I don’t think I could be prouder of anything, as I am of the man you’ve become.” Big John looked up at Jack, pride shining in those crystal blue eyes, so very much like his sons. “And your mother and I couldn’t have wished for you a finer life partner than your Gavin. You’ve found your soul mate in him and the love you share together is a rare thing indeed. He’s a good, decent man and we think of him as our own.”
Tears stung that backs of Jack’s eyes, he swallowed a few times before he could speak, but his voice still felt thick.
“He feels the same way. You’ll never know how much, Da.”
“I think I do. He wears his heart on sleeve, that one does.” Big John chuckled; he always did when he thought of Gavin. “And I know that your faith has always been important to ye, Jack. Just as I know that the words in the constitution and the justice it represents are things you’ve always set such great store in. And you’ve come to terms in your own way with the fact that your church and your country refuse acknowledge the union between you and the man you love above all else.”
“I have come to terms with that.”
“Ah, you have, but it still pisses you off a bit at times and that’s only natural.” Big John smiled at Jack.
Jack shook his head, amazed at his Da’s ability to cut through the bullshit and right to the point. His emotions were still swirling, but he could feel his muscles relaxing, the tension of the day draining.
“For some reason I was pissed today. Pissed about a lot things.”
“Get them off your chest, why don’t you?” Big John motioned for Jack to continue.
“I was…..pissed that I *had* come to terms with it and now that the laws might be changing, pissed that that it won’t happen soon enough. Pissed at the assholes that will always be there and knowing that will never change, no matter what the law says. And pissed about the sheer ignorance of that.” Jack rubbed his hand threw his hair and took a deep breath. “And that man, God, Da, I felt so much rage when I thought of how scared Gavin must have been. And really pissed at Gavin for being there in the first place, even though he knew not to go down there for this very reason.”
“Well now, I must say that’s a whole lot of pissed.” Big John laughed, a booming laugh right from the belly. “Let’s talk of them, why don’t we?”
Jack smiled, shaking his head. “I hope you can remember them all. I don’t think I could repeat them again.”
“I think they’re all pretty normal feelin’s, so it won’t be hard to remember them, even for an old man like me.” Big John rubbed his chin and thought a moment before continuing. “What’s happening in the courts right now is a good thing. But you know as well as anyone, how slow it works.”
“Slow?” Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “I have one court case that’s been pending so long, the statue of limitations is going to run out. And I know the laws will change in time….”
“In time.” Big John shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe not as fast as they should or you’d like them to; but I do imagine it happenin’ in your lifetime.”
“I figure it will too.” Jack shook his head. “I didn’t let myself think about it too much…until lately.”
“Well, it’s been talked about a lot here lately, only natural that you’d be thinkin’ on it.” Big John nodded his head at Jack. “You’ll come to terms with that in you own way again. I have no doubt about that and I don’t think you really do either.”
“That’s true.” Jack conceded, nodding his head in response... “Whenever the law changes, whether that’s in two years or thirty, before the ink is even dry on that parchment paper, Gavin and I will make our union legal. Because what we have together deserves that and we want all the benefits that document would bring. But as much as we want that to happen in our lifetime, that piece of paper doesn’t have anything to do with our commitment to each other and it couldn’t make what we have together more right or any stronger than what we share between the two of us right now”
“I figured that was your thinking. The both of you have already made your vows and what you have together, you’ll let no man put asunder.” Big John paused a moment. A huge grin slowly spread across his broad Irish face. He knew Gavin almost as well as Jack. “Ye’ have talked over these thoughts with Gavin, am I right?”
“Da, do you really think there’s anything that could possibly BE talked about - NOT talked about with Gavin?” Jack laughed along with Big John. It felt so damned good to laugh.
“Our Gavin, he’s a talker, isn’t he? He’s a Ryan; blood has nothin’ to do with it.” Big John’s shoulders shook with laughter; he wiped the tears from his eyes before continuing. “And I don’t figure you as bein’ one to waste a lot of time with the ‘assholes’, Jack. You were never a timewaster.”
“No. Ignorance isn’t anything new and ignorant people are a waste of my….” Jack stopped at hearing the anger in his own voice. He took a deep breath. “But that still doesn’t mean they don’t piss me off.”
“Well, that’s human, don’t ye’ think?” Big John thought it sounded all too human... “You’ve always handled people like that pretty well, Jack. And if you can - you’ll fight them in a court of law in order to protect those that don’t quite have your knack for handlin’ them.”
Jack felt his muscles tense again. “When I think of how scared Gavin must have been…”
“The ‘Prosecutor’ in ye’ wanted to take them all on in court, I imagine.”
