ESSAY: CHRISTMAS-HOW A SALE CLERK VIEWS IT

CHRISTMAS: HOW A SALE CLERK VIEWS IT

With Santa Claus returning in several months to crash into your chimney, shopping will become your own personal Neverending Story. Standing in lines waiting for that single moment when you can ask all your questions and hopefully get your answers - will finally arrive! As one who use to be on the other side of the counter, I’ve had the chance to witness Christmas in all its grandeur. So, I’m here to advise fellow shoppers with tips that will help ease this crazy holiday when shopping at any entertainment store. Naturally you can use these tips with any store you may enter this Christmas season.

Tip One: Don’t use Jingle Bells has your personal ring for your cell. The moment you step up and lay your stuff on the counter the drama begins. It is here that it happens, what you ask? The prefect ending to the “shopping day from hell”. Cell phones, everyone has one these days. It’s bad enough when one rings you witness several people searching to see if it theirs. Throw Christmas season in that and the horror begins. It starts out as a simple form of communication, the sound of Jingle Bells coming from someone’s personal effects. Gifts are quickly being handed off to the closest person, panic and yelling sets in and my personal favorite holiday attitude, the swearing at the phone because some had the audacity to want to speak with them. As one then two and eventually seven other people in line all frantically search for their phones; it is at this moment I realize that maybe everyone has a little too much Christmas spirit.
Personally, I would set it to Sirens ring, so when it goes off all the shoplifters hit the ground. Hey, you’ve been told since you were young to play with others. Plus, a little fun never hurt anyone. Besides, distracting you, the customer from possible irritation is my goal. As a customer understanding the humor in this will ease your holiday anxiety. Lesson learned - stay away from Jingles Bells.

Tip Two: Don’t be afraid of knowing what you are looking for. Being prepared isn’t a bad idea. It works better than saying “I’m looking for a CD for my kid. It’s the one with the song on it sung by a woman whose voice is cool and has the lyrics ‘pull me closer‘, the one where she wearing a pink shirt in the video, you know the one? “ Ok, this doesn’t work. This just creates confusion. I now have to ask you more about the video, which is never a good idea. Without fail it turns into you dancing part of the video. Why? I am not completely sure. Maybe moving around helps you get you’re brain working. This is the Christmas devil at it’s best, now others and I have to watch you dance around singing the only three lyrics you know over and over again, saying every once in a while, “you know what I’m talking about - right?” Are you serious? You don’t even know what you’re talking about - yet I’m going to suddenly have this inspirational moment of truth and figure it out. Nope! Sorry! Avoid being traded off like a football, the employees have mastered this and we will use it. (Employee: handing them off too hard not only gets you caught but now a fellow co-worker. If you get one more person involved in this you’ve created a concert. One that your parents would be excited about) Lesson learned - talk to your kid and get at least a first name!

Tip Three: Understand movie terms. Buying movies should be as fun as experiencing them. Knowing the difference between Fullscreen and Widescreen would be helpful. Fullscreen means it fills the screen of your television, not that it’s the fully developed version. Widescreen means the ratio of screen width to screen height. They normally display widescreen programs with black or gray bars across the top and bottom of the screen, to preserve the full picture width. My personal favorite response to widescreen is “No I don’t need it magnified; I don’t have bad vision.” Which makes me think - your vision is the least of your problems. If you view a lot of DVD's you probably will be happier with a widescreen display. Re-mastered has nothing to do with changing how it starts or ends. You’re not missing any of the original version. It just means that the film was digitally improved for better quality of picture and sound. Lesson learned - Your not missing anything!

Tip Four: Returns & exchanges - know the stores policies on this, PLEASE! Ever store varies when it comes to this. First and most important keep your receipt. All stores have gift-receipt, which shows proof of purchase for the item without relieving how much was spent. Always give gift-receipts, bad things do happen. Exchanges - this usually means returning an open item for the exact same item. This simple rule amazes me how it gets ripped to shreds. With that definition in mind a new CD by the same person finds it’s way to the checkout line. I find myself wondering whether I should ask “does it hurt?” Returns - this implies giving something unopened back for something different. I can’t begin to tell you how many times the meaning of “open” and “unopened” instantly gets new definitions right before my very eyes. Getting upset when you try to exchange or return a gift can be avoided. Lesson learned - Find out each stores policy and hold on to receipts.

Tip Five: You will be asked to give money to charity. The final gift purchase has arrived, after hours of planning and wise decision-making you begin to see the light of “awe”. You’ve spent hours of running from one store to another to get that one hard to find item for a relative you haven’t seen in years, but skipping them would surely land you in hell, when it happens. Before you can even glance at the price, you are asked (very carefully) to buy one more item. “Can I interest you in a Christmas CD that contains 30 songs for fewer than five dollars?“ (Usually said so fast you couldn’t stop it from happen, even if you tried.) Without taking a breath they continue ”a dollar of it goes to charity”
It is here that several kinds of looks could occur on your face. First there is the “Are you kidding me?”, which is usually followed by “No; I have too much damn Christmas music as it is!” Then of course the look that makes even the employee wish they were standing behind a thick slab of glass. It’s the “how-dare-you-ask-me-to-give-one-more-penny-to-anyone? I-just-want-to-buy-this-gift-and-get-the-hell-out-of-here” look. It is here usually they begin to pray to the entertainment fairy that nothing goes wrong with your transaction. Of course we're never this lucky, your credit card gets declined and now you’re really mad, which surprises the clerk because they were under the illusion that “being red as apple” was just a saying.
My favorite look was the one of interest. “I’m a little interested - now entertain me - for a little while.” look. At this point I would banter with them about helping the children. I’d even go as far as saying “Ok, don’t make me pull out the little kid and place him on the counter”. If they laugh your in. If they are offended - don’t make any sudden movements. Lastly the look they all want, it just radiate from you as if the words were heaven sent. The thought of you helping children just lights you up. Truthfully, these are the best. Elated that you are helping the children, you leave with a huge smile, only to run over a small child as you rush with joy out the door. Lesson learned - remain calm.

This Christmas season remember to eat before shopping, because trust me there has to been something better to chew on then the teenage employee you run into. Take a nap, don’t walk up to counter and mistake the area for the moment you shutdown and go “brain dead“. Bring a list, it’s ok, being aware of what you want doesn’t look bad, dancing around in circles singing the same three words over and over again, does. Shopping ‘til you drop is fine - just make sure it’s not your brain. As much as you want the experience of shopping to go well, remember so do they. Besides, wouldn’t it suck if you flipped out at their store, only to run into them later at yours!

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