“You…what?” She whispered her voice barely audible. Her hands shook, like they always would when she was nervous or cold. On a normal day, he would have wrapped his fingers around her small hands and held them until they were warm.

It wasn’t a normal day.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered back.

Tears clouded her brown eyes and she leaned against the railing. “How could you, Benji?”

He shook his head; he didn’t know why he had done it. He didn’t know why he had hurt Kelly so badly; he didn’t even know he was capable of making someone he loved so much feel so much pain and sorrow.

A tear rolled down her cheek and off her chin. He stepped forward to wipe it off her skin, like he had done for the past two years they had been together.

She stepped back and put her hands on his chest. “No.” Her voice quaked.

“Kelly, I’m sorry.” He felt her strong force on his chest, keeping him at bay. He couldn’t blame her for hating him. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Two years, Benji, doesn’t that mean anything to you? Two years.”

He stepped back and looked at the sky, waiting for his tears to dissolve in his eyes before he spoke. “These two years have been the best years of my life, Kelly. They mean everything to me.”

“Who was it?”

“Kelly…”

“No. Tell me, Benji. Tell me who was it.”

It's about time that I came clean with you
I'm no longer fine, I'm no longer running smooth
I though that I found myself under something new
Just one more line I repeat over and over again
'Till I'm blue in the face with a choking regret
Because I talk in circles 'round you on my bed
Can't say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night

“How could you?” She screamed. Kelly didn’t care if she woke up the neighbors. The normally mild tempered girl finally didn’t care if everyone heard her.

“Kelly, I’m sorry.”

She blinked at him; his eyes were still stocked with fresh tears that threatened to cascade down his face at a moment’s notice. “Bullshit, Benji. This is such bullshit.”

“Kelly…I love you.”

“Of course you love me. I mean, every girl should be so lucky to have her boyfriend go behind her back and sleep with her best friend. I truly am grateful.” Her voice dripped with cynicism.

“She meant nothing!”

“Then why did you do it? Did you just want to hurt me or see me cry? Was that it?”

“I’d never hurt you intentionally.” His tears slowly rolled down his cheeks, leaving salty rivers on his skin. “I had a few drinks.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. “Well, let all your sins be forgiven. Benji, you promised me you’d not only ever cheat on me, but you’d never touch a drop of alcohol ever again.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking. I just missed you. Mina was there, and things just happened.”

“Things don’t just happen, Benji. People make them happen. There was no gun being held to your head. This wasn’t a life or death situation, Benji.”

“I know, Kelly. I did a horrible thing. I don’t know why I did it, but it was a one time thing, a huge mistake, that I’ll never do again.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you.”

“Were you thinking of me when you decided it’d be a good idea to go fuck my best friend?”

“I just missed you.”

“Where did you guys do it?”

It's about time that you got sick of me
No longer fun, and so far from interesting
I thought that I found me a cure for feeling old
Just one more line to keep me sleeping loudly and cold
In disgraced with a shameful regret
As I talk in tongues to myself in my bed
Can't say I blame you one bit when you kept it all inside
When you left that night

“Christ, Benji! What do you want me do say, that I forgive you?”

“You can never forgive me.”

“How could I ever? You get drunk, fuck my best friend in our bed, and then want me to just crawl into your arms so we can live happily ever after,” She choked on her words and felt such strong emotion pour into her veins, and tears pour out of her eyes. She wished she could just walk into his arms, and have him rub her back as he held her and told her that everything was going to be okay. She wanted him to make it all better, because she couldn’t even imagine living without him. She loved him, even when she didn’t want to, she had to love him.

“Kelly,” He wiped away some tears away from his face and walked up to her. She slid down against the railing on the balcony to sit and bawl on the cold stone floor. He bent down next to her and rubbed her shoulders. “We can work this out, Kelly. It was a huge mistake that I’ll never make again. It can all go back to the way it was before.”

She shook her head and spoke through her sobs. “I wish it could, Benji. It can’t. It’s just too broken to be fixed.” Kelly pulled herself off the stone floor and walked inside the bedroom, avoiding the contaminated bed that she had slept in for the past three weeks since she got back from Chicago.

Kelly grabbed a few things and shoved them in a suit case. “I’ll be out by the end of the week, don’t worry.” She said with tearful eyes. She and Benji had been living together in that house for a year; she couldn’t see herself anywhere else.

She turned around a looked at Benji who was standing at the doorway to the balcony. “I love you, Kelly,” He said as she walked out the door. He listened to her footsteps as she plodded down the hall out heard the door open and close. “I love you Kelly,” He whispered the empty room.

And all that followed fell like mercury to hell
Somehow we lost our heads for the last time
and all that followed fell like mercury to hell
Somehow we lost our heads for the last time

She got in her car and drove. She didn’t know where she wanted to go, but she just wanted to get away. However, Kelly knew Benji would always be there, be inside her. She was six weeks pregnant with his child.

And I don't dream since I quit sleeping
And I haven't slept since I met you
And you can't breathe without coughing at daytime
And neither can I
So what do you say?
Your coffin or mine?

(“Blue In The Face” by Alkaline Trio”)