THE DIRECTIONS"
A Lawyer Looks At Divorce And
Remarriage In Scripture
By
An Unknown Lawyer
Unless otherwise noted, scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980,
& 1983 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., Nashville, Tennessee. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Information from Dr. R. C. Sproul's book, "Knowing Scripture", in those passages dealing with
bible interpretation methods used by permission. All rights reserved.
Copyright 2000, 2003. All rights and privileges associated with this copyright are reserved. Any
use of this material without advance written authorization, is expressly forbidden.
Special thanks to all those who took time to critique this work. May God give you
a special blessing for the sacrafices you made to help others.
PART 1 UNDERSTANDING THE BIBLE IN CONTEXT
Chapter 1 VERBAL PLENARY INSPIRATION OF THE SCRIPTURES
Chapter 2 THE AUTHORITY OF THE SCRIPTURES
Chapter 3 RIGHTLY DIVIDING THE WORD OF TRUTH
PART 2 PASSAGES DEALING WITH MARRIAGE, DIVORCE AND
REMARRIAGE IN THE SCRIPTURES
Chapter 4 Genesis 2:18,21-24. The first marriage.
Chapter 5 Ephesians 5:22-33. Marriage as a picture of Christ's relationship
to the Church.
Chapter 6 Malachi 2:13-16. God hates divorce.
Chapter 7 Romans 7:1-3. The permanence of marriage.
Chapter 8 I Corinthians 7:39. Till death do you part.
Chapter 9 Luke 16:15-18. No exception for the Greeks.
Chapter 10 Mark 10:2-12. No exception for the Romans.
Chapter 11 I Corinthians 7:10-15. Hang in there.
Chapter 12 Matthew 5:31,32. When does he cause it?; not what does he
cause.
Chapter 13 Matthew 19:3-12. The exception for the Jews.
Chapter 14 I Timothy 3:1-12. Qualifications for Bishops and Deacons.
Chapter 15 John 4:15-20. The woman at the well.
Chapter 16 Deuteronomy 24:1-4; 22:28,29. Restrictions on divorce.
Chapter 17 I Corinthians 6:1-8. Going to court.
Chapter 18 I Peter 3:1-7. Peter's advice for when things get rough.
PART 3 DEALING WITH THE RESULTS
Chapter 19 IRRETRIEVABLY BROKEN
Chapter 20 PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
Chapter 21 THE NEW WAVE OF COVENANT MARRIAGES,
PRO-FAMILY ORGANIZATIONS, AND STATISTICS
Chapter 22 WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS
Appendix
RECOMMENDED READING LIST
ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS, (a poem)
INTRODUCTION
The scripture states in James 3:18, "Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." With that in mind, I hope to address the issues and nature of divorce and remarriage, and their effects upon our society. I am approaching the issue in print in an effort to broadly disseminate the truth, while minimizing the influence of personality. In doing so, I must first describe the origin of marriage; attempt to paint an accurate view of how God looks at marriage, divorce and remarriage; and then demonstrate, at least to some degree, the effects of divorce and remarriage on the individuals involved.
On July 12, 1999 the subject matter of Mister Roger's Neighborhood, a children's educational program, was divorce. What a tragic commentary on our times. Divorce is everywhere in our society. Approximately 1,163,000 divorces were reported in the United States in 1997, as household after household suffered ruin. Everywhere you look, someone is getting a divorce. Ask any child over the age of seven or eight, and they will tell you about their friends who come from broken homes, if not their own.
With so many people having weighed in with their views on divorce and remarriage, it's hard to know, "Are they giving me sound spiritual advice?" This writing is aimed at clarifying, and hopefully simplifying, what God has to say about divorce and remarriage in the scriptures, and the church's role in it.
Let me start by saying that this writing is directed primarily to those who are divorced and considering marriage to someone other than their original spouse; to those who are considering marriage to someone who is divorced; to those who are contemplating divorce; to pastors, lawyers, and counselors, whose wisdom people rely upon so heavily; and tangentially, to the church as a whole.
This writing is a discussion of the issues looking forward. I do not desire to revisit any particular individual's past. I want to talk about how we handle these issues when they arise, and, how we respond to those who are struggling with these issues from today, forward, and into the future. It is my hope to give you solid direction and insight into these delicate subjects. I hope to give you the tools to examine the Word for yourself, so that you are convinced from the scriptures by the Holy Spirit, and not by me, about what is right and true.
In order to address these issues properly, I must first present some basic truths. At the top of the list is the acceptance of "Verbal Plenary Inspiration Of The Scripture", and "The Authority Of The Scriptures". These are followed by a reasoned approach to the interpretation of the Holy Scriptures. By establishing correct procedures to follow in interpreting the scriptures, we guarantee ourselves a better understanding of the Lord's true intentions regarding the different doctrines enunciated in the scriptures. There is, after all, nothing more tragic than unguided and/or misguided interpretation of the scripture, which leads to self-destruction. Just ask Eve. She added something to God's Word, which led to her eating the forbidden fruit, and ended in her being cast out of the garden of Eden.
The Bible is the supreme authority and source of judging how we are, and how we should be, conducting our lives. We, as christians, should be familiar with the following characteristics of scripture: Inspiration, Divine Origin, Divine Authority, Inerrancy, and Truthfulness. These characteristics should be a source of encouragement and strength to us and we should use them in our spiritual warfare.
Let us remember the traditional position of the church was to forbid certain marriages; including a second marriage while the first spouse lived. To insure that such marriages did not take place, the church instituted the practice of "Banns". A banns was the publication of an intended marriage, which called for anyone with knowledge to give testimony that the intended marriage of a couple, would violate church law, and should therefore be prohibited. The practice was later incorporated into civil law, lasting into at least the 19th century. (The practice of banns was used by several different denominations, and is believed to have originated in 12th century). During the 16th century, Martin Luther initiated a challenge to the prohibition of divorce in cases where "grave and serious reasons" supported allowance of divorce. Still, Luther and other subsequent reformers discouraged divorce and prohibited remarriage. Only since the 19th century have some churches adopted a lesser standard and allowed remarriage.
Let us consider the implications of our stating that a marriage is irretrievably broken, the intrinsic emotionalism attached to every story about marital discord and divorce, the effect on children, and the straw of remarriage. And let us consider that lawsuits for "Alienation Of Affection" are almost unheard of today. "No-Fault Divorce" is standard divorce law in the United States. Our legal system punishes those who would fight to preserve their marriage in court by virtue of the added costs associated with fighting a divorce. And let us look again on the benefit of maintaining the marriage relationship in spite of the difficulties involved.
I will not resort to using someone's personal experiences in an effort to establish doctrine. While I could site specific examples of success in maintaining marriages which I have been privileged to be involved with, one person's experience, (or the experiences of ten million), does not determine doctrine or truth. It is time that we, as a people of God, live in the truth of scripture, not to please ourselves, nor to carry out our whims of the day, but for God. Keep in mind, Christ said not everyone can accept His teachings. You must ask yourself, "Can I accept all of what Jesus has said? Am I willing to set aside my desires, rule my emotions, and believe that God, in His wisdom, knows what is best for me?"
To those who have been divorced and remarried, this writing is not intended to set up a hierarchy of goodness or good people. I understand that there are very few divorced people who knew, or correctly understood, God's point of view on the subjects of divorce and remarriage at the time of their divorce. Some of these individuals were not christians when they divorced, and they only had the advice of family and friends, who knew nothing about God's views on these issues upon which to make a decision. Others relied on the advice of christian friends or their pastor. Some were told they could not get a divorce and maintain good standing in the church, while others were told that they had "biblical grounds" to get a divorce and that it was perfectly okay to divorce and marry another. Let us agree that whatever a person's history, we want to focus on the present and the future.
What this writing is intended to do is inform the uniformed, to address the conflicting points of views about the subjects of divorce and remarriage, and to combat the severe problem of misinformation being spread throughout the church. It is intended to communicate the truth of God's word on the issues of divorce and remarriage. Jesus said, "If you abide in (His) word, you are (His) disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:31b,32). This writing is about communicating God's standards in a way that the reader sees and understands I am trying to help them see God's best for them. It is about helping people avoid further damage to their lives. It is not, as some may have you believe, about how to cast the first stone! Nor is it a call to divorce a second spouse. The scripture says where you find yourself, there you should stay. (I Cor. 7:17-27).
When God told us not to get drunk (Eph. 5:18), He wasn't saying don't get drunk just to make drunks feel bad. Nor was He being judgmental. When our Heavenly Father tells us something is sinful, and that we should not do it, He is telling us such for our good and for our protection. He is telling us that the forbidden conduct will damage us, and not only us, but those around us. Jesus' message is, "I do not condemn you, but quit it". Don't repeat your sin. This discipline of the Lord, keeps us safe.
Finally, I would like to make one last comment before beginning our study. I have quite a few friends who have suffered through a divorce. My heart goes out to them. Divorce means that the couple who entered into a marriage, presumably with the expectation that the marriage would last for a lifetime, has not found a way to overcome the difficulties of the marriage, and their dream of life together, has been shattered. This doesn't mean their life is over, or that they are no longer useful in the kingdom of God. On the contrary, many have come to the conclusion that they were not where they wanted to be in their life when the divorce occurred. The divorce helped them to focus in on what is really important in life. Changes followed, and a higher quality of personal living began to be experienced, as well as greater service to the church. These people are still people, and can bring great blessing to the church.
If anyone is feeling condemned by what they are reading, keep in mind that it is Satan who wants people to feel condemned. I can only echo God's heart when I say I don't condemn you (or want to condemn you). I live in a glass house. God the Holy Spirit wants to convince us of our need to see things the way God sees them, and to release us from those feelings of condemnation through the forgiveness that He offers. It is through confessing the wrongs we have done, and receiving His forgiveness for our wrongs, that we begin to experience God's best for us.
