Close your eyes and meditate
Upon yourself
Where you are.
Breathe deeply, finally.
And walk into yourself
Into the darkness.
Once there I see
A figure curled before me.
Afraid of your touch,
Eyes wide and bloodshot.
Tells tales of troubled dreams.
Arms beyond fragility;
Baby’s bones covered,
Spider web delicate skin.
My inner child.
Diminishing feathered dreams
Atop a protruding frame.
My fallen angel.
I need to protect
From you.
Kiss me,
Before my scared wings can get
Any more broken.
By you.
Before their purity’s tainted
And red flows.
Because of you.
Thick and ancient
It pulses through me,
My life source.
Like you.
The world is endless
As it writhes in its emptiness.
Life increasingly means less
And special people, harder to find.
Few remain pure
Not corrupted by what they deserve.
My special guy,
Never by name
Merely in my mind.
Maybe he doesn’t realise
The stars shine for him
Because he’s different,
Better than the rest,
But they do.
Just as he continues
To shine for me.
My lodestar.
Mine.
Even now he’s falling
From me.
My comet.
Will find others to shine for,
Leaving me in his trail
As dust,
Spark extinguished.
Still,
My world will go on.
Continue to writhe
Merely less sure and bright
As he made it.
You tell me I'm different
To other girls, strange.
I'm sorry for that.
Always I try and stop myself
From making any intrusion
Into your time.
So I'm sorry that I don't demand time from you.
When we're out
I won't hang around you.
Afraid of clinging, driving you away.
So I'm sorry that I don't demand attention.
Thinking of things to do, places to go,
I'm constantly indifferent.
Only wishing your happiness.
So I'm sorry that I'm happy whatever we do.
I don't want you to feel indebted
To buy me gifts.
You needn't prove your feelings.
So I'm sorry that when I say i don't need them, I mean it.
While your touch awakens me,
Pleasures me as you caress.
I don't want to be any bother, a chore.
So I'm sorry for not being sexually demanding when I alone would be gratified.
When I'm touched inside
And feel my life collapsing
I won't mourn my sad eyes with you.
So I'm sorry for pretending that nothing's wrong.
I can't help not wanting to burden you with my thoughts, demands, desires.
I can't, it's just me, I'm not worth it.
All over my jaded body
Pink ribbons mark my broken dreams.
None red remain, my world now stable
Supported by an invincible beam.
Every moment with you more perfect
Than previously conceived or believed.
Every tiny comment or glance of affection
Strengthens my heart string's weave.
Never before containing such purity,
Such truth of undying love.
Never before filled with such dependence
Transformed evermore to your dove.
Seeming an age to find you,
Earn, and mark you for my own.
I find myself exhausted
Just wished to be alone.
Too tired to try and make it work
Through difficulties there will be.
To jaded to hope we'll make it through
Though we know we're meant to be.
Too grown up to dream of us,
Our life, just you and me.
For while trying, hoping and dreaming
Might help us live life through.
I have all I need in knowing
That I'm meant to be with you.