breeders

REVIEW

Breeders (1986) (dir. Tim Kincaid) ***

Imagine the most hilariously awful 50's alien B-movie and place it in the 80's, and you have the feeling one gets while watching BREEDERS, a direct-to-video film made by Wizard Video in 1986. Made after another of director Kincaid's cheesefests, ROBOT HOLOCAUST, this film is superior to it in just about every way (is that even possible?).

The hokey plot begins with a girl being raped, then admitted to a hospital and cared for by Gamble Pace (Teresa Farley), a doctor who always seems to have a new hairdo in every scene. Detective Dale Andriotti (Lance Lewman) goes to the hospital to question the girl about what happened, but she really doesn't tell him anything helpful. The rapes continue and Dr. Pace and Detective Andriotti team up to track down the perpetrator, but what they don't know is he's really a slimy alien bent on taking over the world by raping young virgins and impregnating them, thus creating even more aliens to help him carry out his plan!

I gave it a rating of two-and-a-half stars not because it's a good film (believe me, it's not), but because it is an entertaining one. The direction isn't too bad, but there are so many things wrong with it - from the cheesy score to the terribly funny overacting to the monster costume that does seem to come straight from a 50's sci-fi creature feature - that you just can't help but love it. And dig that scene towards the end where all the rape victims join to take a bath in a huge pool of alien cum: the film is worth seeing for that scene alone! Oh yes, and did I mention that the women like to take off their clothes at any opportunity? These lovely ladies prove that doing aerobics, cooking dinner and talking on the phone with mom ain't nothing unless you're stark naked.

Strike a pose baby and get ready to be raped!

As a bad movie lover, I truly believe that BREEDERS is the Edward D. Wood Jr. film of the 80's; the "master of awfulness" himself would be proud right about now. In fact, I'm really surprised that MGM decided to release an anamorphic widescreen DVD of this film - but I guess even a turd can be polished. However, I have to say that bad movies just don't get any better than this.

- Ryan Clark