In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupididty, here are some actual label intructions on consumer goods. Enjoy! |
1. ON A SEAR'S HAIR DRYER: DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING 2. ON A BAG OF FRITOS: ...YOU COULD BE A WINNER! DETAILS INSIDE. NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. (THE SHOP LIFTER SPECIAL?) 3. ON A BAR OD DIAL SOAP: DIRECTIONS... USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. 4. ON A SWANSON FROZEN DINNER: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST (ITS ONLY "JUST" A SUGGESTION) 5. ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESSERT: DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN 6. ON MARKS AND SPENCER BREAD PUSSING: PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING (DUH!) 7. ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY. 8. ON BOOT'S CHILDREN COUGH MEDICINE: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY AFTER TAKING THIS MEDICATION (WE COULD JUST REDUCE THE RATE OF CONTRUCTION ACCIDENTS IF WE COULD JUST GET THOSE 5-YEAR-OLDS WITH HEAD-COLDS OFF THOSE FORKLIFTS) 9.ON NYTOL SLEEP AID: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS 10. ON MANY CHRISTMAS LIGHT BOXES: FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY (AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?!?!) 11. ON JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE (AND THAT WOULD BE...?) 12. ON SUNSBURY'S NUTS: WARNING: CONTAINS NUTS (OH DAMN I THOUGHT THEY WERE PECANS!) 13. ON AMERICAN AIRLINES AIRLINES PACKET OF PEANUTS :INSTRUCTIONS...OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. 14. ON CHILD'S SUPERMAN COSTUME: WEARING GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE ONE TO FLY 15. ON SWEDISH CHAINSAW: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH HANDS OR GENITALS (I HAVE A FEELING THIS WAS HAAPENING A LOT SOMEWHERE) 16. ON JAPANESE KNIFE: KEEP KNIVES OUT OF CHILDREN ( NOW YOU KNOW WHY WE CANT UNDERSTAND THEYRE ENGLISH!) ONE THAT IVE SEEN ON A COMMERCIAL. I LAUGHED SO HARD WHEN I SAW THIS...THIS WAS ON A COUGH MEDICINE COMERCIAL FOR CHILDREN: "SO AND SO COUGH MEDICINE, THE COLD MEDICINE THAT KNOCKS OUT THE COLD...NOT YOUR CHILD" (HAHAHAHA....OUCH?" ON THE TOM GREEN SHOW IN JAPAN ON A DRINKING WATER VENDING MACHINE: (ANOTHER ATTEMPT TO TRANSLATE JAPANESE INTO ENGLISH): "OVER HERE! TAKE ONE. MAKING YOU BETTER FEELING." |
Take me BACK so I can laugh my ass off! |