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Highway Wars | ||||
Viewing a highway war is one of the most exciting experiences of anyones life. No offense to the ladies, but this is generally a guy thing. Here's how they start. One guy is going on about 70 on the interstate and a guy comming up behind his is doing 89 or so. The guy speeding is driving in a sports car while the guy going the speed limit is driving some piece of crap he bought from Honest Ed's Discount Vehicles. So anyway, Speedy comes up behind the other guy, and after realizing that he's not going to go faster than the speed limit. So he trys to pass him. The ultimate insult. Merely going past him is no insult. That means that both of you find a different speed comfortable, but to pass someone is to say that they're a wimp for driving so slow. So the testosterone in this guy builds up and he thinks, "My buddies are in the car with me. I can't let him do this to me." So as Speedy comes up to him, the guy starts speeding up until he's going faster than the other guy. Speedy sees this and realizes that this guy is questioning his status as a man by not letting him pass. Evevtually the two are zooming down the interstate at breakneck speed. The two go on like this until they meet up with a guy in a minivan. One of the guys got stuck behind him and is now trying to pass him. This isn't good for the minivan guy. The fact that he is driving that particular vehicle already threatens his manliness. As he sees the macho man trying to pass him he wishes desperately that his other car were out of the shop. The only thing he can do now to save himself from uncomfortable questions about his sexuality is beat the two in a race. By now we have three guys screaming down the highway. It doesn't occur to any of them that they don't have a finish line, so none of them are really racing to anywhere particular. But they don't know that. All they care about is now being left in the dust. The exit they need comes and goes and they're still driving. Eventually other testosterone induced males have gotten involved and a highway war has begun. There will be no victor. Only losers. Seeing one of these spectacles is an incredibly awesome sight. In fact, most movies that involve street racing are filming actually highway wars and not stunt drivers. This phenomenon is usually located on the streets of Los Angelas, and sooner or later the guns get whipped out, and things get really exciting. What makes it even better is when one of the guys is stoned out of his gord. In fact, I think that NASCAR races should be done along the same lines as a highway war. |