Melting the Ice Princess
By: Sarol
June 1, 2002

Enough is enough, thought Elaine as she slammed the door to the Botsford house, rattling the smudged pains of glass set in the frame. She'd had enough of her fiancé, George, who was a few years older than her, and quite possibly the most boring person on the face of the earth. She'd had enough of her parents, who could never see things the way she did. But more than anything, she'd had enough of her guilt after what had happened.
Elaine stood at the door a moment, contemplating going back inside.
"Oh, Elaine," Mrs. Botsford had said the night before, when Elaine had told her that perhaps she and George should put off the wedding. "You two are a match made in heaven. George will be going to Harvard in the spring, and he'll make you so much money."
"But mother," Elaine had protested. "What's money without love?"
Mrs. Botsford had sighed. "Money is important now. Money, and protection. It's a crazy world out there, especially for you because of…never mind. Love...love will come with the years." On an afterthought, Mrs. Botsford had added, mostly to change the subject, "And think of how beautiful you'll look in your wedding dress!"
Later that night, Elaine's father had an announcement to make at the dinner table. "The arrangements have been made, Ellie-belly," he had told her, making her blush at the sound of her childish pet name. "You'll be married in May, after you turn seventeen."
Elaine's eyes had widened in dismay. "But, father!" she'd protested, standing up to cause a scene, only to be slapped. Elaine touched her fingertips to her cheek, remembering how it had stung.
"Elaine Botsford!" her father had yelled. "You know what you did! You're lucky George still wants to marry you, with all those rumors. The police are onto you. You've got to marry soon, to change your name. How would it look for our family, if…?" Mr. Botsford had trailed off, not wanted to consider it.
"I'm sorry, daddy," Elaine whispered to the closed door, her hand still on the doorknob. Then, in a louder, firmer voice, she added, "But that was the last straw!" Kicking the door, Elaine turned on her heal and marched down the cobblestone path to the road. How dare her father use that against her, after he'd promised to never mention it again?
No, don't think about it, a voice in Elaine's head told her firmly. She'd pressed that out of her mind, and if she thought about it again, she'd go mad.
I'll show them, she thought. It was unusually warm for this time of year, a week into November, but still Elaine was glad she'd thought to wear a sweater over her dress. True, it hadn't snowed yet that year, but the wind was bitterly cold.
After contemplating for a few moments, Elaine decided not to go back for a heavier sweater. After all, her parents would be up any moment, and if they caught her, the plan would be ruined. It was now or never. Besides, she was already several blocks out of her neighborhood.
As she pressed on, Elaine noticed the houses begin to change from neat little homes to shabbier ones. It was then that Elaine realized that she had no idea where she was. It was getting colder, too. Still, she pressed on, convinced that she had to get somewhere -where, she didn't know, but she had to keep going.
What seemed like ages later, Elaine was finally in what she recognized as the slums of town. The wind whipped through the alleys and through her thin sweater, making her shiver terribly. The streets were deserted; it seemed most people had the sense to stay out of a storm like this.
And storm it was, for soon it was snowing. It wasn't the fluffy white flakes most people imagine when they think of the first snow of the year. This was tiny, sharp crystals that stung Elaine's face as she walked against the wind.
Soon Elaine was feeling dizzy. She was too hot, as it was hard work walking against the wind, yet at the same time she was freezing. Every time she opened her eyes, it was nearly impossible to hold them open, so she finally gave up and closed them, feeling the side of the buildings to guide her.
George, help me, Elaine thought wildly, knowing how silly that was. In her life, she'd never been this miserable, never really known pain. It angered her. Thrusting her hand into her pocket, Elaine sighed, and pressed on with determination.
By then, all her thoughts had been replaced by one idea: keep going. As she shivered violently, Elaine considered giving up, surrendering to the blurry whiteness. No.
One foot in front of the other. Every last bit of Elaine's energy was spent taking another step, and then there were so many more ahead of her. It was hopeless. Leaning against a wall, Elaine slid down and hugged her knees. This is better, she thought, and felt the cold pass, though some part of her knew she wasn't warming up. Soon the storm would be over; soon she would go home.
Soon…


