~I Know~

       I look out the window, not really seeing the images of life flashing before me. I felt so isolated. So alone. I had hurt the one person I love more then anything else on this planet. My own ignorance. I should have kept my mouth shut. Never have said a word about Savage Garden. But I did. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as my mind wandered back to all the good times we had had together. The two of us, laughing, talking, confiding in each other our deepest fears. I have never, will never, be that close to someone again. And I have lost that, lost you, because of my own stupidity.
        We both knew that Affirmation was the end of Savage Garden. But the band didn't matter. We were friends before Savage Garden and we had both hoped to be friends afterwards. You always hated the spotlight I thrived in. You wanted to end it before Affirmation, but I pleaded with you, eventually convincing you to tour with me one last time. I promised myself that I would tell you I loved you by the end of that tour. To tell you exactly why the Affirmation tour ment so much to me. It was the last chance I had to be so close to you. I never found the courage to tell you though. And now I had lost you. Because of my big mouth.
        It was raining outside. The tiny drops of water, tears from heaven, pelted my window. How long had I been sitting here, wallowing in self-pity? I didn't know, nor did I care. I wanted to call you so very badly, to tell you I was sorry for hurting you. But I so feared your rejection that my hand would shake as I reached for the reciever to dial your number. So again, I could not tell you the words my heart begged me to hide no longer.
        The rain continued to fall, both outside my window and inside my heart, when my phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID and my heart began pounding. I should have known you would call me when I didn't call you. With shaking hands I picked up the reciever, "Hello?"
        "Darren, are you alright?" He's worried about me being alright? Doesn't he hate me? "Daz?"
        "I sorry Danny." My voice is barely above a whisper. "I am so sorry." My tears continue to fall as I envision his face, his expresion as he was talking to me.
        "Don't be Daz. We both knew it would happen eventually." His voice was so soft, so understanding, so loving.
        "It never should have happened like this though Danny. Never should have.."
        "Daz, stop. It wasn't your fault. And at least we don't have to be pretending any longer. We both knew Savage Garden was over, even before Affirmation. But I didn't call you to talk about that Daz."
        I sniffed. He was so calm. In fact, Daniel's voice sounded relieved that it was the news was out in the open, like all that mattered was that it was over now. How it had happened didn't seem to matter to him, he was just relieved it was over. "Then why did you call Danny?" I wasn't trying to sound rude, and I knew that he would understand that from my tone. If he hadn't wanted to talk about the break-up, why did he call?
        "You didn't call me Daz. I was worried about you."
        "I am so sorry Danny. There was so much I wanted, needed to say to you, but I," I paused, "I just couldn't."
        "I know Darren." I could almost hear him smile through the phone. "I know Darren, and I love you too."