By: E*A

She left me because I wasn't around, and that's what she said. It's the truth, but what was I supposed to do for her, drop everything and just leave the band to be with her? I can't bail on my friends, my band, for a girl. A girl.

"We need to talk."

A girl won't last like friends will. No. A girl won't last like friends can and will. I should have no regrets. None.

I have no regrets when I'm up on stage, playing with the guys. No regrets. It's in the night when I'm sleeping alone on the unsteady hard bunk bed with no one to wrap my arms around.

God, Mina, why'd you have to make it so difficult? Why'd you have to leave me, when I needed you the most? Why, Mina? Why? Just please, tell me, because I'm dying to know. All I wanted was to give you everything. Anything and everything, and now you're gone.

"It's about us."

Billy tells me that I should have no regrets, everything happens for a reason, right? A reason? My mom is upset that she's gone, she thought Mina and I were going to get married, have kids. I thought that, too. I mean, we talked about it a thousand times. Mom keeps telling me that it's all in God's Plan. What was so wrong with the plan Mina and I had decided on? The twins tell me that there are plenty of other girls out there for me, that Mina wasn't the only one.

I think she was the only one.

I want her to be the only one. That way my weepy, sulky, boring actions are justified. Hell, either way, they're justified.

"I love you, you know that, but I just can't do this anymore."

It's not like I'm this horrible boyfriend. It's not like that. I was the perfect gentleman. I never cheated on her, never pushed her to do things. What else was I supposed to do?

Quit the band? I can't quit the band, but it seems like the only way I'd get her back would be do throw down my bass right here and now and confess my undying love for Mina Taylor.

Mina Taylor, I love you now, then, and forever.

"Paul, I just can't have a boyfriend who isn't here. I can't date a guy who isn't around for me to date! It's not fair."

I could have given her the world. She could have given me happiness. We could have been that couple everyone wants to be; the happy couple with a few kids, a nice house, the good life. We could have been together.

I told Billy the first night I saw her that she was something. Something worth my time. Something worth something. She hung out with us for two weeks before I even made a move. It was another two weeks until we kissed.

And it was electric.

"I'm only twenty-two. I shouldn't be tied down with someone who is miles away."

I'd call her up late at night and ask her if I woke her up. She'd moan softly and tell me I didn't, she was just going to call me. I never knew if she really was going to call me or if I did wake her up, but it never mattered.

I knew she was too good to be tied down with me. I always felt like I should break up with her, just to spare the both of us the eventual pain that I knew would come sooner or later. It happened to all the guys, distance only makes the pain grow stronger.

I don't know what I was thinking, though, because for some reason with Mina, I thought I could escape that eventual pain.

"You don't need to be tied down either. You've got so many options. You're young, you're in a band, you can have any girl you want just open you're eyes.."

I mean, there's no girl like Mina. She was one in a million. Maybe she was that one in a million that wasn't meant for me, but she was something. She really was.

And now I'm stuck here, between the road and love. Thanks, Mina, you just had to be one in a million.

I need a girlfriend who will support me. Who will want me to be with her, but will understand why I can't. Is that nothing but a dream? Is it?

"I'm sorry, Paul. This just won't work anymore. I can't do this anymore."

What's good about breaking up? What's good about it? Getting back together, but obviously that's not going to happen.

I hear she's dating someone else now. Someone who can be by her side when she needs him. She deserves that.

I guess the only time I'll be seeing her from here on out is through a glass, framed in wood, sitting in perfect stillness forever. Picture perfect.

And I can still see her walking out that door of the restaurant, just leaving me there to watch it swing closed behind her. She gave me a weak smile as she passed by the window that I couldn't read from the distance, but I knew it was an "I'm sorry, good-bye" smile. The worst kind of smile.

The guys can pat me on the back and tell me that it will get better with time, but I know it will just hurt until I can find someone who might be able to make me feel the way that makes me just want to leap out of my skin and crawl into hers. Someone who I wouldn't mind just throwing away my career for.

Will I ever find that someone? Will I?

Who knows? I mean, I'm in a new city every night, I'll probably meet a million girls. There'll be one. Once I open my eyes, I guess I'll find that girl who is one in a million.

When?

Hopefully soon, because this pain is horrible.