"Dear God!" Kid Blink gasped as he and Mush ventured outside of the Lodging House to sell papers, their feet crunching on the crisp snow.
Mush stopped short. Was it normal for someone to be that color? He certainly didn't think so. "You think she's okay?" he asked his friend, although he was fairly certain of the answer.
Kid Blink didn't answer, instead replied, "We've got to get her inside."
It took both of them to drag the limp weight of the girl's body back through the doors. "She's cold as ice!" Kid Blink said when they finally closed the door, blowing on his fingers.
"What do you expect?" Mush asked. "She's covered with it."
Kid Blink shook his head, the room oddly quiet except for the sound of one of the younger boys yelling, "Look at the snow!" from upstairs.
"What's going on?" Jack asked, appearing from the staircase, along with a few other newsies.
"We found her outside," Mush shrugged, gesturing at the girl's body on the floor.
There was silence while everyone stood there, unsure what to say or do next.
"Well, get her by the fire," said Specs after a moment, and then everyone reacted at once, a few of them dragging the girl toward the teeny fireplace, one or two finding some blankets, and the majority looking on awkwardly, not quite sure what to do.
Finally, when there wasn't much more they could do for her, Racetrack spoke. "Is she…?"
"Nah," said Crutchy. "She ain't…"
No one wanted to say the word. Finally Jack did. "Dead?"
"Hey, what's all the fuss about?" Kloppman asked, emerging from a little room in the back. When he saw the girl, he went over to where she lay on the floor, and without a word, picked up her hand and touched a finger to her wrist.
"He's gone nuts," whispered Snipeshooter, adding, "Hey!" when Racetrack punched him in the shoulder.
After a moment, Kloppman spoke. "Heart's beating, though not too fast."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Mush stepped forward and took her hand, rubbing the nearly translucent fingers. "Look at her smiling in her sleep. I wonder what she's thinking about, right this second. What do you think her name is?" he said to no one in particular.
Jack laughed. "Hey, Mush, does someone have a crush on her?"
"No!" Mush said defensively, but he didn't drop her hand, either.
"It's okay," said Kid Blink. "She's not bad looking. She may even be kind of pretty, once that hair gets untangled.
"I don't even know her," said Mush, and that time he did let go of her hand, setting it gently at her side.
"So, let's go," said Jack impatiently, glancing at the old clock on the wall. "We better leave now if we want to sell the morning edition."
Everyone agreed, and turned to leave. Mush reluctantly left a few moments later.


Elaine groaned and stretched, terribly uncomfortable. She opened her eyes, and found herself staring into a dying fire. What happened to her bed, her newly whitewashed room? Sitting up quickly, she found that every muscle in her body was sore. "Where am I?" she whispered, her fragile voice piercing the heavy silence of the room.
She heard footsteps behind her, and a voice. "You're in the Newsboy Lodging house. The boys found you this morning, lucky they did."
Turning around, she saw a friendly-looking old man. "Mm," Elaine sighed and ran her hand across her face, trying to make sense of everything. She closed her eyes again to try to remember something, and when she opened them again the man was gone.
Elaine's confusion was replaced with anger, even though she didn't quite know why. Perhaps it was just frustration. "Hello?" she called, sitting up, and wrapping the coarse blanket that was beside her around her shoulders.
There was no answer. "Hello!" she called louder, getting angrier. When there was still no answer, she stood up, feeling light-headed. There was a note set on top of the table, obviously meant for her. Elaine picked it up and read, "Girl, I had to pick up a few things. Stay here, the boys or I will be back soon."
Closing her eyes, Elaine crumpled the note, and then smoothed it out again, trying to push down the lump in her throat and block the ringing in her ears.
Sighing loudly, she looked wildly around for something, anything, to do. This little room was rather small, but even so, it held a surprisingly small amount of furniture. There was the table that the old man had left the note on, a counter with a wall of files and cabinets behind it, the teeny fireplace, and a few worn-out chairs set here and there. And then there was a staircase.
Now, Elaine knew better than to poke around in other people's houses, but she also still had no idea where she was or what she was doing there. Deciding that she had to take a look around, Elaine clutched the gnarled wooden railing and climbed the steep stairs. Looking around, she discovered even less than what was downstairs- just a room full of bunk beds and a few bathrooms.
Sighing, Elaine went back downstairs, stomping loudly on the wooden floor, and began to get angry with the people who lived there, leaving nothing for her to do.
"Hello?" she called again, knowing it was useless, but calling just the same to keep herself from going insane.
To her surprise someone came up behind her. "Hello," he said.
Elaine turned around to see a boy of about her age, slightly taller, with curly brown hair and brown eyes. "I was just…" Elaine started, trying in vain to come up with a reason why she was looking around.
The boy shrugged and laughed. "It's okay, you were snooping."
Elaine couldn't make herself smile. "Do you live here?"
"Yeah, with the other newsies," the boy replied, his grin faltering slightly.
"What's a newsie?" Elaine asked, knowing that her voice sounded colder than she meant it.
"We, well we're the ones who sell the papers," the boy said, smile fading altogether. "Look, are you okay? Because when me and Blink found you out there in the snow, well, you didn't look too good."
Snow. The word brought a chill up and down Elaine's spine as she finally remembered the storm, the ice, the hopelessness. "You…found me?" she asked, letting the coldness she was hiding behind melt slightly.
The boy nodded. "You were knocked out in front there, lying on a snow bank."
Elaine tried to let it all soak in. "You mean…I could have died?"
He opened his mouth slightly, and closed it again, as if debating whether or not to tell her just how pale her skin had been, how blue her frozen lips. "Aw, I doubt it," he finally said. "I mean, I'm no doctor, but, people don't die of a stupid thing like cold, do they?"
Elaine shook her head slowly, and wrapped the blanket even tighter around her shoulders, shuddering at the thought of what might have happened had this boy not found her. Wait. Don't get too close to anyone, Elaine told herself, don't blow your cover. What if he knows...? "No they don't," she said firmly, and deliberately sat down on an armchair facing the opposite side of this boy.


