Dark side unleashes newest weapon!

November 18th 2002!

'Millions feared intolerant, after latest rash of pro-intolerance rantings by the Blob.'

The Dark Side has unleashed their newest anti-egalitarian rights campaign, by sending the 1980's and 1950's movie star, the Blob to speak on behalf of the Anti-Tolerance group known as Friends of Holland. This esoteric organization is deeply ingrained in the crusade to free humans from the pesky species known as Sasquatch. They have numerous corporate connections with groups such as 'Cryptozoology International', 'Mysterious of the Unexplained' and 'Cruise the Loch'.

The Blob highlighted a night filled with words of war, vituperation, and demagoguery. Everyone in the convention center was on their feet, with the exception of the blob who is limbless, and dancing to Celine Dion Music. The crowd, a group of 2,000 or so individuals with connections to the nation of Holland, were replete with anti-tolerance parapharnelia such as signs which read "Holland rules" "Go Holland" "Why am I here when I could be in Holland."

The love of the nation of Holland goes hand in hand with a love for Intolerance. Even the Pilgrims feared their children would be corrupted with intolerance, hatred, and bigotry that runs rampant in that nation. They fled to America, risking their lives, to live away from the Hollandish. The hellish conditions of Holland, which is a puppet-state, that is located below sea-level and proped up by the worlds most advanced damns, warrant the immediate evacuation of all Sasquatches and pro-tolerance individuals who fear anti-tolerance reprisals.

Holland has passed mandatory windmill laws, the first of any nation on earth. These laws warrant the posting of a giant windmill, like those found on bags of Ol' Dutch patato chips, to be placed in every yard in Holland. These massive structures, which are 100 feet in diameter, have a large fan attached to them, and go to a length of 50 feet in the air, are nothing more then a giant homing and tracking device, which will be used to monitor the activities of all Hollandish and Sasquatches alike, under the guise of promoting the Dutch culture.

These Windmills are equipped with the latest in reconnaissance technology. All come standard with 32 cameras, which can monitor the entire property, a tracking device which monitors all movements, purchases, and contacts, and a giant recorder that records all conversation. The need for such technology is justified by the Dutch state department that claims such technology is necessary to ensure "That the Dutch culture is being promoted in all aspects of life, we have a proud history of Windmills and will not allow civil rights concerns derail our goal of putting a Windmill in every yard by the year 2009."

Although the Windmills will cost 900,000 a unit, plus installation fee's, the Dutch parliament remains supportive. "The attacks of 9/11 evince the need for Windmills." wrote the Dutch parliament member Matty Hertmann. The Dutch Prime Minister stated "If there had been a high-tech spy Windmill in every persons yard in America, 9/11 would have been totally preventable."

Some concerns have arisen though. How would the giant windmills interfere with radio signals and pacemakers? Though no one seems to be concerned about Civil Liberties and privacy. The estimated cost of maintaining each unit and powering it would be 50,000 a year and the government, which already taxes it's citizens more then 50% to support its giant welfare state, claims that the Windmill program would only raise taxes a modest 15%. The total cost over the next 9 years is expected to be 900 billion dollars. But help from the Chinese, Cubans, and Saudi Arabians, is expected to help dilute the cost.

The Blob spoke about the need for the implementation of liberty bells in the yards of all Americans as well, claiming "Patriotism must be facilitated and promoted by putting life-size Liberty bells in American yards." He denied that he wished to put listening devices on the liberty bells but insisted neighbors could "..ring them if they see anything unpatriotic."

They claim that they have no intention of creating a police state. "We want a Patriotic state." the President was quick to retort, only an "Unpatriotic American would question this initiative."