[Scene 1: Nuriko and "Miroku" @ the Food Court]
(Nuriko and "Miroku" are seated at a bar-style counter on red bar stools with a half-eaten platter of sushi between them. Both are holding chopsticks.)
"Miroku": *sigh* So, anyway, I just can’t figure out why everyone’s so mad at me. (Smiles winningly.) Except you. I mean, I’m a nice person. I don’t go looking for trouble, but trouble always seems to find me.
Nuriko: (smiles back) Hey, don’t worry about it. Shikkari nasai. They’re just having trouble adjusting to your new lifestyle. It’ll pass. (Sips drink.)
"Miroku": And Sesshoumaru?
Nuriko: *pause* Well . . . . he’s what I usually refer to as a snot . . . and he’s extremely hetero, so he’s probably just uncomfortable with you making a pass at him. That’s all.
"Miroku": I couldn’t help it! I have a weakness for fluffy tails! [AN: Don’t we all?]
(The cook at the sushi bar gives them an odd look.)
Nuriko: Oi, pal, would ya mind keeping your nose to the kitchen and out of other people’s business? (Eats a piece of sushi.)
"Miroku": Come on, Nuriko. Don’t make a fuss.
Nuriko: All right, all right. (Swivels around; leans back with elbows on counter.) I never figured you to be such a shrinking violet, houshi. You gotta learn to stand up for yourself once in a while!
"Miroku": (again, the winning smile) And I suppose you could teach me.
Nuriko: *grin* Thought you’d never ask. OK, Lesson One . . . . (Pan out.)
[Scene 2: MJ, Neko, IY, Chichiri, and Fluffy]
(This group is wandering around the mall. Miroku was somehow separated from everyone else during the confusion of getting off the bus, so now this gang is looking for him.)
IY: *to MJ* So, there’s something I’m wondering.
MJ: *amused glance* Something else?
IY: Well, yeah. Your name is M-Chan, right? What does the "M" stand for?
MJ: *after thought* Well, according to Neko, Tani, and XJo-Chan, "M" stands for "Miaka" . . . .
IY: *finishes thought* But you’re not so sure.
MJ: My, aren’t we perceptive today? You see, two of my other nicknames also start with "M": "Mabataki" and "Mononoke".
IY: "Wink" and "Angry Spirit"?
MJ: (holds up a hand) Don’t ask. Besides them, my kanji starts with an "M" as well. I think I’m stuck in a rut. Too many "M’s".
IY: Hm. *beat* Oi, chotto matte. You have a kanji? (The others hear this last comment and stop.)
Neko: *puzzled* You what? Since when?
Chichiri: You have a kanji, no da?
MJ: Hai. (Lifts shirt slightly to reveal the kanji "mayou" about three inches above her navel.)
Neko: *reading* "Mayou."
Chichiri: *translating* "Wander." How appropriate, no da.
MJ: (puts her shirt down) Very funny.
Fluffy: *eye roll* Humans.
[Scene 3: WW, Rei, Soujirou, and Naraku]
(At a table elsewhere in the Food Court from Nuriko and "Miroku".)
Naraku: (not really saying much, just cackling evilly) Ku ku ku ku ku . . . .
WW: *to Rei* Bit of a loony, isn’t he?
Rei: (nodds) Mm-hmm.
WW: So, I don’t get the fuss Neko-san’s making over the lech-monk. D’you?
Rei: (shakes head) Uh-uh.
WW: I mean, sure, he was about as hetero as you can get, but still . . . y’know?
Rei: (nodds) Mm-hmm.
WW: *after a pause* You’re a woman of few words, aren’t you?
Rei: (nodds) Mm-hmm.
Soujirou: Does anybody else want lunch?
[Scene 4: HH, Chan, & Kibby @ Victoria’s Secret]
[AN: I know what some of you must be thinking. Don’t ask. All this started when Chan asked me where characters go when they’re not on the bus. I randomly decided that they go to the mall. From there, the idea of Chan, Kibby, and everybody’s favorite emperor, Hoto-hori in a Victoria’s Secret shop evolved in my demented little brain, despite much plate-spinning. So here it is. DANGER: RANDOM INSANITY AHEAD! More than usual, anyway. I am not responsible for any therapy bills the reader may incur later in life. You’ve been warned.]
Chan: *as they enter the store* Gee, Hoto-hori, I can’t imagine why you want me to shop here!
HH: (turning beet-red) Watashi no dekinai . . . . [Neither can I]
Director/Editor: (from above; God voice) That’s because in this world, I am God! I control everything, every aspect of your sorry little lives! Mwahahahahahaaaa! (Gets smacked by other Director/Editor.) Thanks, I needed that. Gomen, you two. Carry on.
Chan: Okaaay . . . (Kibby squirms out of her arms and scampers away.) Kibby! Come back here! You’re not old enough to be in this store unsupervised! (Pauses.) Heck, I don’t think I’M old enough to be in this store unsupervised! Kibby! (Chases after runaway koala.)
HH: (looking around) Miroku would love this place . . . . (Follows Chan.)
Kibby: (as Chan catches up to him) Chan, lookie, lookie! (Holds up a lacy red bra.) What’s this?
Chan: O.o; Uh . . . (Turns slightly red.) . . . you’re not supposed to play with that . . . .
Kibby: What’s it for?
