Movie Quotes

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"Well, would you look at all this? You all spared no expense this time, Byron. I gotta say, though, it's probably cheaper just to let me rob the damn thing."     - Ben Wade, 3:10 to Yuma

"I've always liked you, Byron, but even bad men love their mommas."      - Ben Wade, 3:10 to Yuma

"When I say 'rare,' I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me!"     – Wolf, The 10th Kingdom

"I met this terrific girl, and I really, really, really like her - but the thing is... I'm not sure whether I want to love her, or eat her!"     – Wolf, The 10th Kingdom

"They are called the Brothers Gibb. And the song - it concerns a deadly fever, which only strikes on Saturdays."     – Bluebell and Blabberwort, about a boombox, The 10th Kingdom

"I realize that I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it – 'Breaking the Cycle,' 'Heal Yourself in 7 Days,' 'Stop Blaming Yourself, Please!' and 'Help for the Bedwetting Child,' which I picked up by mistake."     – Wolf, to Virginia, The 10th Kingdom

"I'll tell you something - war is great fun when there's no enemy!"      – Relish the troll king, The 10th Kingdom

"Oh, no, I didn't mean that either - see, I'm twisting everything I'm saying!"     – Wolf, The 10th Kingdom

"To the restaurant, driver! And drive as romantically as you can!"      – Wolf, The 10th Kingdom

"Mousetraps... deadly poisons... processed cheese! It's not like the old days..."     – a mouse, The 10th Kingdom

"Yeah, that's why none of the volunteers ever came back. They all got a party."     – James Cole, 12 Monkeys

"Wiping out the human race? That's a great idea. That's great. But more of a long-term thing. I mean, first we have to focus on more immediate goals."     – Jeffrey Goines, 12 Monkeys

"Hardly, my lord, it's just an eye. The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare."     - Dilios, to Leonidas, 300

"That is quite an offer. I'd be crazy to refuse it. But this kneeling business... I'm afraid killing all those slaves of yours has left me with a nasty cramp in my leg."     - Leonidas, to Xerxes, 300

"A second flood, a simple famine, plagues of locusts everywhere, or a cataclysmic earthquake, I'd accept with some despair. But no, You sent us Congress! Good God, Sir, was that fair?"     – John Adams, 1776

"This is a revolution, dammit! We're going to have to offend somebody!"     – John Adams, 1776

"I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dave."     – Hal, 2001: A Space Odyssey



"So raise your hands if you think that was a Russian water–tentacle."     – Lindsay Brigman, The Abyss

"If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer."      – Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"If I had been drinking out of that toilet, I could have been killed."     – Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

"Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes."     – Roger Murdock, Airplane II: the Sequel

"TETSUOOOOOOOOO!"     - pretty much everyone but mostly Kaneda, Akira

"You idiots! We've all got swords!"     – Razoul, Aladdin

"One thing I pride myself on, Jafar, I'm an excellent judge of character!"     - the Sultan, Aladdin

"Micro changes in air density, my ass."     - Ripley, Alien

"Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?"     - Ripley, Aliens

"Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Whoa! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks..."      - Hudson, Aliens

"You maybe haven't been keeping up on current events but we just got our asses kicked, pal!"     - Hudson, Aliens

"Maybe we got 'em demoralized."     - Hudson, about the aliens, Aliens

"Adolescence is a marketing tool."     – William's mother, Almost Famous

"Oh, it's okay, I'm easy to forget - just leave me behind. I'm only the f*#%ing lead singer!"     - Jeff, to the receding tour bus, Almost Famous

"Excuse me, but didn't we get into this to avoid responsibility?"     – Russell Hammond, Almost Famous

"Famous people are just more interesting."     – Penny Lane, Almost Famous

"I am a golden god!!"     – Russell Hammond, on drugs, Almost Famous

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool."     – Lester Bangs, Almost Famous

"It's okay. I wouldn't remember me either."     – Lester Burnham, American Beauty

"Never underestimate the power of denial."     – Ricky Fitts, American Beauty

"Brad, for 14 years I've been a whore for the advertising industry. The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing."     – Lester, American Beauty

"Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, 'Whoops! Where'd my job go?' I quit. Someone pass me the asparagus."     – Lester, American Beauty

"They've done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time."     – Brian Fantana, Anchorman

"Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident!"     – Brick Tamland, Anchorman

"Look, guys! I'm riding a big fuzzy tractor!"      – Brick Tamland, on a bear, Anchorman

"I drank a lava lamp. It wasn't really lava."      – Brick Tamland Anchorman

"Who dropped a whole truckload of fizzies into the swim meet? Who delivered the medical school cadavers to the alumni dinner? Every Halloween, the trees are filled with underwear. Every spring, the toilets explode."     - Dean Wormer, about Delta, Animal House

"The time has come for someone to put his foot down, and that foot is me!"     – Dean Wormer, Animal House

"Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son."      – Dean Wormer, Animal House

"Christ. Seven years of college down the drain."      - Bluto, Animal House

"My advice to you is to start drinking heavily."      - Bluto, to Otter, Animal House

"Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part."     – Otter, Animal House

"May I have 10,000 marbles, please?"     – Flounder, Animal House

"Respect is fine, but actually I've always wanted to be feared."      – Dr. Ross Jennings, Arachnophobia

"Well yes, a spider web would reveal an arachnid presence."      - Delbert McClintlock, Arachnophobia

"Why do I do this? Three reasons: the pay is good, the scenery changes, and they let me use explosives."     – Rockhound, Armageddon

"You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?"     - Rockhound, Armageddon

"I don't know if I can explain it to you. It's not only against the law, it's wrong!"     - Mortimer Brewster, Arsenic and Old Lace

"I get wonderful ideas, but I can't spell 'em."      - Officer O'Hara, Arsenic and Old Lace

"When I come back, I expect to find you gone! Wait for me!"      - Mortimer Brewster, to Jonathan, Arsenic and Old Lace

"He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him!"      - Jonathan Brewster, Arsenic and Old Lace

"Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."      - Mortimer Brewster, Arsenic and Old Lace

"Go sell crazy somewhere else. We’re all stocked up here."      – Melvin Udall, As Good As It Gets

"That's not true. Some of us have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes, with boats, and friends, and noodle salad! Just, no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad."     – Melvin Udall, As Good As It Gets

"Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!"     – Scott Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

"You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!"     - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

"I had the group liquidated, you little shit. They were insolent."      - Dr. Evil, to Scott, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

"You're the Diet Coke of evil; just one calorie, not evil enough."      - Dr. Evil, to Scott, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

"Mini-me, we don't gnaw on our kitty."     - Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

"While you were gone, I devised a way to make millions in legitimate revenue whilst still maintaining the ethos of an evil corporation. We have become a Hollywood talent agency."     - Number Two, to Dr. Evil, Austin Powers in Goldmember

"Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You don't stand a chance. Why don't you just fall down?"      - Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember

"There are only two things I hate - those who are intolerant of other peoples' cultures, and the Dutch."     – Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember



"I can't believe you loaned me your car without telling me it had a blind spot!"     - Biff, to George McFly, Back to the Future

"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit."     - Doc Brown, Back to the Future

"The appropriate question is when the hell are they!"      - Doc Brown, about the DeLorean and Einstein, Back to the Future

"The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style!"     – Doc Brown, Back to the Future

"I'm sure in 1985, plutonium is available at every corner drugstore, but in 1955 it's a little hard to come by."     - Doc Brown, to Marty, Back to the Future

"Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt my brain."     - George McFly, to Marty, Back to the Future

"Time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!"     - Doc Brown, Back to the Future Part II

"So you're my great-grandfather. The first McFly born in America. ...And you peed on me."     - Marty McFly, to his infant ancestor, Back To the Future Part III

"Eight o'clock Monday, runt. If you ain't here, I'll hunt you and shoot you down like a duck."     - Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen, to Marty McFly, Back To the Future Part III

"Lieutenant, is there a six-foot bat in Gotham City? And if so, is he on the police payroll? ...And if so, what's he pulling down, after taxes?"     – Alexander Knox, Batman

"You know, Gordo and I were discussing the pros and cons of winged vigilantes. What's your stance?"     – Alexander Knox, Batman

"I've been dead once already, it's very liberating. You should consider it therapy."     – the Joker, to Boss Grissom, Batman

"Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?"      – the Joker, Batman

"Check his wallet!"     – Bob, about Batman, Batman

"He was a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand, he had a tremendous singing voice."     – the Joker, about Boss Grissom, Batman

"Where does he get such wonderful toys?"      – the Joker, Batman

"Remember, you dropped me into that vat of chemicals! That wasn't easy to get over - and don't think that I haven't tried!"     – the Joker, to Batman, Batman

"Nobody’s looking for a puppeteer in today’s wintry economic climate."     – Craig Schwartz, Being John Malkovich

"You don’t know how lucky you are being a monkey. Because consciousness is a terrible curse."     – Craig, to Elijah the chimp, Being John Malkovich

"I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech."     – Dr. Lester, Being John Malkovich

"Have we an internal sequin issue to deal with, Benjamin?"      - Joon, Benny & Joon

"You can't throw him out, I won him!"     - Joon, about Sam, Benny & Joon

"They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council."     - Joon, Benny & Joon

"Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese."      - Joon, Benny & Joon

"My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it's sort of a family crisis. Bye!"     - Lane Myer, to Johnny the paperboy, Better Off Dead...

