Looking for a Good College?
Then check out the Sasquatch Militia University (SMU)!
Are you looking for a college? Do you want a superior education that will put you a step above the competition? Do you think Harvard, Oxford, and Princeton are overrated? Do you want an education, not just in traditional academia, but also in 21st century warfare? Are you sick of the pervasive intolerance and liberal plutocracy that dominate most colleges?
Then there is only one option for you: Join the Sasquatch Militia's own University! We are by far a leader in innovative education and equipping a new generation of tolerant, sapient, and placid humans, who will be an asset to the private sector or government.
Consider the following -
1. The Sasquatch Militia University offers curriculum not found at any other university. This includes courses in Log Swinging, combating psychotronic mind-rays, how to avoid being mind-raped, and tolerance 101. Such courses incalculate new paradigms and ideas into students minds, thus making sure freedom of conscience remains vibrant and indestructible.
2. The Sasquatch Militia University equips each student with the tools and knowledge to successfully battle federalist armies with 21st century tactics. This extremely unique approach to education has been proven to be successful, invigorating, and is only found at the Sasquatch Militia University.
3. We have a trained and experienced staff and great department heads. Members from our Theological seminary have gone on to serve at the Vatican, and overseas. Members of the Science department have studied the negative effects of global warming and mind-control. Members of our ROTC training have gone on to be high ranking Generals in the Sasquatch Militia, and have served valiantly and courageously in several battles.
4. We offer a getaway from the immoral perils of most colleges. Most colleges have an inexhaustible supply of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll, something not found at SMU. Instead we offer safety, training, and good clean fun. This is a destination for truth-seekers where reprobate behaviours are not tolerated. Things such as murder, mind-raping, intolerance, bigotry, hate, more hate, and sasophobia are not tolerated here, but in most universities these things are ubiquitous. PRESERVE YOUR PURITY, JOIN OUR UNIVERSITY NOW!!!
5. We guarantee job placement after you receive your degree at our esteemed and hallowed University. Whether you desire a job in the private sector or wish to continue serving the Sasquatch Militia, we will insure you have a lucrative job after school. We believe a mind is a terrible thing to waste, so is a college graduate, so we guarantee you will be placed in a field you desire, unless you wish to work in one of the following areas: Cryptozoology, Federal government employee, Mind-raping, Sasquatch pouching, or in the Federalist Armies of the occupying United States of America.
We have hundreds of famous alumni, including, but not limited to: Ronald Reagan, Noam Chomsky, 3 of the 5 members of the Spice Girls, Roy Orbison, 1 siamese twin, SHAQ, and the Artist formerly known as Prince.
Anyone searching for a true bastion of academic inquiry, political theorem, and scientific innovation must choose the Sasquatch Militia. It is the only choice for a sound, quality, and comprehensive education, instead of indoctrination of hate, intolerance, and bigotry found at 96.8% of all other colleges!
Please make the right choice, Join the Sasquatch Militia University now, before enrollment is full, and you have no place else to go!
Screw that, Your college sucks!
New SMU logo!
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The
Sasquatch Militia is proud to present the New Sasquatch
Militia University logo. Look for this sign at College
fairs, University days, and everywhere else you go.
Remember, when it comes to S.M.U, and all other Sasquatch
Militia activities and clubs, we will contact you, you'll
never contact us. We use this approach of
recruitment for several simple reasons. First of all, |