"Should someone say something to her?" whispered Racetrack to Kid Blink about an hour later, when all the newsies had arrived back at the Lodging House. The girl was still sitting in much the same position, not having said a word to anyone.
Kid Blink shrugged and looked at Jack. Jack raised his eyebrows and sighed heavily, and then stepped forward. "Hey, uh, are you getting hungry?" he finally asked.
The girl turned her head to look at him, raising her dark brown eyes from the knot on the floorboard where they'd been fixed. "No," she said shortly, and turned her head back.
A few of the newsies exchanged glances, and finally Mush worked up his courage and walked up to her. "Listen, do you need a place to stay? 'Cause, you know, we got the Lodging House, and if you want to, you can stay for awhile."
The girl looked at Mush, eyes boring into his, and pursed her lips together, as if she was unsure of how to respond. Finally, she took a deep breath and said, "That would be fine."
Mush smiled, despite the coldness in her voice. He knew that past this icy exterior, there was a sweet girl inside, if he could just get through to her. He'd seen a glimpse of her earlier, when he'd caught her off guard with talk of freezing to death. "I'm Mush," he said, extending his hand.
The girl stared at it, seemingly unsure of what to do with it. "I'm E-Elaine," she said after a moment, though she didn't take his hand.
"Had to think about that one," someone remarked, and Elaine stood up. Mush could see the tears begin to well up in her eyes, and for some reason it gave him a pang of remorse. He reached out to touch her shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" Elaine shouted at him, and ran up the stairs.


Holding in the tears was painful, so as soon as she flopped onto the nearest bunk, Elaine let them flow. She felt bad, that was the only way to explain it. After they were so kind to her, she didn't mean to act like this. She just knew she had to, because if they didn't, they might find out about her past.
Trying not to think about her past, Elaine thought about the newsies. In all her life, she'd never really experienced the feelings going on down stairs. All these boys, living in this house with absolutely nothing in it, and still they were all cheerful. It made her wonder. She'd never really considered herself bitter, but certainly not that friendly. She wished that she could open up to them, but she just couldn't.
Elaine knew her parents wouldn't be the only looking for her, probably putting rewards for her in the paper. She didn't want to tell these boys who she really was. Surely for the smallest sum of money they'd turn her in.
And if they turned her in, not only would she face hours of lectures from her parents, but…she had no idea what the police would do with her.
No, she was right to be cold and distant.
If only she could make that one understand, the one named Mush. There was something about him, with his honest, straightforward eyes and his curly hair that made her feel she could tell him everything. His smile made her think that as long as he was there, everything would be okay. But that was dangerous, because she knew she couldn't get too close to anyone.
"Elaine?" she heard a voice call from behind her. Stifling the sob that she was about to release, Elaine closed her eyes, hoping he'd think she was asleep. After a moment, she heard footsteps, and a door close. Finally letting the sob go, Elaine cried.


"She's asleep," announced Kid Blink as he approached the rest of the newsies with an air of defeat.
Racetrack glanced at the clock. "It's not even six o'clock."
Kid Blink shrugged.
"Look, who really cares about some girl?" Jack put in angrily. "After we saved her, if she ain't gonna be grateful about it, then let her starve. I'm going to Tibby's."
Everyone joined him, including a rather reluctant Mush, who remained oddly quiet throughout the meal. He somehow knew Elaine wasn't asleep. Ignoring the taunts of some of the newsies, he bought some extra food for her.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Mush, don't worry about her. She had her chance to come, and by the looks of her, she ain't exactly straight out of the poor house. You're wasting your money."
Still Mush bought her a meal, and although he ate half of it on the way home, he brought it upstairs, discovering that Elaine had chosen his bunk. "Hey," he said, not wanting to wake her if she was really asleep. "It's me, Mush."
The girl slowly opened one eye and then the other. "Yeah?" she asked.
"I brought this for you." Mush pulled out some french fries wrapped in a crumpled paper.
When Elaine just looked at him, Mush added, "They're good, try one." He could tell she was hungry, but still, the same thing that kept her from talking with the other newsies was keeping her from taking a fry. While the other newsies assumed it was pride and arrogance, Mush knew it was something else.
"Look, I didn't poison them," Mush said, eating one himself.
"That's not funny," Elaine whispered, yet she took one, deliberately, as if to say she was afraid of nothing.
They ate the remaining fries slowly, the silence so thick it became almost unbearable.
"Hey, uh, that's my bunk," Mush finally said, basically just to make conversation and not knowing what else to say.
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Elaine unkindly, very obviously trying to make him dislike her. "I didn't know. Would you like me to sleep on the floor again?"
Mush tried to keep the hurt expression off his face. "No, you can go ahead and sleep there, it's just-"
"No, the floor will be fine, thank you," said Elaine, and picking up the blanket she'd wrapped around her shoulders, settled on the wooden floor. Mush opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Elaine added, "What, the blanket's yours, too? Fine, take it!" Thrusting it at him, Elaine marched angrily toward the door, leaving behind a very confused Mush.


