The eXtremis X-files Fanfiction |
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[ Virtual Dreams ]
White. This is what my life had become. As far as the eye can see, as close as the hand can touch, was an infinite void of whiteness; a continuous dream, a nightmare. One I may never awake from. No one to hear my screams, no one to feel my hate. Born from my deepest fear, delved and earthed, this eternal darkness of light beginning from nothing, ending in nothing. This was what someone had wanted my life to be. And now, this was what it had become.
"Mulder."
"Stop." Stabbing what weapon I had in the direction of the voice, my eyes adjusted to this familiar figure.
"Mulder, it's me. Scully."
"I know who you are." Casually, I nodded sideways at her presence, remaining firm.
"Then put the gun down. You don't need it. Not with me."
"Don't...move."
Scully retraced her last step cautiously.
"You need help."
"Help? Help?!" I retorted, tugging my hair. "What I need, is to get out of here."
"You are sick Mulder. I can help you."
"In here, sometimes the only way to stay sane is to be insane."
"You can get out of here."
"No. Something tells me I don't think I'll be going anywhere for quite some time." I paused. "As I'm sure you already know."
"Mulder, I don't understand." She frowned.
"Oh puh-lease. Wake up and smell the fresh air Scully! Take a look around. Do you think this is real? Do you think this is a life?!" I coughed in disgust, spaning my hand along the never-ending whiteness. "Do you think you are real?"
"Mulder..."
"Actually, I know you aren't real. Don't start with me. I know who,.. should I say what you are." Glaring into her eyes, my hand tightened on the trigger. Noticing, Scully began to panic, her beautiful eyes widening.
"Listen to me Mulder! This is absurd. You are dangerous; to me, to yourself. You don't know who you are, or what has happened to you. I can explain if you'd just let me..." She reached out to touch his hand.
"Scully, NO...!" I jumped backwards.
A shot was fired.
She stared blankly in surprise, mortified, the impact driving her backwards. Her head lulled before sinking to her chest, gaping at the blood that began seeping through her shirt. I watched, tears forming in my eyes, her image crumbling away like sand blowing through the wind.
"Don't leave me." I whispered.
Before I knew it, her body had disappeared. No matter how many times I had watched her die before, killing Scully never got easier. I missed her; my Scully; the real Scully who had once been beside me. I turned away, repulsed at what I had become. This was my life.
Crumpling to the cold ground, my head in my hands, I let the tears flow as many images flashed through my mind, squinting painfully. I was always ready for an approach. Time and time again, it was always Scully. Nothing changed, ending the same way: the questions, the plea, the reaching out, the coldness, the blood, death.
This time I didn't see her coming.
"You have a call, line 2."
Agent Scully dropped the pen that had been entwined between her fingers, leaning over to pick up the phone.
"Scully."
"Agent Scully, we have found something."
"Byers? I don't think you should call me here..."
"This is extremely important."
"What is it?" Scully lowered her voice to a whisper, looking around the room for any signs of activity.
"I think you should come and see for yourself."
"I'm on my way."
Scully could make out a muffled "Just a minute," between the sounds of opening locks.
"Step right this way," Frohike greeted, gesturing her through.
"You said you found something?"
"Yes. A signal."
"A signal? Of what?"
"Something we have never seen before," Byers began, "...a signal beneath all signals."
"Hidden but now found." Langly interrupted.
"And not of what, but of who." Frohike finished.
Scully looked from one face to the other, baffled. "I don't understand."
"Have you seen the movie, 'The Matrix'?"
"No, but I've heard about it."
"We believe this signal is somewhat a version of that, a real version if you can believe it."
"But you said it belonged to who not what."
"Very observant, once again." Frohike smiled.
"Definitely a who. That's for certain." Byers agreed.
"You're saying that you've found a signal, of a Matrix type...?"
"...the white loading program we think, not much activity happening..."
"...and someone is producing a signal." Scully stopped. "I still don't understand."
"Let me explain, " Langly began, "As in the Matrix, people were dialled into the program like an Internet Connection. Each person had a signal. About nine days ago, we discovered a channel containing signals like you wouldn't believe. We had been monitoring this ever since; producing some very exciting stuff. Just yesterday, we de-coded it. You may want to sit down when you hear what I'm about to say."
Pulling up a chair, Scully sat back, gripping the armrests in anticipation, eyebrows arched saying 'please continue'.
"One of the signals inside this so called white static loading program belongs to a human. And we only found one."
"So this is the who?"
"This who happens to be none other than..."
"...Mulder." Scully whispered.
"Bingo." Frohike pulled over a screen.
"But how can this be?" she asked, somewhat relieved but anxious none the less.
"As you know, Mulder has disappeared and been missing for quite some time. Here," Frohike pointed, "is where he is."
"Well what are you waiting for?" Scully stood, grabbing her keys.
"Whoa, now..." Byers blocked the door. "The story hasn't finished."
"As I was saying, we had been monitoring this for some days now. Things have happened, you know. Mulder may be stuck in a virtual world, wondering around aimlessly in this infinite white abyss, with no one to see or hear him, but I can guarantee there is no rush. He ain't going no where." Langly shook his head.
