Frequently Asked Questions

8/18/2002

1. This is Just a Joke right?

Let me answer this with a question of my own: Are equal rights, brotherly love, and tolerance also a joke?

2. How are you?

Fine

3. You guys are stupid!

Thats not a question- moron.

4. Do you allow women in the Militia?

Yes, but they must first pass the Math and Reading Basic standards test, and be able to run the mile in less than 15 minutes. Basic training must also be completed and you will be considered a member.

5. Are you guys serious?

Fortunately yes, Where would the world be if no one cared about civil rights, and protecting the First Amendment?

6. I want to join but I don't have a car.

That's good, becuase most cars have tracking devices which monitor your location at all times, we recommend you allow us to remove these 'bugs' in order to protect you and your mind. If you also would like, we can remove these 'bugs' from your house, and body.

7. Where is Basic Training held?

In the woods behind Jimmy's food market, and at other secret locations and bases.

8. You are a menace to society and must be destroyed!

Not a question, but more hatemail from the censoring opulent class, who seeks to persecute the Sasquatch Militia and deny it a place in society!

9. Have you ever been struck by lightning?

No.

10. Are you guys a cult?

No, the only cult we know of us the cult which is committed to stifling free speech and destroying our militia, they are the only cult we are aware of.

11. Schools are no places for Militia's!

OK, so we should also remove the ROTC, becuase they are a military institution comprised of volunteers, oh my God - That's a Militia, I'm scared! They don't even stand up for tolerance and respect for others like we do, so you should be telling them to leave the school, not us! That is why we advocate the immediate removal of ROTC and the inception of the Sasquatch Militia to fill that void.

12. You expect me to believe my car is tapped with bugs?

It doesen't matter what you believe, your car, house, and possibly mind is tapped with these and other NWO gadgets which are aimed at destroying free-thought and our militia. I might not believe the earth is a pink triangle, but that doesen't change the facts. I might believe that schools are a good environment for Sasquatch, or I might believe Sasquatch Don't exist, but ultimately the facts have proven me wrong, and in the end it doesen't matter what any of us believe. But if you wanna continue to have your privacy invaded and be mind-raped, than go ahead. Just don't say that the Benevolent Sasquatch Militia never warned you.

13. Where can I get one of those Really Awesome and cool T-shirts?

Well, you obviously have good fashion tastes and are en vogue. Those awesome, economic, and totally narly T-shirts can be ordered through one of our members at school or drop us a line at Sasquatch_Militia@yahoo.com,with your name, number, and where in school we can find you, as well as your size, and we will get one made for ya. Just make sure you pay the bargain fee of 10$ or no shirt will be given to you.

14. Can I get a free shirt when I beat one of you up and steal yours?

No, but you may receive premature death, or a stomping if you try.

15. I am your father!

Unfortunately my Father was annihilated in the Battle of Cascadia over 29 years ago, so your not my father, but you may be lost, depressed, confused, or angry at an ex-girlfriend. I don't have all the answers, only the really good ones.

16. How many people are in the Sasquatch Militia?

Between 76-130 at Harding High school and it's rapidly multiplying at a precociously phenomenol rate. But our world membership is somewhere around 12 million, counting both Sasquatches and Humans who have completed basic training and the comprehensive Minnesota Basic Standards tests!

17. I found a Sasquatch Militia flyer in my Locker. Why?

Because we put it there.

18. If your so tolerant, why don't you tolerate intolerance?

Because it's evil and needs to be extirpated. Why don't we tolerate rapists and murderers? Becuase they are a threat to society at large, just like intolerance is.

19. The Dariette isn't a mind-control facility, you guys are going overboard.

Do you have any proof it isn't? Because we have cases of evidence which supports our thesis that it is indeed a mind-control facility, but you have no evidence it isn't? I wonder who all the logical people are going to believe, the evidence, or your whimsical notion of what something constitutes?

20. I'm a friend of Sara O'Conner!

That's good, now go away.

21. My shirt bleeds when I wash it and I want a refund!

I'm Sorry but there are no refunds on shirts, and that was explicitly stated when you signed the contract and again when the money was paid. Also how do you know its the shirt that is bleeding? Maybe you don't know how to wash clothes? Don't prejudge the product lady, its all good.

