Date of interview: (Unknown - approx early 2002)
Ozzy Osbourne was on 'Late Night with Conan O'Brien' to promote the new season of 'The Osbournes' and his new box set entitled 'Prince Of Darkness'. Ozzy discussed how he's been sober for nearly a year, the recent break-in at his home in England, his son Jack's latest plans on becoming a firefighter, smiley face tattoos on Ozzy's knees that he talks to, and his wife Sharon's obsession with moving into new homes. Read on for the complete transcript.
Conan: Okay, we're back. My next guest is a rock and roll legend. He was the star of the mtv hit reality series "the osbournes." He also has a new box set out entitled, "prince of darkness." Please welcome ozzy osbourne. [ Cheers and applause ]
Ozzy: I love this studio.
Conan: Doesn't it look nice. It's you. They're not like that for everyone. This is love for you. Yeah, you look good, by the way. You look fantastic.
Ozzy: I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do dope any more. I'm pretty boring now.
[ Laughter ]
Conan: Perfect, let's begin.
[ Laughter ] You don't drink any more. How long has it been?
Ozzy: About a week.
Conan: You almost said "a week."
[ Laughter ]
Ozzy: Nearly a year now.
Conan: Nearly a year. Congratulations, good for you.
[ Cheers and applause ] You were once -- I know this about you. You were once so desperate to get a drink that sharon used to take your clothes away so that you wouldn't drink. Is that right?
Ozzy: Let me tell you the story. What she would do, is she would steal my clothes. I'd have no clothes, so what I would do, is steal her clothes and go in her dresses drinking.
[ Light laughter ]
Conan: You would dress up in sharon's dresses and go out drinking?
Ozzy: Yeah, I ended up in some pretty weird places.
[ Laughter ]
Conan: Doesn't matter -- you're wearing a dress. You know?
Ozzy: I remember being in frankfurt, germany, one time. And I've got this green evening dress on. And the guy -- the guy behind the bar goes, "you do not belong in this bar. You must go down to the bar down the road." I go -- this is one of them transvestite bars.
Conan: Right, right, right, right.
Ozzy: I don't really want to go to.
Conan: You thought you'd blend right in. Now, I'm concerned. I understand that you were burglarized recently. Someone broke into your home?
Ozzy: Yeah.
Conan: What happened? Tell us the story.
Ozzy: Well, I sleepwalk a lot. You know?
Conan: You sleepwalk.
Ozzy: 'Cause I'm traveling around, I don't get used to where I am, you know?
Conan: Right.
Ozzy: So I was stark naked, right? And I'm in my --
Conan: Wait, back it up. You were sleepwalking and you're completely naked.
Ozzy: No, I'm like adam. No, I haven't even got a leaf up my, you know --
[ Laughter ] So I walk into --
Conan: And you're walking in your own house here?
Ozzy: In my own house, in england. And I don't know if I'm dreaming or it's really happening or what, but I look into sharon's dressingroom and there, I open the door and I see a figure behind the dressing table. And I'm going, "is this a dream?" So he starts to make a run for the window. So my usual behavior would go, "sharon, you got a visitor," and run out.
Conan: Right, right, right.
[ Laughter ] Let her deal with it.
Ozzy: Yeah, she got all of the panic buttons and all that. I got one -- my legs, I'm running.
Conan: Right, right, right.
Ozzy: So what I do, I do the opposite. I run towards -- he's trying to get out the window, I had him in a headlock.
Conan: You grabbed this person?
Ozzy: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me.
Conan: Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Ozzy: So I've got him in a headlock and, I mean, he's screaming. I'm going -- but suddenly the thought kind of crosses my mind. I go, "what if he gets back in and gets the better of me?" And then also, "what if he's gay?
[ Laughter ] She'll lose her jewelry and I'll lose my jewelry at the same time."
[ Laughter ]
Conan: So do you fight a lot of crime naked? Is that something you do?
[ Laughter ]
Ozzy: I'm an naked crime fighter.
Conan: A naked crime fighter, yeah. Well, I under -- speaking of your naked body, which I always like to get to --
[ Laughter ] You have -- you have a lot of tattoos, I noticed, but someone told me you have smiley face tattoos.
Ozzy: Yeah, well, you know, I hate being alone. I suffer from loneliness. So I just got two little faces on my knees.
Conan: What, what's this? Get a shot of these. Those are little -- those are two smiley --
[ Laughter ]
Ozzy: I am -- my son is just --
Conan: Why do you have smiley faces on your knees?
