We came, we saw, and we laughed at J! (Over here, *snap, snap* over here quirky). You know the weekend was good when there were stories and when the team is on the road, there are sure to be stories. So for those of you that weren't quite cohesive enough to remember what happened throughout the weekend...I shall enlighten you with the amount of help we really do need.
1st Quarter:
The home team jumped out to a semi quick lead with drinking way to much (R) and heading down for some sushi. Because as sick as it sounds, there is nothing better than cheep beer that seems cool because it comes from asia, cheep vodka that seems good because it is warm and goes well when chugged with that cheep beer, and raw fish rolled up into rice and seeweed(who came up with this shit?)...i digress.
Saki bombs are quickly flying left and right from the glasses (easy Marc) and it isn't long before the overly-competetive brothers are betting eachother to drink various wasabi concoctions (my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours-antics ensue...although we both look like idiots to everyone except our two tables). What better than going to a lounge for martinis and overpriced vodka after saki...smart..very smart(insert Ryan swagger at this point).
Martini time....blurry time...next thing i know...OUT...but from what I hear I locked soem people out...for a couple minutes *sarcastic "right"*. After an hour of trying to wake me up with every possible means from yelling like S when he doesn't get his cosmo subscription, to bangin on the wall like k's GF when she can't have ANOTHER orgasm...no waking up...so justifiably they break through the window...hit me in the face with magazines(Ryan, unphased) and scatter my carpeting with mudd....MORNING
Quarter 2:
Everyone wakes up with various levels of hangover...from J(who never realy was ever sober enough to be hung over..to Ryan who was never so happy to get coffee in the morning from a married women (and i had a chance to wear my purple...wanna be hipster sunglasses...BONUS). Watched a non-surprisingly close game by ohio state and generally made annoyances of ourselves to the "normal" fans around us...damn panzy penn state fans. Headed home for some R&R before the 3rd quarter...HALFTIME...score: us 14 alchohol 14...it's a close one folks
Quarter 3:
Crazy Chuck rolls in not skipping a beat and heads off with O to the local senior citizens center (you'd be surprised the kinky ways a cane can be used....and the new positions that can be incorporated using a walker). General anarchy in canton until we get to powerplant live...the capitol of cheese...and apparently the home of the Lazy Eye women of america.
We all show up in fashionable threads...sure to make us think we are turning heads, yet really only leading to us sitting in the corner asking "Is she looking at me now?", in which the only reply was "nope"..except for the case where we felt like watching someone crash and burn, in which case the answer was always: "Oh yeah bro...she wants you"...oh the hilarity.
At this point we get an announcment from J, unsurprisingly, that "no matter what race, creed, age, height, or weight...I am getting some tonight"...this pretty much booked the entertainment for the evening...now I don't know if the reason this girl started talking to J was because she couldn't fully see his face with her corssed eyes, or the fact that it was really her guy friend with her that was interested in J...but sure enough...J started schpieling one lucky lady. (and man, this must have been her only luck thus far in her life...because she looked like she got hit with the ugly stick one too many times...between the eyes)...but hey....J was sure glad to show her off...and even posed for a picture..*SNAP*...refer to Evidence A.
The bar closes, J is still outside trying to use his faultless closing tactics which include phrases such as "Stop looking at your nose and come home with me", "You know with a little J-bone that eye problem will work itself righ out", and the ever popular "I'm drunk not...come me with home...arg". Of course much to his surprise...J-bone was left high and dry. To the late night food...what's it called? slip-n-trip...no....dip-n-spit....duck-n-fuck...whatever...food time.
After food...hey look at that car almost hitting me (actually was probably 15 feet away) so lets hit the windo as it goes by...*brake lights*...exit 5 guys of the mexican american heritage...*opening of trunk*...*pulling out of lead pipe*...*running like hell of everyone except O" in which O does what every normal american would do when presented with a situation where 5 crazy people are looking at you at 4AM and banging a lead pipe on the ground:put your hand straight up in the air...because these people look like civil people, they won't touch me. Nothing happens thank god...end of night...whew
4th quarter:
score us 14 (points lost from jake and mexican incident alchohol 24
Time to go tailgating...although we have yet to get over our previous nights stuppor we need some beer to get primed up for the trailer park convention...otherwise known as: The Ravens Game. Much drinking...much laughing at J almost passing out...again. Get to the game, where me and S are the only browns fans in the endzone and everyone else is dealing with white trash girl #1...who eventually gets kicked out...literally. Lose the game...which leads to more drinking and constant kelly holcomb debate...which eventually leads to naps, almost missing flights...and forgotten luggage...
Winner: alchohol...
Loser: us...although the stories we have will forever be remember and revisited in magnified details to friends who weren't present...ah the fun...
So thanks to all those mid-western fools who like to think they can hang when they roll out east...right...and although I have NO room to talk...i will damnit because you left my house like a war zone...OUT
here's to the last...here's to the next...here's to baltimore!
right now
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