22. You guys cause way too much trouble!

It's all in the spirit of civil disobediance that was pioneered by Ghandi, Martin Luther, Martin Luther King, and throughout History it has been used to draw the attention of the majority to the suffering and the plight of the Minority. Intolerance must be destroyed and the only way to do so is to launch a guerrila war which will be aided by massive civil disobediance in order to secure tolerance and respect for all Hominoids.

23. How do you feel about Homelessness?

Not good, People need homes. But the real cure for homelessness is proactive prevention which means we don't allow anyone to become homeless by providing them with unemployement and job training when necessary.

24. Stop It! Stop whining!

Unfortunately someone has to whine for tolerance, and an end to bigotry. We cannot allow the NWO to dictate humans rights, to do so would be a most egregious evil and a reckless mistake.

25. How do you feel about the ability to speak?

It is a great ability indeed, but some have abused it and used it to create an atmosphere inhospitable to some varieties of hominoids, mostly Sasquatches. The Ability to speak is a great blessing and the Sasquatch Militia intends to employ it, in order to create a planet full of tolerance, equality, and most importantly social sapience.

26. How do you feel about fireworks?

Fireworks are not only a great weapon of the Sasquatch Militia, which we have used to combat intolerance for decades now. They also are important instruments which are used to celebrate our nation, its history, and its values. The Sasquatch Militia believes that these fireworks must be used safely and not after 10 p.m because the NWO will find you and confiscate your fireworks. It has happened to several members of the Sasquatch Militia on several occasions, but the pro-NWO officers have yet to confiscate our determination to battle for tolerance and an end to bigotry.

27. When will the apocalypse occur?

It already has, it occured when the NWO had its inception, after the First World War, which was the causation for the Apocalypse.

28. Are you scared that the sun will explode in 30 million years?

Of Course! We advise all members to begin storing up food in order to avert the impending catasptrophe that will occur when the sun explodes, in only 30 million years. That leaves only 29 million more years to prepare after this one million is over. We better get to work on building underground bunkers, or else we could be in grave danger!

29. Are members of your group responsible for recent attacks against the Dariette?

Most likely yes! We are responsible for the majority of attacks against those who set up NWO bases inside of trusted community centers such as schools, churches, and dariettes. How would the NWO react if we set up a hidden base in Brussels or New York? I doubt they would react non-violently, as we have during our attacks, which were orchestrated and prosecuted in order to drive away the negative NWO infestation that was occuring in our placid community.

30. If one train leaves New York going 20 miles an hour and another train leaves San Francisco at the same time going 20 miles an hour where will they meet?

They won't meet! They would simply crash into the ocean and sink in a matter of minutes. Duh!

31. How do you feel about the Crocodile Hunter?

Were not to concerned about the Crocodile Hunter, a madman and a fifth column in Australia. His lunatical environmental reforms include redistributing the land to its rightful pre-paleolithic rulers, the Crocs. But something that has cuaght our attention is the CBS plan to launch a new show called the 'Sasquatch Hunter', who will lurk the forests of Cascadia, hoping to find a Sasquatch dead or alive. This is something to be feared. Right mate?

32. Does the NWO posess weapons of mass destruction?

Of course! They have weapons which infiltrate your mind, body, and soul, causing destruction within you and making you a threat to society. These weapons target the 'masses' who constitute the Silent Majority, peacniks who care about repressed Sasquatches. These are far more potent and pernicious weapons of Mass Destruction then that lying scoundral Bush says Iraq has. And unlike Iraq, the NWO uses its weapons every day, in American cities, in American schools.

33. Is wrestling fake?

Yes. A half Sasquatch, half Human wrestler was banned in 1993. He allegedly thought it was 'real'.

34. Unicorns don't exist you cracker!

Do you have any proof of their non-existence? Just remember, you cannot disprove a negative. Unicorns are as real as Sasquatches, if you know what I mean. How else do they have a calvary unit in our Militia? Because they are shy and lurk the forests of France, does that make them non-existant?

35. Is Tupac really dead?

Negative. Contrary to lies promulgated by the pro-intolerance media, Tupac is aliving and living like a pimp on a south Asian Island, along with Amelia Earnhardt and Ralf, the alien dude from the long distance commercials. He still produces records, and on occasion visits his family here in the States.

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