Elaine didn't know where else to go but to the bathrooms. Finding only a few sinks and mirrors, she finally settled for a bathroom stall. The toilet itself looked so unsanitary, Elaine didn't dare sit on it, and instead leaned against the wall.
Elaine had always told herself that she didn't care what people thought of her, but now she knew that wasn't true. She'd never considered herself downright mean, but that was exactly how she was acting, because that was the only way to keep the situation from getting worse. If she acted any other way, there was a chance that she might get close to them, and if that happened, she might start to tell them things.
The newsies may not like her now, but still, it was nothing compared to what they would think about her if she told them the truth. And they couldn't turn her into the police for rudeness.
Closing her eyes, Elaine remembered that summer night. She remembered how she'd gone to the park to meet George, how George had been late. She remembered the hand that had grabbed her shoulder, how afraid she'd been when the hand had clapped over her mouth, blocking her screams. Tears ran down her cheeks as she remembered how helpless she'd been, except for the gun she'd carried with her…
"It was self-defense," Elaine whispered, the sound of her own voice bringing her back to reality.
"What?" she heard a voice say.
Opening the door, she saw the boy she figured was the leader of the newsies, the one with the cowboy hat and bandana. "Excuse me?" Elaine asked.
"What did you say?" the boy repeated. "I mean, I heard you talking, and, what was self-defense?"
Elaine changed the subject to avoid having to storm off again. "You know, I never did learn your name."
"I'm Jack Kelly," He held out his hand, and after a moment of hesitation, Elaine shook it. "Listen," said Jack, "You've been acting kind of strange, and us newsies are always honest with each other. So if you're gonna be one of us, then…"
Elaine nodded, thinking quickly for a way to respond. "I…" she began, then started over. "To tell you the truth, when I woke up, I couldn't…I couldn't remember anything. I didn't know who I was." Elaine spoke faster, with more confidence as the idea developed. "Yes, I have amnesia. Did I…do I know you guys?"
Jack was clearly surprised. "No… um, no, I mean we just met you. Look, are you okay, do you need to see a doctor or something? I mean, I'm not quite sure what this amnesia is, but it sounds serious."
Elaine shrugged. "It means I lost my memory."
"Wow, okay…" Jack obviously had no idea what to say to her. "Well, look, you can stay here with us. Huh, I'm glad you told me, I was just about to yell at you to find your own place to stay if you were going to act like that."
"Act like what?" Elaine asked, faking stupidity. She'd read about amnesia in a book once, but she really had no idea how she should act if she wanted to pull a convincing portrayal.
"Um…it doesn't matter," Jack said. "You can stay here, or there's bunks, just, go wherever."
With that, he left, mercifully leaving Elaine alone.


