Movies as Done by Sarcastaman
          Many movies I have seen have some serious flaws. I can think of several I would change. Here's my way to make them better. First up Star Wars. It seemed to me that in the second movie, Luke Skywalker accepts the fact that Darth Vadar is his father all too easily. He didn't even have proof. Here's how it should have gone.

DV: Luke I am you father.
LS: What?! That can't be right! It just can't be!
DV: Well it's true.
LS: Prove it!
DV: What?
LS: You heard me, prove it. Prove your my father.
DV: Well, I, uh,  don't have anything right now, but...uh...You have to believe me when I tell you this.
LS: Believe you? I don't see why I should. You cut off my freakin' hand for crying out loud.
DV: That doesn't mean I'm not your father.
LS: Look, Darth, in this day and age you don't go making outrageous claims without the DNA evidence to back it up. Do you even have my birth certificate.
DV: I, uh, think your mother might have it, or it, uh, might have accidentally gotten thrown away.
LS: Geez! You can't expect me to believe anything you say. We don't even look alike.
DV: That's because I'm wearing a helmet.
LS: Still, I refuse to call you Daddy until you get me proof.
DV: Well I do have a home DNA test. Here take this cup. Put a few drops of blood in it. Okay now I'll put some of mine in. Now we wait.
LS: How long?
DV: 60 seconds.
LS: What can we do that takes 60 seconds. We could make fun of Jar-jar from those new movies.
DV: Hey, I liked Jar-jar.
LS: He was an idiot and you know it.
DV: He wasn't the smartest of...whatever he is, but he was an important plot character.
LS: True. But Lucas could have made him a little more tolerable.
DV: I guess, but, oh! The test is done.
LS: It turned pink. What does that mean?
DV: I don't know. Check the box.
LS: Well I guess you are my father.
DV: Wow, really?
LS: What do you mean?
DV: Well I was just trying to psyche you out. I didn't really think I was your father.
LS: Maybe this test is broken.
DV: It does say 99.99% accuracy. Wanna do it again?
LS: Nah, I'll take your word for it.
DV: Shall we continue fighting?
LS: Sure.

I have a major problem with spy movies. Any 007 type film is just too unbelievable.  You have about fifty bad guys with semi-automatic guns, firing wildly at the hero, who is picking them off with a pistol (that seems to have an unlimited number of bullets in it). I want to make a realistic spy movie. It starts with some terrorist bombing some place, and the CIA sends their agents after them. 001 goes in and is killed before he even sees the guy in charge. 002 learns what the guy is planning, but is shot before he can contact the hq. 003 manages to shoot the bad guy in the leg, but his fire is returned by a passing guard. 004 gets himself in a car chase, but manages to smash into a semi. Things go on in this fashion until about 009, when the CIA decides just to nuke the building they think the guy is hiding in. They do so, and the movie ends. In the sequel, the CIA has to deal with all the lawsuits filed by victims of radioactive poisoning from the bomb they dropped. There's a realistic spy movie for you.

Now lets discuss The Wizard of Oz. The witch died way to easily. Water?! Come on. Make it difficult. Here's how it should be.

DT: [splashes water on witch]
WW: AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!
DT: Oh my God, I've killed her.
WW: No it just stings really bad. I wouldn't be much of a witch if I melted due to water. Now then, burn Scarecrow!
SC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaugh....
DT: You $#^#@! You killed scarecrow!
TM: Catfight!
DT and WW fistfight for awhile.
CL: Out of the way Dorothy. [he mauls and eats the witch]
DT: That's disgusting.
CL: Hey I am a lion. Cut me some slack.
DT: Whatever. Just grab the broom, and let's get out of here.
TM: Should we get Scarecrows ashes.
DT: I'm not about to carry around a dead guy's ashes. Just leave him here. Now hurry up. We have to see the wizard.
TM and CL: Weeeeeee'rrreeeeee off the see the wizard, the won--
DT: No singing! I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head, all day now.
CL: Well sooorrrrry!
DT: Come on. These ruby slippers are cutting off the circulation to my feet.
TM: Which was is Emerald city.
DT: Does anyone have the map?
CL: I think Scarcrow had it.
DT: Great. What about the yellow-brick road?
TM: No good. They tore it down and put up an interstate highway.

And how about Citizen Kane?

"R-Rosebud"
"Who's Rosebud?"
"My sled. Get my sled."
"Oh, okay."
The end.

Or perhaps Gladiator? I think if there was a Maximus, there should have been a Minimus and a Medius. They could have been a fighting threesome. Maybe that could happen in a sequel.