"I want my two dollars!!"     – Johnny the paperboy, Better Off Dead...

"Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that."     - a tree trimmer, Better Off Dead...

"Gee, I'm real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky."      - Lane Myer, Better Off Dead...

"She'll make soap out of you. That's what she does. She makes soap out of people."    – Wilbur, Big Fish

"There comes a point when any reasonable man will swallow his pride and admit he made a mistake. The truth is... I was never a reasonable man."     – Edward Bloom, Big Fish

"This is not ‘Nam. This is bowling. There are rules."      – Walter, The Big Lebowski

"She tried to sit in my lap while I was standing up."      - Philip Marlowe, about Carmen Sternwell, The Big Sleep

"I don't mind if you don't like my manners, I don't like them myself. They are pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings."     - Philip Marlowe, The Big Sleep

"Somebody's always giving me guns."     - Philip Marlowe, The Big Sleep

"What you're telling me, essentially, is that Napoleon was a short, dead dude?"     – Mr. Ryan, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

"Do you know where there are any personages of historical significance around here?"     - Bill, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle-K."     - Ted, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

"Billy, you are dealing with the oddity of time travel with the greatest of ease."     - Bill, to Billy the Kid, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

"You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!"     - Bill, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure

"Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for the cat!"     - Evil Ted, to Evil Bill, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

"I totally loogied on that good, dead me!"     - Evil Ted, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

"Get down and give me... infinity!"     - Colonel Oats, to Bill and Ted, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

"You ugly, red, source of all evil!"     - Ted, to the Devil, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

"Don't overlook my butt. I work out all the time. And reaping burns a lot of calories."     - the Grim Reaper, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey

"What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."     – Billy Madison

"You're going to the cemetery with your toothbrush. How Egyptian."      – Armand, The Birdcage

"It's like riding a psychotic horse towards a burning stable."      – Armand, The Birdcage

"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die."     - Roy Batty, Blade Runner

"Excuse me while I whip this out."     – Bart, Blazing Saddles

"What's a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?"     - Jim, to Bart, Blazing Saddles

"You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know - morons."     – Jim, Blazing Saddles

"Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"      – Lili von Shtupp, Blazing Saddles

"Mongo only pawn in game of life."     - Mongo, Blazing Saddles

"Badges? We don't need no steenkin' badges!"     – the Mexican bandits, Blazing Saddles

"Someone's gotta go back an' get a shitload of dimes!"      - Taggart, Blazing Saddles

"Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!"      – Elwood Blues, The Blues Brothers

"I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn't my fault, I swear to God!!!"     – Jake Blues, The Blues Brothers

"So you're Chekov, huh? Well, this here's McCoy. Find a Spock, we got us an away team."     – Murphy McManus, to a Russian gangster, The Boondock Saints

"Brilliant! So now we've got a Huge Guy theory and a Serial Crusher theory."     – Detective Smecker, The Boondock Saints

"You know, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kinda makes me feel like Riverdancing."     – Detective Smecker, The Boondock Saints

"So you're telling me it was one guy with six guns, and he was a senior friggin' citizen?"     – Detective Smecker, about Il Duce, The Boondock Saints

"Put on your Sunday best, kids - we're going to Sears!"      – Mike Brady, The Brady Bunch Movie

"I've got to do something about the way I look. I mean, a girl just can't go to Sing Sing with a green face."     - Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's

"You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels."     - Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's

"And I always heard people in New York never get to know their neighbors."     - Paul Varjak, Breakfast at Tiffany's

"It should take you exactly four seconds to cross from here to that door. I'll give you two."     - Holly Golightly, to Paul Varjak, Breakfast at Tiffany's

"I'm like cat here, a no-name slob. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other."     - Holly Golightly, Breakfast at Tiffany's

"Screws just fall out all the time. The world's an imperfect place."      – John Bender, The Breakfast Club

"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up – it'll be anarchy!"     – John Bender, The Breakfast Club

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?"     – Brian, The Breakfast Club

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes."      – Bruce Nolan, Bruce Almighty

"Let's get decadent!"     - JFK, Bubba Ho-tep

"Now this top line translates into 'Pharoah gobbles donkey goobers,' and the bottom line, 'Cleopatra does the nasty.'"     - JFK, translating heiroglyphics in a toilet stall, Bubba Ho-tep

"I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti writin', soul suckin', son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots take my friend's souls and shit 'em down the visitor's toilet!"      - Elvis, Bubba Ho-tep

"Ask not what your rest home can do for you. Ask what you can do for your rest home."     - Elvis, to JFK, Bubba Ho-tep

"Now don't forget the two key words for tonight - 'caution' and 'flammable.'"     - Elvis, to JFK, Bubba Ho-tep

"They had fangs; they were biting people; they had this look in their eyes, totally cold, animal. I think they were Young Republicans."     – Andy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"I, uh, do think the kids learned a valuable lesson tonight about safety! Except the dead ones, I mean, of course. Well, they learned it. But, uh, they really, they really didn't have time to, uh, implement it, y'know, and I... Are we live?"     – Mr. Berman, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"First rule of leadership: everything is your fault."      – Hopper, A Bug's Life

"It's a bug-eat-bug world out there, Princess. One of those 'circle of life' kind of things."     - Hopper, to Princess Ata, A Bug's Life

"Aw, c'mon, I'm askin' you with my brain!"     - Molt, A Bug's Life

"Appearances can be... deceptive."     - Chad Feldheimer, Burn After Reading



"We can do that. We don't even have to have a reason."      – Carl Spackler, Caddyshack

"No! No! Don't leave me here, in hillbilly hell! My IQ's dropping by the second! I'm becoming one of them!!"     - Lightning McQueen, Cars

"You know, I once knew this girl Doreen. Good-looking girl. Looked just like a Jaguar - only she was a truck!"     - Mater, Cars

"Pit stop?"     - Guido, Cars

"I'm happier 'n a tornado in a trailer park!"      - Mater, Cars

"I don't mind a parasite. I object to a cut-rate one."      - Rick, about Ugarte, Casablanca

"How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Some day they may be scarce!"     - Captain Renault, to Rick, Casablanca

"There are certain sections of New York, Major, that I wouldn't advise you to try to invade."     – Rick Blaine, to Major Strasser, Casablanca

"Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so."      - Rick, about Captain Renault, Casablanca

"All right, Curly, enough's enough. You can't eat the Venetian blinds. I just had them installed on Wednesday."     - Jake Gittes, Chinatown

"Can you believe it? We're in the middle of a drought, and the water commissioner drowns. Only in L.A."     - Morty, Chinatown

"'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough."     - Noah Cross, to Jake Gittes, Chinatown

"But, Mrs. Mulwray, I goddamn near lost my nose. And I like it. I like breathing through it."     - Jake Gittes, Chinatown

"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable. But that, my children, is called cannibalism and it is frowned upon in most societies."     - Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that."     - Willy Wonka, to Veruca Salt, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy."      - Charlie, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears."      - narrator, A Christmas Story

"He looks like a deranged Easter Bunny!"     - Mr. Parker, about Ralphie, A Christmas Story

"Buncha savages in this town."     - Randal, Clerks

"What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?"     - a customer, Clerks

"Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule."     - Randal, Clerks

"You ever notice that all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie."     – Dante, Clerks

"There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"     – Randal, Clerks

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you."     - Silent Bob, to Dante, Clerks

"It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said ''Tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people.'"     - Cher, Clueless

"What's with you, kid? You think the death of Sammy Davis left an opening in the Rat Pack?"     - Mr. Horowitz, to Christian, Clueless

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you."     - Mr. Horowitz, to Christian, Clueless

"Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie."     - Cher, Clueless

"I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those Egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy."     - Travis, Clueless

"There's only two men I trust. One is me. The other is not you."      – Cameron Poe, Con Air

"First rule in government spending: Why build one, when you can have two at twice the price?"     – S.R. Hadden, Contact