UNDERSTANDING THE BIBLE IN CONTEXT
CHAPTER 1
VERBAL PLENARY INSPIRATION
OF THE SCRIPTURES
When we say that we believe in VERBAL PLENARY INSPIRATION, we are saying that we believe each and every word of the scriptures is God expiated. That is to say, God breathed out His words unto us. These are not just the thoughts of man, nor are they merely man's understanding of God's intentions.
These are the precise words God wanted man to receive, communicated in the language God Himself chose. They represent God's eternal perspective. They are absolute and final in their authority. They are God's words of life to us, for our benefit and protection. This point cannot be over-emphasized, because it is critical for choosing a reliable translated bible.
Some bibles are translated word for word. These bibles can be trusted for a greater degree of accuracy than those which are translated phrase for phrase because those translated phrase for phrase include interpretation of ideas. The bibles which are translated phrase for phrase are not as reliable for building doctrine. Check to make sure you use a bible which is reliable for building doctrine for your study time.
In like manner, when we say we believe in verbal plenary inspiration, we also admit that those subjects spoken of in the scriptures, are spoken of accurately and truthfully. This does not mean that any particular translation is errorless, it means the original inspired texts were accurate and truthful in conveying God's message of hope and redemption. Where the scripture speaks on an issue it conveys truth. Where the scripture does not speak to an issue, we accept it's silence, and we do not fabricate teachings to suit our desires.
Accepting inspiration means we accept the divine origin and authority of the scriptures. We do not question the right of God to place certain limitations on our conduct, or His right to call some conduct either inherently holy or inherently sinful.
THE AUTHORITY OF THE SCRIPTURES
"The Scriptures never err." - Martin Luther.
Many people have claimed different sources of authority for their actions down through history. These authorities have been such things as the order of a king or sovereign, the power to enforce by might, the prevailing will of the people, the "inherent right" to do as one pleases regardless of what others think, or the effervescent belief that what one is doing is "the right thing to do". Ultimately, these have and must fail for the only true source of authority for anything that one does or says must be found in the Holy Word of God.
The Word of God; His Holy Bible; is the supreme law of the land. God is not impressed with man's claims to rights under the Constitution of the United States or any other country. He will not excuse your failure to obey the scriptures because a group of men inked an outline for constitutional government. He will not hear you complain that you were forbidden to pray in public schools because it violated someone else's right to not be exposed to your prayer. Your failure to obey and to teach obedience to the scriptures over and above governmental authority or a constitution will bring you a curse.
Rather than give the scriptures the honor they are due, we, as a people, have set these great words of power, inspiration, and healing upon dusty shelves. In so doing, we have sentenced ourselves to a life of frustration and under-achievement before our one-eyed god, while our bibles receive little more attention than an annual cleaning. It is time to rise up and take hold of the Word of God so that God may unleash His power in us and through us.
"Obedience to God, over the objections of selfish desires, without the motivation of good feelings, is love for God in action." ..... Anonymous
RIGHTLY DIVIDING THE WORD OF TRUTH
How then, do we commence upon the study of the scriptures? I propose to lay out some basic guidelines for interpretation of the scriptures. These guidelines are widely accepted guidelines by the Christian community.
First of all, we accept the premise, without proving it, that the scripture is a tapestry of work. It is consistent in it's content, (i.e., does not contradict itself from one passage to another), and it is inerrant in it's original inspired form. In addition, we accept that it has a literal message from God. To accept that the scripture is literal means that we believe God said what He meant, and He means what He has said. Where there is a literary picture used, there is a literal meaning behind the figurative language. We believe scripture carries a literal theme of redemption throughout the body of the text, and is supported with guidelines for holy living, and stories of man's successes and failures at following those guidelines.
With our basic premises in place, we are ready to start our approach to the study of scripture. Some suggest that you start right in by reading a book of the bible in a single sitting; and reading the individual book multiple times. This is done for the purpose of understanding the flow and context of the individual book. Reading a book multiple times in a single setting gives one a feel for the book that is not always apparent when only portions of the book are read at each sitting. Multiple readings at a time are preferable for study, but I would suggest at least finding out three things before starting in on a new book.
At a minimum, find out who wrote the book, when the book was written, and to whom the book is addressed. Often the author is indicated in the opening of the writing. If not, check two or three sources and compare the comments as to authorship. At the same time, look for information as to the date of the writing. (Make sure you only use reputable conservative writers in checking out authorship and dating. Liberal writers have a built in bias which tends to warp their perception of the truth and can result in the readers of their materials being mislead). Next, find out who is the audience of the book. You may ask, "Is the writing directed towards the Jewish nation as a whole, such as Joshua, towards the Romans, such as the gospel of Mark, or is it directed towards a particular individual, such as Paul's letter to Philemon?" Understanding who the letter is written to, helps you understand not only what is being said, but often also the why of what is said.
Other information about the background of the book can be extremely useful in gaining an accurate understanding of a book, and the scripture as a whole. Areas to question include the geographical situation, the social climate, (i.e., what was happening in their moral dealings with others?), and the political climate, (were they at war, was the kingdom united or divided, or was there famine in the land, etc.?). There is also the question of which type of writing a book may be. Is it a historical writing, such as Kings and Chronicles? Is it a prophetic book such as Revelation? Is it a letter designed to combat certain false teachings that have crept into the church, such as Galatians? Keep in mind, many times the best source for this information is the text itself.
Before you move on to actually starting to study the scriptures, there are a couple of additional rules that need to be covered. We are concerned with obtaining objective truth from the scripture and applying that truth to our lives. This will guard against a subjective view of the scriptures, which is designed to accommodate the individual (unholy) lifestyle. Countless times men have come to the scriptures, and tried to reinterpret the scriptures. This is done to alleviate their feelings of guilt because they have failed to measure up to God's standards. What I am saying is, "Don't manipulate the text to fit your agenda". Let the text say what is says, and mean what it means. Dr. R.C. Sproul suggest that your views should stand up to objective scrutiny or be abandoned.
One last thought on this subject before moving on. A pragmatic view of scripture is unacceptable. A pragmatist has to know that everything will work out in a way which is acceptable to him before he will act. God did not call us to understand everything He tells us to do. He tells us to do what He says and leave the fallout to Him. If you have to understand how something will work out in practice before obeying God, are you not being disobedient to the Almighty by substituting your own judgment for His?
The next rule to address is the rule that scripture should interpret scripture. Since we have accepted that scripture does not contradict itself from passage to passage, it should come as common sense that we must allow the clear passages to give meaning to unclear passages. In saying this, I am suggesting that there is a normal literal message that God is trying to communicate to us through the use of language. Sproul says that alternative contradictory and mutually exclusive interpretations cannot be true at the same time unless God is a liar. God is not trying to deceive or mislead us. Therefore, where there is a verse or passage that can only have one meaning, and another verse or passage, which addresses the same subject matter, which is capable of being interpreted in more than one way, the second verse or passage must be interpreted in a way which is consistent with the meaning of the verse or passage that has only one clear meaning.
For example, when the scripture states, (in reference to being born again), that we are, "... born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God" (John 1:13); it is saying that we cannot cause ourselves to be born again. Only God can cause someone to be born again. No matter what you may read anywhere else in scripture, this truth will not change! We can only go to God, confess that He is, that we have sinned against Him, and ask forgiveness. Placing our faith in Christ does not cause us to be born again. God, in His grace, causes us to be born again in response to our asking for forgiveness from Him.
In his book, The Invisible War, Dr. Donald Barnhouse speaks to the issue of fitting scripture together using an interesting illustration. He talks about a puzzle being placed together by children in a family. While the older children understand the concept of placing the pieces together to form a coherent picture, the three year old was left to separate the individual pieces according to their shape. While one piece had the shape of the letter "S", another looked like a bird. To the three year old, it is the incidental shape that matters. To the older child and the adult, it is the big picture, with all of it's component parts that gives the puzzle meaning.
The point here is that with any given subject matter in the scriptures, you cannot focus in on one verse about the subject matter and ignore the rest. All of the verses on the subject must be examined, and all of the verses must be reconciled together so that the interpretation of individual verses are not in conflict with each other.
The last rule I will address is the rule concerning what Sproul calls "creation ordinances", or "principles of creation". This rule causes us to look at scriptural guidelines in light of their origin. Some guidelines are rooted in the prevailing custom, while others are rooted in creation. Make sure that you look at God's intent concerning the subject being addressed. For example, when Jesus is responding to the Pharisees in Matthew 19:1-12, he refers them back to creation. Thus, He is stating that God established an unchanging standard at creation; not just a passing cultural standard.
There are of course, more rules than those presented in this small effort, but they are beyond the scope of this writing. I would highly recommend Dr. Sproul's, Knowing Scripture.
"The Christian who is not diligently involved in a serious study of Scripture is simply inadequate as a disciple of Christ." - R. C. Sproul.
GENESIS 2:18,21-24.
The First Marriage.
Author: Moses. Leader of the children of Israel during the Exodus and following forty years.
Date of Writing: Approximately 1445-1405 B.C.
Audience: The Jews.
Significant details about the Writing: Details the early history of mankind from creation to the death of Joseph.
GENESIS 2:24.
The first marriage is recorded in scripture as having occurred during the week of creation. God, in His wisdom stated that it was not a good thing for Adam to be "alone". We take this as meaning alone as compared to all other living creatures God had created that week. Only Adam, the male of the species, was created without a female counterpart at the outset. Rather, God added an extra step when He created Eve. He formed Eve from the substance obtained from Adam.
