The Siren's Song
..............................................................
The drop of rain was rolling down
slowly on the window and Haruka followed it quickly with her finger on the other side of
the glass boundary. One moment it became faster and she had almost lost it when she caught
it back again as it united with another one, loosing its nameless individuality. Blond
strands of hair fell into her face and she brushed them away quickly with an uncontrolled
movement. After a while she gave up and buried her face in the palms of her hands.
But suddenly she starred hypnotized out of the window trying to identify one of the
persons moving on the wet streets, several meters under her warm flat. The same elegant
movements, the same bare feet in open sandals - and hadn't that been a deep aqua colored
curl, which had just escaped the rain jacket's hood? Wasn't that..? Haruka's eyes burned
as she tried to concentrate even harder on the tiny spot down on the street. She rubbed
her hurting eyes hectically but then she hit her fist hard against the wall next to her.
That hadn't been her - that could have never been her.
"Shit" she mumbled silently and walked into the bathroom.
She turned the tap and steaming hot water
poured out of the shower. Slowly she unbuttoned her shirt, throwing it carelessly on the
wet floor. Soon her trousers followed and Haruka stepped under the boiling downpour, not
testing it, the way *she* had always done it as well. She loved water. Burning hot or icy
cold. She smelled of water - water and soap. She tasted of it. Haruka's skin turned red
and the hot water was hurting like a thousand needles, but she didn't care - the pain in
her heart was worse. Torturing her - how long already? She had lost her sense for time and
place... In the past she would have screamed out loudly would have ridden her bike like
the devil personified. Would have gone outside to run her brain out - but now she was
sitting inside her flat for weeks already, decaying like one of *HER* flowers, which she
hadn't watered since her departure. She hadn't felt the wind for all that time - hadn't
breathed the fresh vitalizing air; she was the prisoner of her own weak heart - a living
dead person. Her trainer had phoned for the last time yesterday - she didn't answer the
phone any longer. "Damn, Haruka! Haven't seen you at the track for weeks! The
sponsors kick my ass while you're feelin' sorry for yourself!" he had shouted on the
receiver. "Yeah, of course" she thought, the sponsors wanted to see their
"advertisement product" after all - "The fresh guy with the cleanest teeth
of Tokyo" Haruka was shaking her head in disbelieve and grabbed the dirty shirt on
the ground to pull it over while drops of water were dripping out of her wet hair.
"Your fine guy is a lesbian girl of the virgin age of 16. She does all the things
people don't like to speak about and as a matter of fact she is only dressing up as a boy
to make girls believe she is one! Yeah, she is kinda transvestite of the opposite sex -
she will seduce your daughters!"
"Abomination"
"Monster"
"Pervert"
"Abortion" - her mother was the one, who had said that...
"But now she's sitting here crying after her old lost love - how terribly feminine! You're supposed to be that tough macho-guy, Haruka!" She laughed out scornfully eyeing her image in the moisture coated mirror.
"Serves you right" she added and left the room.
It was the first time after these three
weeks that she entered their bedroom. The bed was undone and clothes were spread all over
the floor. A lipstick lay under the vanity and the scent of sweet perfume hung in the air.
Everything seemed as if someone had left in a rush and would return in some hours - the
first part was true the second one wasn't...
Haruka slowly closed the door behind her and tiptoed through the room as if she didn't
want to wake up the sleeping spirit of the scene. She picked up a blue blouse and clutched
it frantically as she lifted it up to her face. *Her* odor was in it - the scent of a
summer day at the sea side - flowers and fresh cool salty water. Warm and familiar. Haruka
sat down leaning against the bed, her face buried in the cloth and felt deeply asleep
raising her last wish towards heaven: never to wake up again.
...
"Haruka, Haruka!" Someone was calling with a sweet well known voice.
Haruka was running, quicker and faster than ever before she was running to survive. She felt brooklets of sweat running down her back, her lungs were nearly bursting every time she gasped for breath, but she couldn't stop. Her legs seemed to be out of pure stone - so heavy... Each step was a torture, more than anyone could take.
"Haruka!" The voice was calling again and again...
Now the silhouette of a woman appeared in the horizon. With a long white dress and soft curled hair - like an angel.
