For The Good Of The Outfit
Trapper: Major, Major Houlihan.
Margaret: Major Houlihan. Major Burns.
Frank: Major. Major.
Hawkeye: Major Pierce. Well, I think we've made a 'major' breakthrough.
Kim
Margaret: I am a woman!
Hawkeye: Is that true, Frank?
Margaret: Are you happy, Frank?
Frank: Happy? I'm with you, ten thousand miles from home, in war-torn Korea. I'm the happiest man in the world.
Margaret: So am I.
Frank: You're really so beautiful the way the sun lights up the hair in your ears.
Margaret: Oh Frank, do you know how exciting you are?
Frank: It takes one to know one.
Dear Dad...Three
Margaret: Frank, be honest. You really think of me as a bag of desirable bones.
Frank: Of course, Margaret!
Margaret: I have a mind, Frank - a mind and a brain!
Frank: Of course you do! Let me kiss your brain!
Carry On, Hawkeye
Hawkeye [receiving a needle]: You do me.
Margaret: Roll up your sleeve.
Hawkeye: Uh-uh.
Margaret: What do you mean 'uh-uh'?
Hawkeye: I want mine in my tushie.
Margaret: What?
Hawkeye: Derriere! The back of my front! The fleshy part! I can't take pain, I can only give it!
Margaret: All right, lower your trousers.
Hawkeye: I thought you'd never ask.
Margaret: Only as far as you have to! Oh you're just loving this, aren't you?
Hawkeye: Aren't you?
Margaret: Let me get at your hip.
Hawkeye: Any time, darling.
Radar: [walking in] Sir...excuse me, I'm sorry!
Hawkeye: [after receiving needle] Margaret, that was fantastic! I hope you realize this means we're engaged.
Hawkeye: You know that shot you gave me for the flu?
Margaret: Yes.
Hawkeye: Well it worked, I got it.
Margaret: Are you sure?
Hawkeye: Am I sure, of course I'm sure. I want to go to a latrine that has all night service, my liver is swimming every time I look at anything, now tell me, do I have the flu or am I just in love?
[Margaret takes out the thermometer]
Margaret: I want to see if you have a fever.
Hawkeye: Oh trust me. I've got fever to burn.
Hawkeye: Radar, you'll be assisting Margaret Houlihan: nurse, friend and all around good egg.
Margaret [noticing Radar staring at her]: He's very sick.
Hotlips and Empty Arms
Margaret: I have nothing, Frank! Nothing!
Frank: Am I nothing, Margaret?
Margaret: You're government issue, Frank. You came with my messkit and my khaki girdle.
Frank: What? So much for Frank Burns!
Margaret: And after you're home, I'll only be a smile on your face your wife won't understand.
Margaret: Where is Col. Bubble-Head?
Frank: He gave orders not to be distured,
Margaret: He already is disturbed.
Margaret: I am not looking for a truce with these two shower-tent peekers.
Trapper: You peak into one tent and you're labeled for life.
Henry: That scotch you just poured is rye.
Margaret: [drunk] That's okay, the champagne I just had was gin.
Margaret: Oh, my goodness, it's an emergency. It's a good thing I'm a nurse.
Margaret: Corporal, I wonder if I can see Col. Blake.
Radar: I wonder if you can too.
Margaret: Where are the casualties, sir?
Henry: Now just hold your horses. They're not even here yet!
Margaret: Well then let's go get 'em, sir. I'll drive.
Henry: Major, dear, you're drunk.
Margaret: Oh I'm not so think as you drunk I am.
Margaret: They're mocking my Majority.
Hawkeye: Well, what do you know? We're Major mockers.
Margaret [receiving a needle]: Ow! What was that?
Hawkeye: Load of B1. To get you on your feet again.
Margaret: And I didn't get you anything.
Margaret: Did either of you ever kiss Frank?
Trapper: Not me. How about you?
Hawkeye: I was hoping maybe this New Year's Eve.
Margaret: I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but Frank Burns is a lipless wonder.
For Want Of A Boot
Margaret: Henry is a sham commander, a farcical administrator and spineless, irresponsible, lecherous old beanbag.
Hawkeye: Margaret we aren't going to get anywhere if you keep holding back.
Trapper: Besides, Klinger's not a pervert!
Margaret: How do you know?
Trapper: Because I'm one, and he's never at the meetings.
Margaret: They love you, Frank.
Frank: It was their hatred that fooled me.
As You Were
Margaret: Frank, they are beneath contempt. They are not fit to shine your clusters.
Frank: And you're asking me to put myself into their hands?
Margaret: Yes, it's true they are incorrigible. They're also two of the very best surgeons I've ever seen.
Crisis
Margaret: It's galling to hear officers ridicule command.
Hawkeye: I'm not an officer; two guys from the draft board caught me with a big butterfly net.
A Smattering of Intelligence
Frank: You're crazy, buddy!
Col. Flagg: You call me that again, I'll reach into your throat and pull your heart out.
Margaret: Please, Frank, I've seen him with his shirt off!