| Twas the Night Before Christmas: Part 2 |
| Twas the night before Christmas And Santa is scared For he's approaching the house that before he would not have dared This is the house Of Ed McIntyre The man who had once Set Santa on fire Now his son was as Good as good can be And Santa just had to give him a present He's like that (you see) But one day Ed started to think Thoughts circled his mind Like skaters in an ice rink "Santa must be evil"* Old Edward thought "I must stop the horror That Santa has brought." So for five years now He tried to kill St. Nick He had to do it And do it quick Year number one Wasn't much fun For Ed shot at Santa With your average handgun He took his shot and Santa he didn't hit He instead hit his truch and yelled out "Oh Darn!" Year number two He made Santa run When he came after him With a double-barrel shotgun. For Santa, now, This was not swell Because each bullet loaded Had an exploding shell. He shot at Santa again with the greatest of care, But once again missed and only hit air. Year number three He had a bazooka at hand to blow Santa to bits (that was his plan). The rocket was fired As quiet as a mouse, But Ed missed again And hit his neighbors house Year number four He had a ground to air missle That would shoot in the air Making a sound like a whistle. Santa he missed And this isn't funny. He hit instead The Easter Bunny.** Year number five The missles were changed. They were heat-seaking now And had maximum range. Ed fired at Santa But did not prevail. Though he did slightly Singe Rudolph's tail. Set forth to the house Was Old Chris Cringle. He had goosebumps And was beginning to tingle. This year Ed Had gone all out. "Say goodbye Santa!" He gave with a shout. Land mines were strung About the roof. The lumps in the snow Were there for proof. Barbed wire was hung On the chimney with care In the hopes that St. Nicholas Soon would be there. Missles were lined All over his home. One was disguised As a friendly lawn gnome. Santa approached And he heard a whirr As a rocket went past (it flew like a bird). Rockets were fired. Missles were shot. Grenades exploded. There were quite a lot. Finally Santa's sleigh was struck. He couldn't get jump out. His @#%&ing seatbelt was stuck. Santa's sleigh landed In the soft white snow. What would become of him He just didn't know. Ed approached slowly (a grin on his face) But suddenly Santa Pulled out his can of mace. He sprayed Ed And it made his face ache And it gave Santa Time to escape. Santa flew off, His mind filled with fear, Just what would happen... Just what would happen next year. *Don't ask me why he thought this. He was stupid okay. **The Easter Bunny was not killed. He was placed under intensive care, and he should be back on his feet by next Easter. |