The scene opens inside the reception area of some sort of Health Farm. This particular Health Farm is definitely one of the best, as can plainly be seen with the expensive fixtures and fittings and the many dutiful staff members. Standing in the middle of the reception area is everybody’s favourite wrestling reporter, it’s none other than OCW’s Lisa Blunt. Lisa can be seen looking in a small compact mirror for a few seconds making sure her hair is looking perfect. She then begins to address the camera.

Lisa Blunt: Hello everyone, Lisa Blunt here. Today I’m in the Ayresome Park Health Resort, deep inside the heart if England. I’m here because I heard that Sabre and Magenta have been staying here for the last few days, and since Sabre had a huge win last week on Blast becoming the first person to beat Painkiller in a one on one match in OCW version two without any outside interference, and because he has another big match with OCW newcomer Dan Downtown this week on Blast I thought I ‘d come over here so I can get a few words from him. Anyway he doesn’t know I’m here so it should be a nice surprise for him when I turn up, mind you though I’m not exactly sure where he is inside the resort, oh well I’ll just have to look out for him, because after all how hard can it be to find a six feet five, three hundred pound bald guy. Well I suppose I’ll look in the gym first, because surely Sabre’s there at the moment making sure he keeps his impressive muscular physique in tip top condition.

Lisa heads off into the Health Farm in the direction of the gym. She goes down a few corridors and ends up at a state of the art gymnasium, which features the best gym equipment that money can buy, all of it’s brand new as well. However there is no sign of Sabre or Magenta. The only people we can see in the gym are a few overweight middle-aged women being put through their paces by several gym instructors. When Lisa sees that Sabre isn’t in the gym a look of disappointment appears of her face. But she puts this disappointment to one side and goes over to one of the gym instructors.

Lisa Blunt: Excuse me Sir, you haven’t seen Sabre anywhere around here have you.

Instructor: Would that be Sabre, the wrestler and occasional Hollywood Actor.

Lisa Blunt: Yes that’s him, have you seen him.

Instructor: No not personally, I know he’s staying here but I haven’t seen him, and I’ve heard he hasn’t been in the gym since he got here so you’re probably not going to find him in him around here.

Lisa Blunt: Have you any idea where he is.

Instructor: No not a clue.

Lisa Blunt: Well thanks anyway.

The instructor goes back to helping one of the middle aged fat women, while Lisa walks off out of the gym.

Lisa Blunt: That’s strange, Sabre’s been here for a few days and hasn’t set foot in the gym, that can’t be right, because surely he’s got to keep himself in shape for his upcoming match. Oh well perhaps he picked up some sort of injury against Pain Killer, so he might be having a massage or something to get his body back up to one hundred percent.

Lisa goes off to where the massage rooms are, she checks in each room but alas there is no sign of Sabre or Magenta. She only sees a few more middle aged women and Australian Actress Emma Harrison getting massaged, she looks through all the rooms again, but alas there are definitely no three hundred pound wrestlers in there, in fact all Lisa gets are various bits of abuse from those people being massaged, all telling her to leave the room she’s just entered but in a less polite tone. After leaving the last room Lisa confronts a masseur who is currently off duty and having a cup of tea in a nearby office.

Lisa Blunt: Excuse me you haven’t seen Sabre have you.

Masseur: No I haven’t seen him since he’s been here, I would have liked to though, because he’s ever so sexy, but alas he hasn’t had a massage all week so I haven’t been able to see him.

Lisa Blunt: Ok thanks anyway.

Lisa leaves the masseur to her cup of tea and heads out of the office.

Lisa Blunt: He hasn’t had a massage all week either, what’s up with that. There must be something else wrong with him if he hasn’t been to the gym or had a massage all week. Perhaps he’s in the sauna instead. After all after his victory over PK, I heard he and Magenta organised the mother of all parties to celebrate his triumph, I also heard there were more big name celebrities at that party than they were at the Oscars.

Lisa looks a bit angry for a few moments.

Lisa Blunt: Why didn’t he invite me the bastard.

Lisa calms down again.

Lisa Blunt: Okay let’s stay professional, I have a job to do here so I have to stay objective. Anyway perhaps he’s in the sauna because he’s trying to lose any extra pounds he put on at that party.

Lisa goes off to the sauna, but again Sabre isn’t there. The only people she sees are Lee Latchford Evans who used to be in the band Steps, and Highlander actor Adrian Paul. The two men are currently having a chat about Newton’s third law of thermodynamics, and as much as Lisa would love to stay to hear them go on with their conversation she drags herself away to go and talk to a nearby attendant.

Lisa Blunt: Have you seen Sabre anywhere.

Attendant: No unfortunately I haven’t had that pleasure, but I’d love to see him because my son wants his autograph really badly, but he’s hasn’t been in the sauna all week so it looks like he’s going to miss out, that’s a shame for the lad because Sabre is his all time favourite wrestler, and who can blame him because Sabre shows every week on Blast that us British are not to be messed with.

Lisa Blunt: But don’t you think he’s a bit of a jerk and a bad example for your son.

Attendant: Absolutely not, if my son could grow up to be just like Sabre I’d be very proud of him.

Lisa Blunt: Okay, anyway thanks for the help.

Lisa leaves the attendant and walks off down a long corridor.