"So? What's wrong with her?" asked Dutchy when Jack came downstairs.
"She said she had, uh…some…manisia," Jack said.
"Is it contagious?" asked Specs, at the same time Racetrack asked, "What's that?"
"It means she don't remember nothing," Jack said, as if they were stupid for not knowing, forgetting that he himself hadn't known just a few minutes earlier. "When she woke up, she was so confused, so I guess that's why she was acting like that."
Unlike the other newsies, Mush had at least heard of amnesia from a story or something, and somehow, even though he wasn't quite sure of the symptoms, he didn't think Elaine's story of memory loss was true. Elaine's eyes were like a window to her soul, and when he looked in them, he knew that Elaine knew very well who she was.
He quietly slipped away from the poker game the other newsies were starting up, and climbed the stairs to where Elaine was braiding her wild chestnut locks. "What state is this?" he asked her, startling her.
Elaine whipped her head around. "New-" she started to say on an impulse, and then stopped. "Uh…New Jersey, ain't it?"
Mush rolled his eyes. "You ain't got amnesia."
"Have so," Elaine said quietly, knowing she'd lost the argument.
"Listen," said Mush, and Elaine did, wanting to soak up every bit of his voice. "Once there was this girl newsie, and she taught me this game. It's called truth or dare. And what you do is-"
"I know what truth or dare is," Elaine interrupted.
"I thought you had amnesia," Mush said with a wry smile, and then continued. "Okay then, pick one, truth or dare."
"Dare," Elaine said immediately.
"I knew you'd pick that," said Mush. "So I thought up a special one. Take off your dress and go downstairs in front of all the guys naked."
Elaine gasped as if being hit with cold water. She blinked hard, and said shrilly, "No…no! Are you out of your mind?"
Mush's smile grew. "Then you have to take a truth."
Elaine's jaw dropped open, and she threw her arms up in defeat. "Fine."
Mush considered for a moment, and asked, "Why were you lying out in the snow bank?"
Elaine smiled. She'd been let off the hook. "I ran away," she said simply. "And it got so cold I passed out."
"Why'd you run away?" Mush asked.
"Ah-ah-ah," said Elaine, raising her eyebrows and smiling. "You asked your question. Truth or dare."
"Truth," Mush said, without a whole lot of hesitation.
Elaine thought for a moment. She'd expected him to pick dare. "Fine then," she said. "Why do you care so much about me?"
Mush froze. "You…have a quality," he said. "There's something about you…you're different. And I can see right through you. It's like you built up an icy wall around you. Why are you like that?"
"Did I pick truth?" Elaine asked.
"Well, no," said Mush. "But your offer for the dare still stands."
"Fine," said Elaine. "I…you don't know about my past. If you had gone through some of the things I have, you'd be like this, too. I did a really bad thing. And-" Elaine stopped herself. "And, I don't remember what. Because I have amnesia. So?" she asked. "Truth or dare?"
Mush narrowed his eyes. "Dare."
Elaine stood up. "I dare you to mind your own business," she said, patting his curly head as she walked by, and sending him a secretive smile before going down the stairs.
That was stupid, she silently chided herself. You're playing with fire; can't you see that? Still, Elaine smiled as she took a seat by one of the newsies, waving her hand in front of her face to clear the smoke from his cigar.
"Uh, hey," he said, sounding as uncomfortable as he looked. "I'm Racetrack. Race- RACETRACK. Racetrack Higgins."
The rest of the newsies introduced themselves in much the same manner.
"And we're newsies," the one who'd called himself Kid Blink said. "We sell papers. Would you like to come sell with us tomorrow?"
Elaine shrugged. The truth was, not really, but she hadn't thought to bring much money, and she did need a job… "Okay."
Faking a yawn, Elaine stretched and said, "I'd better get some rest if I'm going to get an early start then."
She brushed past Mush on the staircase, and took the bunk she'd taken before. Happily, she realized that now perhaps she'd have a fresh start, with new people, a new life. Wouldn't George be surprised if he knew where she was now, Elaine thought with a humorless laugh.
Thoughts of George, however, brought her back to thoughts of that night. How she'd raised her gun, and, without a second thought let it fire. Elaine suppressed a sob as she remembered the dying man's groan. I did that, she thought. I killed a man.
She remembered staring at the gun, shaking in her hand, and dropping it, the noise it made when it hit the pavement deafening. There was no one else in the park.
Elaine's footsteps had echoed as she ran for home, meeting George on the way. Oh, George, she'd thought. You came too late. She'd pushed him away, sobbing, and ran for bed.
Then Elaine remembered the next morning, when the police had shown up, asking if this was Elaine's gun found by the body.
"No, of course not," Mrs. Botsford had said. "Our Elaine has never even touched a gun." Ha. Elaine remembered laughing dryly when she'd heard that.
The policeman had looked embarrassed. "Of course not. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
But, of course after that the police had come looking for her, more than once. Each time, she'd hid. Even Elaine's parents eventually started to suspect her, and sent her away to live with her aunt.
When the papers started offering rewards for her, Elaine went back to her parents, her aunt not wanting to have her in the house anymore. Which led her father to make the wedding arrangements with George.
Elaine cried.
It wasn't fair; nothing was fair. Why couldn't they understand? It wasn't her fault…but it was. She'd pulled the trigger. Elaine cried harder, eventually crying herself to sleep.


She was in Mush's bunk again. Mush sighed and walked over to Elaine to put a blanket over her shoulders. He stopped when he saw the tears that lay on her pale face, some of them dampening the rough fabric of his pillow. He touched her cheek, the feeling the moisture under his fingertips. It made his heart ache.
Mush stood there a moment, unsure of what to do, and finally leaned forward and gave Elaine a kiss on the cheek, tasting the sweet saltiness of her tears. "Night," he whispered, and made his way back to the open bunk in the back of the room.


