| Dumb Packaging Labels In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. 1) On a Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping.” (Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) 2) On a bg of Fritos: “You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.” (Evidently, the shoplifter special.) 3) On a bar of Dial Soap: “Use like regular soap.” (And that would be how…?) 4) In some Swanson frozen dinners: “Servong suggestions: Defrost.” (But it’s *just* a suggestion.) 5) On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): “Do not turn upside down.” (DOH!! Too late!) 6) On Marks and Spencers Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (As night follows day…) 7) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (But wouldn’t this save even more time?) 8) On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) 9) On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.) 10) On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or Outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?) 11) On a Japanese Food Processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I have to admit, I’m curious.) 12) On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts.” (NEWS FLASH) 13) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: Fly Delta) 14) On a child’s Superman costume: “wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.) 15) On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.) 16) On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: “Do not use on food.” (Hey Mom, we’re out of syrup! It’s okay, honey, just grad the Palmolive!) 17) On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: “If swallowed, contact poison control.” (Oh please. Have you ever heard of someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?) 18) On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: “Remove clothing before distributing on washing machine” (Hey, no more swimming on the washing machine, kids.) |
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