THE REALIZATION

Tremors occurred in my heart

            when the first bullet from my Kalashnikov executed the Bodo maverick

                        in the dense forest of Meghalaya

Assimilating the melancholic feelings

            Of  guilt galvanized by arduous self-criticism

                        I appeased my mind with deeply rooted patriotism

Nauseating sensitivity captured my mind

            When my obdurate colleague embrace martyr hood

                        To assuage the mayhem of a dying fellow soldier

Gory battle between our force

            And the notorious Naxalite extremist in the Deccan

Harbor harrowing feelings required to hew them out

Ousting the humane responses & using my knife

I had to slit the throat of a teenage terrorist

To outstrip & overthrow their camouflaged base in Kashmir

Confounding apologetic feelings

            Forced me to beg forgiveness from the bereaved family

                        Whose member was mistakenly shot dead by me in Gujarat riots

Hideous contradictions engulf my mind

And entices it to know the difference between terrorism & freedom struggle

            Whether we are just an instrument of political leaders

                        Or professional killers being reared by the government

Relinquishing such disturbing thoughts my mind reverts back

Liquidating the enemy of my motherland becomes my sole target

Implacable hatred towards them strengthen my grip on my rifle

Enforcing my forefinger

            To press the trigger

                        Destroying any form of anti-national resistance.