| Kiss the rain by: Leela ~~~ "Hello Can you hear me? Am I gettin' through to you?" ~~~ "I am going out." I yelled to Leonie. "For a walk, be back in a while." "Darren, you have got to be kidding it is pouring rain outside." Leonie call back to him. "Well, I am not sugar. I will not melt out there." "Fine it is your choice to go tromping about in the rain if you want to. Just when you get a cold, expect to hear 'I told you so,' okay?" "Fine." I don't understand why she feels the need to act like my fucking mum sometimes. If I want to walk in the rain that is my choice. I walked out of the building and made it out on to the street. I was greeted by the sound of pounding rain on the sidewalk. At least it was not cold. It was rather warm. It reminds me the summer rain I used to play in when I was a boy. I miss home. Well, more than anything I miss a certain piece of home. After working with the band and going over the songs for the very first was amazing. Seeing everyone again was fabulous. Just as I remember them. Leaving was so hard. And Daniel... The whole time he bounced about the studio. Showing off his different guitars. It is a wonder he can wear so much clothing at times and not be hot. Summer is coming in and he still is wearing jeans and a sweater. But I would love to have him here jeans and sweater and all... He is so happy. I almost feel selfish for wanting him here with me just so I can drag him to interviews. But more than that I want to see him and hear his voice. I close my eyes and saw Daniel's serene face. "Daniel..." I softly say to myself. ~~~ "Hello Is it late there? There's a laughter on the line Are you sure you're there alone?" ~~~ I don't know how far I have walked. Hell, I don't ever think I could find my way home. But does this bother me? Well, on some level I know it is not a good Idea that I am so far from home. Wow... that thought.. Home.. that apartment has become home. Even though the furniture has yet to come and I still need to buy kitchen stuff. But it is a home. It is my home now. This place is different from the New York City somehow. More peaceful. Well, not that New York didn't have its own good points. But this city just gives my heart something that New York didn't. Maybe it is the pacific ocean. Who knows? I vaguely wondered what time it was. I looked at my wrist. I forgotten to put my watch back on. Damn. Oh well, it is really isn't too late, I guess. The rain makes it seem later than it is. It is only early evening here. That would make it early morning in Brisbane. Daniel would more that likely be sleeping in. But I know he is not alone. He is more than likely curled around his beloved Michelle. I can't help but shudder. Their off and on relationship has plays merry hell with my mind. Just when I think Daniel has finally given up on that woman. They get back together. ~~~ "Cause I'm Tryin' to explain Somethin's wrong Ya just don't sound the same" ~~~ The more I think about it... I haven't talked to Daniel in forever. Well, that is what it seems to me. Time just has no meaning to my heart anymore. A minute can feel like a life time and a day can tick by in a second. But it seems whenever we talk to each other, he sounds so distant. Like we have almost grown a part in some respects. Odd to think of us as growing a part. You know? We work so closely and have spent nearly seven years as friends and band mates. I have often wondered if he knows... if he has become aware that I love him and desire him. But then again as Leonie said one time I can't hide a damn thing, I would be better off putting a paper bag over my head and not saying anything if I didn't want people to know how I felt. I guess she is right. Everything I feel just bubbles out of me whether I want it to or not. But then again I have to have someone there who cares enough to notice. To make matters worse Daniel has been elusive for the past few weeks. Not really answering his phone and sending short e-mails back to me and Leonie. It has made me wonder if he is okay or if something is bothering him. ~~~ "Why don't you Why don't you Go outside Go outside Kiss the rain Whenever you need me Kiss the rain Whenever I'm gone, too long. ~~~ Sometimes I wish I could staple a memo to Daniel's forehead that said if you are feeling bad call me. Not like he would but just so he knows that I care. That I want to hear if he has had a bad day. Or if he is pissed off at the world and needs someone to rant to. I look up at the rain and let it fall on my face. I could feel my clothes starting to get soaked. But I just trudge along. There is no need to go home. Water will not kill you. It was like I heard from someone a long time ago. 'Some people walk in the rain and others they just get wet.' I feel that I am one of those people that walk in the rain. I don't know maybe I have felt that way long before I had the words to say so. My hair is getting really wet now... hmmm.. I shake my head back and forth. Wow... No wonder dogs shake them selves dry. I stopped to let my world stop spinning after shook my head. Much better. I started walking again. ~~~ "If your lips Feel lonely and thirsty Kiss the rain And wait for the dawn." ~~~ Again as my thoughts always do, they returned to Daniel. I don't know what is about him that draws me to him. It could be a million and one things and I guess it would only took one thing to make me fall in love with him. Just a second glance here or a expressive gesture. Who knows at this point what is was. But I do know when it happened. And now it is like a thorn in my side. Every time I look at him. Every breath I take. And I have tried, my god have I tried to push the feeling away. I remember the day he called me one time from Brisbane at about three am to go over something I had sent him that day. At first I was pissed at him calling me so late but so unbelievably fast I go over it. Before I knew it Daniel was rambling out a years worth of issues. He was grumbling about his new house and the fact the dog would not house train. The only way I can truly describe it is or rather that it was so human. We were not talking about