Lisa Blunt: I know I’m in England and all these people are Sabre’s fellow countrymen and Sabre is definitely very good looking and successful but surely all these people can’t love him, after all he looks down on everybody and acts like a stuck up bastard all the time. Oh well I guess sometimes there’s no accounting for taste. Anyway if he hasn’t been to the sauna where has he been surely he must be here somewhere?

Lisa keeps on looking and looking for Sabre, but alas she doesn’t seem to having much luck. She is just about to give up hope when she hears a familiar voice coming out of a nearby room that Lisa has yet to check.

The unmistakable voice of Sabre: More Champagne please Magenta.

Lisa’s eyes light up when she hears that voice, she quickly runs over to the room where the voice came from and opens the door, inside she can see a room which has been tastefully decorated to resemble a log cabin, in the middle of the room is a hot tub and in the hot tub is Sabre, standing next to the hot tub currently pouring out two glasses of champagne is Magenta, who is currently only wearing o wearing a tiny very revealing bikini. Magenta then finishes pouring the glasses, picks them up and gets in the hot tub, she then gives one glass to Sabre and keeps one to herself. Sabre and Magenta then proceed to drink some of the champagne before Sabre finally decides to address Lisa, although it is quite obvious from the look on his face that he wishes she wasn’t here.

Sabre: Oh my word it’s Lisa Blunt, undoubtedly she’s come all the way over here to England to ask me questions about how I kicked Pain Killer’s ass last Monday on Blast, well she can just go right back to America as far as I’m concerned because I way too busy to even answer one question for the likes of her.

Lisa Blunt: Busy my ass, I’ve heard from all the hotel workers that you’ve haven’t been to the gym or even had a massage since you got here.

Sabre: So, I’m still too busy to talk to you.

Lisa Blunt: Well you’ll just have to find the time, because I didn’t travel all the way over here for nothing. Anyway what gives with you not even bothering to work out this week, surely you’ve got to get yourself ready to face Dan Downtown this week.

Sabre: Lisa, I am getting ready for the match.

Lisa Blunt: I don’t see how.

Sabre: It’s simple Lisa, I’m getting ready for my match using my economy of effort formula. A formula that has already enabled me to win the Aggression title and cleanly beat the supposedly invincible Pain Killer with the minimum amount of effort. You see this week I’m facing Dan Downtown in a hardcore match, a man who I should even had to face because after beating the Ultimate Champion last week you think I’d at least be up against someone credible.

Lisa Blunt: But you’re match was booked before you beat PK, and you have to remember that the match was booked to punish Dan Downtown.

Sabre: Dave Martin should have known that a man of my immense ability would have beat PK and he should have booked me accordingly for this week, and he should also look at my contract, because if he did he’d see that my role wasn’t to punish people because they disobey the General Manager, after all I’m not some sort of mercenary, I’ve got way to much class for that. My role in OCW is to win titles and show everyone why I’m the greatest wrestler of all time, and that’s not something I’m going to do facing a low down piece of crap like Dan Downtown. If Dave Martin wants someone to do his dirty work he should use El Nutso, Rick White or someone else to do it, because this is the last time I get my hands dirty on someone who doesn’t even warrant five minutes of my time. Anyway back to my economy of effort formula, you see Lisa I’ve come to the conclusion that the best way of getting ready for Dan Downtown is just making sure I’m fully relaxed before getting in the ring with him. It’s obvious after watching him in the ring last Monday that he’s nothing more that a idiotic oaf, who hasn’t even got a quarter of my ability, so there’s just no need to get all stressed up about getting ready for him. Instead all I need to do is relax and make sure my body and mind is at one hundred percent, and after staying at this top of the range health farm and having spent so little energy over the last two weeks I can assure everyone that I am indeed at one hundred percent, and because of that all I can say to Mr Downtown is that he better worry, because when I get my hands on him on Monday he’s going down in record time, and naturally I’ll do that with the minimum possible effort.

Lisa Blunt: But it’s a hardcore match, surely you have to put in some sort of preparation for that kind of match?

Sabre: Lisa this match being a hardcore match is one of the reasons why I can take such a relaxing preparation for the match, because after all I am the King of Hardcore and two time Aggression Champion. Dan Downtown can’t match those credentials can he, so when I get him in the ring and start pounding him with sledgehammers and lead pipes and perhaps even the infamous slapshot he just won’t be able to stop me will he, and since he won’t be able to stop he within a few minutes there is absolutely no doubt that he’ll be toast. Now Lisa would you kindly go away I want to relax properly and you’re stopping me from doing that.

Lisa Blunt: You can’t fob me off that easily, I want a proper detailed interview from you, I think the long trip I had over here merits it.

Sabre: Lisa I can fob you off as much as I want, because I’m the superstar around here and you’re just the reporter so if I tell you to go, you better get out of here as soon as possible.

Lisa realises that she’s not going to get anything more out of Sabre so she decides to cut her losses.

Lisa Blunt: Okay I’m off but next time I want more detailed answers from you and I do intend to get them, anyway before I go though can’t I just have a quick go in the hot tub with you too, I just love hot tubs.

Sabre: Absolutely not Lisa, anyway you haven’t got a bathing costume with you.

Lisa Blunt: Hey that’s never stopped me before.

A disgusted look appears on Sabre and Magenta’s faces, the thought of Lisa getting in the hot tub with them naked is just too much to bear.

Magenta: Lisa get out of here, we would rather die than let you in here, and we’d rather die than carry on this pointless conversation with you, so get out before I throw you out.

Lisa quickly makes a hasty retreat and leaves the room, the scene then fades to black.