"Poor bugger. No matter how far he runs, there is no end. This is a computer we are talking about here. It can be anything it wants." Frohike sighed. "But without the help of another being inside this program, no one will be able to disconnect him, so he can return to our world."
"Can a person be loaded into the program?" Scully queried.
"Yes," Byers cut in, "But the computer has obviously overseen this. Once you are in, you too will need help to get out. See, the mind is tricked into believing that the virtual world is real, complete with electronic signals covering all human senses. Entering is a simple matter of being equipped with some headgear, and walking in. Once in, your visual transforms into what Mulder can see."
"White. Nothing more, nothing less." Langly added. "Except when other humans up-load themselves."
"And Mulder can't simply download himself?" she asked.
"Yes and no. Someone has to show him the door. Only he can walk through it. There aren't exit signs posted everywhere."
"And you want my help? You want to..." Scully raised her fingers indicating quotation marks, "...upload me."
"Of course. You will need our help. But that too, is not such a simple matter. As before, computers can be whatever they want to be. They can produce self-induced images of who they want to be or the who uploading programmer wants to be. This particular drive has been programmed to entertain Mulder. It has produced self images of you."
"You said images. What do you mean by more than one."
"Mulder is as feisty as they come. It's like this: put a lion in a cage, they become angry. Solution: Sedation."
"People have been uploaded to sedate Mulder and he let this happen by unknown persons?" Scully folded her arms, shifting her body.
"In times like these, Mulder trusts only one person. You. The computer uploaded people in your image." Frohike pointed. "Thank God our profiles are encrypted and a protected source. But as computers are intelligent, they are not perfect. Early on, Mulder picked up that something was wrong, being forced to do something he most likely never counted on ever doing. Ever."
Scully waited, the Lone Gunmen were silent.
"Killing you."
"He shot me?" Scully blurted in disbelief.
"Not you directly, but he killed all your other images, thus killing the original human sources, knowing that the real you would never come."
"Oh God."
"Now that you know the danger you will be in if you choose to upload, are you still willing?"
Scully said nothing, trying to imagine what Mulder was going through. Nothing but whiteness, an eternity of whiteness. He would not even hesitate to kill, if he had done so before to the same recognisable figure.
"Yes."
"Mulder."
On my feet, as fast as I had been down, gun drawn, Scully would once more look down the cold black barrel of death. Stabbed in her direction she froze like a preyed animal I was homing in to kill. I hadn't heard her coming this time, only her whisper of that cursed name gave it away; my name. A dark silhouette, a contrast to the background, stood before me the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes upon. Scully.
"Scully." But she was not real.
There was a silence, not the kind I had grown costumed to, more an acknowledged silence, as though she hadn't seen me for a long time. How I wish this was her seeing me from that very long time we had been apart. There were many things I longed to tell her, that I never had long ago. But I was tired. Tired of waiting for a chance that would never come. Perhaps, though death would be present, this time Scully would live.
Our eyes met, as we looked at one another, locked in a hostile embrace.
"Why do you continue to torment me so?" I questioned. A thought occurred that I never held stealthy conversations with any of the generated Scully's. Except for the first encountered one. The thought of her almost caused me to wince, but I was hidden behind a dark pair of shades. Nonetheless, Scully knew I was staring at her.
"I'm not who you think I am."
"Well it's about damn time you stopped lying. If you'd just display your natural self-image, maybe we could have a decent one to one. I need some originality here."
"No, I am Scully."
"Oh, well aren't we off to a good start? Keep convincing me you're Scully and I might not kill you like the rest."
"I won't even think as to try. You wouldn't believe me."
I shifted, tightening my hand on the trigger, waiting to see the panic show in her. There was none.
"You know what? I'm tired Scully. I'm tired of being alone...that's what gets you in the end; loneliness. I miss you. By and by you come, and although I know that you, and every other you who comes isn't real, ...why didn't you kill me the first time round?" I paused. "Kill me."
"No."
She was fearless. They had programmed her well. But then again, being only a computer image, why show fear if death isn't real? I was afraid. Hiding any emotions I had, I repeated my last statement.
"Kill me."
"I would never kill you."
"Do it, now." I let loose the gun, offering it to her.
"Is that what you really want Mulder?" She replied, stepping back.
No. I want nothing more than to put an end to this. "I'm lonely."
"You're crazy."
"In this world, there is nothing but loneliness. We could die together."
"You are insane."
"Really? Isn't everybody..."
"I'm not. I'm not because I'm here with you."
I fell silent, tightening the slack hold of my gun. It was my protection.
"The real thing is out there. Out in the beautiful world I lived once. God knows if she ever thinks..."
"Mulder the real thing is thinking of you. She is standing right here right now, also wondering whether she is going to make it out alive."
This was crazy. This whole damn place is crazy. And now I was too. But there was something that had intrigued me with this Scully. She seemed to have a heart. I wondered if I still had one.
"I don't care that you think I'm not real. Because this..." she indicated to herself, "...image is not. But the body it belongs to is. The mind that carries this voice you are listening to, unlike other times, is real."
