They should really do something about the way girls talk and walk and move and seduce me.

I did it again.

I fucked up again.

I cheated on Ally once more.

Same girl, different bed, different city, same mistake.

"Chris, I've been thinking about you."

Her name is Natalie and she's a little shorter than me. She has blonde hair and brown eyes that force me to say 'yes' to her when she wants me to have sex with her. She is very beautiful and seemingly perfect.

She's not perfect.

She's not Ally.

Ally is perfect.

Natalie is not Ally. Natalie will never be Ally.

"Last time was amazing, wasn't it? We need to get together sometime, Chris."

Natalie has a Foo Fighters tattoo on her ankle. She loves the Foo Fighters.

Ally hates the Foo Fighters as much as I hate Creed, and that's hard for me. I love the Foo Fighters. I worship Dave Grohl.

She showed me her tattoo when we first met. It was a conversation starter. The conversation led to flirting. Flirting led to kissing. Kissing led to touching. Touching led to sex. Sex led to betrayal.

Was the sex good? The sex was great. I've never had better than Natalie, I have to say that. Ally is great, but Natalie is better.

Natalie is like a drug that I can't get enough of. I don't need her, but I want her. I want her so bad.

Ally is like oxygen, I need Ally! I need her and I love her and I never want to hurt her, but I am and I will.

"After the show I'm not busy. I know you like to party, but maybe we could do something else instead of crash some party."

Ally called the other morning, right after Natalie left. It was like she knew that another girl had been curled up in my arms all night. Ally asked why I didn't answer my cell phone last night.

I started the snowball of a lie.

My phone was dead, I told her. I am the worst liar in the world, but she and her willingness to trust, believed me. I told her that I loved her, which I do, and I said good-bye.

I laid back in the bed and panicked about what I would tell her next time. Would I tell her that I was too tired to talk or left my phone in the bus? I tried to think of lies that would cover up my addiction.

"She doesn't have to find out, Chris. I'm fine with being the other woman. I just want to be with you."

Natalie has these really nice, dark pink lips. They are really nice. I've never been one to completely go insane for a certain part of a girl's body, but Natalie has nice lips. Great lips.

She's a good kisser. She never gives too much tongue and her lips are never slathered in too much lip gloss. It's nice to kiss her. I'm not saying that it isn't nice to kiss Ally; I'm just saying that it's hard to find a girl who can kiss really well, like Natalie.

What am I saying?

I cannot do this. Natalie is not important.

Ally is the only girl, only thing, in the world that matters to me. I'd rather have Ally than lips.

"Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with the wrong woman?"

Natalie is really funny. She has this joke that she likes to tell. The joke makes no sense and it's not very funny even, but the way she tells it and laughs afterwards, that's funny. She has this laugh and it's completely embarrassing, but I think it's so sexy that she's not afraid to laugh out loud in public like that.

Ally has a pretty silent laugh; she hates her laugh and doesn't ever laugh out loud.

She's really seductive, and she knows it. I found her the other day, the last time we had sex, leaning against an amp talking to Billy about his pedals. Billy never talks to complete strangers like he did with Natalie; he's just not like that. And when she saw me she pulled her back off the amp and said good-bye to Billy and came and talked to me. At least I know that she's not a groupie or if she is she's a bald-headed-black-clad-retarded-cheating-bastard-drummer groupie.

She said hello to me and looked up at me, and she knew that I wanted her. She knew that I was lonely and wanted more of her. And she completely took advantage of me.

I'm not mad; I think that was the only time I loved being taken for advantage. Natalie can always take advantage of me, I don't care.

"I'd always wonder 'what if...' if I were you. Seize the moment...me."

Natalie's right a lot of the time, too.

I don't think I'd want to sit at home one night while I was married to Ally and wonder if maybe there was another girl better for me.

I don't want that.

I know I don't want that.

And she tells me that I'm a smart boy who can make up his own mind about love and all that good stuff, and I want to tell her to make my mind up for me.

It's hard, because I can't tell what's going to become of Natalie. I'd love to know if she'd stick around through thick and think or if she'd leave as soon as the money ran dry. I'd like to think that she'd leave when the money was gone, because that way I can be with the girl next door, Ally.

I know she'll always be in the back of my mind. I can see her showing up at my door step fifteen years from now to kiss me on the cheek and smile and walk away, knowing that I'd probably follow her.

"I know what you need, Chris. I think you need me."