"Haruka!"
She was almost there her hands could almost touch that angel but she was being thrown back again by the wind.
"Mi-" she cried but the wind took her last words away.
A man appeared behind the girl and slung his arms around her. Strands of black hair touched the angel's cheek and now she turned around and they united in an ardent embrace. He kissed her, kissing the lips Haruka had missed so long. Touching her skin - running his hands over her body. Loving her. Touching her. Hurting her!
...
"No, Michiru!" Haruka screamed
and opened her eyes in terror. There was no one around, no one to tell her that it had
only been a nightmare, no one to release her, no one but the cold silence of the room - no
one but the knowledge that it hadn't been a dream, but a memory...
Her heart was pounding painfully against her chest and a lethal headache robbed the least
clear thought. "Why, oh why Michiru?" she stammered leaning her head against the
cold metal bars of the bed. Why had she done that to her, why had the only person she had
ever loved turned out to be someone only playing with her heart? - why had Michiru
betrayed her? Only a single word from her would be enough, just a glimpse, or just sitting
with her together in one room, only to know that she was breathing the same air. Haruka
missed her, as words could not express, she had been a part of her. She closed her eyes
tiredly but the image of Mamoru smiling wickedly down on her while holding her lost love
in his arms was simply too much.
"Bastard!" Haruka wanted to yell but the tone suffocated in her throat.
She just couldn't fight the memory filling her mind. She just couldn't escape this damn evening returning to her.
It had been exactly like in her dream, she had returned earlier from the garage and had wanted to surprize Michiru. But as she returned she found them both in rather "clear action". Mamoru had left quickly without any further word as Haruka threw him out of the flat. Michiru had cried and bagged. But Haruka had been too furious and even hadn't wanted to forgive. "I never want to see you again" she had said and had left Michiru alone. She had slept outside near the tracks and had run through the night to wash away her anger rather than her pain.
The next day, early in the morning, when
she returned she found the flat abandoned and cold. Michiru had left.
From that second on the misery had started, the nights full of longing and tears. The days
full of pain and waiting. Several times Haruka had asked herself why, but she never could
find a reason for what had happened. Perhaps Michiru had just longed for a man's love,
something she could not give. But why then Mamoru?!
"I deserve it, it's my own
fault" Haruka mumbled and left the room. She didn't pack, she didn't arrange anything
for what should follow. She simply closed the door behind herself. Shutting her old life
away to begin with a new one.
"Life will return to me"
...
The landscape flew past her as she drove through the empty land. Thunder howling over her and the rain splashed against the plate-glass as she headed forward. Suddenly the engine stopped.
"No more gas!" Haruka examined angrily and parked at the side of the street. She went outside and stared into the dark sky. Nothing. No other cars, no village nothing. She begun to walk through the rainy night; not knowing were to go just following an invisible guide. She walked through high grass and small bushes, her path only now and again enlightened by the storm's flashes. Her clothes were sticking to her skin and the storm's song was deafening her. After some time she realized that she was walking on soft sand and she took off her shoes to run towards the furious sea, which bubbled like boiling water. It was dark and black like the skies, but she felt no fright and no chill as the waves were playing around her bare feet. She had known that element oh so well - hadn't she? Now it should take her with it - to accomplish its diabolic doing.
Waves of salty water were pounding down
on her. Salty and dark as blood. But she loved its destructive passion and her heart was
longing for it as never before. "Michiru take me with you" she whispered.
But suddenly something changed in the wind's howling, it seemed as if it was calling her
name.
"Haruka!"
"Haruka!"
No, that was just an illusion, just a freak of her mad mind. There was no one around just her and the ocean.
"Haruka!"
"Please..."
She turned around as a lightening entwined the dark skies, flashing its light on a silhouette, standing on the sand. Dressed in long white linen - like an angel.
"Haruka forgive me"
"There's no love!" Haruka hollered tears running down her cheeks.
"Love will return to you" The wind sung with a soft voice coming from the sea, like a choir of sirens.
"Michiru" like a prayer, she begun to run.
The person opened her arms to welcome her. Her aqua curls rippled in the wind.
"Love will return to us"
...