"And I don't care that you're ...beautiful image is only generated, I still miss you Scully. There is this urge in me that always wants to reach out and touch you the moment I have shot you and realised my error. To ignore the nightmare of non-existence that oozes through this...body, this way of life..." I touched my clothes, "...just to feel the electricity of life run beneath my fingertips as it does every time I make contact with you. But I know it's too good to be true."
I watched Scully's eyes cloud over with tears, furiously blinking them back, remaining in control.
"Think Mulder. What was I to you seven years ago? What was my purpose? To reign you in, to silence your voice; to smother your light, to shut you down. Did I do that? Did I do any thing...remotely related to that?"
"No." I whispered. "No. You showed me the door, to life; to a life that I may have never known with out you. You saved me Scully."
"That's all I want now Mulder, to show you the door. All I ask is for your trust. You have mine completely. I am not here to hurt you like others and I have nothing on me I could hurt you with even if I wanted too. I'd strip naked to prove it, but that would be too embarrassing."
"How about just underwear?" I smiled.
Slowly she reached up to remove the dark shades covering my eyes. My mind was fighting against thoughts, confused, but I let her touch me. I wanted human touch, her touch. I had for so long awaited for it. She gazed into my eyes for the first time, revealing what I had tried to hide. Tears.
"Mulder, you are my touchstone, my constant. If you still want to kill me, I won't let you until you know this. Until I tell you the truth. My truth." Letting go of the glasses, I didn't hear them hit the floor. My mind was racing. She moved closer until the gun pressed hard into her shoulder ignoring the pain it caused, so I let my arm fall to my side. I never intentionally meant hurt her.
Closing my eyes, I felt her cool breath against my skin. Feeling the texture of her skin beneath my fingers, the blood rushed to my head as she kissed me gently on the lips. It felt real. So real. I wish it was.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to her hair, when she stepped away. Opening my eyes, I raised my arm, finger tightening on the trigger once more.
"No...Mulder please...Don't do this. Not here, not now..."
Scully was frightened now, her breaths quickly drawn as she realised the reality of my simple action in alarm. Raising level to take aim, I paused one last time.
Tears streamed down both our faces, as she ruffled her hair stepping backwards in panic, screaming to the white heavens, "...Langly ...disconnect me NOW...!"
An infinite glass wall fell between us. All was silent.
I stared.
She was real. She was Scully.
"Miss Scully, ooh, that was a close one. Nice see-through wall made there..." Langly's voice echoed in Scully's ear through an earpiece. "...thanks to the help and skill of Melvin Frohike: Computer Hacker..."
As pale as a sheet, Scully stared at Mulder who stared straight back with a sad tear streaked face. He had finally realised she was real. His gaze turned to yelling and thumping that couldn't be heard through the glass. He fired several rounds, then stopped as soon as he had started. Once more, Mulder was isolated.
Scully hesitantly placed a hand against the glass. Closing her eyes, she rested her forehead against the coolness, calming the raging tears.
She opened her eyes to meet Mulder's, who mirrored her pose on the opposite side; hand on hand, forehead on forehead. Their gaze did not shift.
"Frohike, you might want to look away when the glass is removed." Byer's whispered voice echoed.
"Aw, knock it off..."
"Believe me. Believe in me." Scully whispered through the cracked glass. My eyes were sore, rimmed with tears, but were still able to absorb the view that words could never justify: Scully. The one thing that I could and would never live with out. She would always be my guide, my light in the darkness, my one in five billion as I have told her repeatedly before, sincerely meaning it now.
"I don't know who to trust. I don't know what to trust." I disdainfully looked into her large eyes, as she smiled weakly.
"I was like you once. A friend told me something that I will pass on, which may help you understand. 'No matter what happened, where I was, what I did, one thing remained the same. You were my friend Mulder. You, of all people."
"No Scully, you've got it all wrong. I wasn't there for you, you were there for me."
Watching the glass disappear as fast as it had been generated, I reached out and touched Scully's neck. Her crucifix: one minor detail all the other generated copies I'd destroyed had never had. I had noticed it before, as I had noticed it now.
"Was I only a friend who told you that...?" I whispered, breathing on her neck.
"More than a friend..." was all she could manage before I leaned in to steal another kiss. One was all I received before she clasped her ears.
"What is it?" I asked.
Scully, studied the worried expression on my face, whilst listening to the three stooges drumming in her ears. "Mulder, we have little time. I must leave."
"No. Not unless..." I began to panic. There was no way I was going to be left alone again, not when she had found me hope beyond hope.
"I said I was leaving. I never said I was leaving you. Mulder..." Scully's image began to crumble into the void of whiteness. No, please God, no....
"I can only show you the door. You have to walk through it." She held out her hand. I took it. White turned to black. Voices swarmed around me, questions upon questions. There was activity movement and objects grazing me, releasing me from the prison of electronics I had been in. Finally someone squeezed my hand.
"I think he's ready to return to our world." Came the familiar voice I had so longed to hear: Scully.
I opened my eyes.
- Scully eXtremis -

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