Bullying
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Intro |
Introduce self as leader of young adults group and affirm their input in service Myself as a teacher - the source of this talk? |
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Opening story |
When I was a boy... Shortest kid in high school, long hair, poor clothes The head flushing incident - my first and only? attempt at bullying me Why didn’t it go further? |
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Application |
Ask kids to tell their parents what a bully is. We all know what bullying means - young and old We have all experienced it to some degree or will experience it kids get bullied at school family members get bullied at home - husband in Chicken Run adults get bullied in the workplace we can carry the scars into adulthood - apprehension about physical appearance we may experience the issue as parents of children Sometimes we get over this, but sometimes it sticks in the back of our head like we wished it never happened, or maybe you’re still getting bullied and you would like it to stop but not sure what to do about it or whether anyone thinks its worth doing something about it - its worth it! |
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Columbine Massacre
The threat “I will kill everything” Eric Harris Dylan Klebold
Hitler’s B’day
The ketchup
The Suicide note |
Let me read to you something that was allegedly written by two boys who were pushed to the limit (It is recorded in the book “The Wounded Spirit” by Frank Peretti, p. 70-73, - “This present Darkness” and “The Oath”) “...for those of you who happen to know me and know that I respect you, may peace be with you and don't be in my line of fire. For the rest of you, you all better hide in your houses because I'm coming for everyone soon, and I WILL be armed to the teeth and I WILL shoot to kill and I WILL KILL EVERYTHING! ...Dead people can't do many things, like argue, whine, ...complain, narc, rat out, criticize, or even talk. So that's the only way to solve arguments with all you out there, I just kill. (God), I can't wait till I can kill you people. I'll just go to some downtown area in some big city and blow up and shoot everything I can. Feel no remorse, no sense of shame. I will rig up explosives all ,over a town and detonate each one of them at will after I mow down a whole area full of you snotty, rich, high-strung, godlike-attitude-having worthless pieces of -. I don't care if I live or die in the shoot-out. All I want to do is kill and injure as many of you as I can...” Finally, on April 20, 1999, Hitler's 110th birthday, he can carry out his most gruesome fantasy. And what better place than the school, where everyone, from the parents and teachers on down, has all the power, and he doesn't? What better place than in the high-school cafeteria, where students once surrounded Eric and Dylan and squirted ketchup packets all over them, laughing at them and calling them faggots while teachers watched and did nothing?2 On this day, at Collumbine High School, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold walked into rooms threw in home made bombs and shot anything left moving - in the terrifying ordeal 1 teacher and 12 students were killed and many more were injured. And he can leave behind an e-mailed suicide note to the police (allegedly written by Eric Harris): “...Your children, who have ridiculed me, who have chosen not to accept me, who have treated me like I am not worth their time, are dead. THEY ARE DEAD. Surely you will try to blame it on the clothes I wear, the music I listen to, or the way I choose to present myself-but no. Do not hide behind my choices. You need to face the fact that this comes as a result of YOUR CHOICES. Parents and Teachers, YOU [fouled] up. You have taught these kids to be gears and sheep. To think and act like those who came before them, to not accept what is different. YOU ARE IN THE WRONG. I may have taken their lives and my own-but it was your doing. Teachers, Parents, LET THIS MASSACRE BE ON YOUR SHOULDERS UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE. ...3” Heavy stuff - possibly discuss headlock exp., my anger and the difficulties that a teacher has in dealing with the subtleties of bullying. According to this note, what is the issue? - they were not accepted, instead they were ridiculed
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More bullying at Collumbine |
Is this claim justified, what was the school like? Peretti says, “It is no secret that kids on the fringes of the cool crowd of Columbine endured their share of taunts and abuse. They were called faggots, were bashed into lockers, and had rocks thrown at them. They were shoved, pelted with pop cans or cups of sticky soda, splattered with mashed potatoes and ketchup, even, sideswiped by cars while they rode their bikes to or from school. One anonymous teen spoke of waking on school days with a knot in his stomach and the dread of having to face more humiliation at school. He would avoid certain hallways and even make his way to classes outside the school building to escape being ridiculed or bashed against lockers. He knew Harris and Klebold were being tormented as well, and he said, "I'm not saying what they did was OK, but I know what it's like to be cornered, pushed day after day. Tell people that we were harassed and that sometimes it was impossible to take. Tell people that.. .eventually, someone was going to snap."5 I’m not trying to justify them killing 13 people and injuring many more. The point is bullying has dreadful effects - it is not to be looked down on as some petty incident with a trite “you’ll get over it” type of comment
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Biblical Basis 1 Sam.17
Mt 21:12, Mk11, Luke19, Jn 2 |
Where do we see bullying in the Bible? David and Goliath: the ultimate bully don’t we just wish we could go up to that bully and chop his head off? or do something of a similar nature? Jesus and the temple priests - changing money in the court - selling doves, the sacrifice of the poor - called “a den of thieves” - using up the gentiles only space In some ways its just a simple practical extension of the love/hate topics in the Bible - “Love your neighbour as you love yourself” |
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What makes a bully?
Power
The Irony - Jesus Joking
Love each other
God’s Creation
Bible verse?
