I'm sitting here alone and quiet,
With all these thoughts rushing through my head.
All these regrets I have from life
Leave me feeling there are things I must say.
All these apologies aimed at no-one,
Forever directed to all.
I apologise for my stubborn nature. I've finally learnt I'm never right.
I apologise for thinking I was better than you. I now know I'm nothing in your eyes.
I apologise for always speaking my mind. I realise my opinion's never wanted.
I apologise for speaking of associations. I had no right talking to people you knew.
I apologise for thinking anyone would like me. People don't feel for things that don't matter.
I apologise for doing things right or wrong. You'll never be satisfied with whatever I do.
I apologise for feeling happiness. I don't deserve it in my life.
I apologise for being depressed. I have so much to be thankful for.
I apologise for actions taken. They seemed neccessary at the time.
I apologise for being sorry. I can't help feeling you were my fault.
My strength,
A part I act for all to see.
My sanity,
A fragile blanket I pretend covers me.
They're all I have that matter to others.
For people need me to be there.
Need my strength,
When they have none.
Need my sanity
When they're like to lose theirs.
They'll always have me,
I'll never leave.
Not when they need me.
All I am.
Yet who do I have
When I cannot cope?
I have no time to
Look after myself.
Feel myself going under.
Losing control of who I am.
No time.
No time.
Everytime I almost lose control
I remember hope.
The hope that keeps me going.
Salvation in the dark.
I know it's always there.
In you.
And you stop me.
Maybe you don't know it
So i'm telling you.
It's the light inside you
I know is there for me.
No matter what.
I know you're there.
Giving me time.
The night was endless as once it was
Before the stars and sky had met.
The trees branches clashed ever bluntly
A leafy bounty not theirs yet.
The wind roared through the leafless valley
With skeletal trees decorating it's sides.
Eerily clattering in the moonlit twilight
Eternity to run and among these to hide.
In a moment she was stood there
Beneath the wind worm boughs.
The milky pallor of her expressionless face
Showed she knew no understanding of how.
A silken dream was wove upon her,
White oleander lay on her chest.
Poison entwined with ebony locks
And flew with the wind directed due West.
The moon showered her in loneliness
From endless eyes did diamonds fall.
Then closed with grace of butterfly wings
Shut tightly, her guarding wall.
As a single tear rolled down her cheek
The delicate icicles rose from her sides.
They hung back suspended, her swans wings released
The wind blew and felt strangely alive.
Above her the sky heaved impatiently
Letting rain fall from concrete coloured skies.
Softly teasing as it caressed her skin
Harshly beating her loyal porcelain hide.
However long she stood there
Wasn't long enough to die.
But that wasn't what she wanted:
Just to be alone and cry.
Affected
By the death of someone
I didn't know.
Remembering
Their smile I never saw.
Recalling
Their voice I never heard.
Missing
The embraces I was never part of.
Feeling the loss
Sensing the sorrow.
Enduring the emptiness
Their demise has caused.
Feeling for you
Regretting I can't help.
Empathising inside
For what you shouldn't have to bear.
Mourning the end of someone I didn't know.
Once clean
A perfect white.
Misleading virgin
With milky skin.
Small and delicate
A gift of ice.
Beautiful.
Dirty beneath
A perfect secret
Of hidden poison
Under cheating form.
Small yet deadly
The kiss of death
Despite all this
She's still beautiful
She's still beautiful.