"Always remember, your bones will not break in a bobsled. No, no, no. They shatter."     – Irv, Cool Runnings

"I'm not lost. Somebody just moved my street."      – Violet Sanford, Coyote Ugly

"Man, I know you just pretend to like hockey to piss me off!"      - Anthony, to Peter, Crash

"You think you know who you are? You have no idea."      - Sergeant Ryan, to Officer Hanson, Crash

"I got stabbed. I shot the sonovabitch. I watched a bullet hole close by itself. And then, my business gets blown up real good. Other than that, my day sucked."     – Gideon, The Crow

"So many cops, you'd think they were giving away doughnuts."      - Sergeant Albrecht, The Crow

"He winked at you? Tsk. Musicians."     – Top Dollar, The Crow

"Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss."     - Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



"How can a train be lost? It's on rails."     - Jack, The Darjeeling Limited

"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger."      - the Joker, The Dark Knight

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."      - the Joker, The Dark Knight

"You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."     - Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight

"Let me get this straight. You think that your employer, one of the richest men in the world, is spending his nights running around the city beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands. And your plan is to blackmail him? Good luck with that."     - Lucius Fox, The Dark Knight

"Do I look like someone who has a plan?"     - the Joker, The Dark Knight

"I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are."     - the Joker, The Dark Knight

"Y'see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little... push."     - the Joker, The Dark Knight

"The only justice in an unfair world is chance."      - Harvey Dent, The Dark Knight

"No, at that time I was not the mental giant that you see before you. I was the intellectual equivalent of a 98-pound weakling. I'd go to the beach and people would kick copies of Byron in my face."      – Mr. Keating, Dead Poets Society

"Captain Kangaroo, like Jesus Christ, was someone you could really believe in. With those guys it wasn't about the bells and whistles and the rickety rackety, it was all about the work. Especially Jesus."     - Sheldon Mopes, Death to Smoochy

"Now I'm not pointing any fingers, Lord knows you start pointing fingers and someone's gonna get poked. And I want you both to know that its not my intention to try and... poke either of you."      - Sheldon Mopes, to Nora and Frank, Death to Smoochy

"If you rat on the Parade of Hope, you'll be lucky to find your toenails. These guys are the roughest of all the charities."     - Burke Bennett, Death to Smoochy

"When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker."     - Sheldon Mopes, Death to Smoochy

"Listen, Sheldon, I'm not proud of it but, there was a time in my life when I was a bit of a kiddie host groupie."     - Nora, Death to Smoochy

"To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American."     – Inspector Andrι, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

"I'll tell you what he said! He told me to forcibly insert the lifeline exercise card into my anus!"     – Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko

"What if you could go back in time, and take away all those hours of pain and darkness and replace them with something better?"     – Gretchen Ross, Donnie Darko

"If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories."     – Dr. Thurman, Donnie Darko

"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!"      – Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko

"Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines."      – General "Buck" Turgidson, Dr. Strangelove

"Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?"     – General Jack Ripper, Dr. Strangelove

"You can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"      – the President of the United States, Dr. Strangelove



"This story's gonna grab people. It's about this guy, he's crazy about this girl, but he likes to wear dresses. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He's torn, Georgie. This is drama."      - Ed Wood, Ed Wood

"This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in."      - Bela Lugosi, Ed Wood

"Visions are worth fighting for. Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?"     - Orson Welles, to Ed Wood, Ed Wood

"Whimsical! The word is whimsical."     - Drew, Elizabethtown

"Trust me. Everyone is less mysterious than they think they are."      - Claire, Elizabethtown

"You're smart, you'll just wear your shoes and never ask any questions. Just enjoy your footwear."     - Drew, Elizabethtown

"Is there such a thing as partial cremation?"      - Bill Banyan, to Drew, Elizabethtown

"I'm impossible to forget, but I'm hard to remember."      - Claire, Elizabethtown

"Welcome to the annual meeting of people who annually meet! And we'll see you all next year."     - Claire, Elizabethtown

"I want cheese! And cheese-related things!"     - a slightly tipsy Claire, Elizabethtown

"And I didn't say a million, I said a billion! A billion dollars! That's a lot of million."     - Drew, to Claire, Elizabethtown

"In the immortal words of the Doors - the time to hesitate is through."     – Lucas, Empire Records

"You say 'I love you.' What do you want, written instructions?"      - Joe, to AJ, Empire Records

"Mark, listening to this crap is guaranteed to make you sterile."      - AJ, Empire Records

"Joe, I can categorically say that you are not a bigger banana-head."     - Lucas, Empire Records

"Who knows where thoughts come from - they just appear!"      – Lucas, Empire Records

"You know it's too early, it makes the customers all crazy-like."      - Gina, to Mark, Empire Records

"What's with you? Yesterday you were normal, and today you're like the Chinese guy from The Karate Kid."     – AJ, to Lucas, Empire Records

"Always play with their minds."     – Lucas, Empire Records

"Isn't it customary to leave the scene after committing the crime?"     - Gina, about Warren, Empire Records

"Welcome to Music Town. May I service you?"     - Gina, to Rex Manning, Empire Records

"Who glued these quarters down?"     – Warren, Empire Records

"Damn the man!"     – Lucas, Empire Records

"Warren, Warren! Where do you get this hostility from?"      - Lucas, Empire Records

"I'm intrigued. I'm spellbound."     - Mitch, Empire Records

"Don't worry, Joe, you're a superb manager."     - Lucas, Empire Records

"No, I mean, do you really know where Harvard is? It's another planet, man, another universe, totally unlike the one we know - filled with big blond guys who eat ivy and row boats!"      – Eddie, Empire Records

"That's really special but, um, aren't we supposed to be talking about me?"     – Debra, Empire Records

"Well, I wish it had gone without saying, but you don't seem to shut up!"      - Mitch, to Lucas, Empire Records

"Never tell me the odds."     – Han Solo, The Empire Strikes Back

"Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."     – Joel, about Valentine's Day, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Sand is overrated. It's just tiny little rocks."      – Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Really? There's a stalker book? I gotta read that one."      – Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Drink up, young man! It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant."     – Clementine, to Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."      – Joel, to Clementine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid. Like you don't matter."     – Clementine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"My God, there's people coming out of your butt."      – Joel, adding his own dialogue to a silent film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"It's our house! Just for tonight, we are David and Ruth Laskin. Which one do you want to be? I prefer to be Ruth, but I'm flexible."     – Clementine, to Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"You looked happy. Happy with a secret."     – Stan, to Mary, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

"What a loss to spend that much time with someone only to find out that she's a stranger."     – Joel, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind



"Havin' some pizza, learnin' about Cuba."      – Jeff Spicoli, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

"So what this Jefferson dude was saying was, 'Hey! You know, we left this England place because it was bogus. So if we don't get some cool rules ourselves, pronto, we'll just be bogus too.' Yeah?"      – Jeff Spicoli, Fast Times at Ridgemont High

"Sorry lady, I only speak two languages - English and bad English."      – Korben Dallas, The Fifth Element

"You hit me in the ear!"     – Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."      – Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."     – Tyler Durden, Fight Club

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!! OK, you are now firing a gun at your imaginary friend near 400 gallons of nitroglycerine!!"     – Tyler Durden, to the Narrator, Fight Club

"No, it's true. I forget things almost instantly. It runs in my family. Well, I mean, at least I think it does. Hmmm. Where are they?"     – Dory, Finding Nemo

"I shall call him Squishy, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Squishy."     – Dory, Finding Nemo

"We were like 'Whoa!' and you were like 'Whoa!' and I was like 'Whoa.'"     – Crush, Finding Nemo

"Young boys should never be sent to bed. They always wake up a day older."     - James Barrie, Finding Neverland

"You make the bed with your paws; the pajamas you get with your teeth. Because in fact, being a dog, you haven't any proper digits, have you?"     - James Barrie, to the actor playing Nana the dog, Finding Neverland

"When life gives you lemons, just say 'fuck the lemons' and bail."      - Chuck, to Peter, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

"I once saw him beat a guy up with a starfish!"      - Chuck, about Rachel's ex-boyfriend, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

"Why won't anybody go snorkeling with me?"     - Dwayne the bartender, Forgetting Sarah Marshall

"That boy sure is a runnin' fool!"     – Forrest Gump

"Mah given name is Benjamin Buford Blue, but people call me Bubba. Just like one o' them ol' redneck boys. C'n you believe that?"     – Bubba, Forrest Gump

"I guess we can't punish Victor for bringing Sparky back from the dead."     - Ben Frankenstein, about his son's dog, Frankenweenie

"When a man's jawbone drops off, it's time to reassess the situation."     - the Judge, The Frighteners