"C'mon, get up! You gotta get up!"
"Hmm?" Elaine rolled over, yawning as she watched the darkness around fade into forms.
"Get up!" the voice repeated, and Elaine slowly sat up to see a bustling room full of boys getting dressed. Stretching, she climbed out of bed.
"Sleep well?" asked Kid Blink.
Elaine stared at him for a moment, dazed, before replying, "Yeah," and sauntering off toward the bathroom. Had she been…crying last night? And had someone kissed her? Or was it all a dream, the soft feeling of someone's lips on her cheek…
Elaine shook her head, jerking herself once and for all into reality. When everyone had gotten dressed, they stepped outside into a dazzlingly bright winter day.
"Do you want to sell with me?" Jack asked Elaine.
She shrugged. "Okay." The truth was that she'd rather go with Mush, but if she did, they'd inevitably end up talking, and Elaine knew she couldn't reveal any more of her past to him.
Imitating Jack when they got to the distribution spot, Elaine slammed a fifty-cent piece on the counter, and asked for "A hundred papes."
Jack looked impressed. "Wow, you think you can sell that many?"
Elaine thought, uncertain if she could and what she'd say to Jack that wouldn't lead to any more questions. Finally she decided to play the amnesia card, and asked, "And why not? You can do it, can't you? I mean, didn't I used to be a newsie?"
Jack looked uncomfortable, as he had the last time she talked about amnesia. "Um, no, I don't think so," he said. "But look, it's okay, we'll sell them."
Elaine smiled. "Good."
So off they went. It was surprisingly difficult, Elaine found out all too soon. She couldn't make herself cheat people out of their money, and ended up giving most of her stack to Jack to sell for her.
By the time Jack finally led Elaine back to a cozy little restaurant called Tibby's for supper, she was exhausted.
"So, how was your first day?" Mush asked as Elaine slid next to him.
"Fine, thank you," Elaine replied shortly, trying not to start a conversation, or meet his eyes. She couldn't help it, though, and finally turned to him, saying, "Do you have to do this every day?"
Mush shrugged. "No."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Elaine started to say, "Good," and complain, but she was interrupted as Mush went on.
"Only the days we want to eat." Mush and a few of the other newsies around him laughed.
Elaine stood up, angry.
"Oh, look, the Ice Princess is gonna explode," said Racetrack, and Elaine faltered, torn between leaving, what her every instinct told her to do, and staying, just to let them know she wasn't as bad as they thought. She sat back down.
Elaine smiled as sweetly as she could manage, while at the same time her brain was screaming at her to leave before she told them anything. Her smile must not have been very convincing, because Mush asked her if she was okay.
Elaine nodded absently, staring at the scrap of paper wedged under a napkin dispenser. On it was a crudely drawn picture. It was hard to make out as it was comprised of stick figures, but from what Elaine could tell, there was a dead man, a girl with a gun by him, and behind the girl, another man with a gun.
As casually as she could, Elaine crumpled the scrap of paper. "Um, was someone sitting here before we came?" she asked.
"Yeah, actually," said Specs. "There was a guy in this booth, left a few minutes after we came. Why?"
"No reason," Elaine said, her voice shaking. "I…I just lost my appetite, that's all." She unfolded the paper under the table again for another look, and almost fainted at what she saw. Under the female figure, which before Elaine had just assumed was grass, were her initials, scribbled illegibly so perhaps the only person who would figure it out would be someone who was looking for it. E.B.


Something's wrong, Mush thought as he lay on his back that night, unable to sleep. No one else sensed it; they just labeled Elaine the "Ice Princess" and believed her amnesia story, which was very obviously untrue.
Mush had always known she'd been hiding something, but now, he had a better grasp of what it was. The look on Elaine's face that afternoon had been of sheer terror. This wasn't something frivolous, like the stories of most of the runaways he'd met.
Mush knew that Elaine needed the newsies' help, more than anything. He also knew that she wasn't going to admit that, and her refusal to tell them what had happened and what they both knew was impending was the worst thing she could do. This was something bigger than what a young girl could handle by herself. This was something …
Mush stopped that thought and rolled over uncomfortably, closing his eyes and willing sleep to come.
He was going to say deadly.


Elaine couldn't sleep that night, either. She'd long since thrown away that scrap of paper, telling herself it was a coincidence, but her brain had taken a mental picture of it, one she couldn't keep out of her head.
She'd felt somewhat safe with all the newsies around her; she knew they could protect her. But now that they were all asleep…that was a whole new story.
Elaine sat up, breathing hard, a chill running down her spine. She looked to the left, and ever so slowly tilted her head to the right. The room was full of shadows, new ones she'd never noticed before. My gosh, it's hot in here, Elaine thought, pushing the covers down to her ankles.
The hair pricked up on her neck. Was someone…behind her? Elaine closed her eyes, feeling her lashes grow wet. This was it. This was the end. Who would tell her parents that she was gone, that they could stop looking for her? She was too young to die.
Elaine made herself slowly turn around, telling herself it was just her imagination, that she'd turn to find only the shadows, and then she'd feel silly.
She twisted her head around to find someone standing there, and the beginnings of a scream escaped her throat. A hand clapped over her mouth, the feeling all too familiar.
"Sh!" a male voice said sharply, and then more kindly, "It's only me." She knew that voice; it was Mush. He let go of her mouth, but still held onto her.
Elaine relaxed, feeling weak with relief. "Oh, you scared me," she whispered, still breathing hard.
"Sorry," said Mush awkwardly. "but…why?"
"Well, you snuck up on me!" said Elaine. "You could have been anybody!"
"No," said Mush. "I mean why would you be so jumpy, to get scared out of your wits just because someone came up behind you?"
Elaine shrugged and faked a yawn to buy herself time. She knew she was trapped. "I'm just a jumpy person. Paranoid, you might say. Maybe…maybe it's a symptom of amnesia."
"Cut it out," Mush said, rolling his eyes. "We both know you don't got amnesia. For once, could you just be honest with me?"
"How do you know I'm not?" asked Elaine.
"Because it's obvious," said Mush angrily. "I've been patient with you long enough. Tell me what's going on, I know you need our help."
Tell him, Elaine told herself. You can trust him. Tell him and be happy. Tell him and be yourself. No more hiding. The words were on the tip of Elaine's tongue; any moment she'd say them and find out once and for all if Mush could be trusted.
The words never came.
Disgusted, Mush stood up. "Fine then," he said. "Don't tell me." With that he began to walk away, more than just to his bunk, Elaine knew, but out of her life.
"Wait!" she cried, standing up.
Mush turned around, and Elaine ran forward, throwing her arms around him. "Please don't leave," she whispered. "You were right. I do need you, and all the other newsies. I just can't tell you why. Not yet. Can't you just accept that?"
Mush looked into her eyes for a few moments before Elaine looked away. "I don't know," he said. "Without trust…I just don't know."
"Would you keep it down?" someone called, a newsie, but Elaine couldn't tell whom in the darkened room.
Mush turned and walked back to his bunk, and that time Elaine didn't try to stop him.
Crawling back to her bunk, Elaine closed her eyes, and though it took her awhile, finally she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.


