The scene once again opens deep in the heart of the Australian Outback, this time though Sabre and Magenta aren’t confined to the little shack they’ve been staying in all week, this time they are in a small hamlet which is near the shack, although it’s near in Australian terms so it’s an hour horse ride from the shack. The hamlet has definitely seen better days as every building looks like it’s falling apart. There are seven buildings in all, a small post office, a bank, a grocery store, three houses and this been Australia the last building is a pub. Sabre and Magenta both look at all the buildings with total disgust but despite this they still ride the horses they are presently sitting on up to the entrance of the pub.


Sabre: I can’t believe we are actually going to do this.


Magenta: Well you did say you wanted to find a civilised Australian, and this is the kind of place where most Australian people spend their free time when they’re not watching their rugby team get flattened by England. So if you do want to see if there is anyone civilised here this is the place to look.


Sabre: I suppose so Magenta, but I’m still not sure this is a good idea. I heard that all Australian pubs were absolutely covered in dirt and that they never got cleaned, and that’s not the kind of establishment I like to go into. I prefer sophisticated bars where people of equally high standing to myself frequent, but I suppose if I want to complete my epic quest I’ll have to take the plunge and go in.


Sabre and Magenta dismount there horses and tie them to a nearby rail. They then both enter the pub, as soon as they enter everyone turns around to face them. When they do so you can see that every single person (there are six in total) in the pub including the bar man is male, has probably had too much to drink and has a very weather beaten face. After a few moments of just staring at Sabre and Magenta one of the weather beaten drunk men shouts across the bar.


Weather Beaten Drunk Man: Strewth, we don’t get many Shelias in here, especially not a pretty little lady like you.


Magenta: And with your bad breath and B.O. that doesn’t surprise me one bit.

That comment along with Magenta’s English accent doesn’t seem to go down to well with the locals, a murmur of discontent spreads throughout them.


Weather Beaten Drunk Man: That’s all we needed two pommies coming into the boozer, that’s my pint ruined now.


Sabre: Oh shut up you old drunken bastard, we only came in here for a beer and have a little chat with a few of our antipodean friends, not to hear a pissed up gallow dodger talk a load of shite.


Most Australians don’t like the English at the best of times, but this man hates them with a passion, and that combined with his state of inebriation, Sabre using the term gallow dodger, a phrase which all Australians hate and the fact that England beat Australia in a rugby union match only a few weeks ago means that he is instantly riled enough to attack Sabre. But unfortunately for him Sabre towers over him by half a foot in height and is a least 100 pounds heavier and even more unfortunately for him Sabre is the Ultimate Fighting Machine while he is just your average Australian Bushman, and with all that going against him he unsurprisingly doesn’t last very long in fact, he lasts less than five seconds, because as soon as he runs towards Sabre with his fists clenched, he is downed by a huge overhand right from Sabre. The drunken man hits the deck hard banging his head on the floor as he goes down. When the man fails to get up after a few seconds it is obvious that he has been knocked out, when the rest of the drinkers of the pub realise this they just turn back to their pints and try to keep their heads down so Sabre doesn’t get angry with them, a few of them can also he heard muttering drunken old bastard. Sabre then steps over the man he has just Koed and he along with Magenta go over to the bar. Immediately the barman drops what’s he doing to serve them as he doesn’t want any more trouble.


Barman: What will it be Mate?


Sabre: Firstly I’m not your mate, and nor do I want to be and as for our drinks, we had both wanted a decent pint of beer, put this being Australia we’ll probably have to settle for something foul tasting like Fosters or Castlemaine Four X.


Barman: Well Fosters is all we’ve got so you’ll have to have one of them mate.


Sabre: I told you I’m not your mate


Barman: Sorry mate, force of habit, okay two pints of fosters it is. By the way would the Shelia want it in a Shelia Glass.


Sabre: Well I’ve seen Crocodile Dundee 1 and 2 but not the third one as it got terrible reviews so I know what a Shelia is and I also know that you will stop referring to my friend here by that derogatory name, she is a refined lady and will be treated as such.


Barman: No worries Mate, whoops force of habit again, okay I’ll rephrase my question would the lady like here beer in a Shelia Glass.


Sabre: That’s better, but before I answer your question what the hell is a Shelia Glass?


Barman: Well round here fellas drink there beer in men’s glasses like this one.


The barman shows Sabre a traditional style beer glass with a big handle of the side of it.


