Before I Went to Vietnam
by: Joe Harrell
Before I went to Vietnam I had a pre-conceived notion that
this country and this government was the most caring and the people the
most understanding in the world. I believed in the United States and the
moral attitudes and principles that this country seemed to espouse. It
was nice to be so young and dumb. When I was drafted into the army, I
fully believed in the purpose and reasons for us being in Vietnam. I
couldn't wait to get there to do my duty for my country, that my father
and untold numbers before him had done. What I didn't understand was
that is not how the game was played, and to our government it was a
game. A deadly game of death and destruction, where corporate greed,
political posturing, and body count became the focus of the fat cats.
What a shame!! What a shame this country couldn't have focused
on the needs, wants, and hopes of the young men and women that gave all
they had to give. It makes me ask, "for what?? The playing field was so
uneven that we didn't stand a chance. Cannon fodder is about all we were.
Then I answer my own question, for what? The buddy next to you, on your
fire team, in your platoon,in your company, or division. THAT'S WHAT
FOR. We were all we had. Each other!! No matter what was going on
in the world, you had to take care of each other and what was going on
in your world,(known as the real world) The heroism, trust and extreme
closeness of a small line unit makes me very proud to have been a part
of those experiences.. Those were some of the worst times and some of
the very best times that I have ever had, or probably will ever have.
Only those in combat know the closeness that I refer to. That type of
closeness often comes with a heavy price to pay when you lose someone.
You seem to keep paying that price for the rest of your life. Maybe that
is the price you have to pay for getting to close.I only hope that those
we left behind, from all wars, can forgive me for not applying the
unwritten law of never, but never, do you leave your brothers behind on
the battlefield, which is exactly what we, as a nation, did. I feel that
if we are not willing to commit all the resources that this country has,
for the CHANCE of bringing home ONE soldier, then we as a
nation have lost again. I feel that we will continue to lose until we,
as citizens of this country, make it EXTREMELY clear to the joint
houses of congress and to the commander in chief of this country that
we will NEVER, EVER TOLERATE THIS AGAIN.
I feel deep sorrow for all the soldiers who gave all they had to
give their country, and their country turned their backs on them. They
weren't asking for much, just some compassion, understanding and understanding.
A simple THANK YOU for going would have been nice. I hope that the
legacy of the Nam shows that the Vietnam veteran doesn't let complacency,
and anger at the system stop them from making sure that the mistakes
made in the Nam are never made again to the men and women of our military,
and above all that Vietnam and the plight of the Vietnam veteran are
NEVER FORGOTTEN. We have to be forever vigilant at the system in
which we choose to live and never take anything they say as the truth.
Having said that, it seems to me that good ole uncle sam is back at his
favorite tricks of lies, deceit, cover-ups. We all know Desert storm wasn't
Vietnam, but they are veterans, just as we are, and the government is trying
to deny their illness. Sound familiar?? You bet it does and if they can
continue to get by with it, then the sacrifices made by Nam veterans all
go for nought.I think that the up-swell of support for our military is a
direct result of national shame in the lack of support that was afforded
us in our time of need, and they know that it is too late to make amends
now because we would never believe it, so they do the next best thing---support
the desert storm vets.I think we can give ourselves a small atta boy for
that reaction to them from the general public which I view as one of the
positives coming out of Vietnam. Another positive, for me, is I think
that we all know our limitations and our capabilities. We know our exact
re-action to any action. That alone gives me some peace of mind, and a
sense of confidence which many non-military people don't have and will
never have. I have Vietnam to thank for that. I also have Vietnam
to thank for having the ability to distance myself from others, and the
inability to really enjoy life and all its simple pleasures, and not
being able to have the deep laugh like I remember having as a young
teenager. It seems that everything is so deadly serious to me. Even
little mistakes my grandchildren make, to me, is often a serious mistake.
We all know what mistakes can bring, don't we? I often have serious
trouble doing things that I enjoy doing, such as fishing and hunting.
Spider webs will trigger me, game trails make me very uncomfortable,
tree lines, different smells, different noises, even some shrubbery
along sidewalks will trigger me. Unwilling to trust many people for
fear of it being a mistake, and we all know what can happen with
mistakes, don't we? So, I have Vietnam to thank for a multitude
of beautiful things still in my ruck sack.
I wish that I could rid myself of all the pain and anger that I have
boiling inside of me. I try real hard, but it's like I run into a stone
wall. It is unfair to people around me, and especially to my wife who
keeps clinging to hope that she will get back the boy she fell in love
with before Vietnam. I feel like that boy died in Vietnam. That
boy would not like this totally different man.
I want to apologize to all the members for the length of this, but it seems
like this has been sitting there for centurys. Would appreciate any
feedback or feelings on your own Vietnam.
Joe
BEFORE I WENT TO VIETNAM
ŠAugust 2000
Thanks, so much Joe!
Joe wrote this message on a group that we both belong to,
Hadit Vet to Vet,
and it just floored me. He said so much and summed up the
feelings of so many people that I know from the VietNam War and he graciously agreed to let me add this message
to my web page.
Like Joe, I'd love to hear more Vets thoughts on the subject
of VietNam...just the general things. It seems everyone is into
the politics, but this hits the regular emotions that veterans and their
families deal with daily.
If you have any thoughts or stories that you'd like to share on
this subject please Email Me!
I will add it to this page.
It is an honor
to know Joe and other veterans just like him! You are all loved and
appreciated! I want to take this opportunity to say,
"Thank You & Welcome Home!"
Gwen
Back to Gwen's Vet Page