God took time to comment on the special nature of Eve's creation. She was created from a piece of Adam. She was the embodiment of the true nature of oneness between a man and his wife. Therefore, when God joined Adam and Eve together, He made them to be one again. Moses sums up God's intention, and the reality of marriage by writing, "... a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
The word "one" is the Hebrew word " 'ectad ". This is the same word used in "The Great Shemah": "Hear, O Israel: the LORD our God, the LORD is one!" It suggests a unity of personhood which comes from more than one person. This is opposed to the english word "one" translated from the Hebrew word " 'iyah ". This second word has the connotation of a group of people being single minded on an issue, or to denote an individual's uniqueness. The oneness of marriage, is the type of oneness characteristic of the indivisible triune God. God's oneness is inseparable. So too is the oneness which comes from marriage.
EPHESIANS 5:22-33.
Marriage as a picture of
Christ's relationship to the Church.
Author: Paul, the Apostle.
Date of Writing: Approximately 60-61 A.D.
Audience: The Church at Ephesus.
Significant details about the Writing: This letter details our entry in a personal relationship with the Almighty, explains some of the nature and benefits of that relationship, and instructs us to incorporate and apply that knowledge to our daily relationships. Particularly, Paul shows us how marriage is a mysterious picture of the church's relationship to Christ.
There are so many areas of this scripture that could be explored, I would need to write a very large book on this passage alone. However, that would not serve well the focus of this writing. So then, let me point out a couple of the obvious things.
The first thing that jumped out at me in this passage was the exclusivity of the marriage relationship. From the initial statement, Paul indicates that attention is to be given one's "own" spouse. This idea is reinforced numerous times in the passage. The wife is to be subject to her "own" husband. The husband is to love his "own" wife. The husband is to leave his parents and be joined to "his" wife. And the couple becomes one flesh.
Many marriages suffer today, because one spouse or the other does not maintain the exclusivity of the relationship. It is so easy for this to happen. While at work, away from the spouse, many people begin innocent relationships with co-workers of the opposite sex. The natural tendency is to develop deeper intimacy with those with whom we come into regular contact.
When conflict occurs in a marriage relationship, one of the most common things to do is to talk to a co-worker about the problem. It is before we enter into this situation that we must have a plan of action. If you are experiencing some difficulty in your marriage, with whom will you discuss it? I suggest that men and women alike need to have people in their lives who have experienced long term success in their marriage. This doesn't mean that the experienced couple is perfect, but that they have learned how to deal with the different problems of marriage as they come.
It is additionally important that the lay counsel sought is from one's own sex. It is much safer. This type of discussion and advice giving often gives way to inappropriate "satisfying" of the deprived partner's "needs" when "counseling" with a member of the opposite sex. Spending time with a member of the opposite sex discussing your marital problems is a time bomb waiting to happen.
Professional counseling should be handled carefully as well. The stories are numerous where a member of the opposite sex is taken advantage of in a "counseling" situation. Different types of "therapy" are discussed and sometimes tested behind closed doors. Pastors are particularly at risk. It is good idea to provide some kind of safety net for the benefit of everyone involved.
I had a pastor who would leave the door cracked open when counseling a woman alone. The layout of some churches allows for that without fear of others hearing the conversation. Another way is to install a window into the study with drapes. When counseling under these conditions, open the drapes, or use drapes which will allow you to see a silhouette. Another way is to use a large room, where, even though others are in the room your conversation cannot be heard because of other noise. If nothing else, find someone who knows how to be discrete to sit in the counseling session with you.
The second, but really more important issue is the typology found here. Paul says that marriage is a type of relationship which illustrates Christ's relationship to the church. Divorce distorts the picture of that relationship. The relationship Christ has with the church is indissoluble. That is to say, the relationship can never be broken.
I have heard a number of different people use the illustration of two pieces of plywood being glued together. Once the glue is set, the individual pieces can never be taken apart without destroying both pieces. So it is with two people who get married. Consummation is the set glue of the marriage and the couple's unity cannot be undone. Once divorced, you are not single again. Pieces of your spouse's board are attached to you and pieces of your board are attached to your spouse.
Paul indicates that Christ sacrificed for the church and that we ought to do the same. He says that Christ labored over the church that it might be undefiled. Paul also says that Christ loved the church as part of His own body and that this was Christ's motivation for nurturing the church. Husbands, are you laboring over your wife that she may be made blameless and undefiled? Are you nuturing her as Christ nutures the church?
It is as we come to understand the covenant relationship of Christ with the church, the permanent nature of that covenant relationship, and the extent to which He was willing to sacrifice for the benefit of the church, that we begin to understand a covenant marriage and how to care for our spouses. A mindset that commits to nurturing one's spouse is essential to maintaining a good marriage.
Keeping with the theme of marriage being a picture of Christ's relationship to the church, it is important to note that submission is a term of security, not inferiority, in this context. When the church is submitted to Christ's leadership, it is centered in the safety of God's will and His blessing. However, when the church ignores Christ's leadership, it enters into confusion, chaos and division.
The same is true in marriage. Submission by the husband to Christ as head of the church will provide safe leadership to the center of God's will in the home. It is the husband's provision of this safe leadership, and the willingness of the wife to follow it, which protects the family and the marriage relationship from destruction. While both the husband and the wife are required to be submissive, each has their own "office", and it's associated responsibilities in the family. If either the husband or the wife goes off in an independent direction, the marriage relationship, and the family as a whole, suffers.
When we look at the marriage relationship, let's keep in mind that marriage between a man and a woman is to be a picture in the physical realm of what is happening between Christ and His bride, the church, in the spiritual realm. The portrayal of God's unconditional love and care for us, in terms of an exclusive intimate marriage relationship, is another way to show us He wants the best for us.
Proverbs 5:18. "Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth."
MALACHI 2:13-16.
God hates divorce.
Author: Malachi, a prophet. (Mal. 1:1).
Date of Writing: 432-425 B.C.
Audience: The post-exilic nation of Israel.
Significant details about the Writing: This book closes the old testament canon. God does not speak to the Jews again until the coming of Christ.
If there were any question up to this point about how God views divorce, it is eliminated with caustic certainty by Malachi. God hates divorce! So says Malachi. In fact, Malachi says God said it Himself. What could be clearer than a direct quote from God? Could it be said in any stronger language? Did God need to pause for a moment and say, "Listen up people, I really want you to get this!"? Did He need to say He really, really means it?!
When a person responds to God's clear statements, like His statement concerning divorce with, "But ... "; they are suggesting God has less than all of the information. They imply that God is not aware of the particular problems they are facing, and, that their methods of dealing with certain problems is superior to God's methods for solving those problems. Should the church entertain such ideas? Absolutely not! We should discern the denial of God's omniscience and omnipotence, and refute it.
Look closely at the consequence of divorce as stated in verse 16. God says divorce covers one's clothes with violence. Take note again that I have quoted the New King James Version. Matthew Henry's Commentary, based on his reading of the King James Version, suggest that violence is the cause of divorce. (The King James Version reads, "For the Lord, The God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment,..."). Henry's interpretation directly opposes the text itself.
According to Dr. William Harding, a Hebrew professor at Biblical Theological seminary, there are only two ways this Hebrew language verse can be read. The first way says violence covers the garments of those who are divorced. In this case, "violence" is the subject of the sentence, and is doing the acting. The second way it can be read is that the person doing the putting away is covering their own garments with violence. That would make the individual who is "putting away" their spouse, the subject of the sentence; i.e., the one who is doing the acting.
Dr. Harding's reading is supported by Keil & Delitzsch's Commentary on the Minor Prophets. Keil & Delitzsch make the same claim with regard to the two ways the verse can be read. Whether you choose the first, wherein violence is the subject, or the second interpretation, wherein the individual doing the putting away is the subject, the important thing to take away is that "garments" is not the subject and "garments" is not covering over violence in this passage. The result is that the garments of the individual who is divorced become covered with violence.
In relation to this understanding of the text, it is significant to note the results of a study reported in the Journal Of Socio-Economics, in 1994. This study, by two Drexel University professors, was conducted to examine the relationship between unemployment and homicide. Their conclusion?, "...(the) most powerful predictor of HOMICIDE rates in the United States are the divorce rates." The proverbs warn against keeping the company of those who drink the wine of violence. Drinking the wine of violence is exactly what those who get divorced are doing. This may be why those persons who are confronted about getting involved in a forbidden marriage tend to react in such a hostile manner.
Divorce also does violence to the picture of Christ's relationship to the church. Christ said He will never leave His church, nor will He ever throw out His church, which is His bride. Divorce destroys that image. For Christ, divorce is not an option. Even when the church has been unfaithful, and committed spiritual adultery; Christ has determined that He will never give up on His bride, no matter how bad the situation becomes. How great it would be if every man adopted that same attitude towards his bride, and every wife towards her husband.
Proverbs 4:14-17. "Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it, do not travel on it, turn away from it, and pass on. For they do not sleep unless they have done evil; and their sleep is taken away unless they make someone fall. For they eat the bread of wickedness, and drink the wine of violence."
ROMANS 7:1-3.
The permanence of marriage.
Author: Paul, the Apostle. (Rom. 1:1).
Date of Writing: 57 A.D., after the first letter to the Corinthian Church.
Audience: The Romans.
Significant details about the Writing: Romans is written to prepare the church at Rome for Paul's pending visit. It is the most detailed book on doctrine in the New Testament, with the possible exception of Hebrews. It also gives practical advice on christian living and ministering to the body.
Once again I would like to remind my audience that God's instructions for our lives are His communication of His love for us, His desire to see us enjoy the fruits of His best for us in our lives, and His desire to keep us from harm. In Romans 7:3, Paul states that a woman will be called an adulteress if she marries a second man while her original spouse is alive. He states this truth with the same clarity that Jesus used in Mark 10:11,12 and Luke 16:18. This is because entering into a second marriage relationship during the life of your original spouse is an adulterous act under the law of God. Yet, Paul makes this statement during the age of grace. You must ask, "Didn't Paul understand that we had passed from law to grace when he made this statement?" Obviously he did. Yet, he persisted in stating that doing so was and is unacceptable.
