Somebody keeps moving him up the ladder in his career, which boggles me, given everything he's done to the entertainment industry. He stars in a movie, "Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector", which I don't recommend seeing. Ever. Not that I've seen it, but you can just tell it blows. I'm assuming it will be some dragging two-hour long boring tub of cow shit about the irony that Larry, a notoriously disguting redneck, is a health inspector. So you can go in and laugh for the first two seconds of the movie, then sit in the theatre crying for the next hour 59 minutes and 58 seconds, pretending you think Larry is funny, but you know he sucks ass. I believe the highlight of the film is when the camera zooms up Larry's asshole. I think I'll pass.
Anyone who's seen his stand-up routine knows that he follows a simple pattern: Tell a bland joke, then when he sees that nobody is laughing, follow up with "Git 'r' Done." Yeah, that makes the joke so much funnier, you fat asshole. The biggest problem is, this phrase spreads a disease, known as Git-'r-Done-itis. 90% of people who hear the phrase will go into convulsions and repeat the phrase paying no attention to comedic timing or what anyone around them thinks. Unfortunately, Git-'r-Done-itis has spread to epidemic proportions, and impressionable losers everywhere keep repeating, and thus wearing out the phrase, which wasn't even funny to begin with, but you assholes keep on saying it every two fucking seconds, spreading it to more people. Symptoms for Git-'r-Done-itis include, but are not limited to:
- Head twitching.
- Diarrhea.
- Swelling around the anus.
- Fatness.
- Increased desire to have sex with family members.
- Ass worms.
Larry the Cable Guy has started this disease, much in the same way the guy who started AIDS did so by fucking a monkey. So how do we treat this disease? There are only two known cures.
- Quarantine. We send everyone who has ever uttered those words to concentration camps, that way no one will ever have to hear it again, and we can live with the satisfaction that anyone that stupid will be removed from the gene pool.
- Scalping. Studies show that when one is scalped, they will be less likely to repeat catch phrases. My research has shown that this is the most effective method, and anyone can actively participate in "curing" Git-'r-Done-itis. We can start with Larry himself.
Larry the Cable Guy blows.