"Sheriff! You are violating my territorial bubble."      - Milton Dammers, to Sheriff Perry, The Frighteners

"Yeah, I'm an asshole... with an Uzi!"     - Milton Dammers, The Frighteners

"I'm in the mood for a little vivisection."     - Patricia Ann Bradley, The Frighteners

"The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive."      - Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

"Son, all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they would the word of God."     - Pogue Colonal, to Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

"Believe it or not, but under fire, Animal Mother can be a wonderful human being. All he needs is somebody throwing grenades at him 'til the end of his life."     - Private Eightball, to Private Joker, Full Metal Jacket

"You know there's not a single horse in the entire country of Vietnam? There's definitely something wrong with that."     - Private Cowboy, Full Metal Jacket

"What do I think about the U.S. involvement in the war? We should win it."     - Animal Mother, being interviewed by a journalist, Full Metal Jacket

"Stand aside, everyone! I take large steps!"      – Miles Gloriosus, A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Forum

"A word of advice: never fall in love during a total eclipse."      – Senex, A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Forum



"I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just 'Crewman Number Six'. I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove how serious the situation is. I've gotta get outta here."      - Guy, Galaxy Quest

"Hey guys, there's a red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy. Red-thingy moving toward the green-thingy. I think we're the green-thingy."     - Guy, looking at a radar screen, Galaxy Quest

"Hey guys, I just wanted you to know that the reactors won't take it... the ship is breaking apart and all that... Just FYI."     - Fred Kwan, Galaxy Quest

"HEY! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air?! You don't know!!"     - Guy, Galaxy Quest

"Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy."      - Gwen DeMarco, Galaxy Quest

"I know! You construct a weapon. Look around, can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?"     - Guy, to Jason Nesmith, Galaxy Quest

"Ducts? Why is it always ducts?"     - Gwen DeMarco, Galaxy Quest

"He's just a fast-food knight."     – Mark, about Tim, Garden State

"By the way - it says 'balls' on your face."     – Tim, to Andrew, Garden State

"Oh, oh guys, don't stay in here all day, 'cause I took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector - it was beeping all night."     – Mrs. Lubin, Garden State

"I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better."      – Mark, Garden State

"If you don't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a lot longer than you want it to."     – Sam, to Andrew, Garden State

"Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole."     – Mark, to Andrew, Garden State

"I said please don't leave the premises. Am I speaking in some kind of strange foreign language?"     - Detective Hugo, Gattaca

"You want to know how I did it? This is how I did it, Anton: I never saved anything for the swim back."     - Vincent, Gattaca

"I got the better end of the deal. I only lent you my body - you lent me your dream."     - Jerome, to Vincent, Gattaca

"We all know that God invented liquor to keep the Irish from ruling the world."     – John Patterson, The Ghost and the Darkness

"Back off, man. I'm a scientist."     – Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

"Why worry? Each of us is wearing an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back."     – Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

"I feel so funky"     – Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters

"Maybe now you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider, huh?!"     – Peter Venkman, to a ghost, Ghostbusters

"Aw, I don't have to take this abuse from you. I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me."     – Peter, to Dana, Ghostbusters

"I make it a point never to get involved with possessed people. ...Actually it's more of a guideline than a rule."     – Peter, to a demonically possessed Dana, Ghostbusters

"Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's readings, it would be a Twinkie thirty–five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds."     – Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters

"Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!"      – Winston, Ghostbusters

"That's all the time we have here on World of Psychics. Next week though... hairless pets. Weird."     - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters II

"Let's see what happens when we take away the puppy."      - Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters II

"Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you."      - Louis Tulley, Ghostbusters II

"Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless."     - Egon Spengler, to Louis Tully, Ghostbusters II

"Kitten, I think what I'm saying, is that sometimes, shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who ya gonna call?"     - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters II

"Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right."     - the Mayor, Ghostbusters II

"Suck in the guts, guys, we're the Ghostbusters."      - Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters II

"He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him!"      - Janosz, Ghostbusters II

"Soon, the city will be mine and Vigo's! ... Mainly Vigo's."      - Janosz, Ghostbusters II

"Why am I drippings with goo?"     - Janosz, Ghostbusters II

"Hey you guuuys!"     – Sloth, The Goonies

"What? Twelve dollars and we don't even get a meal?"      - Fozzie Bear, complaining about his airfare, The Great Muppet Caper

"Photography's an art. You gotta have the right film, you gotta have the right exposure, and you gotta scream just before they get the food to their mouth."     - Gonzo, The Great Muppet Caper

"Mr. Holiday, did you order a gross of flowered socks?"      - a delivery man, The Great Muppet Caper

"Oh, hah, nothing, it's just sort of amusing that the roast beef is the same price as an Oldsmobile."     - Kermit, in a fancy restaurant, The Great Muppet Caper

"No, Christine, that's a frog. Bears wear hats."      - a father, to his daughter, The Great Muppet Caper

"Uh, excuse me, Mr. Holiday, sir. Would you let Kermit go? If you hold him too long, he'll just give you warts."     - Fozzie Bear, The Great Muppet Caper

"Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space?"     - Phil, Groundhog Day

"Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!"     – Phil, Groundhog Day

"This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather."     - Phil, Groundhog Day

"There is no way this winter is ever going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him."      - Phil, Groundhog Day

"I'm a god. I'm not the God. I don't think."      - Phil, to Rita, Groundhog Day

"Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you... but I'm not going to."     – Phil, Groundhog Day



"Spandex: it's a privilege, not a right."     - Cereal Killer, Hackers

"It's in that place I put that thing that time."      - Ramon, to Libby, Hackers

"Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and I can do all of them."     - the Plague, to Dade Murphy, Hackers

"Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice."     - Phil, to Alan, The Hangover

"We're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a tiger in the bathroom!"     - Stu, The Hangover

"I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! He destroys cities! I hate Godzilla!"     - Alan, The Hangover

"There's Skittles in there!!"     - Alan, The Hangover

"Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."     - Alan, The Hangover

"Hey guys, when's the next Halley's Comet?"     - Alan, The Hangover

"You know, hot dogs get a bad rep. They got a cool shape, they got protein."     - the nursery owner, The Happening

"Harry, you've lived with muggles, so tell me: what, exactly, is the purpose of a rubber duck?"     – Arthur Weasley, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

"A pity they let the old punishment die. Was a time detention found you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons... God, I miss the screaming."     – Argus Filch, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

"That's the most spooky-ass question I ever heard."      – kid in the parking lot, Heathers

"It's just like, they're people I work with, and our job is being popular and shit."     – Veronica, Heathers

"I like it. It's got that 'it's-a-cruel-world-let's-throw-ourselves- in-the-abyss'-type ambience."     - J.D., Heathers

"It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano."     - Veronica, to J.D., Heathers

"I must say I was impressed to see that she made proper use of the word 'myriad' in her suicide note."     – a teacher, Heathers

"When teenagers complain that they want to be treated like human beings, it's usually because they are being treated like human beings."     – Veronica's mom, Heathers

"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game-show host."     – Veronica, Heathers

"You're in love. Have a beer."     - Hellboy, to Abe Sapien, Hellboy II: The Golden Army

"Wait a minute, you're telling me a ten-inch owl has a fifty-mile mating radius? Why don't they just fornicate someplace else?"     – Peter Banning, Hook

"The firefly from hell!"     – Peter, about Tinkerbell, Hook

"You're a... You're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a very nice tiny person, and... What am I saying? I don't know who my mother was, I'm an orphan, and I've never taken drugs because I missed the sixties - I was an accountant!"     – Peter, Hook

"A man so deep, he's almost unfathomable. A man so quick, he's even fast asleep!" – Smee, about Captain Hook, Hook

"What is this, some kind of 'Lord of the Flies' preschool?"      – Peter, Hook

"Who's the shrub?"     – Thud, Hook

"You're dead, jolly–man."     – Rufio, to Peter, Hook

"Death is the only great adventure left to me."      – Captain Hook, Hook

"I think I've just had an apostrophe."     – Smee, Hook

"Can't you understand, child? They tell you stories to shut you up."     – Captain Hook, to Maggie, Hook

"Me, a liar? Haha, never! The truth is far more fun."      – Captain James Hook, Hook

"Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where, if you shoot it, it will blow up?"     - Danny, to Nicholas, Hot Fuzz

"I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer, except for the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog."     - Nicholas, to Danny, Hot Fuzz

"Well, I wouldn't argue that that was a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fuelled thrill ride, but there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork."     - Nicholas, about the movie Point Break, Hot Fuzz

"My my, here come the fuzz!"     - Simon Skinner, Hot Fuzz

"Punch - that - shit!"     - Nicholas, to Danny, Hot Fuzz

"Now I will kill you until you die from it!"      – Saddam Hussein, Hot Shots! Part Deux

