| 30 minutes forever by: Clara Disclaimer : Never happened, I don't own Darren hayes and Daniel Jones, I'm just using them to carry a message here ... I'm not making money (alas...) Thanks to : - the song "Permanent tears" by Eagle Eye Cherry for keeping my mind busy during the writing of this fic ... - my neighbours for putting up with the song "Permanent tears" on repeat during the writing of this fic Special dedication : to my Snow's Cat for changing my life . "Together" for 30 minutes, but together for all time, that i'm sure of ! I love you . ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Daniel, what's wrong ?" Rainy Sunday afternoon, same question asked for at least the hundredth time in less than two hours ... Darren is worried about me . That's right, I'm not feeling that good today . And no matter how many times I've said I'm ok, he knows it's not true . That's the prob with best friends, they know you too well, you can never lie to them . We were supposed to write a song today ... But my mind is somewhere else . Very far away from this room and from my guitar . I'm in love . Great ? Not really ... I've fallen for Darren . "Dan ? You're worrying me mate . Why don't you want to tell me what's wrong ? Don't you trust me anymore ? " Perfect, now to make it worse, I've just hurt his feelings ... "Darren, that's not it, you know I do trust you . This isn't the point at all ... " "So WHAT is it ?? Tell me !" Tell him ... Tell him what ? That I love him ? I already have . I told him about three months ago . And he doesn't love me back . Period . So now what's the use of telling him what's wrong, as he's already heard what I've got to say ? "It's nothing ..." "It's nothi..... Do you think I'm blind or what ? There's something wrong, and I want to know what ! I'm your best friend Daniel, which means I'm here to help you when things aren't going well ... So now please, tell me ..." "Please just forget about it Daz ... " "But why ??? There's something wrong, let me help you !" "There's no use ... " "What do you mean ?" "You can't help me ... " Silence . It seems like I've hurt him again by saying this . Well, I don't care ... After all , he's hurt me more over the three past months than I'll ever manage to hurt him in my whole life ... "Tell me ... please ?" he asks again, this time taking my hand . This gesture catches me off guard . A simple gesture ... a common gesture ... but it shows so much affection, especially coming from the man I love ... My nerves are giving way ... I'm letting go ... I can't hold it back anymore ... "I ... " Geez why is it that hard to say ? I've already said it before ... "What ? What is it ? " "I love you ." I finally let it out . "And ?" "And you don't love me ..." "Oh God ... No it's not like that ... it's not like that at all ..." He pulls me into his arms, and as he's sitting on a chair, I end up straddling him, so as not to fall .... He holds me tight, and I do the same, never wanting to let go of him ... "So what is it like ?" He pulls away from me and sighs . "Well ... I don't want to get involved with you, 'cause I don't want to lose you ... You're too important for me to take such risks . I know I couldn't live without you anymore . So maybe it's better to remain the best of friends, like now, don't you think ? " "Why ? Do you really think it wouldn't work ?" "Daniel, I've never been lucky in love . It always ends with tears and heartache ... I don't want this between us ." I can't answer . I know he's right . There are too many risks ... But try to tell your heart about this when you can't think straight anymore ... That's when I feel Darren's hands around my neck, puling me towards him, till I feel his lips on mine . It takes me a few seconds to realize what is happening. We've already kissed before, we've even almost made love once ... But then it was pure lust, at least for him, that i'm sure of . All those times he kissed me before, it was nothing but physical attraction . It wasn't love . NEVER . But right now everything's different . I can tell he's not horny, I've never seen him more quiet ... And yet he's kissing me . Softly . Sweetly . Gently . Taking his time . His lips taste different ... This time I can taste love on them . And that's all I need to forget my sorrows ... I don't know how long we've been kissing when he finally pulls away ... 20 minutes ? 30 maybe ? I couldn't tell ... He raises his hand to stroke my cheek and gently whispers "I'm sorry if I hurt you . You're the last person I wanted to hurt . Please forgive me . But I can't do that . Maybe someday I'll be ready, but not right now ... I'm sorry . I just hope you'll wait for me ." I'm hoping he'll tell me those three much needed words ... but he isn't pronouncing them . And I know he won't . That's it, end of the story . It hurts ... It hurts too much ... I can feel tears welling in my eyes, so I burry by head in his shoulder, so that he won't notice . I don't want to show him how miserable I feel,because it'll only do him harm . And he needn't suffer as much as I do . My only comfort is that my beloved Darren has been mine for half an hour . Of course, considering I want to have him for life, it's not much ... But those thirty little minutes are ours, and I know no one will ever take them back . "Will you be alright ?" "I guess so ... I'll just have to get over you ... I don't know how I'm gonna do that, but well ..." "That wasn't a very convincing answer ... you sure you're ok ?" "Yeah, but let's move on, or I'm gonna depress myself ... you coming ?" He just nods his answer and smiles . I get up and off his lap, and head for the living room . We both put on our coats and shoes . I grab my keys on the table . We leave my apartment . I close the door . THE END |