He was late. He was supposed to be home, but he wasn’t. I was worried. I know I didn’t want to marry Eric, but I still felt something for him; something that allowed me to worry about him when he was late.

And I was worried.

I heard a knock at the door, it was Eric, it had to be.

It wasn’t. It was better than Eric.

It was Billy.

I swung the door open and looked into his big hazel eyes that were rimmed with black. He looked so innocent, even with his gothic style he looked so innocent. I couldn’t help but grin and throw my arms around him the minute I saw him.

"I’m so glad you’re back," I whispered in his ear.

He wrapped his skinny arms around me. "I am, too." I let him go and let him inside. "Eric had to stay in D.C. a little longer. He said he should be back tomorrow morning." I nodded. "He’s really working hard."

"I know. It’s frustrating."

"It must be, with the wedding and all."

"If you only knew."

He walked over to me and touched my arm gently. "Are you okay? You look stressed." I nodded. "What’s going on?"

I’m in love with you, Billy. I’m not going to go through with this wedding because I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I have to hurt Eric if I want to love you. So yes, I am stressed, and no. I’m not okay, but don’t move your hand from my arm, because that’s what’s making my world a little more bearable.

"This wedding just isn’t looking like it’s going to happen in the two and a half months we’ve got left.”

"I’m sure it’ll all turn out. It’ll be fine."

"I know." I watched him give me a half smile. "How was D.C.?"

He shook his head. "Not as good as I thought it was going to be. I wanted to see my mom and my sister, but I ended up having to work all the time. It really wasn’t fun, Jace."

"It doesn’t sound like it."

"All we did was sit around and get make-up put on us, or get clothes picked out for us, or have to stand around in black clothes in the heat. It was horrible."

I touched the bridge of his nose. "You look a little sun burnt."

"Yeah." I felt his hand rest on my waist. "It was a little too sunny for me."

I swallowed hard. "Yeah."

He moved his other hand to my jaw line and looked me in the eyes. I nodded slowly, a silent ‘okay’. I felt the metal of his lip ring and the warmth of his breath, then finally his lips on mine.

It felt great, and I felt euphoric. It was perfect.

Item #25: Knows how to kiss and kisses well.

Then as he pulled away I slowly felt the guilt of cheating on my fiancée. But it was alright, it was okay, it was worth it, right? It was. Yes. Yes it was. Right? Right. Right?

He looked at me looking back at him, I was speechless. I wanted more, but I didn’t want to deepen my guilt. I didn’t know which way to go.

My head screamed for me to push him away, never see him again, and apologize to Eric, but my heart said differently. My heart told me to kiss him again, because I was already waist deep in this huge problem...how could it get any worse?

So, I followed my heart and kissed him with the pent up passion that I had been holding for him since the day I met him. Since the day I first heard his voice. And he kissed me back, and it was all I had imagined. It was all I had wished for. It was all the list claimed to be true. It was all I needed, because I needed someone to be waist deep with me, and Billy seemed to be okay with it.

And we were both okay with it two hours later when we laid in bed, after me confessing I was planning on calling the wedding off anyway, after him confessing that he had been in love with me since he saw me, and after we made love.

We just laid in bed that afternoon together. He held me, and I’d brush the few strands of black hair that would fall in his eyes after we’d kiss.

"I’m worried how Eric will react."

He nodded softly. "He should know soon, before wedding plans get too deep."

"I don’t know how to tell him."

"I’m sure he’ll understand. I can go with you when you tell him, if you want."

"No. I should tell him." I sighed. "I’ve been trying to figure out that out since we started to have lunch together on a regular basis."

"If he really loves you, he won’t get too mad."

"I’d get mad. I’d be pissed if I were him."

Billy nodded softly. "I guess if I were losing you, I’d be a little pissed, too."

I closed my eyes and laid my forehead on his bare chest. I felt his lips touch the top of my head. "Don’t worry too much, Jace. It’ll get better." He whispered.

I could have died right there in his arms, with his lips pressed against my scalp. I wish I would have, because life would have been so much easier. I knew what I had to do. I knew what had to be done. I knew Eric was going to have to be told about the wedding being called off. I knew I was going to have to tell my parents why there wasn’t going to be a wedding. I knew I was going to have to be mean and truthful.

There was no way out now. I was diving head first into something that I couldn’t get out of. I was scared, I was anxious, I was worried, I was in love, but I was also engaged. And I felt sick to my stomach from both the feeling of guilt and the feeling of a new love.