"You've got a turnip for a head! I always hated turnips."      - Sophie, to the scarecrow, Howl's Moving Castle

"It was a pleasure meeting you! Even if you are my least favorite vegetable."     - Sophie, to Turnip-Head, Howl's Moving Castle

"He's summoning the spirits of darkness! I saw him do it once before, when a girl dumped him."     - Markl, about Howl, Howl's Moving Castle



"It's an outgoing message, so I think you need to sound a little more outgoing."     – Ifty, to Sam, i am sam

"This isn't infinity, this is the suburbs!"     – Tommy, I Heart Huckabees

"How am I not myself?"     – Brad, I Heart Huckabees

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm allergic to bullshit."     – Detective Spooner, I, Robot

"You seem jumpy, Carter. Did you switch from mocha to crack?"      - Dan, to Carter, In Good Company

"I gotta get home for dinner. My wife is slowly poisoning me to death and she gets very angry if I'm late."     - Morty, In Good Company

"Don't make me hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm... hungry."      - Bruce Banner, in really bad Portuguese, The Incredible Hulk

"Girl superheroes are always trying to tell you their secret identity. They think it'll strengthen the relationship."     - Lucius Best/Frozone, The Incredibles

"What if we actually did what our wives thought we did... just to shake things up?"     - Lucius, to Bob, The Incredibles

"They keep inventing new ways to celebrate mediocrity."      - Bob Parr/Mr Incredible, The Incredibles

"Oh ho ho, you sly dog! You got me monologuing!"      - Syndrome, to Mr Incredible, The Incredibles

"That was totally wicked!"     - kid on tricycle, The Incredibles

"Forget the fat lady! You're obsessed with the fat lady! Just get us out of here!"     – David Levinson, Independence Day

"No ticket."     - Indy, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

"I keep telling you, you listen to me more, you live longer!"      - Short Round, to Indy, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love!"     - Short Round, to Indy, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"Ah, Dr. Jones. I'm Earl Webber. I spoke with your assistant and managed to secure three seats. However, there might be a slight inconvenience as you will be riding on a cargo plane full of live poultry."     - Webber, to Indy, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

"You’re as mysterious to me as a blocked toilet is to a plumber."      – Will Dormer, Insomnia

"They're not talking about you! They're talking about fictional characters! Fic-tion-al char-ac-ters! Am I getting through to you at all here?"     – Holden McNeill, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"You know when you close your eyes and wish for something really hard? God is the guy that ignores you."     - McCord, to Lincoln, The Island



"But market research says people love monkeys!"      – Wes Craven, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

"'Cuz you know, they say pregnancy often leads to, you know... infants."     - Juno McGuff, Juno

"Can't we just like kick this old school? You know, like I stick the baby in a basket, send it your way, like Moses and the reeds?"     - Juno McGuff, to the Lorings, Juno

"You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events."      - Juno McGuff, Juno

"You seem to be getting pregnanter these days."      - Paulie Bleeker, Juno

"Yes, John. But when the Pirates of the Carribean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists."     – Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park



"May those who love us, love us. Those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts. And if He can't turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, that we may know them by their limping."      – the bartender, Keeping the Faith

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice!"     – Rabbi Lewis, Keeping the Faith

"I can tell you with no ego that this is my finest blade. If, on your journey, you should encounter God... God will be cut."     – Hattori Hanzo, Kill Bill: Vol. 1

"You call that begging? You can beg better than that."      – Go–go Yubari, Kill Bill: Vol. 1

"Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you've lost. They belong to me now."     – the Bride, Kill Bill: Vol. 1

"Talking monkey, yeah, yeah. Came here from the future, ugly sucker, only says 'ficus.'"     - Perry, to Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"I'm for Genaro's, but then, what do I know? I'm a bear. I suck the heads off of fish."     - bear on TV ad, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"Wow, I feel sore. I mean physically, not like a guy who's angry in a movie in the 1950's."     - Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"Go. Sleep badly. Any questions, hesitate to call."      - Perry, to Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"What do you mean, they 'gave her back'?!"     - Perry, to Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"No, my question. I get to go first. Why in pluperfect hell would you pee on the corpse?"     - Perry, to Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"Doesn't that suck? I just hit you for no reason. I don't even know why."     - Harry, to a thug, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

"You, stop multiplying."     - Perry, to Harry, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang



"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you love. That's what matters. That's the only thing that counts."     - Steven, to Michael, The Last Kiss

"There are no happy endings, because nothing ends."      – Schmendrick the magician, The Last Unicorn

"I don't make things difficult. That's the way they get all by themselves."     – Martin Riggs, Lethal Weapon

"Don't be nice to Allie, he's my nemesis."     - Steve, to Eleanor, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?"      - Steve, to Oseary, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"I've never seen so many electric jellyfish in all my life!"      - Ned, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"If you're not against me, don't cross this line! If yes, do."      - Steve Zissou, to his crew, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"Take the keys to that fishing boat, and throw them in the water... no, wait, they might have a back-up set. Just blow it up."     - Steve, about the pirates, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

"I think it's a koala. An evil koala."     – Nina, Lilo and Stitch

"Oh, good! My dog's found a chainsaw!"     – Lilo, Lilo and Stitch

"Look, will everyone stop gettin' shot?"     – Dog, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

"I got the shakes that'll make you quake. I got the fries that'll cross your eyes. I got the burgers that... um... I just got burgers."     ~ "Cheeseburger" Eddy, The Longest Yard

"If you're referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved!"     – Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

"Gandalf? Gandalf? ...Oh yes, I remember him! Elderly chap. Big grey beard, pointy hat."     – Butterbur, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

"Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth! I have not passed through fire and death to bandy words with a witless worm!"     – Gandalf, to Wormtongue, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

"Lord Denethor is Boromir's father. It would be very unwise to bring him news of his beloved son's death. Best not to speak of it. And don't mention Frodo either, or the ring. Or Aragorn, say nothing of him... In fact, its best if you don't speak at all, Peregrin Took."     – Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

"I will not say, do not weep - for not all tears are an evil."      – Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

"You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?"     - Charlotte, to Bob, Lost In Translation

"There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?"      - Karen, Love Actually

"Hiya, kids, Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill: Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free."     - Billy Mack, on TV, Love Actually



"What am I doing? I'm quietly judging you."     – Frank T.J. Mackey, Magnolia

"That kid is back on the escalator again!"      – Brodie, Mallrats

"Okay, you have some skill."     – the Merovingian, to Neo, The Matrix Reloaded

"You see - the good thing about being me is that there are so many of me."     – Smith, The Matrix Reloaded

"Omnipresence. I like that in a woman."     – Hank Evans, Me, Myself and Irene

"I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee."     - Mr. Duvall, Mean Girls

"Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant, and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, ok, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers."     - Coach Carr, to his health class, Mean Girls

"That's why her hair is so big - it's full of secrets."      - Damien, about Gretchen, Mean Girls

"Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white!"     - Gretchen, Mean Girls

"I love her. She's like a Martian."     - Regina George, about Cady, Mean Girls

"Moderately-priced soaps are my calling."     - Janice, Mean Girls

"Yeah, everyone in Africa can read Swedish."     - Cady, Mean Girls

"I know it may look like I was being a bitch, but that was only because I was acting like a bitch."     - Cady, Mean Girls

"I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet!"      - Regina, to Karen, Mean Girls

"Well, I'm kinda psychic. It's like I have a fifth sense."      - Karen, to Cady, Mean Girls

"Is butter a carb?"     - Regina, to Cady, Mean Girls

"Coach Carr, step away from the underage girls!"      - Mr. Duvall, Mean Girls

"I oughta cancel your Spring Fling. Now, I'm not gonna do that because we've already paid the DJ."     - Mr. Duvall, Mean Girls

"What are marijuana tablets?"     - a student, Mean Girls

"Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good."     - Cady, Mean Girls

"There's a 30% chance that it's already raining!"      - Karen, Mean Girls

"Shut up, you American! You Americans, all you do is talk and talk, and say 'Let me tell you something,' and 'I just wanna say.' Well, you're dead now, so shut up!"     – the Grim Reaper, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life

"I have a big head and little arms - I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through..."     - the T-Rex, Meet the Robinsons

"I don't think they'd let someone like me carry a gun."      – Leonard Shelby, Memento

"Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew the earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the earth was flat. And five minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow."     - Kay, to Jay, Men In Black

"This has got to be a nine-point-oh on my weird-shit-o-meter."      – Jay, Men In Black

"We at the F.B.I. do not have a sense of humor we are aware of."      – Kay, Men In Black