Keeping in mind that his audience was the romans, Paul does not state any exceptions to the law concerning remarriage, nor does he indicate that any exceptions exist. His bottom line was that once you have been married, you are bound to your original spouse for life, and if you marry another while that spouse is alive, you commit adultery. This one of a number of passages in the New Testament in which this truth is stated without exception.
In telling us that marriage to another is sinful, God is communicating that there is a destructive nature to this particular action. He is saying that this is less than His best for us, and that there is a destructive effect to be avoided.
I COR 7:39.
Till death do you part.
Author: Paul, the Apostle. (I Cor. 1:1).
Date of Writing: 56 A.D.
Audience: The Church at Corinth.
Significant details about the Writing: See I Cor. 7:10-15.
This verse also teaches the lifelong nature of the marriage relationship. Paul says the marriage relationship reaches beyond divorce to death. The woman is bound by the marriage covenant till death, and she is not allowed to remarry until her husband dies. The only "out" from the marriage in God's eyes is death, not divorce. Then, and only then, can a woman marry again without sinning. Not before. Take note that this principal is enunciated by Paul during the age of grace.
It is important to understand the distinct meanings of the words "bound" and "bondage" as used in the new testament, and in particular, I Cor. 7. I Cor. 7:39 uses the word bound, from the greek word "deo", which means to be tied to. This verse is particularly significant because it refutes the suggestion that a woman can marry again if she is abandoned by an unbelieving husband. That teaching is wrongfully extracted by what is stated by Paul in verses 12-16 in the same chapter and I will address that later. Paul does not state that a woman is free to remarry in those verses. He says only that a woman is no longer under bondage.
The greek word for bondage is "douloo". It means to be enslaved to, or a slave to. In other words, a woman doesn't have to slavishly suffer the indignity of trying to stay with an unbelieving spouse who doesn't want to stay with her. Paul says God is relieving her from the obligation of trying to keep the marriage together in that particular situation. That is far from giving her permission to remarry. Notice that the verse does not say that the tie is broken. I Cor. 7:12-16 is one of those unclear passages where you must chose the interpretation which is consistent with the clear and unambiguous passages. If you chose the interpretation which allows for remarriage, you cause scripture to contradict itself, and this is impermissible.
Galatians 5:22. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law."
LUKE 16:15-18.
No exception for the Greeks.
Author: Luke, the Greek Physician.
Date of Writing: 60-68 A.D.
Audience: The Greeks.
Significant details about the Writing: It is part one of a two volume set, (the other volume being Acts). Luke is the longest book in the New Testament. Luke and Acts make up approximately 28% of the New Testament. Wilkerson and Boa state that Luke is the "most comprehensive and precise" of the Gospels, and that it was written in the most refined Greek in the New Testament. Luke was writing an accurate, orderly account of Christ's ministry on earth, (Luke 1:1-4).
LUKE 16:18
The issue of divorce and remarriage is addressed by Christ in one succinct verse in Luke. In Luke 16:18 Christ said that if a man divorces his wife and marries another he commits adultery. Also, if another man marries the wife this man divorced, he commits adultery by marrying the wife who was put away.
This verse could not be any more clear. In making this statement Jesus relies on the unfailing authority of the law. He cuts to the heart of the matter, and He offers no exceptions nor apologies. He says what He says with no room for maneuvering around His words. Either you take His words at face value, or you say He didn't mean exactly what He said here, or you say that Luke didn't convey an accurate account of the episode in his writing, (Luke 1:1-4).
This passage has only one possible meaning. Marriage to an individual other than the original spouse, while the original spouse is still living, is an adulterous act. NO EXCEPTIONS! Wherever else you turn in scripture, the truth of this passage will not change. The existence of a common desire to lay aside the clear teaching of this passage is why it is critical to identify and to use proper bible interpretation techniques. Using proper interpretation techniques will thwart Satan's desire to pollute the church with his false teachings.
Whatever other passage Satan may attempt to use to undermine the teaching of Luke 16:18 must be looked at closely. Remember, when turning to another passage, the truth taught in this verse will not change. When dealing with unclear passages, (passages which have multiple possible meanings), you must choose only from among the possible meanings which are consistent with the clear passages. Why? Because choosing an interpretation which is inconsistent with the teaching of the clear passage will make the unclear passage contradict the teaching of the clear passage.
Does this passage say that a marriage of this sort is unforgivable? Obviously not. Refusing to accept Jesus Christ as God the Son and your Savior is the only unforgivable sin. But how do you counsel people who are intending to do something which God, through His bible, calls sin? If someone were to come to you and say they intended on robbing a bank, the proper response would not be, "That's okay, God will forgive you later." The proper response is, "That's wrong. Don't do it." This is the same response we should give to those who come to us saying, "I am planning on committing adultery". Proverbs 27:6 says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." These wounds are the cleansing salve of truth on the sores of sin.
"Open rebuke is better than secret love." Pro. 27:5. (K.J.V.)
MARK 10:2-12.
No exception for the Romans.
commits adultery.""
Author: Mark, cousin to Barnabas, companion to Paul, and possible disciple of Peter the Apostle.
Date of Writing: Contains prophecy of the destruction of the Jewish temple. Suggested date of 55-65 A.D.
Audience: The Romans. The writing contains latin words familiar to the Romans, and leaves out information about Jewish culture.
Significant details about the Writing: Mark is the shortest of the gospels and believed to be the first written. It concerns itself with the servanthood of Christ, giving a detailed account of the eight days leading to the crucifixion of Christ. It was the ultimate act of service.
MARK 10:2-12.
In Mark 10, as in Luke 16, Christ words on the subject of divorce and remarriage are few and direct. He first says that divorce was only allowed because of the hardness of hearts. He says that from the beginning of creation divorce was not an option for solving marital discord. Once married, a couple should never divorce.
Jesus does not stop with the injunction against divorce. He goes on to state that marriage to an individual other than the original spouse is the commission of adultery. This is true whether it is the man or the woman who gets the divorce and remarries.
Again, the Lord gives no exceptions in this passage, so you must either take His words at face value, or say He didn't mean exactly what He said here, or say that Mark didn't convey an accurate account of the episode in his writing. Although there is a slight difference in what is said to the Romans in Mark, as opposed to what Luke said to the Greeks, the bottom line is the same. For both the Romans and the Greeks, marriage to a second person is the commission of adultery. There are no exceptions. Once married, they are bound to their spouses for life, and only upon death were they free to remarry.
I COR 7:10-15.
Hang in there.
Author: Paul, the Apostle. (I Cor. 1:1).
Date of Writing: 56 A.D.
Audience: The Church at Corinth. A city in Greece.
Significant details about the Writing: The letter to the church at Corinth was written to combat the carnality that had infected the local church. A variety of sins were being practiced openly by the church body, indeed in their very meeting places. These sins are addressed one by one by Paul, with a hope that the church will be purged of their sinful conduct by the time he arrives on his visit.
The sin of divorce is addressed in chapter 7. In verses 10-11 Paul says that a woman should not "depart from her husband". To do this is to violate a direct command from the Lord. It seems clear that Paul meant divorce to be included in "depart" by his statement in verse 11. There he says that if a woman does depart, she should "remain unmarried". The Lord commands men to not divorce their wives as well. Thus, to divorce is to disobey a clearly stated New Testament, age of grace, commandment, (not suggestion), of the Lord.
Paul then addresses the unstated question, "Can I divorce my unsaved spouse?" In verses 12-15, Paul says that the believing spouse, whether it be a man or a woman, should not divorce their spouse. This eliminates divorce as a valid way of dealing with an unbelieving spouse. Again, to divorce the
unbelieving spouse is to violate the command to stay with an unbelieving spouse.
The next unstated question in the passage is, "What happens if the unbeliever leaves or divorces the believing spouse?" Paul says that a believer is allowed to let the unbeliever depart. In this case God has called the believer to peace. Notice that the verse does not say the believer is called to divorce the unbelieving spouse. That would be in direct opposition to what he just said in verses 10-11. Neither is the believer called to remarry, but to abide in peace.
The gist of the passage is not to encourage people to seek a change of relationship in their life. It is to restore their broken marriages to the extent they are able, or to remain where they are with regard to their personal relationships. Nowhere does Paul state that a person who has been abandoned is free to remarry. He says only that such a person is free from the burden of trying to maintain a marriage to an unbeliever who departs. Nor does Paul suggest that the believing spouse should try to get the unbeliever to leave. That also would be contrary to the overall intent of the passage. Being relieved of the burden for daily maintenance of a marriage is far different than being given permission to marry another.
MATTHEW 5:31,32.
When does he cause it?; not, What does he cause?!
Author: Matthew, the Apostle.
Date of Writing: 58-68 A.D.
Audience: The Jews.
Significant details about the Writing: Written by a Jew to the Jews. Focuses on Jesus as the King of the Jews. Records Jesus' ancestry as support for His claim to the throne of David. Concerns itself with the Jewish culture and lifestyle, along with the fulfillment of the promise of a Messiah.
Here we have yet another passage that says, without exception, to marry a woman who is divorced is to commit adultery. The only question raised in these two verses is whether the husband will share in the blame for her adultery. Notice in verse 32, that there is no question as to whether she will enter into adultery by remarrying. The question is whether the husband causes her to commit adultery. Notice that the phrases are disjunctive. That is to say, the phrase which says that anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery, is not dependent on the prior phrase to give it meaning. The latter phrase stands alone.
Jesus says that the husband who puts away his wife causes his wife to commit adultery. To this Christ offers one exception. In the case where the woman has already been sexually promiscuous, the husband does not cause her to become promiscuous when he divorces her, even if she remarries or becomes a prostitute to support herself. The word that Christ uses to denote the exception is "porneias". That word is translated into the english words "fornication", "unchastity" or "sexual immorality", as opposed to "moixeuthenia", which is translated as (marital) "adultery". Here, the exception is for "porneias", NOT marital adultery. What "porneias" means will be discussed in greater detail in the next section.
