Scullysland! : Ask Scully! : Classified! : Interviews! : My Bio! : My Work! : VIP

For Sale

Email your classified ad here. It's absolutely free

For Sale: MSR, as new, never used. Could be rebuilt as a DRR, but DSR conversions not possible with this model. Contact Chris, Frank, John or Vince (310) 369-1130.

For Sale: Industrial photolithographic print machine, two years old, excellent condition, includes entire factory computer control system plus numerous spares and consumables. Has an X somewhere in the model number, so is definitely a must for one of you fans of that weirdo FBI tv show with the aliens! Also, that Duchovny guy and his wife had a burger at the local diner here in town once! Unsure why, or where they were going but they were definitely here! This desirable item is worth approximately $2,500,000 but the first one who can tell me who the father of that Scully broad's kid is gets a 5% discount! Call: 1-900-DESPERATE and ask for Chuck.

For Sale: Global Conspiracy, brand new, never used. Unwanted Christmas present. Offers? Will consider trade for Buffy DVDs. Email: csm@syndicate.com

Vacation With A Difference!: Tired of the usual dull office theme parties at Christmas? Then do something about it! Tell your boss to reserve a table or two at Maurice and Lydia's House of Happy Holiday Horrors! Now you can find out whether Phil from acounting really is your soulmate! Engage in hours of Para-Masturbation! Scare the living shit out of that creepy intern from IT! Fully catered and filling fast, so call 1-800-DEATHPACT right now, and reserve your place on the other side! All major credit cards accepted.

Free: Alien spaceship. Needs repairs. Suit handy-man. Can supply some plans. Will help remove. Email: Amina.Ngebe@wherethef**k.com

For Sale: Huge collection of pornographic video tapes! Some wear-and-tear evident but otherwise viewable. I am upgrading my collection to DVD so these are going cheap and I'll throw in 143 boxes of Kleenex! Email: f_mulder@fbi.gov

Clairvoyant: Are you miserable? Lonely? Afraid? Hopeless with money? An idiot? Call me NOW! I have the key to your future! I can put meaning into your life and take cash from your wallet. Credit cards also accepted. Special Agent That Guy, please stop calling. Anybody else, contact Madame Zirinka on 1-900-FLAKYSHIT

Make Money Fast!: Do you own a fan-site devoted to The X-Files? When did you last get an email from your site's visitors? When did you last check the site's web-stats? When did you last even visit your own site? That's what we thought! Why let this valuable web-realty sit unused, unvisited and totally wasted, when big profits await you within the On-line Adult Entertainment industry? We have franchiser's and franchisee's standing-by now to take it off your hands at a great price! Selling or leasing, you'll make instant cash! For an obligation-free quote and information pack, call 1-900-XFILE2XXX.

Fanfiction Wanted: Urgently! My departmental budget is up for review and accounting believe it to be excessive! In order to convince senior management that this is not the case, I need to vastly expand my department's workload! Help make the world a better place and keep family-men in work this Christmas! Please send any fanfiction you can create or spare to: Toiletries Section, Pulp-Waste Division, Industrial Papers Inc, Portland OR.

For sale: Limousine, needs some work, great restoration project for enthusiast. Price not negotiable. email me at wmm@syndicate.com

Bras For Sale: 36C, mostly black lace but some red and one white one. Heavily used and badly soiled. Offers? Will consider trade for panties. email f_mulder@fbi.gov

For Sale: Hope chest, very large, now empty. Has a picture of Special Agent Fox Mulder on the lid. As new condition. Offers? - email Shipper_Girl_3234543@aol.com

Wanted: Hope chest, very large, preferably full. Must have picture of Special Agent John Doggett on the lid. Any condition OK - email Shipper_Girl_3234543@aol.com

TV Show Concepts Wanted: Do you have a great idea for a TV show? Can you pitch it with a presentation in at least first-draft teleplay format? If so, contact us today! We here at FOX Entertainment Group are committed to bringing only the best shows to the screen, and are focussed upon building-up a dedicated and loyal fan-base. This way it's a lot more fun when we yank the series prematurely due to "low preliminary ratings" or else milk it ruthlessly while it degrades to the point that it becomes a near-parody of itself. Hey, ya gotta have a hobby, right? Contact us today to discuss the possibility of flushing your life's work down the toilet! - call (818) 848-0918 and ask for Rupert.

Seeking Publisher: Crime/mystery/thriller novel. This manuscript is the Next Big Thing! Guaranteed worldwide bestseller! Author wants five-year renewable contract plus all expenses or will write for food. email padgett.p@ritereelgood.com

TV Show For Sale: The X-Files, slightly worn around later episodes, earlier ones still near-perfect. Diminished cult following could be built up with a little effort. Comes with some original cast and most crew. Much loved and cherished, vendor only selling due to imminent expiration of contract. All offers considered. Call 310-369-1130, ask for Chris.

Special Agent Dana Scully (and her partner Shturmovik[KGB]) reserves the right to edit any and all material received for publication on the Classified!© webpage for the purposes of clarity and due to the fact that I've seen better spelling and grammar at a dyslexics convention. However, no unnecessary changes will ever be made and context and meaning will be preserved wherever possible, even if your postings are sasquatch poo. See how nice I am?

Scullysland! : Ask Scully! : Classified! : Interviews! : My Bio! : My Work! : VIP!