From Toshiya With Love

by Arashi

~Prologue~

*It finally happened…and I've dreaded it so much…

Why didn't I act? Why didn't I do something about it before the
things reached their obvious outcome?

Because. He made me shy. He was so much older than me. I couldn't
just go up to him swinging my hips, acting overconfident. He would
have turned me down. Pushy people never were his style. I didn't know
what to do, so I stayed idle. I just…watched things happen. It was
unusual for me. Unusual for me not to tell even my best friend that
this wonderful man had enthraptured me so deeply that, beside music,
he was the only thing I cared about.

He and my best friend…of course they got along. We're part of the
same band, so it couldn't be any other way. But…did they have to get
so close?

Did I have to arrive to the studio early that day? Catching them…
catching them…
God I can't even write that. And…my friend…he buttoned his shirt up
hastily… looking surprised, somewhat guilty. My love…he'd flushed to
the root of his hair… unable to move…still completely dressed…

I'd turned away, feeling as if a long sharp needle had pricked my
heart, piercing it from one end to the other. Gone to the restroom to
wash the tears away and put on a happy mask. Then come back as if
nothing had happened…playing my instrument until the other two
arrived.

How can my life go on now? I'm doomed…

From the soullest ghost of Toshiya…*


~to be continued~

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