“I could’ve skipped court today, Da.” Jack admitted; even if it was only for a second; that feeling had been there. And it didn’t sit well with him.
“And how human is that? Don’t beat yourself up over it son. That’s just the man in you afraid for someone ye’ love. And knowin’ that there are some things you can’t fight in a court of law left you feeling a bit helpless. And ye’ don’t like feelin’ that way.” Big John looked over at his son and that pride that was going to send him to hell one day was shining in his eyes again. “But you’re not a violent or angry man, Jack. You’re a strong man with more integrity that anyone I’ve ever known; and you would never let that rage get the better of ye.”
Jack smiled wryly at his Da. Yeah, he felt …very human today.
“Jack, do you remember the time you got in a fight with those O’Leary boys down on the waterfront?”
“I don’t think I could ever forget that, Da.” Jack couldn’t help but smile at the memory. He was bit confused by the change in subject, but he figured there was a point being made, so he went with it. “And I don’t so much remember the fight, as much as what had happened to me when I got home.”
“Those boys were always terrorizin’ everyone, bullies is what they were.” Big John grunted in disgust. “I remember tellin’ you that you should always defend yourself and your family or those weaker than you, but you were to stay away from the waterfront and not to go lookin’ for trouble. I was takin’ care of it.”
“Yeah, but they were picking on Sean.” Jack defended himself; then laughed because he sounded twelve years old again.
“Ah, and proud I was that ye’ had the courage to go and defend you’re brother’s honor.”
“That wasn’t the feeling I got from you after I got home, Da.” Jack smiled, the long ago memory almost had him squirming on the log he was sitting on.
“Well, I was proud of your courage, proud of your need to defend you family.” Big John cocked a brow. “If you’d met them on the street after school or in an alley comin’ home from ball practice, the outcome would’ve been a bit different. But I had told ye’ not to go, you had no business lookin’ for trouble “
“I realized that even then, Da.” Jack chuckled.
Big John winked at Jack. “In hindsight, maybe.”
Jack nodded his head, conceding yet another point. “That’s usually what it took.”
“Our Gavin, he’s a talker, not a fighter and not one to go lookin’ for trouble. And better soul you’d not find anywhere.” Big John smiled fondly, what a joy Gavin was to him. “He’s probably a bit shook up from today and in hindsight, regrettin’ that he didn’t see the trouble comin’.”
Jack had to bite the inside of his cheek over that. Gavin didn’t have to look for trouble - trouble found him; it just seemed to sneak up on him. And he rarely had any “hindsight” unless Jack pointed out to him. His Da had NO idea how relevant that childhood story was today.
“Bein’ pissed with the people you care for isn’t a crime Jack, not when those feelings are coming from the lovin’ of someone. You two will work that out well enough, that’s not a doubt you or Gavin have ever had.” Big John pushed himself up from the tree stump, a grin spread across his face. “Speakin’ of which, I better ditch the beer cans. Your Mother loves me plenty and she’ll be more than pissed if she sees them.”
“And we all know what a tyrant she is.” Jack chuckled, knowing how much his Da enjoyed teasing his mother when her Irish was up.
“I don’t figure your mother and I will be needin’ anymore firewood. Not for awhile anyway. I mean, it’s the middle of July, Jack. It’s hotter than hell out here.” Big John held out a huge hand and pulled Jack to his feet.
“Well, you never know when the temperature is going to drop.” Jack laughed, wrapping his arms around the big man, hugging him tight. They were a close, loud, emotional family and the hug they shared was between two men very comfortable with it. “Thanks, Da. I knew coming here was a good idea.”
“I didn’t do a thing, son. You had all the answers right here.” Big John patted his chest. “You were just needin’ to chop some wood is all.”
****
Gavin was entering the kitchen just as Jack opened the back door. Martha pushed passed Jack and darted across the kitchen, anxious to see Gavin and so happy to be home. She danced around his legs and after he patted her a little, she ran towards the family room and her bed.
“Where did you guys go?” Gavin asked, throat still thick from sleep..
“We went for a ride, ended up at my parents.” Jack answered, pointing towards the counter. “I left you a note, didn’t you see it?”
“I just got up.” Gavin spotted the note on the counter, picked it up and scanned the words.
“How are you feeling?” Jack brushed Gavin’s hair from his forehead and kissed it.
“I feel fine, Jack. I wasn’t hurt.” Gavin’s forehead wrinkled. “How are you?”
“Feeling better.” Jack leaned a hip against the counter and crossed his arms.
“Good. I was worried some. You looked about ready to explode before.”
“I felt like I was going to explode before.”
“I suppose you’re ready to talk; now that you’ve calmed down some and aren’t afraid of turning into a raving lunatic.” Gavin rolled his eyes and gave Jack a look of disbelief.
