Anti-Sasquatch Militia group founded!

November 15th 2002!

An excommunicated member whose initials are Mike Williams and an aimless drifter, who was expelled from the peace corps, have founded an Anti-Sasquatch Militia group which seeks to usurp the trust of the Militia from Sasquatches and tolerant hominids, Intelligence reports filed to the Secretary General and the elite Joint Chiefs of Staff have indicated.

The group, which goes by the name United Confederation of Yeti's or UCY, has vowed to work in cooperation with the Sasquatch Militia and has offered a peace treaty, according to the Head of Military Intelligence. They claim to advocate the same values of the Sasquatch Militia and wish cooperation, citing the excommunicant's past involvement with the organization. The exact size of the organization, which claims to be the government of Tibet and is attempting to rule in exile, remains nebulous. Some intelligence agents report a force of 2 to 4 men, while others have the membership at around 2 men.

But the group remains highly suspicious and has shown signs of pro-Yeti and anti-Sasquatch bigotry. They have also desecrated Militia Flyers, covenant forms, and have viscerally attacked members of the Militia with anti-Militia comments. We suspect they are mimicking the steps of other reformers. They claim tolerance, virtue, and doctrine cannot originate from a Hierarchy, but is up to the collective members to decide by plebiscite.

They disregard the Sasquatch Militia as an antiquated body of freedom fighters, pro-tolerance revolutionaries, and intellectuals who have failed to change the climate of anti-Sasquatch bigotry and hatred. They do not swear allegiance to the Republic of Cascadia, to the Emperor, or to The Holy Phajer. The Organization has also shown signs of anti-Militia violence, evidenced by the recent defacement of Militia flyers, vehicles, and ships.

The Group UCY has been invited to a discussion with the leaders of the Sasquatch Militia this tuesday at 2:15 in Mr. Johnson's room, 1454, if they truly wish to debate the issues and not resort to violence, may they come in peace, or be destroyed by the sword if they come waving the colors of war and hatred.

The United Confederation of Yeti looks to be just a group of disgruntled ex-members who have vowed to destroy the Militia. They have no supporters, and no allies. They have no rightful claim to speak on behalf of Yeti's, only the Sasquatch Militia, under the historical lineage of the Holy Phajer, has a claim to represent the Sasquatches and hominoids of the world.

The Ultimate goal of UCY appears to be the overthrow of the Sasquatch Militia, and the implementation of a new ruling order which they hope will lead Yeti's to a better future. This goal is both immoral and fueled by a power struggle in their own minds, they cannot control themselves, so they seek to control others. The Sasquatch Militia will agree on how to deal with this insurgency on Tuesday, when we issue an official statement regarding our view of UCY.

Sasquatch unity cannot be threatened at this crucial time in world history. We are on the verge of securing tolerance for Sasquatches at Harding High School and are forcing Saddam to capitulate to the true monarch of Iraq, King Nebuchadnezzer. We have secured a mandate from our members, from history, and from Providence to continue our quest of liberation. At this crucial time Sasquatches do not need two conflicting and cacophonous voices, they need a stable, consistent, freedom-loving organization to protect them and their rights. The Sasquatch Militia has fought for hominoid rights for over 600 years, we are the true and rightful rulers over the Sasquatch homeland of Cascadia, and are recognized world wide as the true and endowed spokesman for Sasquatch beliefs and goals.