"Human thought is so primitive, it's looked upon as an infectious disease in some of the better galaxies. That kind of makes you proud, doesn't it?"     – Kay, Men In Black

"You're missing the grand design here - if I don't go, I'm dead! Yeah. And it's a little hard to carry on a relationship when I'm stuffed with straw and formaldehyde."     - Jerry, to Sam, The Mexican

"I'm just here to regulate funkiness."     - L eroy, to Sam, The Mexican

"Look, you're getting shot and that's it."     - Jerry, to a car thief, The Mexican

"Livin' here pisses off all the right people."      – Jim Williams, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

"You can tell a lot about a persons character by how they treat people they don't have to treat well."     - Owen Davien, Mission: Impossible III

"You obviously want to kill me, and I'm starting to be less and less concerned for your well-being."     - John, to Jane, Mr. & Mrs. Smith

"I am very, very sneaky, sir."     – Emilio, Mr. Deeds

"The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever."      – Emilio, to Deeds, Mr. Deeds

"Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugging. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear."     – Deeds, to "Pam," Mr. Deeds

"Here are some aspirins, Mr. Deeds. They make your head seem smaller."     – Emilio, to Deeds, Mr. Deeds

"Heroic is nice. Insane and depraved is better."       – Mac McGrath, about Deeds, Mr. Deeds

"This is our fireplace, where my dad... made fires. Out of wood."      – "Pam," to Deeds, Mr. Deeds

"I watch the stock market channel all the time... I just watch because I suspect that anchorman of being an evil leprechaun."     – "Crazy Eyes," Mr. Deeds

"I'm sorry, all I heard was 'Blah blah blah, I'm a dirty tramp.'"      – Jan, to Babe, Mr. Deeds

"Yeah, it's 'bring an obscure relative to work day'!"      – Mike, Monsters, Inc.

"I'm sorry, Wazowski, but Randall said I'm not allowed to fraternize with enemies of his evil plot."     – Fungus, Monsters, Inc.

"Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?"     – Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away, or I shall taunt you for a second time."     – the French, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

"That's pretty dangerous, building a road in the middle of the street."     - Kermit, The Muppet Movie

"Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker."      - Fozzie, The Muppet Movie

"This is a narrative of very heavy-duty proportions."      - Dr. Teeth, about the Muppet Movie script, The Muppet Movie

"When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, it's not casual conversation. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD! Good."     - Max Krassman, The Muppet Movie

"There are two things in life I hate - heights, and jumping from them."     – Rizzo, A Muppet Christmas Carol

"Yeah, that and my pants are filled with starfish."      – Gonzo, Muppet Treasure Island

"I've gone way beyond afraid. Right now I'm somewhere between bed-wetting and a near-death experience."     – Rizzo the Rat, Muppet Treasure Island

"After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury."      - Mr. Furious, Mystery Men

"I... am the Waffler. With my griddle of justice, I bash the enemy in the head, or I burn them like so! I also have some truth syrup, which is low in fat."     - the Waffler's super-hero audition, Mystery Men

"You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums."     - the Sphinx, to the Shoveler, Mystery Men

"So what do you say? Do we all gather together, and go kick some Casanova butt? Or do I eat this sandwich?"     - the Shoveler, Mystery Men

"We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster."     - the Shoveler, Mystery Men

"I just want to tell you that if I don't call you, it's because I'm dead."     - Mr. Furious, to the waitress, Mystery Men

"Who would want to rent a chicken?"     - the Bowler, Mystery Men

"See now, this is why mad scientists are generally less desirable than your common or garden-variety scientist."     - the Bowler, Mystery Men

"Maybe you should put some shorts on or something, if you want to keep fighting evil today."     - the Bowler, to the Invisible Boy, Mystery Men

"We are number one. All others are number two, or lower."      - the Sphinx, Mystery Men

"Can somebody pass me my notes? Thank you. Huh, look at that, 'breach hull, all die.' Even had it underlined."     – Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000: the Movie



"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter."     – Kip, Napoleon Dynamite

"And here we have some boondoggle key chains. A must-have for this season's fashion."     – Deb, to Napoleon, Napoleon Dynamite

"You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo-staff."     – Napoleon, to Pedro, Napoleon Dynamite

"Well, I have all your equipment in my locker. You should probably come get it 'cause I can't fit my nunchucks in there anymore."     – Napoleon, to Deb, Napoleon Dynamite

"Pedro offers you his protection."     - Napoleon, to a nerd classmate, Napoleon Dynamite

"Now, just imagine you're weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses."     – Deb, to Uncle Rico, Napoleon Dynamite

"Do the chickens have large talons?"     – Napoleon, Napoleon Dynamite

"Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak."     – Napoleon, to Uncle Rico, Napoleon Dynamite

"I caught you a delicious bass."     – Napoleon, to Deb, Napoleon Dynamite

"Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys."     – Napoleon, to Kip, Napoleon Dynamite

"Well, okay. What do we circulate? 'Lookin' for a man who recently drunk milk'?"     - Ed Tom Bell, No Country For Old Men

"I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor."      - Carson Welles, about Anton Chigurh, No Country For Old Men

"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"     - Anton Chigurh, No Country For Old Men



"The Color Guard is colored! Who made them the Color Guard?!"      – Homer Stokes, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

"Those boys desecrated a burning cross!"     – Homer Stokes, O Brother, Where Art Thou?

"I... I... I had an office by the window... and I could see the squirrels... and... and they were merry."     – Melvin, Office Space

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that’s on the worst day of my life."     – Peter Gibbons, Office Space

"You know, I never really liked paying bills. I don’t think I’m going to do that either."     – Peter Gibbons, Office Space

"It’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care."      – Peter Gibbons, Office Space

"Are you a Mexican or a Mexican't?"      – Agent Sands, Once Upon a Time In Mexico

"Kid, have you ever shot one of these before? Good. You shouldn't because they are very, very bad... but right now I need you to kill that guy for me."     – Agent Sands, Once Upon a Time In Mexico

"If pictures have anything to say, it's this: I was here. I existed. I was young and happy and someone cared enough about me to take my picture."     – Sy Parrish, One Hour Photo

"But I like the cookie..."     - Hammy, Over the Hedge

"Arrrgh, not again! Those things are so lifelike! Curse you, plastic moldsman!"     - Dwayne the exterminator, about a plastic lawn flamingo, Over the Hedge



"You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"      – Captain Jack Sparrow, to Will Turner, Pirates of the Carribean

"Commandeer! We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term."      – Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean

"Of the two of us, I'm the only one who hasn't committed mutiny; therefore, my word is the one we'll be trusting."     – Captain Jack Sparrow, to Captain Barbossa, Pirates of the Carribean

"This is just like what the Greeks done at Troy. 'Cept they was in a horse. Instead 'o dresses."     – Ragetti, Pirates of the Carribean

"She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised. And you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our word really... except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman."     – Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean

"Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid."     - Captain Jack Sparrow, to Captain Barbossa, Pirates of the Carribean

"If you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it."      - Captain Jack Sparrow, to Will Turner, Pirates of the Carribean

"I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically... grammatically..."     - Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Carribean

"Yeah, but you guys are, like, twins and stuff. You must be from the cool side of the uterus."     - Kimmy, to Jennifer about her brother David, Pleasantville

"No, David. Nobody's happy in a poodle skirt and a sweater set."      - Jennifer, Pleasantville

"Perhaps you have heard it said that man's reach exceeds his grasp. Is a lie. Man's grasp exceeds his nerve!"     - Nikola Tesla, The Prestige

"Nothing is impossible, Mr. Angier. What you want is simply expensive."     - Nikola Tesla, The Prestige

"Perhaps it's a local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise. At night. In eel-infested waters."     - Vizzini, The Princess Bride

"I do not accept excuses! I'm just going to have to find myself another giant."     - Vizzini, to Fezzik, The Princess Bride

"I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge."     - Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."      – The Princess Bride

"Be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted."      – Fezzik, The Princess Bride

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is: 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia.' But, only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!'"     – Vizzini, The Princess Bride

"You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try to kill each other like civilized people?"     – Westley, The Princess Bride

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. 'Twould be a pity to damage yours."     – Westley, The Princess Bride

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration?"      – Jules, Pulp Fiction

"If my answers frighten you, then you should cease asking scary questions."     – Jules, Pulp Fiction

"Aw man, I shot Marvin in the face!"     – Vincent, Pulp Fiction

"That's thirty minutes away. I'll be there in ten."      – 'The Wolf,' Pulp Fiction

"Oh... I'm sorry... was that like a secret pudding?"      – Lena Leonard, Punch–Drunk Love



"You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."     - Indy, Raiders of the Lost Ark