“From the look on your face, you probably weren’t too worried about my *raving* much, uh?” Jack cocked his brow and smiled a little wryly.
Gavin sat down on the barstool, rested his elbow on the table, his chin in his hand. He looked Jack up and down before answering.
“Jack, I’ve never been afraid of you in my life.” Gavin rolled his eyes again. “You know me, I’m never afraid of you when you’re mad, but one thing I really hate is when you get quiet. That’s when I don’t know where I stand. You would never hurt me. That isn’t something that even rates comment.”
“I’d never hurt you.” Jack’s eyes narrowed, thoughts of that man touching Gavin, scaring him, had his muscles tightening and flexing again.. He pinned Gavin with that all too familiar look of ownership.
The intensity in that look might scare some people. But not Gavin. That look made his heart race, his face flush, it got his blood pumping, but not from fear. Not hardly. He loved it when Jack got all territorial. He felt so safe, so loved and so very …claimed. God, he hoped Jack never stopped looking at him like that.
‘I know you wouldn’t and I know that the thought of me being hurt by those guys, well, that’s what was really bugging you. I’m not all that slow, Jack.” Gavin’s sleepy eyes were wide awake all of a sudden, they sparkled at Jack. It was the Gavin version of a claiming. “I could almost feel sorry for anyone going up against you in court though. You were, well, a little intimidating at the station this morning. It was pretty awesome, Jack.”
“It wasn’t all that awesome, Gav.” Jack had to smile a little at the almost hero worship in Gavin’s voice. He wasn’t a hero, or superhuman and he sure as hell wasn’t perfect. And he knew that deep down Gavin knew that, too. But God, he hoped that he’d never give Gavin a reason to stop looking at him like that.
“I would’ve loved the chance at him in court though.”
“I know, and I’m sorry that you won’t get the chance. It makes me even sorrier that I punched the guy first. But well, I will admit I was a little scared and it was more out of reflex than anything.”
“I know that.” Jack’s eyes narrowed again, his nostrils flared. “He was intimidating you, Gavin.”
Gavin’s heart raced faster still. Jack was going to start pissing all over the place if Gavin didn’t calm him down some.
“But it was still stupid. They could’ve had a knife or…..” Gavin stopped when he saw Jack’s arms tightened around his chest.
Well, that wasn’t helping any!
GOD, how stupid!
He reached across the counter and tugged one of Jack’s arms loose. Gavin took one of Jack’s hands in his and held it, he squeezed it a little.
“Jack, I do know it was stupid, you told me not to go down there. As soon as I got there, those instincts you’re always telling me to listen to were screaming at me to leave and I didn’t listen to those either.”
“You should always listen to those instincts, Gavin.” Jack cocked a brow. Now that his head was clear, it was time to clear the air. “But I told you not to go down there to begin with and that should have been enough.”
“I know and I’m really sorry.” Gavin scrunched his nose at Jack’s tone. He knew where this was heading and he dreaded what was coming. But he knew that he deserved it and he also knew he’d feel so much better after the air was cleared some. “I’m not afraid of you, Jack, never afraid of you. I do have a healthy fear or maybe it’s more a healthy dread, of being spanked. That’s normal and if I didn’t feel like that, what good would it do? And I know I’m going to get spanked, Jack and I won’t even try talking you out of it or anything. I know I deserve it. But… ”
“Oh you deserve it, buddy boy. And believe me, you’re going to get paddled.” Jack stopped Gavin’s plea for mercy. “And I’m telling you now; I’m not up for any plea bargaining today. Not that it’s ever done you any good, but I’m not even up to *listening* to it today.”
“I wasn’t going to plea bargain!” Gavin’s eyes went wide. “I was just going to say….”
“That now that you’ve had time to think it over, in hindsight you regret it, you’re sorry and you’ve learned your lesson.” Jack pulled Gavin up from his stool and wrapped his arms around him. He squeezed him, tight. “But I know from experience, that you remember things a lot better if I add a little *hindsight* of my own.”
“I have learned my lesson, Jack. But I’m really not trying to…..” Gavin grunted at being so tightly hugged and wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist, burying his face in his chest. Jack smelled sweaty and manly and….woody? “Why do you have wood chips sticking to your shirt?”
“I was… chopping wood.”
Gavin titled his head back, his face scrunched in confusion... “Why? It’s the middle of July, it’s gotta be 90 out there today?”
“Let’s just say I worked out some of my ‘rage’ on that wood. Your butt will thank me for it.” Jack cocked a brow, and then he swatted Gavin on the butt. “Why don’t you head down the basement, find a corner and think a little about what happened today and what *could* have happened. I’m going to take a quick shower.”