MATTHEW 19:3-12.
The exception for the Jews.
Author: Matthew, the Apostle.
Date of Writing: 58-68 A.D.
Audience: The Jews.
Significant details about the Writing: See Matthew 5:31,32.
The first thing to remember when you are attempting to interpret this passage is that the passage must be taken as a whole, and as only part of the instruction in the scriptures on divorce and remarriage. This passage cannot be interpreted in a vacuum. It must be interpreted in light of what is clearly stated in other passages. Only then can you come to a correct understanding of God's true intentions on the subjects of divorce and remarriage. Remember: What God has stated clearly in other passages, He will not contradict here.
In Jesus' day, there were basically two views regarding the meaning of Deuteronomy 24:1-4. One group held that a man could divorce his wife only in the case of adultery, that is to say, for any just cause. The other group believed that a man could divorce his wife for just about any cause. On this particular occasion, the Pharisees were looking for ways to discredit Jesus. Thus, they brought this controversial issue to Him, in hopes to find fault with Him, for His interpretation of the law.
The first item to take note of in the passage is that Jesus' initial response to the Pharisees is that what God has joined in marriage, no one should separate. "No one" means not either of the marriage partners, nor any of their relatives and/or friends, marriage counselors, pastors, rabbis, priests, psychologists, psychiatrists, lawyers, judges, talk show hosts, the media, and/or anyone else you can think of. Hence, Christ was standing against divorce, and anyone who would suggest it as an acceptable way to handle marital difficulties. He was telling both sides that they were wrong.
This tends to be one of the first places people attack the idea of permanence in marriage. They question whether God has joined the couple in marriage, for the supposed reason that the marriage may not have been proper, or God joined, in the first place. What they fail to realize is that they are doing the same thing the Pharisees were doing. They are trying to find some way to defeat God's standard of permanence in marriage. Jesus responded to the Pharisees by saying that the original nature of marriage at creation did not allow for divorce. He states a creation principle that man and woman are paired for life,
In addition, there is no qualifier in the statement concerning what happens when a man leaves his home to marry. At that time, the man ceases to be one of two separate people, and becomes joined as one with his wife. Though God is not mentioned in verse 5 or the first part of verse 6 in this joining process, never the less, there is an actual joining. The statement that follows indicates that this joining is a work of God. It does not state with clarity that God either actively joined them, or, that God set in motion a law of joining together which automatically operates upon the consummation of a marriage. The second option would allow for a couple to be joined together in the mystical union of man and wife as one by God, without His condoning a particular marriage. This is consistent with what Paul says in I Cor. 6:15-16.
The Pharisees were not satisfied with Jesus' initial answer. They wanted to undermine His credibility, and cause Him to choose sides as to how much damage in a marriage relationship had to exist before a divorce could be obtained. Jesus' response was that no amount of damage justified divorce. When faced with that response, the Pharisees then tried to pit Jesus against the law of Moses by claiming Moses commanded divorce, (v.7). Jesus responded by saying that Moses only permitted divorce, and that this permission existed only because of their evil hearts, (v.8). Once again Jesus states the creation principle: "but from the beginning it (obtaining a divorce) was not so." Only later were they permitted to get a divorce, (v.8). Divorce was never what God had in mind as a cure for marital problems.
Now comes the one verse in all of scripture, which, because it is so commonly misinterpreted, has done more damage to the church than any other. Look closely and see. When it comes to divorcing a spouse and marrying another, Jesus says there is one exception to the truth that the second marriage constitutes the commission of adultery. This exception was not given to the Romans or the Greeks. It was written to the Jews alone. You must ask then, "What is different about the Jews situation, that allows them an exception, which is not made available to the Gentiles?"
First, look and see what the actual exception is in verse 9. Don't revert to your preconceived ideas about the exception. The exception, according to Jesus, is in the case of "porneia", not "moixatai". That is to say, fornication, not marital adultery. This is evident when you look at the King James Version, the New King James Version, or the New American Standard version of the bible.
But look in the New International Version. In the N.I.V. the greek word "porneia", in Matt. 19:9 came to be translated "marital unfaithfulness". The same root word is translated as "sexual immorality" in Matthew 15:19 in the N.I.V, not marital adultery. The N.I.V. translation into marital unfaithfulness in Matt. 19:9 is inaccurate.
By comparing the use of the words in the different passages by the same writer, it appears that the greek word "moixeiai" is intended to represent a different category of sin than is "porneiai" in Matthew 15:19. This is evident because no two other sins listed in that verse are paired together, with one being a subset of the other. The distinction between adultery and fornication, or, an adulterer and a fornicator is also made in Mark 7:21, I Cor. 6:9, Gal. 5:19, and Hebrews 13:4.
So now you come to the place where only the Jews, but not the Greeks or the Romans are allowed to divorce and remarry without committing adultery; but only in the case where the spouse is guilty of fornication, not marital adultery. Why?! Don't lose sight of the numerous other passages that say any remarriage is adulterous. There must be something unique about the Jewish situation. Why else would Jews be the only ones who could remarry while their spouse was living, without committing adultery? Remember, you cannot choose an explanation which will cause this scripture to contradict the other clear scriptures.
Different people have offered explanations for why the Jews would have an exception allowing them to divorce while no other people would have that option. Bill Gothard, of the Institute For Basic Life's Principles, suggests that the reason for the existence of an exception for the Jews is that the Jews had a betrothal period of a year during which a couple were considered married for legal purposes, but there was no consummation of the marriage until the end of the year's engagement. This would account for the exception clause and reconcile the differences.
A man and a woman would be considered husband and wife once they entered into the marriage contract. But having failed to consummate the marriage, if the woman was found to have fornicated prior to consummation of the marriage, the husband could divorce the woman, marry another, and not commit adultery. This is the decision Joseph was considering when he found out Mary was pregnant with Jesus. Consummating the marriage completed entry into the covenant relationship, and foreclosed the option of divorce. Any subsequent indiscretion would be "moixatai" (marital adultery), not "porneia" (sexual immorality).
Another view regarding the exception holds that the exception refers to "illegal marriages". This would be an illegal marriage of close relatives, or a marriage of parties of the same sex; both of which are abominable acts according to the Creator. While these may be part of the exception clause, the, story of Joseph's contemplation of putting away Mary privately, clearly illustrates how the unconsummated marriage could be terminated without the innocent party being called an adulterer or an adulteress upon entering into a different marriage.
I TIMOTHY 3:1-12.
Qualifications for Bishops and Deacons.
Author: Paul, the Apostle. I Tim. 1:1
Date of Writing: 62-63 A.D.
Audience: Immediate audience is Timothy.
Wider audience is the church leaders.
Purpose: This letter was written in order to establish Timothy's authority in the church; and to give him instruction on church structure, order, and doctrine.
In this passage, Paul the Apostle states that the leaders of the church are to be men who have only one wife. Today's churches take several different approaches to what this means. The first approach suggests that the passage is saying a man can only have one wife at a time, and that, so long as there is only one wife at a time, a man is qualified to hold the office of bishop or deacon so long as the other qualifications are met. This is inconsistent with what is clearly stated in other passages of scripture, and with the historic practice of the church.
In Leviticus 21, Moses writes concerning the Levite priests. In verse one the Lord commands Moses to "speak to the priests, the sons of Aaron." The Lord gives Moses instructions concerning holy living before God. Moses is told to tell the priests that marrying a divorced woman is a defiling act, which disqualifies them from carrying out the duties of priest before the Lord. This is stated in verses 7 and 13-14.
Verse 7 says, "... nor shall they take a woman divorced from her husband, for the priest is holy to his God." The verse is saying that a man cannot hold the office of priest if his wife has previously been married. How much more is a man disqualified from holding the office of priest before God if the divorce is his own? This principle is restated in verse 14: "A widow or a divorced woman or a defiled woman or a harlot-these he shall not marry;...". Marrying a divorced woman defiles a man according to this passage. For this reason, he cannot hold the office of priest. The approximate New Testament equivalent of Levite Priest is Bishop. If you are going to be consistent in your approach to scriptures, you must acknowledge Paul's instruction in I Timothy 3 as a prohibition against choosing as bishops and deacons, those who are defiled by such a marriage.
The next approach is to say that a man is allowed to hold the office of bishop or deacon if he has had only one wife since he became a christian. They say that II Corinthians 5:17, ("... if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."), does away with any previous marriages being held against a man for the purpose of determining whether or not a man is qualified to hold the office of bishop or deacon.
The problem with that point of view is that you are required to add to what scripture states directly in order to come up with that result. Does the scripture say that all consequences are removed when a person becomes a christian? I think we all would readily acknowledge the falseness of that suggestion. Murder victims do not get up out of the grave because the murderer becomes a christian. Do those who contracted AIDS during an immoral sexual encounter get healed of the disease when they become christians? Obviously not! How then can we state with absolute certainty that the consequence of disqualification is removed when there is no other verse in scripture that directly supports the removal of the consequence in this area. The only consequence which God promises to remove is the consequence of eternal damnation. No other promise of removal of consequence is given to man. On the contrary, God says that what we sow we will reap. He does not say we may reap.
Therefore, you must add to I Timothy 3:2 & 12 the words, "since they became a christian", in order to support the view that the consequences of pre-christian actions are removed. This is expressly forbidden in Deuteronomy 4:2, and 12:32. In Deut. 4:2, Moses tells the people a command from the Lord. "You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take anything from it, that you may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you." In chapter 12, verse 32 Moses, speaking on God's behalf, says, "Whatever I command you, be careful to observe it; you shall not add to it nor take away from it."