Revelation
Criminal |
What makes a bully a bully? A bully is someone who has power - maybe in a higher position at work - maybe they are strong - maybe you owe them money - maybe your feel obligated to them thru a marriage vow - maybe you feel obligated to them because they’ve brought you up - maybe you love them so much that they can hurt you thru rejection Whatever the reason, they must have some form of power over you and then some reason to use it The irony - Jesus is the one with the most power but allowed those who had “power on earth” to kill him A Message for Bullies Simply - DON’T DO IT! Bullies often don’t realise the pain and suffering that they cause They think that it is just a joke - but fir the victim it means that they dread getting up in the morning Paul says, “The entire law is summed up in this single command: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Gal. 5:14-15 Is it love to tease another person, to put them down or to laugh at their faults or point out their physical problems? Consider them as a real person with concerns and hopes and dreams - and then think of saying something nice to them Bullying is about hassling someone because they are not up to scratch - it is not only making a statement about them but about the one who created them - and this God will not sit by forever, he will avenge - God is extremely defensive of the poor and helpless Why Doesn’t God just rid the world of bullies? The closest thing to an answer is in Rev.12 + 20 For some reason God has let Satan roam the earth but he will be thrown into the lake of fire 1 in 4 bullies end up in the criminal correction system. (Fried, Bullies and Victims, from Peretti, p.73) |
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The Saying |
Have you heard this statement, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” Is this true? yes no maybe your pretty tough maybe you have been hurt or you just dont care (maybe sticks don’t break words dont worry you bones) or perpetual teasing really annoys you
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What Makes a Victim?
Remove the bully?
Remove the victim? |
This is the converse of what makes a bully. A victim is someone that is abused by somebody else that has power over them There are three possible options here - you could remove the bully - you could remove the bully’s power or - you could remove the victim David removed Goliath. The boys at Collumbine removed the people that taunted them. But chopping off somebody’s head or blowing them up is not always a viable option Maybe you could talk to someone in higher authority and get some help - as Christians we can call on the most powerful God to help us One time the Israelites were fleeing the Egyptians and they were stuck at the sea and God says to Moses, “The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” Ex. 14:14 - plead with him if you have to and he will come to your rescue Possibly you might have a friend who is also a friend of your bully who try and help this person understand that you are a real person that you are OK and what they are doing hurts. Removing the bully is quite often just not possible. You could remove the victim - yourself My mother always used to say, “Just walk away.” This could work and it could not. Parents must take seriously a child’s concerns about bullying and look for real solutions - Peretti’s experience? If you’re oppressed in a marriage relationship - then moving away is a huge and very difficult step. If its in a work situation - should you give up your job? There were times when the disciples hid from their persecutors - they devised elaborate codes and went underground so that they wouldn’t be killed. Even Jesus disappeared into the crowds at times. But sometimes you cannot get out of the situation where you are oppressed.
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Remove the Power? School bag story
My dad
Shadrach and co. |
Is it possible to remove the power that a bully has over you? When I was at school - sometimes someone would nick my bag and run off with it and maybe throw it up on the roof This is only effective if the bag is precious to me - sure I wanted my bag but Jesus says if someone steals your shirt then give that person your jumper as well - so I just shrugged it off and figured I’d get my bag eventually, and if not , well it belongs to God anyway You can apply this principle to someone stealing your car or losing your house, your job etc your life is in God’s hands! Usually I got my bag back and kids worked out it wasn’t worth doing because I didn’t get worked up about it. So that got me thinking - why did I get all worked up inside when my dad yelled at me and called me useless It was because he had power over me and that power was related to the fact that I loved him and cared deeply about what he thought about me I wanted him to care about me - so in a sense, he was in control. What was I to do? Nobody would consider it serious enough for me to leave home, I tried talking to him but that didn’t seem to change things, and a son just can’t stop loving his dad (not me anyway) Well its a natural fact of life that boys grow up and leave home - so the tension is still there but at least I don’t have to live under the same roof as him. Return to the “Power” of a bully and discuss e.g. power and money Sometimes the power over us can be “removed” but we have to be prepared to pay the price e.g. Shadrach, Meshach and Abnego were thrown into the fire. The ruler at the time had no power to make them worship his image, but for them to “remove this power” they had to be prepared to lose their life. Read Daniel 3:16 |
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Finally, trust
David
(1 Sam. 17:45)
Stand Eph.6:10-13
Closing
Pray |
Trust in Jesus Jesus says, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.” Mt 10:28 rest assured that you have given your life to Jesus - he is responsible for it Remember David - his fight with Goliath was not just about flesh and blood, it was about an evil man defying the armies of the Living God. David says, “You have come against me with sword, and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, (YHWH Shaddai) the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.” God is with us today just as he was with David Paul says in Ephesians 6:10-13 Remember a bully can break your bones, a bully can mess with your mind but a bully cannot touch your spirit. A bully cannot separate you from the love of God! Read Rom 8:38-39 I think we all get hassled from time to time. There are no easy answers to our troubles. But we can always know that God is with us, nothing can separate us from his love and there will come a time when all this pain will be wiped away, thanks be to Jesus |