business or songs. Just life. It was amazing. It was great. Never had a I wished so much that I was with him. It reminded me of the old days when we lived in the flat in Sidney. We talked until dawn. When I finally did get off the phone I felt so elated. I knew then and there that I had just fallen in love with Daniel. There would never be another. He would be it. And in my dreams my wishes were carried out. Sometimes I just hated and detested mornings with all my heart. Because that would mean that I would have to give up my dreams and face a world where my love didn't know that I loved him. The world not knowing my secret or pain, just carried on in an uncaring way. No wonder I was depressed back then. Well, I was still a little depressed. But I think I have worked it out a little better. I am still unhappy a lot of the times, but it doesn't show as much. ~~~ "Keep in mind We're under the same sky And the nights As empty for me, as for you If ya feel You can't wait till morinin' Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Hello Do you miss me? I hear you say you do But not the way I'm missin' you" ~~~ Even now, I feel lonely. I miss Daniel. But the sky and the air I breathe reminds me he is not that far away. Hell with a touch of a button I could call him. Or with a click of a mouse I could send him an e-mail. But those are just poor substitutes for seeing him in the flesh. We share the same ocean, the pacific. Maybe that is why I moved here. I want to share something that was the same. Something that took no effort. Like the moon or the sun. I know that this was the deciding factor. Whenever I get mad or depressed, I always look towards the ones I love. And now that means just a look across one of the grandest blue oceans, our earth has come to call her own. And now more often than I would like to admit, I think about buying a boat. Just so I would have a something that I could own that wasn't tied down.... That was free floating. But even as I thought that I know I could never have a boat. I gazed up at the sky again. I almost wished the moon was out. I just wished he knew. I wish I had the spine to say, 'Daniel I love you.' My god that will be the day when hell freezes over. But no need to ever worry. I don't think I could say that to him. God knows what he thinks about me. Hell, he could already know that I am head over heals in love with him and he could just be ignoring me. ~~~ "And you'd fall over me Think of me Think of me Think of me Only me Kiss the rain Whenever you need me Kiss the rain Whenever I'm gone too long If your lips Feel lonely and tempted Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn" ~~~ But what if he did love me? What if we are just truly missing each other. Both so afraid and never saying thing. I guess it would just really suck if that was the case. Some whacked out universal fuck-up and we were both stuck to endure the mistake. Oh, but I could live with his love. If only he loved me. His beautiful eyes staring me down. His long fingers and big hands touching me. Long arms wrapped around me. Warm body pressed against mine. God, if I could only live in my thoughts. I would die if I could just have him for one night. Just one night all to myself. I would gladly give up everything. It would just be a life long bonus if he loved and wanted me back for life. I know I could make him happy. I know I could be his strength, when he needs someone to lean on. I could be his shoulder to cry on. Already I feel I spent to much time away from Daniel. Even if we were not lovers, it was nice to see him. It is always divine to smell his cologne. And to hear him ramble about the his new guitars and adorable puppies. I wonder what I look like to people passing me on the street. Here I am, a grown man waking the streets. Soaked to the bone. Wet hair. No smile. Clomping about in soggy boots. It is a wonder I am not locked up. ~~~ "Keep in mind We're under the same skies And the nights As empty for me, as for you If you feel You can't wait till morning" ~~~ I guess I should head home. I stopped and looked about. I took note of the street. Thank god I walk in strait lines. I was not too far from home. Night was falling. I could feel the cold now on my bare arms. I wish I had worn a jacket before I stormed out of the apartment. I feel sorry for how harshly I spoke to Leo before I left. She means well. I should have stayed in I am sure. And there is a good chance I will wake up with a cold tomorrow. But I think I still made the right choice. I needed this walk. Well, more over I just need to think and have private time with myself. I share my home with her. But sometimes I just crave personal space. I just want to get away. Thank god I don't have wings. Or I would have flown away a long time ago. I would have just flown and landed somewhere far away. But I don't I could stay away. I need people. I need love from others. Maybe it would be my weaknesses. But everyone has a weaknesses. ~~~ "Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Oooooohhhhh Kiss the rain Oooooohhhhh Kiss the rain" ~~~ I got home. I took out my key and entered the apartment. I could hear Leonie somewhere in the apartment. I think she was watching TV. I made it to my room and just flopped down on my bed. Now, I know I regret doing this. I should get up and change my clothes and get a warm shower and just go to bed. But the slacker in me wins out and I just lay there in wet clothes. I can feel myself drift off. So nice inside and on my warm bed. I hear the phone ring and decide to ignore it. Why bother. I don't think it is anyone I would want to talk to anyway. "Darren?" Leonie knocking on my door. ~~~ "Hello Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me?" ~~~ Damn... if it is our manager I am going to kill him. "Yeah, who is on the phone?" "It is Daniel, he wants to talk to you." Leonie huffed. "Imagine that... I call him and send him several thousand e-mails. And what does he do??? He calls and just wants to talk to you." She tosses the phone at me and walks out shutting the door. "Hello." I say. "Hi, Darren. I have been thinking." End. |