I wish they would have taught me more about cheating on your fiancée in health class. Now that's a topic that can really wear away at a girl's mind after awhile. I wish they would have given me one of those long definitions on what cheating really is, because I swear to you, I honestly don't know if by following the list that Baelee had created was considered 'cheating'.

Okay, so that was what was wearing me down the most; the wondering of, "Am I doing something wrong?" I do believe that if I even have to ask, more than 50% of the time, I must be doing something wrong.

So with that thought clouding my head, I locked the door to my studio and developed another role of film. I thought about Billy. I seemed to always think of Billy if I wasn't thinking about how horrible it was going to be to tell Eric that I couldn’t go through with the wedding.

Billy and Eric had been in D.C. for awhile, it was only Tuesday night and they wouldn't be getting back until late Friday if not Saturday afternoon. Eric was always in need of more time and had no problem in pushing back deadlines, or in his case, rescheduling flights. He needed more shots, more angles, and more emotion. He called me every night, but he usually got the answering machine on my cell phone. Why? No, I wasn't avoiding him; I was just talking to Billy.

I put my legs under the table and leaned back on the stool in the dark room so that my back was in mid-air. I covered my face with my hands and tried to sort it all out. I heard my cell phone ring, nearly fell off my stool, and reached to see who it was.

Billy.

"Hey," I answered, hoping he’d tell me that he’d be coming back sooner, but Eric had to stay away from the time being. A girl can dream, but a girl can also get her heart broken.

"Hey," He breathed into the phone. I wondered if he had his makeup on, or if he was still tired from the small show they played the night before.

I also wondered if maybe, just maybe, he had a fling, or met someone last night. No. He could have, I mean, it wasn’t like we were dating or anything. We hadn’t even kissed. "What have you been up to?" I was generally curious. I truly wanted to know what he had been up to.

"Not much." He paused. His breathing slowed. "What about you?"

"I’m just developing some film."

"Oh. Did I interrupt?"

"Interrupt, no. No. I’m just, well, trying to relieve some stress."

"Are you stressed out about the wedding?"

I looked around the darkroom, searched for the answer. "Well, kind of."

"What do you mean, ‘kind of’?"

I mean, my best friend made a list of all the qualities the perfect guy should have, and Eric doesn’t fit it. You fit it. I’m not going to marry Eric, but I want you to take the next flight out of town and come here, sweep me off my feet, and we can live happily ever after. How does that sound, Billy?

"I just mean, well, Billy, I don’t know what I mean."

"Are you okay?"

"I think."

"Want to talk?"

"No, I’m fine, I think."

"You’ve got me worried about you now."

I got off my stool and leaned against the wall. I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to tell him all about the list and all about how I just couldn’t marry Eric. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t tell him everything.

Since I knew he cared enough to worry about me made me want to hop on the next flight to D.C. to be with him. I missed him.

"Don’t be worried. It’s probably mostly work, I mean, what’s a lunch break when you’re not there?" I half joked.

"So what’ve you been doing for lunch?"

"I eat with Gaylord on the days he doesn’t go tanning."

"He goes tanning?"

"Sometimes. He’s obsessed with his image."

"That’s crazy."

"Billy?"

"Jace?"

"Why’d you call?"

"All the guys are out partying. I’m bored."

"Why didn’t you go with them?"

"I went over my party limit last night."

"Did you get drunk?"

"Not too bad. We went to a show after our show."

"How’d that go?"

"I was in the pit and moshed a little too hard."

Item #2 :Knows how to Rock, and rocks hard.

"Did Eric go out with the guys?"

"Yeah."

"So you are truly alone."

"Very."

"Billy?"

"Jace?"

I held my breath. I just wanted to stay on the line with him all night, but I knew I should probably get off.

"I should probably get back to work, now."

I heard him sigh. "Okay."

"Billy?"

"Jace?"

I loved hearing him say my name, and I missed seeing his eyes when he said it.

"I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

Item #5: Misses you when you’re not around. And you miss him when he’s not around.

And I ended the conversation knowing that I was just getting deeper and deeper into something that was never going to let me get out. And it didn’t feel too bad, because Billy was going in with me.