Space Shuttle Goes To Space?

November 24th 2002!

Millions of people watched the Space Shuttle as it launched on its way to space. Thousands lined roads, streams, rivers, lakes, and fields to snag a glimpse of the Shuttle launching. Many were shaking and making duck-quacking sounds, others were throwing sand in the air, peoples eyes were glowing as their fingernails grew to an amazing six inches and hundreds of children began saluting. A sick, devastating, and horrible thing had just happened. People were transformed. A space-shuttle had launched, launched people into insanity.

Dogs began attacking Mailboxes, chewing the metal off, and then swallowing it, as it bleed them from the inside. Flies began crawling out of Vents across every home in America and maggots were reported in refrigerators across the world. People began mass executing their cattle, by prying them to death and then burning their cadavers. Cats began looting grocery stores across the suburbs of Miami, as they shouted 'Meow mother trucker'.

Horror story of the week: Pennsylvania becomes first treeless state, as every single tree disappears into thin air! Tires were reported rolling away into huge crowds of senior citizens, The Governors mansion was burned to the ground as they shouted 'We want Tom Ridge back'.

Bulls are released in Los Angeles as young men begin running from them, taunting and agitating thema along the way. They vow to continue running until they collapse of fatigue or are impaled by the bulls. Volcanoes sprout out of the Rocky Mountains and begin unleashing liquid magma on the people of Denver. Thousands mourn at the loss of plant life and dead squirrels as they shout, "It didn't have to be that way." President Bush declares a state of Emergency in Rhode Island after it separates from the continent and sinks into the Atlantic Ocean.

Hell, Fire, and Brimstone begin falling on the Citizens of Duluth as many head for shelter under burnt buildings, the ground opens and they are swallowed and sucked into the earth's mantle. A giant 400,000 strong herd of Buffalo are seen traversing the Great Plains and attacking trains. A huge statue of Jerry Lee Lewis is erected by the grateful citizens of Tampa Bay only to be destroyed hours later by the same citizens who claimed they "Thought we were erecting a statue of Jeb Bush."

Prisoner's storm out of Federal Facilities near Los Alamos New Mexico, burning the town and pillaging valuables such as miss Joan Beverly's Cattle figurine collection which had been valued at over 245$. Huge Meteor strikes the state of Wyoming and causes citizens to erupt in excitement! "Something cool finally happened here. So much for Gas station explosions and religious extremists battling the government at their compounds." exclaimed one enthusiastic citizen, moments before she was annihilated by the sheer energy caused by the Meteors impact directly on top of her.

Rudolf Giuliani begins pondering the reason why he was named after a "Freakin Reindeer", as he slaps his mother! Lisa Minelli begins as empowering phase of her life as she shouts at reporters "I'm freakier then Jacko." Bill Clinton drives to Washington and demands his own Impeachment shouting "Were not worthy." Giant Beanstalks begin sprouting out of Ground Zero as the city's planning commission considers their economic impact and looks for ways to change zoning laws to force the cessation of their expansion.

Millions of people at home were singing 'Glory to the King' after the launch. A man began digging holes in his backyard and chanting esoteric Hindu Prayers. Three friends began spontaneously assaulting elderly people at a nursing home, 23 were seriously injured before orderly's stepped in to halt the assaults. The Statue of Liberty came to life, reinacting the Ghostbusters movie, it walked to Coney Island and began whistling as a Cruise Ship sailed into rocks and sunk, sucking 200 crew-members into the depth's of the ocean.

A train derailed into a Church bus while delivering toxic nerve gas. Thousands of people reported seeing their mothers cooking chicken on an open flame in the living room, while others wondered why mother was ripping her wedding dress to shreds. A family of four in California began devouring grasshoppers and banging shoes against the wall. The Mississippi River expanded and overcame its banks as it flooded the city of New Orleans and drowned several thousands inhabitants before turning into a giant water Tornado and heading North towards Memphis.

A pregnant women in Georgia had a Baby who weight 40 pounds, had three eyes, and no lips. A fat man stopped eating for a week, yet continued to grow. Bizarre feats which defied scientific conceptions of reality, medicine, genetics, and human behavior were broken like the spirits of sick men. The world as we know it will never be the same until reason and logic are restored when the Space Shuttle returns.

Which makes the Sasquatch Militia wonder: Why we even launch the space shuttle. Are all these unnecessary horrors truly beneficial to the progression of human knowledge. Or do the people at NASA get a laugh out of seeing suffering, death, hate, malice, and horror?