"Mother fucker..." Tony whispered to no one. He parted his fingers and let the cigarette that had just woken him and burned him fall into an empty beer bottle. The TV was muted, but the lights flickered pictures on his skin. There was no sound in the house, he was alone. It was another night, another lonely night in Chicago.

Every night was the same, nothing ever changed. It had been that way for six months. It never got any easier and the hangovers never got any better. He sat up on the couch lit another cigarette. He felt like he had been drunk for six months straight. Nothing was getting better and the pain he felt inside was just floating on top of gallons of Heinekens and Jack Daniels.

Tony's world was a mess. He looked around the empty house and wondered how everything got so fucked up. There were a few old pizza boxes laying on the floor, covered in clothes or beer cans. Remnants of a party a few days ago were scattered about the old house.

He shook his head. He knew his life wouldn't be so utterly disgusting if Benji was still there to look after him and to tell him how fucked up he was. Benji was the only thing that kept him from partying every single night, from fucking any random person, from getting trashed, and from nearly overdosing on some haphazard drug he got from a friend of a friend of a person he probably fucked.

Benji was the only thing that kept him balanced when he tried to walk the straight and narrow.

He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and turned around to see Lars, his good friend, standing over him.

"What the fuck happened to me, Lars?" Tony said, the words were barely audible.

Lars shook his head and walked around to the other side of the couch to sit next to the distraught and slightly hung over boy. "You lost your soul mate." He stated plainly and the words hung in the air over Tony's head.

Tony nodded and rubbed his forehead. "Oh, God..." he said, finally realizing how much he needed Benji to be with him, to be by his side.

"Are you going to be alright tonight? I have to leave in the morning and I should be getting back to the hotel." Lars asked. He didn't want to leave his friend, but there were things that had to be dealt with in his own life. Tony nodded slowly. "Call me, Tony, if you need anything. I'll be in town until noon tomorrow." Tony didn't say anything and Lars let himself out of the old house.

Tony looked around the house, not completely believing he was alone. He let his hand fall from his bare chest to the couch, remembering sitting with Benji late at night flipping through channels.

"Cool, X-Files, I love that show." Benji said and took the remote out of Tony's hands.

"Dude! I hate this show. It gives me the creeps."

"Is big bad Tony scared? Don't worry, I'll protect you." Benji let his arm fall around his boyfriend's shoulders. He pulled Tony close to his side and kissed his forehead.

"This is nice, but seriously, Benj, I don't want to watch it." Tony wrapped his arms around Benji's chest and laid his head on his shoulder.

Benji tipped Tony's head up to look at him. "Fine." He pressed his lips gently to Tony's and a small noise was made between their metal lip rings making contact. "Mulder and Scully would be ashamed of you!" He said as their lips parted. Tony laughed and laid his head back down on his boyfriend's shoulder as the show started. "Dude! This is a good one! Can't we watch it?"

"Benji, this show seriously freaks me out. I won't be able to sleep!"

He shook his head. "I should kill you. I love this episode." Benji flipped the channel to an infomercial. "And if that freaks you out, be careful of the alien behind you."

"Dude, don't even joke."

Benji laughed, feeling Tony's arms tighten around his body. "Seriously, Tone, that alien looks hungry."

He looked up at Benji and laughed a little, he couldn't help it. Benji was just weird like that sometimes, and Tony didn't care; he loved him regardless. "Make it go away! I'm too pretty to die!"

He laughed at the memory and for a brief moment felt Benji's arms around him once again. It saddened him a bit to realize it was nothing more than his imagination and that he was alone again.

Tony got up and walked over to his computer, turning it on. He was sick of feeling lonely and decided to see what the kids on Mest's message board were saying.

He opened a post. "I'd do anything to see them in concert with GC. The show sold out the day tickets went on sale. God, I'd pay a million dollars to see them." Tony laughed a little and scrolled through the replies. "A million dollars? Pay them in man love, money is hollow. You know, Tony and Benji do swing that way."

He laughed loudly and the empty house absorbed the sounds. The Benji-Tony relationship was always something Tony never got tired of reading about on message boards. It was only a rumor to the fans, but their close friends knew that the Benji-Tony relationship went deeper than a silly message board rumor.

A pain in his stomach sent ripples of loneliness through out his body. Tony felt horrible and he knew it wasn't just because of the hangover. The phone sat on the coffee table, in front of the bright and silent TV. He shut the window on the computer and walked back over to his spot to stare at the phone.

'I miss him,' he thought. He grabbed the phone and held it in his hands, wishing he could call Benji and talk to him until the morning sun showed its face. He wanted to hold him and be held by him. He wanted to tell him about how horrible life was without him. He just wanted him. Just him and nothing else.

He heard the lock in the door start to be turned. He figured it was probably Jeremiah or someone coming over to make sure Tony hadn't passed out due to alcohol poisoning.

"I'm fine. I'm not dead." Tony called out when the door opened. He was flat on his back, starring at the phone.

The door shut and the person walked over to stand above him. He couldn't see who it was because he was lying in a weird position on the couch. His back was hurting again and that position was one of the only things that made the pain bearable. He wanted Benji to rub his back, that always helped.

"Back hurt?"

Tony sat up quickly at the sound of the voice, the pain from his back and hangover shooting like a shot gun through his body. He didn't care, though, it didn't matter. "Benji?" He asked, not believing his eyes.

Benji walked around to sit next to Tony on the couch. "Does your back hurt?"

Tony nodded, he was at a loss for words. Benji turned the man slightly so that his back was more accessible. His hands worked slowly at his lover's back. "Benji…"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you here?" Tony turned around and moved closer to Benji.

He sighed slowly. "I missed you."

"But what about..."

"I don't care." He paused and wrapped his arms around Tony's shoulders, pulling him close. "I don't care what you did or who you were with or anything. I probably should and I probably shouldn't be here right now, but I missed you."

Tony's arms wrapped around Benji's back and he placed his forehead on his boyfriend's shoulder. "Benji, I'm sorry..." His words were muffled by Benji's flesh and clothing.

"I don't care, Tony. I really don't. I just want things back the way they were. I don't care about anything that you did, I just, I..." His voice cracked slightly and he paused to regain his composure. "I just need you in my life and I, I love you, Tony. Whatever you do, I just can't stop loving you."

Tony smiled into Benji's neck and kissed the skin softly. His loneliness drifted away and he felt his life slowly start to rebuild itself as he sat in his lover's arms.