Barman: And Shelias, sorry I mean Ladies drink out of Shelia Glasses like this one here.


The Barman shows Sabre a slightly unusual shaped glass with a large stem.


Magenta: You’ve got to joking I’m not drinking out of that thing, I’m a better drinker than anyone in this bar and I’ll drink my beer out of a proper glass.


Barman: No Problem Mate.


The barman pours the beer and after Sabre pays for them he gives the beers to Sabre.

Barman: There you go mate, one for you and one for the Shelia.


Upon hearing the barman once again use the words he told him not to use, Sabre starts to become just a little bit irate.


Sabre: Listen here, I asked you politely not to use certain words when you were talking to me, but you just kept on using them didn’t you, and that showed me a total lack of respect, and if there’s one thing I don’t like it’s when people don’t show the respect I deserve. In fact not showing me the proper respect makes me mad, mad enough to do this.


Sabre immediately punches the barman, who like the other man early is Koed by one big punch. As soon as he drops to the floor, Sabre and Magenta pick up there pints, down them in one and leave the bar with a look of total disgust on their faces, as they go the other four men try to look as inconspicuous as possible, but luckily for them Sabre ignores them as he leaves. As soon as they have left, Sabre turns around to Magenta and begins to speak.


Sabre: Magenta it would seem there is definitely no civilisation around here. An educated intelligent man like myself can’t even go into a pub for five seconds without an ape like barbarian attacking me and as for intellectual debate, you can forget that, these people can’t even grasp basic manners, so they haven’t got a chance of having conversations about higher level topics like philosophy, politics and religion. . This place really is the worst place I have ever visited, and baring in mind that I have visited Canada in the past that is quite a hard thing to accomplish.


Magenta: Well as uncivilised as every single person in this country is, I can think of one person who makes all of them look positively cultured.


Sabre: And who would that be.


Magenta: Joey ‘The Devastator’ Jackson of course, that man hasn’t got one ounce of culture in his entire body.

Sabre: You’re not wrong there Magenta, the way Joey conducts himself every time I see him on a camera is just horrendous, the man quite literally has no class, even Lisa Blunt looks like a paragon of virtue compared to him. In fact Joey is so without class that I don’t see why a man of my elite status should have to have a match with him.


Magenta: To earn a shot at the Aggression Title at Die Another Day.


Sabre: My status alone should give me that shot not having to fight a low life like Joey Jackson, anyway I personally don’t see why Joey has the shot at the belt anyway, I should be facing some one with at least a bit of ability, not some peon who’s all mouth and no trousers, all Joey did to get the shot was take out Bishop Murder and anyone could have done that. I’d hazard a guess that even Richard Simmons could have bashed the bishop, so therefore he has no place going for the belt. It just makes me sick to know that I have to go against him becasue Joey is just so beneath me, he is nothing, in fact he’s less than zero and someone who is a two time OCW version 1 world champion and a two time WWWP world champion shouldn’t have to demean himself against a man who accomplished nothing in OCW version One other than the distinction of being the biggest jackass in the company, and therefore he does not belong in the ring with the Ultimate Fighting Machine.


Magenta: But the fact is he will be in the ring with you on Monday, and because of that you’ll have to make sure that he ends up a severely beaten man so that you can get the title shot that you deserve and so you can get revenge on him for what he did to me last week and what he’s said about me this week too.


Sabre: No worries Magenta, he’ll get what’s coming to him, he will be taken out this week and he will end up on the wrong end of a sabrecrusher, you have my word on that, and hopefully when I do that we will no longer have to put up with the continuous bleating from Joey about how he’s the best wrestler in this fed, and about how he can beat everyone here, because when I put a grade A beat down on him and his mystery partner this week and pick up the easy win maybe it will have entered his thick skull that he’s far from the best here. Maybe he might just realise that he is lower mid card at best while I’m a world class superstar, and if he learns that lesson he might just shut his mouth and spare us all his usual drivel.


Magenta: I think that’s too much to hope for.


Sabre: Probably, after all he still kept up his pretence of being a big time player after I beat him in OCW Version One, but we can always live in hope can’t we. The hope that after I sabreize Joey this week he realises his place and he realises that the OCW Aggression title is going to go around my waist and not his. Okay enough about Joey, let’s get out of this place, the unpleasantness of it is making me sick to my stomach.


Magenta: I’m only too happy to oblige.


Sabre and Magenta untie their horses, and get on them, they then set off back towards their shack and the scene fades to black.