"I don't know, I'm making this up as I go."     - Indy, Raiders of the Lost Ark

"You Americans, you're all the same. Always overdressing for the wrong occasions."     - Toht, to Marion, Raiders of the Lost Ark

"Take this. Wave it at anything that slithers."      - Indy, to Marion, Raiders of the Lost Ark

"It's not the years, honey, it's the mileage."      - Indy, Raiders of the Lost Ark

"This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.”     – Chris Knight, Real Genius

"Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can’t figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. ...I've got it! Nudity!"     – Chris Knight, Real Genius

"Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun–god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?"     – Chris Knight, Real Genius

"I think my eyes are getting better. Instead of a big dark blur I see a big light blur."     – Han Solo, Return of the Jedi

"Just... fly casual."     – Han Solo, Return of the Jedi

"So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause."      - Senator Amidala, Revenge of the Sith

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"     - Darth Vader, Revenge of the Sith

"I can't believe this. I've got a trig midterm tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp."     – Miles, Risky Business

"There are only murderers in this room, Michael! Open your eyes! This is the life we chose, the life we lead. And there is only one guarantee - none of us will see heaven."     - John Rooney, to Michael Sullivan, Road to Perdition

"Did you just say 'Abe Lincoln'?"     – Blinkin, Robin Hood: Men In Tights

"Let's get out of these ladies' clothes and back into our tights!"      – Achoo, Robin Hood: Men In Tights

"Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You'd have a chance, at least. You could lie there thinking, 'Well. At least I'm not dead.'"     – Rosencrantz, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

"We haven't had any irony here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only practitioner of it. And I stopped because I was getting tired of being stared at."     – C.D.Bales, Roxanne

"Anyone want to get some cheeseburgers and hit the cemetery?"      – Royal Tenebaum, The Royal Tenenbaums

"I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch."     – Henry Sherman, The Royal Tenenbaums

"Every now and then we have to let the general public know that we can still blow shit up."     – Captain Diel, to Carter, Rush Hour

"This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer."     – Carter, Rush Hour

"We both have dead people in our families."     - Max Fischer, to Mrs. Cross, Rushmore

"I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?"      - Max Fischer, to Dr. Peter, Rushmore

"I saved Latin. What did you ever do?"     - Max Fischer, Rushmore

"Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today."     - Max Fischer, to Dirk Calloway, Rushmore



"I'm saving myself for marriage, and I'll use force if necessary."      - Hilary Faye, Saved!

"Roland, why do you always have to make everyone feel so awkward about your differently-abled-ness?"     - Hilary Faye, Saved!

"No more muffins for you! The muffin shop is closed!"      - Cassandra, Saved!

"Oh, shut up, you fornicator."     - Hilary Faye, to Mary, Saved!

"I crashed my van into Jesus, okay?!"     – Hilary Faye, Saved!

"I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen."      - Lloyd Dobler, Say Anything...

"You have a serious problem of distorting reality. You could sleep with the entire planet and still feel rejected."     - Stιphanie, to Stιphane, The Science of Sleep

"Life is like a movie. Only you can't pick your genre."      – Billy, Scream

"If I'm right about this, I could save a man's life! Do you know what that could do for my book sales?"     – Gail Weathers, Scream

"Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative."      – Billy, Scream

"This is the captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence, and then... explode."     - Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity

"Doctor, I've taken your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you - I'll get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears."      - Mal, to Simon, Serenity

"Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don'cha think?!"     - Jayne, to Mal, Serenity

"Hell, I'll kill a man in a fair fight. Or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight. Or if he bothers me. Or if there's a woman. Or if I'm gettin' paid. Mostly only when I'm gettin' paid."      - Jayne, Serenity

"Can we start with the part where Jayne gets knocked out by a 90 pound girl? Because that's never getting old."     - Wash, Serenity

"Dear Buddha, I want a pony and a plastic rocket."      - Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity

"Half of writing history is hiding the truth."      - Malcolm Reynolds, Serenity

"I'm a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar."      - Wash, Serenity

"I'm sorry. I don't speak monkey."     - Count Olaf, to Sunny, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted."      - Count Olaf, to Mr. Poe, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"Beef, yes, roast beef! That's the Swedish term for beef that is roasted!"     - Count Olaf, to Violet, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"Children are strange and foreign to me. I never really was one... I do know that they are an important part of the ecosystem."     - Stephano, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"Does it strike you as odd that none of our relatives are related to us?"     - Klaus, to Violet, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"Oh, I could never, never, never sell this house! ... I'm terrified of realtors."     - Aunt Josephine, A Series of Unfortunate Events

"There is no 'I' in 'team,' but there is an 'I' in 'pie.'"      - Shaun, Shaun of the Dead

"Yeah, but Big Al says dogs can't look up!"     - Shaun, Shaun of the Dead

"Don't forget to kill Philip!"     - Ed, to Shaun, Shaun of the Dead

"Put your trust in the Lord. Your ass belongs to me."      – Warden Norton, The Shawshank Redemption

"I'm a convicted killer who provides sound financial planning."      – Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

"Guns don't kill people - but they sure help."      - Mr. Hertz, Shoot 'Em Up

"This is an M-24 tank. You are safe from all gunfire and most explosives."     - Mr. Smith, to DQ, Shoot 'Em Up

"Yes, I'd like to speak to one of your head warmongers, please."      – Stephanie Speck, Short Circuit

"Some of you are going to die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."     – Lord Farquaad, Shrek

"Oh, Shrek, don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you."     - Donkey, Shrek 2

"Sorry. I thought that question was directed at me."      – Puss in Boots, Shrek 2

"Aw, Shrek, don't worry about it. Pretty much everybody who meets you wants to kill you."     – Donkey, Shrek 2

"Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you, unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget."     – Shrek, Shrek 2

"Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity."     – Shrek, Shrek 2

"There's a monster outside my window.  Can I have a glass of water?"     – Bo, Signs

"Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine."     - Tom Hanks, to the town of Springfield, The Simpsons Movie

"Of course I've gone mad with power! Have you ever tried going mad without power? It's boring and no one listens to you!"     - Russ Cargill, The Simpsons Movie

"An old man dies - a young girl lives. Fair trade."      - Hartigan, Sin City

"I love hitmen. No matter what you do to them, you don't feel bad."      - Marv, Sin City

"That there is one damn fine coat you're wearin'."      - Marv, to a hitman, Sin City

"I don't know about you, but I'm havin' a ball."      - Marv, Sin City

"I'm Shellie's new boyfriend, and I'm out of my mind."      - Dwight, to Jackie-Boy, Sin City

"Sure he's an asshole. Sure he's dead. Sure I'm just imagining that he's talking. None of that stops the bastard from being absolutely right."     - Dwight, about Jackie-Boy, Sin City

"And after I pull off that miracle, maybe I'll go punch out God."      - Hartigan, Sin City

"It's an unlicensed boxing match. It's not a tickling competition."      – Turkish, Snatch

"You ain't from this planet, are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that is worth less than your shirt?"     – Sol, Snatch

"I'm driving down the road with your head stuck in my window. What does it look like I'm doin'?"     – Bullet Tooth Tony, to Mullet, Snatch

"Scientists are saying the future is going to be far more futuristic than they originally predicted."     - Krysta Now, Southland Tales

"Ladies and gentlemen, the party is over. Have a nice apocalypse."      - a P.A. announcement, Southland Tales

"Hey, I don't have to put up with this - I'm rich!"      - Princess Vespa, Spaceballs

"Listen we're not just doing this for money. We're doing it for a shitload of money!"     - Lone Starr, to Barf, Spaceballs

"On this ship you are to refer to me as 'idiot,' not 'you captain!' I mean . . . you know what I mean."     – Lone Starr, Spaceballs

"What are you preparing?! You're always preparing! Just go!"      – Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

"At last we meet, for the first time, for the last time."      – Lone Starr, to Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

"Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb."      – Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

"That's a cute outfit. Did your husband give it to you?"      - Peter Parker, to wrestler "Bonesaw" McGraw, Spider-Man

"Aww, what is he, shy? We can get a picture of Julia Roberts in a thong, we can certainly get a picture of this weirdo!"     - J.Jonah Jameson, about Spider-Man, Spider-Man

"Meat! I'll send you a nice box of Christmas meat. Best I can do. Get out of here."     - J. Jonah Jameson, to Peter Parker, Spider-Man

"Two last hopes are better than one."     - Capa, Sunshine

"Do I look like a cat to you? Do you see me jumpin' around all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree? Do I lick milk from a saucer? Do you see me eating mice?!"     – Foster, Super Troopers