Chan: Not for you. (Snatches bra; tosses it onto a nearby display table.) Come on, let’s go. (Scoops up Kibby; dumps him on HH.) Do NOT let him out of your sight.
HH: *to himself* Since when did he become MY responsibility?
Kibby: (grabs a thong off a rack) Oo, look, Chan! Can we play Cat’s Cradle again? Can we? Can we please?
Chan: O.O Oh my . . . Drop it! (HH drops Kibby.) Not you! Kibby, drop it! (Kibby drops the thong. Chan picks him up and tucks him under her arm.) We are outta here! Why did we even come here in the first place? (They leave the store.)
Director/Editor: *giggles* I love messing with their li’l heads!
[Scene 5: K-Chan, Tasuki, Shippou, and Genki]
(K-Chan and Genki have Shippou by the hands . . . paws . . . whatever, and are swinging him along like a toddler between his parents. Tasuki trails along behind, looking decidedly jealous. The group passes a Pokémon display.)
Genki: *mesmerized* Oo! Pokémon! (Lets go of the kitsune and stands staring at display. Tasuki quickly moves to take Shippou’s other hand . . . paw . . . whatever.)
K-Chan: Well, we’ve lost Genki. *beat* Moving on! (They walk away, leaving Genki staring blankly at the display.)
[Scene 6: Tani, Trin, Jesse, Amiboushi, XJC & Lai-Lai]
(Jesse is being her usual crazy self. She has decided that she wants to eat Lai-Lai . . . literally.)
Lai-Lai: (running for her life, keeping just ahead of Jesse) Eeeeeeeeek!
Jesse: Hold still, you tasty little aqua-haired morsel!
Lai-Lai: Kyaaaaaah! Help me!
Amiboushi: Uh, how many Chemical Pops has SHE had?
Tani: None, frighteningly enough.
XJC: *sings* "Chemical Pops, Chemical Pops . . . . "
[Scene 7: MJ, Neko, IY, Chichiri, & Fluffy]
(Group has stopped to rest. They haven’t found Miroku yet and are starting to get a bit worried. Well, some of them, anyway.)
Neko: We have to keep looking! He’s bound to be in here somewhere!
IY: What makes you so sure?
Neko: Uh . . . .
Fluffy: *ominously* She just knows . . . .
Neko: Yeah, what he said! (Begins to pace, one hand behind her back, one hand on her chin, Sherlock Holmes style.) OK, so . . . if you were a lecherous monk suddenly turned gay, where would you be?
Fluffy: In a psych ward . . . .
MJ: Ha ha frickin’ ha.
Fluffy: Either that or on a chair with a rope around my neck . . . .
Neko: (stops pacing; lip quivers.)
MJ: (annoyed glance to Fluffy) You know, you’re not helping matters, fuzzball.
Fluffy: *twitchety twitchety vein pop glare* What did you just call me?
MJ: (glares back, speak slowly and deliberately) Fuzz. Ball.
Fluffy: Make no mistake. I will not hesitate to kill you.
MJ: (stands) Well, bring it on then, Potchi! ["Spot"]
Fluffy: Yada! [That does it!] (Tackles MJ; cat-and-dog fight noises ensue.)
Neko: Knock it off, you two! We have to find Miroku!
Fluffy: (has MJ in a headlock) Who cares? One less lech-monk turned gay sounds just fine to . . . (MJ sinks her teeth into his arm.) OW!! Damnit, she bit me!
MJ: *spits* P-tuh. Yech, wet dog!
Neko: (more lip quivers; tears form)
Chichiri: Now you’ve gone and done it, no da.
Neko: (sniffs; more tears) I still wanna find . . .
Miroku: (running up) Phew, I finally found you guys!
Neko: (hugs him; she’s hysterical) MIROKU!!!!!
Miroku: (looks a little stunned; pats Neko’s head)
IY: *aside to Chichiri* How’s that for an enthusiastic greeting?
Chichiri: *vein pop* She never hugs me like that, no da . . . .
MJ: *singsong* Somebody’s jealous . . . .
Miroku: What’s with Neko?
Chichiri: Oi, here we go again, no da.
Neko: (backing away) That reminds me . . . (Tackles Miroku.) DON’T YOU EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! (Scary random anger lightening.)
IY: O.O; Boy, when they call her "Neko Yasha," they’re not kiddin’!
MJ: O.o; Uh, yeah . . . .
Chichiri: Is that safe, no da?
MJ: Only for Neko. (Enter K-Chan and Tasuki with Shippou in tow.)
K-Chan: Hey guys! Any luck . . . . whoa! (Sees Neko and Miroku . . . on the floor . . . makes a few intuitive leaps . . . ) Are we . . . interrupting something?
Neko: Iya! (Scrambles to her feet.)
Miroku: Chikushou.
Neko: Oh come on! Us? Here? Now?
Tasuki: In public?
IY: With witnesses, no less.
Miroku: Hey, I can dream . . . (Group pratfall.)
Fluffy: He’s a lech, what can you do? (Enter Nuriko.)
Nuriko: Hey everybody, how’s it going? (Notices Miroku.) What? How did . . . But I thought . . . . (Enter "Miroku".)
K-Chan: Whoa . . . . (FY OAV end theme begins to play.)
IY: How is that possible?
Neko: There’s two of them! (Camera zooms out on the two monks staring at each other.)
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