My beautiful loving daughter Samantha left me on Jan. 27th, 2003.  Here is a story of part of her life.     I've been a single mom since Sami was 6 months old.  It's always been the 3 of us. Sami was a mommy's girl all her life, while Jessika was more independent, more a motherly role to Sami when she was younger.  Jessika liked playing the mom, always trying to be in charge.  They actually got along very good when they were little. Sami was very shy, she had Hemageomo on her lip and everywhere we went, people would ask, oh did you fall down, you have a big lip, or something to that affect.  So the older she got the more shy she got.  She had laser surgery on it to turn the color to normal color, then 2 surgeries, one when she was 3 and one when she was 5.  I felt so bad for her, so of course I spoiled her with Love.     Both my girls loved the water, there Grandma Carole had a swimming pool in there housing development with a swimteam, so the girls were on the swimteam since age 6. Sami was so good, everyyear she got faster and faster.  She loved to compete and it brought her out of her shell somewhat.  She loved the breaststroke and took 1st place almost every race she swam.  When she was 10 she broke the record that was set in 1978 for the breast stroke.  Her name is on the wall where she swam.  Rolling Hills swimteam.  She was so proud, and what made it more special, she did it on my birthday.      She was so full of energy and had so much talent.  She tried softball, played for PaPa Murphy's.  At first she was shy of the ball, but by the end of the season she was wanting to catch the ball and be way more aggressive.  I loved watching her play.  She played soccer and basketball.  She was always on the go.  Even at home, she was always dancing, making up dance moves to songs.  She had such a memory, she could sing every song on the radio.  She would do that with movies also, say the words before they did on the movie.  She was very, very smart.  Made the honor roll at school every year. I was so proud of her always.      When she turned 11, she finally got her a best friend that lived here.  Everytime she would get a best friend, they would move.  She kept in touch with all of them.  Her best friend from 1st grade (Kristen) moved to Indianapolis, they kept in touch by email, letters, and every summer they got together.  She loved Kristen so, so much.  Kristen came here every summer to stay with her mom, and her and Sami were inseprable.  It was always good summers.  Kristen would go to swimmeets, everything together, they went to the spice girls concert.  I took Sami to every Britney Spears concert here that she played.  We saw all 3.  She loved Britney Spears!  We spent 3 days in Moses Lake for the concert at the Gorge.  That was soooooooo much fun.  Every time we went to Moses Lake, we had to go bowling, and the water park, and last year they had a carnival. What luck that was.  Last yeaar I bought Sami, Kristen, and Megan a seasons pass for wild waves, they had a great summer.     In the 6th grade, Sami met Megan.  She loved Megan, they spent as much time together as they could, I thought it was wonderful that Sami finally had a best friend here. Megans dad was there soccer coach and basketball coach.  Everytime we would go to the movies, they would get there picture taken in the little box that took real small pictures.  They were always doing silly and fun stuff.     Sami's grandpa on her dad's side had a heart attack last Oct. 2002.  They weren't sure if he was going to survive or not, so I told the girls we needed to go see him.  Well Jessika wanted to go, but Sami didn't.  She said she didn't want to miss so much school.  She had just started 7th grade in a new school district, her and Megan both did.  Sami was making so many new friends, she didn't want to leave them.  I told her we would be gone over Thanksgiving, so she wouldn't miss that much.  She just didn't want to go.  I bought Jess and I a plane ticket, told Sami it wasn't too late, I could still get her a ticket, she said, well mom, you are going to be gone over Thanksgiving, I will probably really miss you then, so I'll go.  Well, I got her a ticket, I was so glad.  I sure didn't want to go without her, but I wasn't sure she should see Jack the way he was either, so I wasn't pushing the issue  (too much). When it came time to leave, we all got on the plane, me being closterphobic started to get so panicky, I had to get off.  I could not fly, I told the girls, get back on the plane, I would hop in my truck and drive.  Sami said no way mom, I'm driving with you and Jess said no way, I'm flying.  I told Sami if she were to stay on the plane, she would be there in 3 hours, and her grandma would pick her up.  She says, I'm coming with you mom, it will be our road trip.  It took us 2 nights in a hotel to get there.  We had so much fun.  If I would complain, she would say, well mom, if you wouldn't of got off the plane, we would of been there by now, then she'd give me her cute little smile.  When we got to Arizona, she was so good with Jack.  He was not in good shape, she would write stuff on the board, and try and help him to remember things.  She said," Mom, I'm really glad I came."  I knew she would be.  We had such a nice time, she got to see my dad, and my sister, who both live in Arizona also.  Then we got to drive home.  She wanted to see if we could find these big dinasores we saw on the way out there, we found them, had to stop and take a picture.  Little things like that made her so happy.       For x-mas, she took all our pictures from our road trip, put them in this frame that folds out and gave it to me.  When I unwrapped it, she was beaming, she said "look mom, it's our road trip"  sure enough, all the pictures were of our road trip.  The dinasore, a mountain, her at a reststop, etc.  The most precious gift I could ever of got.  My mom came out for x-mas.  I'm so glad she did, she lives in Minn.  so we don't see her that much, she almost couldn't come this year, we are so lucky she got to come.  We had the best x-mas ever.    Sami was so giving and kind hearted.  She never did anything bad.  Never got in trouble. She would surprise me all the time and clean the house, for when I came home from work, she would be so proud.  We played the game of life alot, rummy, and fuseball.  We could do anything together and have fun at it.  She still slept with me at night, we would go to bed and talk for ever.  She liked to have a hold of me when she slept, she felt safer that way.  I told her she was safe anyway, but it made her feel better.  One day we were talking, she told me she hoped she died before me, I said, Sam, why do you say that, she said, cause I don't want to be here if your not here mom.  I just gave her a hug and said not to worry, we would grow old together.  She would tell me she loved me everytime she was leaving, or I was leaving, on the phone or whenever, she always said, I Love You,  We told each other everything, I feel like I lost my beautiful daughter and my best friend.  We were so inseprable, Jessika would go visit her dad, he'd ask, where's Sami, and she'd say, oh her and mom went to the mall, or where-ever, we were just always together.  My life will never be complete without Sam in it.  I miss her more than I  ever thought possible.  My mind is sick everyday not knowing how I am going to keep holding up and moving on with my life.  I am trying so hard for Jessika.  I know now how short life actually can be and I would like to make Jessika's life as good as possible.  It's so much easier to say than do, it doesn't feel right to have fun when Samantha is not here.   I know she would want Jessika and I to have a good life.  I tell myself that, and then I ask myself, why can't I do what I know Sami would of wanted.  I think my heart is too broken, and do broken hearts ever heal?      I hope you have enjoyed my story, Sami really is an Angel, her short 12 years of her life made mine the happiest 12 years of my life.  I know I will be with her again someday, I am trying to be strong until that day comes.

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