It is not acceptable for modern churches to say we are not sure if God means, "husband of one wife" or "husband of one wife since the man became a christian". Adding the words "since a man became a christian" changes the normal meaning of the words as stated, corrupting God's standard. We are not allowed to add to God's words or His commands. We can no more add, since he became a christian, to this passage than we would allow someone to insert, a, before, God, in John 1:1. Remember what happened to Eve when she added to God's words, and changed their meaning?
The last option is to take the scriptures to mean that a man is forever barred from holding the office of deacon if he has married a second wife while the first wife lives. This is consistent with all other scriptures previously discussed in this work. It protects the high view of the offices of bishop and deacon inside the church, and outside of the church. It is also consistent with the practice of the church universal over the centuries.
This is an extremely important point. God prohibits a man who has had more than one marriage from holding the offices of bishop and deacon because a subsequent marriage defiles the man. It is the additional marriage while the first mate is living that permanently disqualifies a man from office. The reason these subsequent marriages serve to disqualify men from office is because they are inherently wrong and sinful and they pollute the church. A divorce can result in remarriage to the original spouse; until marriage to another occurs.
Are we not being hypocritical if we allow subsequent marriages in the church, while making them the basis for disqualification of men who have had such marriages? If we use these marriages to disqualify men from serving as bishops and deacons, should we not stop allowing them to be performed in our churches? How can a church justify participating in any activity which results in a man being permanently disqualified from holding one of it's sacred offices? Can we really say that we can allow these marriages because only those who take these offices are called to service by God? To make such a claim would be to say, "We know that God has not, nor ever will place a call on a man's life to serve as a bishop or a deacon."
Can we dare to make such a claim? Are we so arrogant as to claim sufficient knowledge of God's future plans for a man who is not presently permanently disqualified from holding the office of bishop or deacon? Do we really know for sure what God intends for such an individual's future? To marry a man into such a second marriage is, is it not, to claim such knowledge? James 4:14 says, "You do not know what will happen tomorrow." Let me state it another way. The Church cannot be involved in an activity that is so staining of a man, so as to permanently disqualify the man from holding one of it's offices, without being stained itself.
Additionally, it is necessary to remember the importance character plays in the part of selecting deacons and bishops. One of the most important indicators of a man's character is whether or not a man keeps his word. Today, we have an organization devoted to teaching men to keep their word. That organization is Promise Keepers. The scriptures have something to say about keeping ones promises.
Numbers 30:2 says "If a man vows a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do all that proceeds from his mouth." And in Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 it says, "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed. It is better not to vow, than to vow and not pay." And again in Psalm 15:4 it says that the man who honors the LORD by keeping his promise, even when it hurts him to do so, will stand safely before the LORD.
Every wedding I have attended has included a time when both individuals promise before God to love, honor, and cherish; (or words to similar effect), in sickness, for worse, and for poorer; until death they do part. Where is the keeping of those vows before God? Where is the integrity of the individual that breaks the most important promise of his life? And how are we to know if an individual means those words when divorce is so easy? How are we to trust him?
JOHN 4:15-20.
The woman at the well.
Author: John, the Apostle.
Date of Writing: 90 A.D.
Audience: The World.
Significant details about the Writing: John portrays Christ as the Son of Man. He opens his gospel with a declaration of the divine nature of Christ. He also talks about Christ's role in creating the world. The gospel of John serves as an invitation to enter into the family of God, believing on Jesus by looking up to Him on the Cross. In this book Jesus is referred to as the Light, the Door, the Good Shepherd, the Way, the Truth, I AM, and the Messiah, as well as by other names.
In John 4 Jesus deals with the woman at the well. The passage sheds light on how the Lord views subsequent marriages. In approaching this woman, Jesus made a number of statements, both verbal and non-verbal. For our purposes, I will focus on His statement concerning the woman's marriages.
Jesus said the woman had five husbands. I would suggest there is no doubt Christ meant one husband at a time, and that He was not complementing her for her achievements. What was He trying to do? Was He not deliberately pointing out her sin? He didn't wait for her to be moved by the Spirit to confession; He initiated the discussion of her sin. He blatantly criticized her to her face for having too many husbands, and for living with a man to whom she was not married. He was saying that it was wrong for her to have married five times. He was showing the woman her need to acknowledge her sin and her need for a personal relationship with Him.
Jesus took an approach that would be considered politically incorrect by today's standards. He initiated a conversation with a person He knew to be in sin. His method was to create a dialogue which would allow Him to openly confront this woman with her sin. He could have easily avoided mentioning her husband, but that was the great issue of her life. She was a failure at marriage and Christ wanted to give her victory over her previous failures. That is why He brought up the subject. He wasn't just trying to make her feel bad. He wanted to deliver her from the bondage she was under. In order to do that, the issue had to be dealt with openly and directly. Christ has given us an example, if not a pattern, for dealing with difficult issues. Deal with them directly so you can get on with your life's work for the kingdom.
The best part of the story of the woman at the well is the conclusion. This woman came to nderstand who Jesus was and she placed her hope in Him for her eternal future. She began a new, wholesome relationship with her Creator. She received the forgiveness of sin, and the release from her own feelings of condemnation that Jesus offered. She then went and told all of her friends and
neighbors about Him. As a result, these people were then able to come and meet Jesus also, and they too began to experience God's best for them.
DEUTERONOMY 24:1-4, 22:28,29.
Restrictions on divorce.
Deut. 22:28,29. "If a man finds a young woman who is a virgin, who is not betrothed, and he seizes her and lies with her, and they are found out, then the man who lay with her shall give to the young woman's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife because he has humbled her; he shall not be permitted to divorce her all his days."
Author: Moses.
Date of Writing: Approximately 1405 B.C.
Audience: The Jews.
Significant details about the Writing: This book contains a historical record of the latter events in Moses' life as well as the Mosaic law. This book contains instructions as to how the Israelites were to live their lives. It combined social law with spiritual law.
I find it interesting that the Lord found ways in which to make it more difficult to obtain a divorce in the Israeli culture. There are three things requiring personal effort on the part of the man who would put away his wife. First, he is required to reduce the divorcement to writing. Secondly, the man must personally deliver the certificate of divorcement to his wife. And third, he must send her away. At each step of the process, the man is forced to take just a little bit longer to think about divorcing his wife. And, in the end, she is left with documentation as proof against her husband.
Far from condoning divorce, which is how the Pharisees read it, the point of this passage is not saying that a man can put away his wife, rather, it is commenting on the loose practice of divorce at the time by placing restraints on those practices. Requiring a bill of divorcement was a way to discourage easy divorce, which was occurring because of "the hardness of their hearts". God was no more saying divorce was right in Deut. 24:1-4 than He was saying it was okay to marry a second wife in Ex. 21:10.
While Moses is acknowledging that God allows certain sinful practices to occur, while others are so egregious that no practice of that type can be allowed. Some deeds are so heinous that any commission of an act of that type would break down all moral standards and totally pollute the people. Returning to a prior husband is such a practice as could not be allowed at all.
In the Chapter 22 passage, another restriction against divorce is found. Here, the man commits fornication with the woman. The question is raised as to whether this applies to a consensual act. At the end of verse 29 it reads, "... and they are found out,". I believe a fair reading of the word "they" means it may be a consensual situation. How else would there be anything for which the woman could be found out? So then, if a man takes a woman's virginity from her, once he marries her, he may never divorce her.
I COR. 6:1-8.
Going to Court.
Author: Paul the Apostle.
Date of Writing: 56 A.D.
Audience: The Corinthian Church.
Significant details about the Writing: This writing is directed to combat worldly living in the Church. Paul emphasizes the need to apply godly principles for living the christian life among a society based on false religion. He stresses the oneness of the body of Christ that each christian is a part of, and our need to co-exist in a spirit of unity and sacrifice for others. He says that we all benefit by foregoing our desires so that others may prosper.
One of the basic truths in our society is that divorce occurs in a courtroom where, most often, the judge is not a christian. Paul demands of the believer, if you will allow me to paraphrase, "Who do you think you are to say that it is okay to take your believing spouse before the heathen in a court of law ?!" The way Paul speaks in this passage certainly seems to be in the emphatic. He rebukes those who were taking their problems to a court of law in the strongest language used in scripture. How dare you!
Ouch!!!!!
The suggestion that a believer should not be running off to the courthouse for redress is not limited to areas outside of marriage. No limitation of this principle is enunciated anywhere in scripture. Not even in the Deuteronomy 24 passage. That passage is intended both to stop people from getting a quick divorce, and to offer a measure of protection to the put away spouse. It is not intended to say God approves of divorce, He doesn't. In fact, He hates it. He merely tolerates divorce.
How then does a christian deal with his or her problems. Paul suggests that the proper method for dealing with any problem a believer may have is to take it to the church, and let the church give it's counsel, or, for the believer to suffer the indignity of the problem, allowing God to meet out His justice. The unstated question raised by this particular passage is, "What are you willing to suffer for the sake of the kingdom?"
Psalm 133:1. "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!"
I PETER 3:1-7.
Peter's advice for when things get tough.
Author: Peter, the Apostle.
Date of Writing: 63-64 A.D.
Audience: The pilgrims of the Dispersion in Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia, by and to the church at large.
Significant details about the Writing: Peter wrote this letter to give direction to those believers who were being persecuted for the faith. He offers them encouragement to continue to suffer, even if they did nothing wrong to deserve the suffering, for the sake of the gospel. He tells them not to be surprised that they would suffer unjustly, and he gives practical suggestions on how to overcome their adversity. He also gives instruction on how to deal with each other. Peter emphasizes that submission to authority as the best way to respond to a bad situation.
