Sasquatch Militia Shadow Force!

November 20th 2002!

'Wackos be aware, their watching.'

Deep within the forests of Cascadia an elite group of stomptroopers known as the Shadow Force are stalking their prey. Tonight a group of environmental extremists committed to sustainable developement are making final preparations for the bombing of a Sasquatch village. They mistook the large mansions, with gold doors, and trolls for servants, for human civilization and were on the brink of destroying the entire colony, known as Rhekshna, a poor Sasquatch village on the outskirts of Cascadia City, the capital of Cascadia. The lucrative moss trade has taken a different route away from this once opulent trading center, now the colony subsides mostly on profits from lumber and leave-necklaces. The colony sleeps innocently.

Meanwhile the misguided terrorists are finalizing their devilish plot, the destruction of the town as a signal to the Canadian government to deem the entire British Columbia province a National Park and end development. As the group's leader, a 27 year old college drop-out and weed-legalization fanatic, begins to countdown "5-4-3...," 700 stomptroopers burst out of the forests, seize the terrorists, and extradite them back to Cascadia city for debriefing. They are taken by surprise and never see their captors. They have been followed since they crossed the Cascadian border several days early. Traveling by horse-back, the terrorists were quickly spotted by a border patrol unit, who immediately notified the Shadow Force, who dispatched 770 stomptroopers to track and liquidate the threat.

The controversial decision to allot 12,000 stomptroopers to aid the fledgling border guard was authorized by Head of Military Intelligence Caleb, who claimed "Nightly incursions by drug-traffickers, terrorists, theives, robbers, and anti-Cascadia rebels, as well as Royal Canadian Mounted Patrol units threaten the integrity of our porous borders." The move was edified by a vote in the House of Regionals 2-0. The Supreme Commander denoted it a "Step towards securing the future for our children."

The Shadow Force has been patrolling Cascadian borders in groups of 4,12,34, and 770 to prevent further incursions onto the Sovereign land of Cascadia. 2,000 Stomptroopers are on active duty each night, with a communications infrastructure of around 100. They are heavily armed with Walkie Talkies, Pepper shakers (Not Spray) and Megaphones. They however rarely utilize these new technologies, instead relying on their stealth, speed, and intelligence to apprehend international contraband and fugitives. They also have bloodhounds capable of sniffing humans, horses, and bombs.

Cascadia has been brutalized by international thugs who seek to exploit the natural wonders of Cascadia and use them to promote a theme-park called 'Wonders of the Western Woods." Other groups such environmental extremists, religious fanatics who claim the Messiah is living in a Cave, and a cult cult the sons of the Sun, who wait day and night for the Sun to surrender to the forces of Darkness, have infiltrated Cascadian borders and are attempting to injure, exploit, or destroy Cascadian assets and citizens.

Ships under the Command of Admiral Tim have been patrolling Cascadian waters as well. Stopping international arms smugglers, contraband, drugs, and mercenaries from entering Cascadia. Tim's boisterous clamoring that the Militia drain the ocean has lost momentum after a feasibility study proved unproductive. Tim also has the important job of enforcing a 300% import tax, aimed at promoting mercantilism and stopping the import of cheap Chinese goods.

Pack mules, llamas, and ostriches have been used to pursue, track down, and apprehend those who encroach on the territorial sovereignty of the Federal Cascadian Republic. Helium filled ballons patrol the skies of Cascadia, as they shot photos of the encroaching humans and track their progress from the night sky. So far no one has been able to successful evade our defensive forces.

3000 miles of border must be protected and defended from pro-intolerance fanatics under the guidance of the Dark Side, a conspiracy group, replete with capital, connections, and weapons. These fanatics continually provoke insurgencies by promising free cheeseburgers to all mercenary troops, by so far such attempts have been in vain. The loyalty of Cascadian citizens has proven unbreakable and most importantly unwavering in times of crises.

These enemies have attempted to hijack international Helium inflated ballon flights, capture ships off the Cascadian waters, and disrupt communication by flying lower radar-scrambling planes over Cascadian territory. They have also attempted to thwart the growth of the Cascadian economy by interrupting the lucrative moss and leaves trade. Many caravans have been robbed, traders kidnapped, and kids forced to move to Canada and attempt School. Such attacks aimed at forcing the Sasquatch economy to collapse in hopes of facilitating a Capitalist revolution from those unhappy with our current Barter economy.

The current situation will continue indefinitely until a Director of Homeland Security is appointed and confirmed by the Emperor and the House of Regionals. A Minister of Border Security, Head of Customs, and IRS Director must also be appointed.