“Can’t we..”
“Gavin, don’t argue. Not today. Move.”
“I’m going!” Gavin headed for the basement door in a hurry, realizing that today wasn’t a day for arguing. He opened the door, but stopped on the landing, turned and leaned against the door frame.
“Jack, no matter what you think, you didn’t need to chop any wood on my account.”
Jack turned around and met Gavin’s gaze; crystal blue eyes were being claimed by those green ones. He was always awed by the trust Gavin had in him, amazed by his faith in him.
“I know that, buddy. Let’s just say I did on my account.”
*********
Gavin lay sprawled on the couch on his belly, head resting in his favorite lap. The air conditioner made the room cool enough that it felt good to be bundled under his blanket. He was comfortable - despite his still stuffy nose and that left over achy feeling he always had after a paddling. And he was a little more achy than usual. Which didn’t surprise him any. He knew that he had a slight problem with having, what liked to Jack call, a ‘selective memory’ about some things, but he really couldn’t remember the last time he’d been paddled quite that …well?
Jack was sitting on the couch watching television; his fingers gently tickling Gavin’s back. Gavin thought it a bit odd that Jack was watching the movie so intently. It was a rerun of The Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere and Jack had never been much of fan of either one of them. They had talked a good long time after the paddling was over and he hoped that Jack wasn’t “thinking” again, at least not without sharing his thoughts with him. Gavin hated not knowing what Jack was thinking.
“What are you thinking about?” Gavin finally asked. He didn’t want Jack thinking about today or worrying over today any longer.
“I’m not *thinking*.” Jack laughed. “I’m watching the movie.”
“We’ve seen this movie before and you didn’t like it all that much the first time.”
“Okay, you caught me. I was thinking on the sly again.” Jack smiled, ruffled the hair on the head resting on his lap. “I was thinking that if..-when, the law changes and we can get married, what I want our vows to say.”
“Jack, do you mean we’re NOT married?” Gavin lifted his head and gave Jack a look of mock surprise. “We’ve been living in….SIN all these years?”
Jack laughed at Gavin’s look. It felt so good to laugh. And Gavin always seemed to know what to say to make him laugh and just when he needed it. “I meant, *legally* married in the eyes of the state. We *are* married in every way that counts, so don’t think for a second that you aren’t stuck with me.”
“Jack. I know you. You love *legal* papers” Gavin teased, resting his chin on his hand, elbow digging in Jack’s thigh... “And I know you want legal *ownership* papers.”.
“You better believe it.” Jack growled, that very possessive growl that always caused Gavin’s heart to race.
“I’ve been thinking about what our vows would say a lot more lately too.” Gavin rolled over on his back, wincing a bit, and rested his head back on Jack’s lap. “What do you want our vows to say?”
“I’m not sure of what all I want in our vows, but I do know that “obey” is going to be in them.” Jack looked down at the sweet, trusting face he loved above all others. *Obey* would definitely be in their vows.
In Bold, Capital letters!
“I already *obey* you, Jack.” Gavin shrugged his shoulders, hands held out front of him, palms up. “It’s only when I forget, that I don’t.”
“Then we’ll include that in our vows. You can promise to obey *and* promise not to forget to obey.” Jack chuckled. “It kind of fits us, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it does fit us. In more ways the one. It fits the lawyer in you too. You like covering every loophole.” Gavin grinned, knowing that Jack Ryan would never put up with any loopholes. There would never be any way out - for either of them.
“We don’t have any loopholes.” Jack growled again, those crystal blue eyes were claiming.
And they held more power and promise than any piece of paper ever could. And they both knew that the true power came in the sharing of that promise. Gavin’s green eyes were shining, claiming those blue ones in return. No, they didn’t need the paper. But it would still be nice and Gavin wasn’t going to stop dreaming about it happening one day.
But today, Gavin just wanted to erase the worry lines around Jack’s eyes. “I know what I want in our vows.”
“What?” Jack asked as he combed the curls back from Gavin’s forehead.
”I take you, Jack, to love forever and always. And I promise to honor and ‘obey you and not to forget to obey you’…..well, I’m gonna try not to, anyway. And I swear from the bottom of my heart, that I will always cherish…” Gavin grinned up at Jack, pausing a second before adding, “every single one - of your Neanderthal ways…”
Jack burst out laughing; it felt so damned good to laugh. And he knew that was just what Gavin had intended
“Hey, it fits us! Don’t *you* think?!” Gavin laughed when Jack poked him in the ribs. “I’m just helping you cover all the loopholes!”
“We don’t have *any* loopholes!”
“Yeah… I think we’ve got ‘em covered, Jack.”