Ozzy: When I'm pissing people off they don't want to talk to me, so I can always pretend they're alive and talk to them. My son --
[ Laughter ]
Conan: I don't follow this at all, to be honest with you.
[ Laughter ] You don't -- they're there because what? Because when people get mad at you, what happens?
Ozzy: What it is -- what?
[ Laughter ]
Conan: I'm conan. Hi, how are you? Good to see you.
Ozzy: Wouldn't be terrible.
Conan: So, you have the smiley face tattoos.
Ozzy: My son just had it done -- it's like a family tradition, an osbourne family tradition.
Conan: Oh, okay. So it's something everyone in the family -- all osbournes, going back.
Ozzy: The males.
Conan: The males in the -- thousands of years.
Ozzy: My great-great-grandfather.
Conan: Had smiley faces on their knees.
Ozzy: Egbert.
Conan: Egbert. Egbert osbourne? Okay, I'll buy that.
[ Laughter ] Now, let's talk about jack. I read recently that jack, your son, wants to be a fireman.
Ozzy: Yeah, he comes up with these crazy ideas from time to time.
[ Light laughter ] I mean --
Conan: Well, that's not a crazy idea. You're, you know --
Ozzy: Nothing to -- fine thing, you know. Kelly, my daughter, just got a new record. Jack is doing this extreme sports thing, like rock climbing and swimming with sharks and all that stuff. You know?
Conan: Do you think he would be a good fireman?
Ozzy: I think he would.
[ Laughter ]
Conan: I don't know why that made me laugh. I just like that. You think he would? He'd be a good fireman?
Ozzy: Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Conan: I was just -- I was just repeating what you said and you laughed when you hadn't heard it before.
Ozzy: Where is this leading us? We're like --
Conan: I don't know, I just like to wander around with you. It's fun. Now, you -- last time, I visited you at your home once. And we shot something a bunch of years ago for the emmys and we had a good time. But I noticed that you had to be driven everywhere. You don't drive in los angeles.
Ozzy: I can drive, but -- and I've taken the test.
Conan: You have taken a test in england?
Ozzy: About four or five times. But I was so stoned and loaded that --
Conan: You kept failing test?
Ozzy: Every time. But I can drive great. But I'm --
[ Laughter ]
Conan: No, you clearly can't drive great.
Ozzy: Oh, I can drive. But then my driving, I get --
Conan: Oh, the instructor doesn't like you driving? You get home is the important thing.
Ozzy: Yeah, sometimes in a police van.
[ Laughter ]
Conan: So, what is your problem when you drive? What bothers you? What do you find difficult?
Ozzy: Well, back in those days, I'd drink too much booze or take too much dope and I'd pass out. I'd just -- "do a three-point turn." I'd be loaded.
[ Light laughter ]
Conan: You have said that if you had to do it all over again, 'cause you just sort of wrapped up "the osbournes, " but if you had to do it all over again, you wouldn't do it.
Ozzy: No. I mean, you have cameras 24/7. You get pretty pissed off sometimes, you know.
Conan: Right, right. So you just -- now, you're gonna look forward to you go and you make a sandwich and there's not a camera right there in your face.
Ozzy: Yeah, right. But saying that, we had that dr. Phil round to do a final thing on saturday. And we haven't -- we haven't actually had the film crew in the house for about four months now and they all came back. And it was kind of like, "oh, I miss you, I miss you."
Conan: Right.
Ozzy: We kind of made friends, became good friends.
Conan: With the crew and everything. So now that's done. Are you gonna stay in the same house? Are you guys gonna live in the same house?
Ozzy: Oh, don't talk about -- do you know -- this is no lie -- we have either rented or -- well, not we. I should say my wife and I have either rented or bought in 25 years, 27 houses. And that is no joke.
Conan: 27 houses?
Ozzy: And so when we bought this last one, where we film "the osbournes," I said, "sharon, darling -- ilove you, but can we at least let paint dry on this one," you know?
[ Light laughter ]
Conan: But you think she's gonna move you again?
Ozzy: She's -- people say you're going move. I don't know. Everybody else knows but me, you know.
Conan: So she could already be living in another house and you wouldn't know.
[ Laughter ]
Ozzy: Probably.
Conan: You're like, "I can't find the bathroom." Well, the "prince of darkness" box set's in stores now. And look for ozzfest this summer.
Ozzy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Conan: And, you know, it's -- you look fantastic. You look great.
Ozzy: Thank you.
Conan: It's very nice to see you doing so well.
Ozzy: Thank you.
Conan: That's a very nice tie. Ozzy osbourne
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