Elaine sold papers the next day, and the day after that. She always went with another newsie, never by herself, for she was afraid of what might happen if she was alone. Ironically, alone was exactly how she felt, despite her growing friendships with the other newsies.
As the days passed and Elaine grew closer to the newsies, her past stopped being an issue. After awhile, they just accepted that she was one of them, and Elaine found herself lying and mentioning the amnesia story less and less.
On the contrary, Elaine found herself less close to Mush than she'd been before. They'd always seemed to have a kind of secret connection, but she'd pushed him away that night when she'd refused to tell him about her past.
I love him, she realized one day. He was the sweetest boy she'd ever met, and she knew how much she'd hurt him when she wouldn't confide in him. It made her heart ache to think about what could have been between them had she just trusted him, just told him that simple little secret. So Elaine tried not to think about it.
Instead she continued to sell her papers and live in fear, all the while hiding it by smiling, despite the fact that on the inside she was screaming.


I don't care, Mush told himself as he saw Elaine laughing on the other side of Tibby's. I don't care. She obviously doesn't feel anything for me, so why waste my time?
He knew that whatever Elaine had been hiding hadn't gone away. He saw that when she smiled and laughed her eyes never joined in. He knew she wasn't okay like she said she was.
Mush still talked to her; he couldn't bring himself to ignore her completely. While Elaine was still occasionally called "Ice Princess," by some of the newsies, one really wouldn't think it was a fitting name for her. She truly had changed, or on the outside anyway.
Mush saw that past her cool control, she was just a scared girl, a girl that trembled inside as her laughter rang out. She was as much an Ice Princess now as she ever was.


Elaine almost cried out with dismay when she saw the drawing. It was very obviously her; it looked exactly like her, but for the dark X drawn over her face. It was crumpled up in the corner of the bathroom in the Lodging House, meaning that her stalker had actually been in her home, for that was what the Lodging House was to her now.
The thought of a man who wanted to scare her, hurt her, and maybe even kill her, coming in here made her angry, and she crumpled the drawing up again.
It had taken a great deal of courage to bring it in here, she realized. The stalker had to trust that she would be the one to find it, and afterwards not tell anyone. He was pretty much right on the money.
That, and the stick figure drawing weren't the only threats she'd received over the past weeks. There had been other drawings and notes here and there, each one just as sickening as the last.
They were lovely little reminders that no matter how close she got to the newsies, and no matter what happened with Mush, she was going to die, soon, and there was nothing she or anyone else could do about it.
As she always did when she got drawings or notes like that, Elaine went to bed early, without much to eat. She knew the newsies probably wondered why, and once again, she wished she could tell them, but she couldn't. She was completely alone.
The next morning, Elaine tried to forget about the picture, and got ready as usual. She went out to sell her papers, but half-heartedly, and sold so few, she could hardly buy herself anything from Tibby's, not that she was hungry anyway. As soon as she walked in, her eyes fixed themselves on a piece of paper, pinned casually to a fold in the white curtains.
Slowly, and with precise control, Elaine walked over to it, and pricking her finger on the pin as she removed the note, read it.
It was written clearly, so there was no getting around the horrible words. Elaine blinked hard, as if to make them go away. They didn't go away; they were as plain as ever in the beam of sunlight that shone on them.
She read them over once more, desperately hoping they'd have changed since the last time: You will die today.