The importance of this passage is in the instruction we receive on how to deal with the difficult situation of having an unbelieving spouse who may be persecuting us for our beliefs. Not all marriages start with two mature christian believers acknowledging the forming of a covenant relationship in a church. The majority of marriages are between unbelievers or an immature christian and an unbeliever.
In Peter's day, numerous people converted to christianity. Some converted at the same time as their families, but many did not. These conversions were not always well received. Many came under persecution, even within their own house. Peter's response was to give practical advise on how to deal with the unbelievers. In particular, he gave specific advice to women who were married to an unbeliever.
I can only restate Peter's advice. He suggested these women let their character and their conduct do the talking. He suggested the women follow the lead of the husband in the marriage, but do it in such a way so as their conduct would cause their husbands to take notice of how quietly attractive their wives were as opposed to how unbelieving wives behaved with their husbands. He urged them to have a gentle spirit; a quiet spirit. Simply stated, Peter was saying you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Peter also had a word of instruction to the husbands. He told the husbands to treat their wives with honor, as they were weaker vessels. It is important to understand that a piece of china is a vessel, the same as is a tin mug. However, I submit that the china, the weaker vessel, is not in any way less valuable than the stronger tin mug. Each item serves it own purpose. Once broken, china can never be reassembled into it's original condition. Gentlemen, let's be careful how we treat the china.
DEALING WITH THE RESULTS
CHAPTER 19
IRRETRIEVABLY BROKEN
Irreconcilable differences amount to unwillingness of one or both of the parties to unconditionally love and accept the other person because of such things such as the person's views, lifestyle, or social standing. They fall into the trap of conditional acceptance within the marriage. "If you fulfil my desires according to my expectations" is the unstated truth about the immature nature of their commitment (i.e., the lack thereof), to the marriage. When the expectations are not met, disappointment sets in. Once the disappointments begin to add up, the dissatisfied partner begins to notice and focus on those ever present character flaws in their partner.
An individual may or may not try to address the character flaws. If the dissatisfied partner does not address the character flaws to their partner in a responsible manner, resentment will set in and it becomes only a matter of time until the couple will face a major crisis. Often, when the dissatisfied partner addresses the character flaws, they do so in a destructive manner. More often than not, it is unrestrained venting of frustration, rather than a time of discussing a problem with a view towards problem solving that occurs.
What are we saying when we say a marriage is irretrievably broken? We are saying that our God is not big enough to solve the problems of marriage. We say, we can no longer handle the strain of the burden we are under, or, God can't fix my marriage. Are these statements true? Of course not! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. People, there are no irreconcilable differences, only unwilling parties. The question is, what happened to our "can do" attitude? This isn't just pie in the sky. This is based on the infallible truth of God's Word. My God can ! Fill in the blank. My God can speak light into existence. My God can create heaven and earth. My God can pay the infinite penalty of eternity in hell and rise from the dead to prove it. My God can heal your marriage. Say it. My God can heal my marriage. Now say it again; with some conviction! Now believe it.
PRACTICALLY SPEAKING
What happens then when your husband or your wife is beating, threatening, or verbally assaulting you or someone else in the household? First, I will tell you the same thing I tell everyone who inquires about a divorce. If you have to leave the home in order to protect yourself from physical harm, or to protect your emotional well-being, DO IT! That doesn't mean you have to find the nearest lawyer and file a divorce petition. Secondly, any lawyer can quote the old adage, "Tough cases make bad law". Corrupting the standard because you feel sympathetic towards one of the parties will only spread the damage to others. Additionally, while divorce can happen to you in some instances, in our society, marriage to another person is always in your control.
As to divorce lawyers, my experience is that they are mostly interested in getting the divorce finalized. In most cases there seems to be little regard, if any, for how a divorce will affect a person's spiritual well-being after the deed is done. That is because there are few divorce lawyers who understand how a divorce affects the soul and spirit of the person who gets divorced. Besides, why would divorce lawyers want marriages to work? It will only lower their profit margins.
Try taking time to think about the things in your life that are contributing to poor marital relations. Do you take time to show interest in the things that interest your spouse? Do your words and actions encourage or slam your mate? Maybe you can't see what is wrong. Maybe a counselor can. When is the last time you complimented your spouse without an agenda? Have you and your spouse been on a date lately? Do you tell your spouse every day that you are glad that you met them, and that you are your spouse?
Let's talk about the impact of divorce on children. The financial costs of divorce are staggering. Huge amounts of money are spent on additional living quarters, chasing down deadbeat parents who aren't supporting their childen, extra transportation costs, taxes to pay for additional governmental bureaucratic agencies, etc,. This cuts down on the money available to take care of even the most basic needs of these children. Quite often, they go without these needs being met. No money is available for necessities such as food, clothing, and electric. Forget the extras. (See statistics in Chapter 21). While the state may tell you how much support each child should receive, the problem is finding money to pay the support after paying for everything else.
Additionally, there is the psychological damage done to children of divorce. There is the constant pain of guilt and feelings of rejection by at least one of the parents. The educational advancements are often stifled. Family responsibilities such as earning money to live on are forced onto the children. This causes the children to lose out on childhood experiences designed to help them adjust to societal norms, or just have fun. It is time to start putting a little more thought into the consequences of our actions.
And where do these children from single-parent homes wind up? A lot of them wind up in prison, in drug treatment programs, in psychiatric wards, or dead. These are not cheap consequences to absorb. Is that what the parents of these people thought would happen when they divorced? Could those consequences be, in part, a result of the only parent in the house being at work while the children wander about idly? Many parents, while giving a token thought, probably do not take the time to seriously consider the damage they will be causing their children before racing to the courthouse.
To those who give counsel in this situation, whether a pastor, counselor, a lawyer or a friend, the bible issues strong warnings to those who give advice and counsel to others. In James 3:1, the bible says, "My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment." And again, in Isaiah 5:20 it says, "Woe unto you who call evil good, and good evil; ... Therefore , as the fire devours the stubble, and the flame consumes the chaff, So their root will be as rottenness, ... Because they have rejected the law of the Lord of hosts, and despised the word of the Holy One of Israel."
If you are going to give advice, you need to support your argument with something more than, "I can't believe God would want someone to stay single for the rest of their life," after a divorce! That is exactly what He does want if the individual cannot be reconciled to their original spouse according to I Cor. 7:11. God's choices for the divorced are first, be reconciled, and second, do not marry another, remain alone, for the rest of their lives. He offers no third option. Let's not question His wisdom. If you cannot stand up for the truth of the scripture, perhaps you should consider not accepting the responsibility of giving advice from it. As Jay Adams put it in his book, Competent To Counsel, "Counseling without the Scriptures can only be expected to be counseling without the Holy Spirit".
Let me state with clarity, I fail, on at least a daily basis to measure up to God's standards. Yet, this one thing is impermissible; changing the standard so that I measure up. That would only compound my wrong. The thing we must do to get beyond our wrong is to start by admitting that we have done wrong.
Lastly, I would be remiss in my duties if I did not at least mention the books of Hosea and The Song of Solomon. While these two books could not be more diverse in their situation, the aim of both is to promote healthy relations in the marriage. I believe every couple needs to understand the commitment to an unfaithful partner as described in Hosea, and the joy of intimacy that is gained from fidelity as portrayed in The Song of Solomon. The blessings that follow the keeping of one's commitment to marital fidelity, even if the other partner has not, cannot be overstated. How blessed are we, when, in spite of our unfaithfulness, God remains faithful to us.
James 3:13a,17. "Who is wise and understanding among you? ... The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."
THE NEW WAVE OF COVENANT MARRIAGES,
PRO-MARRIAGE ORGANIZATIONS,
AND STATISTICS
What is referred to as a covenant marriage today, is a marriage performed in church, where the couple enter into a covenant, not a mere contract. (Keep in mind that in reality, all marriages are covenant marriages.) Today's covenant marriage is the more in line with the original nature of the relationship as outlined in scripture. The legal system in this country has come to define marriage as a mere contract relationship. In the so-called contract relationship in this country, one has only to prove some breach of the contract to get out of the contractual obligation. The true covenant relationship is different. Only death can break the covenant marriage relationship described in the scriptures.
The different states are considering a somewhat watered down version of the covenant marriage relationship. Some current proposals contain language that states, in a covenant marriage, the couple could only get divorced for marital adultery or physical abuse, and would require counseling for the parties prior to the marriage. Other states have considered allowing the couples' church to rule on the petition for dissolution. Other states have other standards such as a lengthy waiting period for divorce under consideration.
Beyond changing the laws relating to marriage and divorce, there are numerous organizations whose goals are to promote healthy marriages and curb divorce. As with anything, some are good and some are probably not so good. One organization, Marriage Savers, reports the following statistics in 1998:
From 1986, when 1,178,000 were divorced to 1997, when 1,163,000 were divorced, the national divorce rate remained at the same approximate level, showing a 1.3% decline.
In 20 communities where their marriage enrichment programs were initiated, they report declines in the divorce rate from a low of 3% in one community, to a high of 35% in others. Their average being a decline of more than ten times the national average.
If we expect to turn the flow of the tide of divorce, we should be actively seeking positive ways to curb divorce. Adopting covenant marriage laws is one positive step that could be taken. It makes the public statement that marriage is more than a simple contract, and that more thought should be given to the intended permanent nature of a marriage. It sets a higher standard for our children to see. Another way is to get involved with pro-marriage organizations like Marriage Savers.
Our throw away society has thrown far too much away when it says we can indiscriminately throw away marital relations. We cannot. The consequences are far to severe. Consider the following statistics:
As Reported in New Age Encyclopedia, Volume 6, Divorce, 1977:
In 1867, there were a total of 9,937 reported divorces, 0.3 per 1000 persons.
In 1900, 55,751 reported divorces, 0.5 per 1000 persons.
In 1960, approximately 393,000 reported divorces, 2.2 per 1000 persons.
