Who would want to watch cars drive around in a circle for 400-500 laps? I think a better question is, who would want to drive around in a circle for 400-500 laps?
I'll start off by resorting to the cliche "NASCAR fans are rednecks" line, because they are all related to each other in more than one way. The excitement of watching a NASCAR race is almost on the level of staring at a rock. Oooh, they're going so fast! So what? You'd probably go faster if someone dropped your car out of an airplane. At least that would be somewhat exciting.
Who the fuck cares about NASCAR? Nobody watches it, nobody cares who wins, and nobody can even stay awake for an entire race. It's not even a sport, you don't train for it, you can't work out to get better at it, and all you can do is tune up your car and hope for the best. So whoever has a faster car will win. I'm just dying with excitement. If I ever go to a NASCAR race, I'm going to bring some crowbars to throw at the cars, or the fans. Nothing personal, I just don't think my attention span will allow me to sit and stare for 5 straight hours while a bunch of cousin-screwing hillbillies get drunk and watch the ever important NASCAR race, which you better watch, because its outcome will affect every aspect of your life for the next 70 years.
There are only about 40 racers (I don't feel like looking up the actual number) who are all drunk, 40-year-old hicks, who are all from the same family (via inbreeding) who monopolize the sport. Who the hell cares about cars? If I had a car like that, I could probably drive faster than these guys, but I wouldn't waste it driving in a circle 400 times. I'd probably do something a little more fun, like see how fast it goes on a sidewalk.
That's why I came up with this new idea for a sport. Similar to NASCAR, you watch people drive cars around, only there are NASCAR fans in the road. The winner is the one who runs over the most people. Also, instead of cars, we use steamrollers. Let's call it "NASTEAMROLLER". Hell, I'd play that.
NASCAR blows.
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Updated: 11/05/06.
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