"There is a very good reason for why my fake I.D. says I'm 25 and not 21. Every day hundreds of kids go to the liquor store with fake I.D.s that say they're 21. Just how many 21-year-olds are there in this town? It's called strategy."     - Fogell, Superbad

"I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'm not worried at all."     - Evan, Superbad

"I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move."      - Seth, Superbad

"It's amazing that brain can generate enough power to keep those legs moving."     - Lex Luthor, about Otis, Superman

"We all have our little faults. Mine's in California."      - Lex Luthor, Superman

"Frankly, I think this place is a bit boring. I mean, it's all WHITE! Why doesn't this Superman guy put up some nice posters here... Maybe some bullfighting stuff, or a pool table...!"      - Miss Teschmacher, about the Fortress of Solitude, Superman II

"So this is planet Houston."     - General Zod, Superman II

"Dwayne, you've gotta learn to kick ass if you wanna be a peacemaker."     - the sherriff, Superman II

"I see you are practiced in worshiping things that fly. Good."      - General Zod, to the White House staff, Superman II



"Why is it when men play, they always play at killing each other?"      - Marge Sherwood, The Talented Mr. Ripley

"Well, whatever you do, however terrible, however hurtful, it all makes sense, doesn't it, in your head. You never meet anybody that thinks they're a bad person."     - Tom Ripley, The Talented Mr. Ripley

"I always thought it would be better, to be a fake somebody... than a real nobody."     - Tom Ripley, The Talented Mr. Ripley

"Wise man say, 'Forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.'"     – Michaelangelo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Movie

"Looked like sort of a big turtle, in a trench coat. You're going to La Guardia, right?"     - a cab driver, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Movie

"Ninja-kick the damn rabbit!"     – Michaelangelo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Movie

"Y'know, not to criticize science or anything but, um, wouldn't it be a lot easier to call it 'the pink one'?"     – Michaelangelo, to Professor Perry, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of the Ooze

"They're not stupid, they're infants! ...Okay, they're stupid infants."     – Professor Perry, about Tokka and Rahzar, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of the Ooze

"First, we must observe the ancient ritual of the, uh, uh... traditional pre-fight donut."     - Leonardo, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of the Ooze

"The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!"      - Senator Ortolan Finistirre, Thank You For Smoking

"You can't really dust for vomit."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"We've got armadillos in our trousers. It's really quite frightening."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and..."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people - the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing..."     - Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"I think that the problem may have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being crushed by a dwarf."     - David, to Ian, This Is Spinal Tap

"We are such fans of your music and all of your records. I'm not speaking of yours personally, but the whole genre of the rock and roll."     - Lieutenant Hookstratten, to the band, This Is Spinal Tap

"They're two distinct types of visionaries - it's like fire and ice, basically. I feel my role in the band is to be somewhere in the middle of that, kind of like lukewarm water."     - Derek, about David and Nigel, This Is Spinal Tap

"Well, I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation."     - David, This Is Spinal Tap

"As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll."     - Mick, This Is Spinal Tap

"Jιfe, would you say I have a plethora of piρatas?"      – El Guapo, ‘Three Amigos!

"I suppose you could say that everyone has an El Guapo. For some, shyness may be an El Guapo. For others, lack of education may be an El Guapo. But for us, El Guapo is a large ugly man who wants to kill us."     – Lucky Day, ‘Three Amigos!

"Sew, old woman, sew! Like the wind!"     – Ned Nederlander, ‘Three Amigos!

"Why Kate, you're not wearing a bustle! How lewd."      - Doc Holliday, Tombstone

"It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the Antichrist."     - Doc Holliday, to Kate, Tombstone

"You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me, you hear? Hell's coming with me!"     - Wyatt Earp, to the Cowboys, Tombstone

"It's called reading. Top to bottom, left to right, group words together as a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches, Midol for any cramps."     – Richard, Tommy Boy

"I just barfed on an anthill! Cool. ...I think they're pissed."      – Richard, Tommy Boy

"What the American public doesn't know makes them the American public."     – Ray Salinsky, Tommy Boy

"You are one sad, strange little man."     – Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story

"Bah weep granah weep ninny bon!"     – Kup, Transformers: the Movie

"My father was a wheel! The first wheel! And do you know what he transformed into? NOTHING! But he did it with HONOR!"     - Jetfire, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"One man... alone... abandoned by the country he loves..."      - Agent Simmons, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"Give me your face!"     - Optimus Prime, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

"I don't read the script - script reads me!"     - Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder

"Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box."     - Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder

"I'm a lead farmer, motherfucker!"     - Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder

"C'mon! Let's get outta here! We only have 16 hours before they wake up!"     - Jeff Portnoy, Tropic Thunder

"I know what dude I am! I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!"     - Kirk Lazarus, Tropic Thunder



"Adventure is out there!"     - Charles Muntz, Up

"My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you."      - Dug, Up

"I like you temporarily!"     - a guard dog, Up

"Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, 'I forgot to gather acorns for the winter and now I am dead.' Ha ha! It's funny because the squirrel gets dead."     - Dug, Up

"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he doesn't exist."     – Roger "Verbal" Kint, The Usual Suspects



"I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is."     - V, V For Vendetta

"I, like God, do not play with dice and do not believe in coincidence."     - V, V For Vendetta

"No, what you have are bullets, and the hope that when your guns are empty I will no longer be standing, because if I am you will all be dead before you've reloaded."     - V, to Creedy, V For Vendetta

"Behind this mask is a man, and behind this man is an idea. And ideas are bulletproof."     - V, V For Vendetta



"Albania's hard to rhyme."     - Johnny Dean, Wag the Dog

"There are two things I know to be true. There's no difference between good flan and bad flan, and there is no war."     - Agent Young, Wag the Dog

"Which brings me to my second point, kids - don't do crack."      – Lawrence Taylor, The Waterboy

"I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turned out I was just really bored."     – Wayne, Wayne’s World

"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!"      – Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World

"Turn it off, man! Turn it off! It's sucking my will to live!"      – Garth, Wayne’s World

"Listen, sonny jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons."     – Del Preston, Wayne's World 2

"Now remember, 'alcohol' equals 'puke' equals 'smelly mess' equals 'nobody likes you'."     – Robbie Hart, The Wedding Singer

"He's losing his mind! And I'm reaping all the benefits!"      – Jimmy Moore, about Robbie, The Wedding Singer

"When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side."     - Harry, to Sally, When Harry Met Sally...

"You know, it's amazing. You look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death."     – Sally, to Harry, When Harry Met Sally...

"I'm definitely coming down with something. Probably a twenty-four-hour tumor, I hear they're going around."     - Harry, When Harry Met Sally...

"You made a woman meow?"     - Jess, to Harry, When Harry Met Sally...

"Draw something resembling anything!"      - Jess, to Sally, When Harry Met Sally...

"Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation!"      - Harry, to Jess, When Harry Met Sally...

"Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them."     - Sally, When Harry Met Sally...

"You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you."     - Sally, When Harry Met Sally...

"It's amazing how exotic Wisconsin - isn't."     – Elsie, While You Were Sleeping

"It doesn't matter how many people I've killed. What matters is how I get along with the people who are still alive."     – Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski, The Whole Nine Yards

"You are so beautiful! Your eyes! Your whiskers! I must kiss you!"      - Rool, to a cat, Willow

"Her name is not Sticks! She's Alora Dannen, the future empress of Tir Asleen, and the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest!"     - Willow, to Madmartigan, Willow

"Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case of Wonka Bars!"     – the detective, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"We must remember there are many more important things, many more important things . . . offhand, I can't think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something."     – a newscaster, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest."     – Mr. Turkentine, to his class, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing."      – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"So much time and so little to do... Wait a minute. Strike that, reverse it."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about."      – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Don't lose your head, Augustus. We wouldn't want anybody to lose that. ... Yet."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Help. Police. Murder."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last."      – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"If she's a lady, then I'm a Vernicious Knid."      – Grandpa Joe, about Veruca, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"The snozzberries taste like snozzberries!"     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

"If the good Lord had intended us to walk, He wouldn't have invented roller skates."     – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory



"Maybe we should call in a bomb threat to Houston. I think it's free beer night at the Astrodome."     - Mulder, to Scully, X-Files: Fight the Future

"Oh yes, a bolt of lightning into a huge copper conductor. I thought you lived at a school."     – Magneto, X-Men



"The world's a playground. You know that when you're a kid, but somewhere along the way everyone forgets it."     - Allison, Yes Man



"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?"     - Derek Zoolander, Zoolander

"If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident."     - Derek Zoolander, Zoolander

"I felt like, 'This guy's really hurting me.' And it hurt."      - Hansel, Zoolander

"I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!"     - Mugatu, Zoolander