In 1966, the State of New York was the first to liberalize divorce laws.
Since 1975, there have been over 1 million divorces per year nationally.
U.S. Bureau of the Census, Official Statistics, 1998.
In 1998, 19.4 million adults in the U.S. were currently divorced.
In 1998, 19,777,000 children, under the age of 18 lived in single parent homes.
U.S. Bureau of the Census (1998). Current Population Reports, p20-496:
From 1970 to 1997, the number of children living with both parents has decreased from 85% to 68%.
The poverty rate of children in single parent homes is 45%, compared to 10% of children in both parent homes.
National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect, Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect. (NIS-3).
Children who are in single parent homes are 80% more likely to suffer some type of abuse or neglect.
The severity of injury sustained by children in single parent homes due to abuse is twice as great as those in both parent homes.
National Center for Health Statistics, Vital Health Statistics, 23(19), 1995 National Survey of Family Growth, 1997.
Age at first intercourse Approximate Number Percent Involuntary
Under age 15: 7,290,000 22.1%.
Under age 16: 13,944,000 16.1%.
Age 16: 8,750,000 6.5%.
Age 17: 8,754,000 4.9%.
Involuntary First Sexual Intercourse-Family Background-Lived with:
Both parents from birth, 6.4%.
Both parents, then one parent, 7.5%.
Stepparent, (Custodial parent divorced and then remarried), 9.8%.
Single parent from birth, 13.0%.
Children in fatherless homes as a percentage of the total represent:
Youth Suicides, U.S. Dept of Health & Human Services,
Bureau of Census, 63%.
Juveniles confined in state institutions, U.S. Dept. of Justice,
Special Report, 1998, 70%.
High School dropouts, National Principals Assoc.,
Report on the State of High Schools, 71%.
Adolescent Murderers, U.S. Dept. of Justice data, 1991, 72%.
Rapists motivated by displaced anger,
Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26, 80%.
Youth in prison, Fulton Co. Ga. Jail, & Texas
Dept. of Correction populations, 85%.
Children with behavioral problems,
U.S. Center For Disease Controls, 85%.
"DAD"-Dads Against Discrimination reports the following additional statistics for children in fatherless homes:
Teen pregnancies, 71%.
In chemical abuse centers, 75%.
Homeless and/or runaway, 90%.
"ANCPR"-Alliance for Non-Custodial Parents Rights reports these additional statistics for children in one parent households:
Greater Frequency of Sleep Disorders
Girls from Divorced Homes tend to Marry at a Younger Age.
Lower Academic Achievement:
8% low achieving in single parent home compared to 23% low achieving in both parent homes.
17% high achieving in single parent home compared to 30% high achieving in both parent homes.
Lower Math Scores.
Lower I.Q. Scores.
Less likely to Attend College.
Greater Failure Rate: Children in mother only and mother and step father homes are two to three times as likely to fail as compared to children who live in both parent homes.
Lower S.A.T. Scores: Father absent homes.
Increased Drug Use & Smoking in Father absent homes:
Twice as likely to use drugs.
4.3 times as likely to smoke.
Children are 20-30% More likely to Suffer Accidents and Injuries in Fatherless Homes.
Girls in Fatherless Homes are 111% More likely to have Un-Wed Pregnancy.
Girls in Fatherless Homes are 92% More likely to Divorce.
II Corinthians 13:11. "Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
EZEKIEL 18:20a.
What happens to the soul who sins?
Author: Daniel the prophet.
Date of Writing: 605-536 B.C.
Audience: The Exiled Jewish Nation.
Significant details about the Writing: This book was written to encourage the Jews concerning God's sovereign plan for the nation of Israel, and to let them know that they would not always remain in captivity.
"The soul who sins shall die." What powerful and direct words. This is an unmistakable warning to who choose to sin. The substance of these words are echoed in the new testament in Romans 6:23a. "For the wages of sin is death." If nothing else is clear, it is certain that when God wants to make a point, He doesn't waste words.
If you've read through this manuscript and gotten to this point, consider the following:
1) If a person is getting a divorce, what does God think about what they are doing? (It really doesn't matter what you or I think.)
2) If a person is divorced, doesn't I Cor. 7:10,11 say God wants them to be reconciled to their spouse; or, failing to be reconciled, doesn't He want them to avoid romantic involvement with anyone else?
3) If someone in a consummated marriage gets divorced and marries again while their first spouse is alive, doesn't the scripture say in Luke 16:18, Mark 10:11,12, Rom. 7:3, Matt. 19:9, and Matt. 5:31,31 that they commit adultery?
4) If an individual marries someone who is divorced while their first spouse is alive, doesn't the scripture say they commit adultery?
5) If a person, knowing what the scriptures say about divorce and remarriage, continues to tell people it is okay for divorced people to marry another while their first spouse is alive, are they contradicting what God says? Are they saying that God doesn't know what He is talking about, that He is lying, or that what God is telling us is wrong?
6) If an individual attends such a wedding, aren't they making a public statement by their attendance that they approve of the marriage?
7) Should the church be participating in any activity which can lead to a man being permanently disqualified from holding one of it's offices?
8) Should we, as members of the body of Christ, attend, and thereby show public approval, a marriage which God, in His word, calls an adulterous marriage?
What happens to the individual who intentionally sins? What happens to the individual who knowingly violates a core principal of living as established by Almighty God? At a minimum, soul death. Who can say how many other seen and unseen consequences enter into the individual's life? Certainly, this individual will be enjoying less than God's best. Of all the people that have contacted me, and told me they wanted to get a divorce, I do not believe even one of them truly understood the consequences that would follow.
I hope that people will begin to understand, before they get into a crisis situation in their marriage, that the "cure", divorce, with it's unintended side effects, is statistically likely to be worse than the illness. And I hope, that when faced with difficulties in their marriage, people will not wait until all else fails, but that they will read God's directions for life and marriage. It is through learning and following God's instructions for us that we find truly lasting peace and happiness, and enjoy the blessing of living in the midst of God's best for us.
As I conclude, I hope you will take time to reflect upon the hard reality of what divorce means in our society. Each one of these statistics represents the failure of a marriage, whether by the marriage not occurring before having children, or, by divorce. These failures matter, whether the couple has children or not. A divorce by a couple without children sends the same message to children about the permanence of marriage, as does a divorce of a couple with children. That message is that marriage is disposable. Is this really how we want our families to live?
Well into the twentieth century the church as a whole upheld the standard of no remarriage and we prospered in family matters. Now the church has used it's influence to make lower standards for marriage acceptable. With the results we are getting, can we really say this is what God intends? It is time to re-establish the correct standards in the church and return stability and peace to the family.
RECOMMENDED READING LIST
* The Kneeling Christian-Unknown Christian
The Divorce Myth-Laney
Meant To Last-Steele and Ryrie
How To Save Your Marriage Alone-Wheat
Imperfect Mates, Perfect Marriage-Hampton
Divorce and Remarriage-Duty
What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew About Women-Dobson
If He Only Knew-Smalley
The Two Sides Of Love-Smalley & Trent
Men and Women: Enjoying The Difference-Crabb
For Better or Best-Smalley
Communication: The Key To Your Marriage-Wright
The Joy of Committed Love-Smalley
Love is a Decision-Dobson
The Marriage Builder-Crabb
The Language of Love-Smalley & Trent
The Rebuilder's Guide-Gothard
How To Become Your Husband's Best Friend-Smalley
The Complete Financial Guide For Young Couples-Burkett
Love For A Lifetime-Dobson
Love Life For Every Married Couple-Wheat
Praying God's Will For Your Wife-Roberts
Praying God's Will For Your Husband-Roberts
Is The Family Here To Stay?-Hubbard
I am concerned about your well-being. I know that there are many false teachers in the world who would like to deceive you about the promises you make in marriage. Therefore I want you to know and understand the truth about how I regard your marriage vows.
Keep your foot when you go to my house, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice of fools: for they consider not that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart be hasty to utter any idle thing before Me: for I am in heaven, and you are on earth: therefore let your words be few. A fool's voice is known by multitude of words. (Ecclesiastes)
When you vow a vow unto Me, do not fail to keep it; for I take no pleasure in fools: pay that which you have vowed. Better is it that you should not vow, than that you should vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth to cause your flesh to sin; neither should you say before the angel, that it was a mistake: why should I destroy the work of your hands? For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also various vanities: but you fear Me. (Ecclesiastes)
My child, I, the Lord, the God of Israel, hate divorce; therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously with your spouse. You have wearied Me with your words. Yet you say, "How have I wearied God?" When you say, "Every one that does evil is good in the sight of the Lord and He delights in them, or, Where is the judgment of the Lord?" (Malachi)
Woe unto you because you are calling evil good, and good evil; you put darkness for light, and light for darkness; and you put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe unto you because you are wise in your own eyes, and prudent in your own sight! You justify the wicked for reward and take away the righteousness of the righteous from them. Therefore as the fire devours the stubble, and the flame consumes the chaff, so your root shall be as rottenness, and your blossom shall go up as dust: because you have cast away My law, and have despised My word. I am the Holy One of Israel. Therefore My anger is kindled against you, and I will stretch forth My hand against you, and I will
smite you until you forsake your sin which you call a mere mistake. Never trivialize your sin by calling it a mere mistake. Call it sin. And see that you do not refuse Me when I speak, for I am a consuming fire. (Isaiah)
Do not be deceived; I will not be mocked: for whatever you sow, that you shall also reap. For if you sow to your flesh, you shall of the flesh, reap corruption; but if you sow to the Spirit, you shall of the Spirit, reap life everlasting. (Galatians)
Remember, it is a fearful thing to fall into My hands. Obey those in your church who rule over you. Submit unto them so that they may give a joyous account of your soul. (Hebrews)
Honor your marriage vows.
Your Father in Heaven
copyright 1998-2004
