By: E*A

I used to sit around and play my guitar because it was fun. And when it wasn't fun, I'd put it down and do something else for awhile. When I'd get a bad blister from having too much fun playing the guitar, I'd play until it bled, then I'd stop.

I have a big blister on my right index finger and it wasn't from having too much fun playing the guitar. It's from playing the guitar and not having any fun. No fun. None at all.

Now the only fun I have playing my guitar is the first few dates of the tour, because that's when everything is new. About the second week or sometimes third, things start to get old. I get tired of playing "Lifestyles of the Rich and the Famous"; I get tired of playing the same things over and over again. I get tired of hearing Joel spit out the same bullshit about how he loves whatever town we're in that night.

Truth be told, I hate more than half the towns we're in. Hick towns filled with kids who can relate to our music.

Can they really relate? Can they? Have they been on the road for practically a year straight? No. Have they had to forfeit the chance to have a steady girl friend, friend, family, and life? No. Have they broken the hearts of 34 girls? No. Have they slept with 34 girls in one summer? No. They can't relate. They can't.

"This is good stuff, Billy. Good stuff. You'll feel it for weeks."

I honestly don't sit around on the bus when we're motoring from city to city and mope about how I don't have a steady girlfriend to love me, or whatever. Any guy will tell you that I am living a dream. I have the chance to sleep with any girl that I want with the simple pick up line of, "I'm Billy Martin, and I play guitar in Good Charlotte."

I only have to say that one line, and I'm practically guaranteed to get some action later that night before we speed off to the next town.

I've slept with 34 girls in one summer. Do I regret it? I do sometimes. I don't sit in bed and smack myself in the forehead because I had the once in a lifetime chance to sleep with 34 girls. No. I don't do that. Everything happens for a reason.

My philosophy is: no regrets.

I do what I do for a reason and everything will pay off in the end. I don't care if I'm not married by the age of 25. I don't care about that. I should be able to do what I want, when I want.

I should be able to do this because I have started to loathe the guitar. I am starting to dread going out on stage night after night and playing the same song. I am starting to get sick of my dream job.

Since my dream job is slowly turning into a chore, I should be able to sleep with girls and not be judged.

"You'll forget all about the road. Just one line and it'll be a blur."

Can I get every girl? No. And there are plenty of cities where I'll just decide to get back on the bus and go to sleep. I mean, the summer of 34 was one time of the Warped Tour. We hit well over 34 cities.

Touring is hard. Touring is really hard. I mean, how could it not be? We have to be away from our families and friends for months, we have to cramp into a bus almost every night, it's hard to take showers, it's hard to eat right, it's just downright hard.

This is the part where I'm supposed to take it all back and say, "But I love what I do, and I'm very thankful." But honestly, I don't know if I love what I do!

I gave up everything so I could do my dream job, now... now...I don't know now. I'm thinking I should've stayed with my artwork, gone to an art school, done something productive with it. I'm thinking my great idea to skip college and just go into music wasn't a good decision. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life. I've made too many, actually.

"Billy...Billy...talk to me, man, Billy..."

I do regret those decisions. I regret every last one of them. I know it goes against my philosophy of life or whatever, but how can you not regret over dosing on heroin when you're 18?

I don't do heroin anymore. I smoke pot with the guys every other night or so. I'll do a line of coke whenever my best friend, Steve, is around. Benji and Steve hate each other, so I only chill with Steve in whatever hotel room I'm staying in.

Benji hates Steve because he thinks Steve's a bad influence on me. Benji's probably right, but I don't care. Steve knows what I need when I'm on the road and feeling really down.

"Man, you were out there for awhile. You should hold back a little more. Lay off the Jack Daniels when you do this shit."

Steve's been my friend since we were in middle school, long before I even knew the guys. We've always been like brothers. I won't ditch him just because I've got something going. We're brothers until the end.

"Maybe you should hold back a little on the girls, too. I'd hate it if you got VD or something."

Who needs a steady girlfriend when you've got a best friend like him? Or best friends like the rest of the guys? They're the only good thing about this whole fame and fortune stunt.

"You know my number next time you need something."

Who needs coke when you've got the chance to sleep with thousands of adoring girls?

I'm Billy Martin, I play guitar for Good Charlotte, I sleep with tons of girls, I snort tons of coke, and I regret every last minute of it, but I'll never let anyone know.