Elaine ran out of Tibby's, nearly knocking Mush over as she brushed past him. He saw the tears on her face, and immediately forgot about however angry he'd been with her for not telling him what was going on, and whatever worries that maybe she didn't love him back.
"Wait!" Mush called after her, and Elaine paused for a moment and looked back at him. She just shook her head and started running again.
Something in Elaine's eyes worried Mush. There was something about them…they'd lost their spark, the one that had lit up the room when they talked. Now they had that haunted look they often had, but it was different. This look suggested that they'd never sparkle again; it suggested that whatever Elaine had been hiding from had caught up to her. She'd given up hope.
"Off storms the Ice Princess again," said Racetrack, generating a few laughs.
"Be nice to her," said Jack. "She can't help it. She's got, uh, some disease."
Mush rolled his eyes. "She don't got amnesia. She's faking it so she doesn't have to tell us the truth."
"Then maybe she don't belong with the newsies," said Skittery.
"I'm gonna go talk to her," said Mush, and left. When he got to the Lodging House, he was quite surprised to find it was empty.
Not wanting to waste any time to stop and think, Mush ran out to the street, looking for her. He'd barely gotten five blocks away, when a very scared-looking Elaine fell into his arms.
"Mush- oh, Mush," she gasped. "Thank God it's you…take me back to the Lodging House."
Mush was taken aback, but nodded dumbly and he led her back to the Lodging House. Elaine…Elaine was a mess. Ice Princess really had been a good name for her before, with her cool pride and restraint. But now…her chestnut hair was disheveled, the once neat curls wild and tangled. Her eyes, once so cool and distant, were afraid, her pupils dilated. And her fair skin, which before hadn't had a single blemish, had a large cut right above one eyebrow, from which pools of blood were just starting to well up and spill out.
The first thing Mush did when they got back to the Lodging House was to give Elaine a cloth to put on that awful cut. Then, as she sat with it pressed to her forehead, the redness starting to soak through, Mush spoke. "I think you'd better tell me what's going on."
Elaine sighed. Part of her knew it was true; she'd put it off too long. But what would he say? What if they wouldn't let her stay anymore? "There's no getting around it, is there," she said. It wasn't a question.
Mush shook his head. "No, there isn't."
Elaine took a deep breath and began to tell Mush everything, starting with that summer night in the park, and telling him how she'd been afraid to get to close to anyone, and about all the notes and pictures that had been turning up.
"I knew you didn't have amnesia!" Mush burst out when she was done. "But…why didn't you just tell us?"
Elaine laughed, but there was no humor in it. "It wasn't like I knew you guys! I mean, I thought I could trust you, but what about the other newsies? Wouldn't they turn me in?"
Mush shook his head. "Nah, you're safe with us. But Elaine- what happened this afternoon?" he gestured toward the handkerchief, still pressed against her forehead.
Elaine's sad smile faded. "Oh, Mush," she whispered. "I…I was on my way here, and someone grabbed me, and…they grabbed my arm and pulled me into an alley. He had on a mask, so…so I couldn't see who he was. And-" Elaine paused to inhale a sharp breath. "And he said I killed his brother. And that he was going to kill me for it. I-" Elaine started crying, and continued. "I kicked him, and managed to run away, and that's when I saw you."
There was a silence, as Mush let it all soak in. Elaine misunderstood it, though, and said quietly, "Alright, I understand. I'll go away."
"No," said Mush. "You can't leave now, not with that guy after you. Don't worry about it, you can stay here, with us."
Elaine smiled, a real smile, and Mush was sure that the Ice Princess had finally melted. "Really?"
Mush let Elaine's smile reflect off his face. "As long as you quit lying to us."
The tears in Elaine's eyes were now of happiness. "I can do that."
Mush leaned forward, and they may have kissed, their first real one, but the rest of the newsies burst in.
"Uh, hey," said Jack to Mush, nodding at Elaine.
Elaine stood up and hugged Jack, taking him completely off guard. "I'm so sorry!" She apologized to the other newsies in much the same manner, making Mush secretly jealous. "I've been keeping something from all of you," she began slowly, and looked at Mush for help. When he nodded, she continued, and told her story, the same one she'd told Mush. "You're not…going to turn me in, are you?" she asked carefully when she was done, not meeting any of their eyes. "I mean, turning me in to my parents would be bad enough. But now this guy's after me, and then there's the bulls…oh my God, I forgot about the bulls…I can't even go to them for help!"
"You don't need to," said Kid Blink. "You got us."
A smile started on Elaine's lips.
"And as long as you're with us, no one's gonna hurt you," said Jack. "Not your parents, the bulls, or the crazy brothers of your victims."
Mush put his arm around Elaine. "Things is gonna be okay," he said, and for a moment they all just sat there together, and everyone believed it was true.
Little did they know that their trust, love, and affection, the only things that held them together through the hard times, would be the things that would not only hurt them, but break them apart in the future.
There were bad things out there; they all felt it. A shiver went down Elaine's spine, and Mush held her tighter.


(I know you're going to hate me for this, but):
To Be Continued…